Miscellany

So I went shopping for a new pair of jeans. My belly is still too big to fit into my old jeans, and the maternity jeans are just depressing. After going to three stores, I found myself asking a critical question:

Who had the brilliant FUCKING idea that fat girls should wear low waisted jeans?

Yes, it took me three stores to find one single pair of jeans that came to my waist. The jeans are actually labeled with "Falls at your natural waist." I like boot cut jeans the best, but GOD FUCKING FORBID they have a normal waist. So I had to settle for tapered leg jeans. Grrrrrrr...

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Charlie and I don't have grandmothers anymore, so we borrow the grandmother of our good friend E. I just had to share with you the wonderful note she sent me recently about the loss of our sons. I thought you could pass it on to others who are wondering what to say in these circumstances, because she said it PERFECTLY.

She said, ,"I am writing to express my sadness and concern for both of you. No one can underestimate the great sense of loss you have to endure, and no one can say anything to cheer you up. My deepest wish for you is that whatever plans you make for the future work out just the way you wish. My heart is with you. Sincerely, Mildred."

Amazing, right?

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Not that I want to bring up the whole Holly issue again, but I just have to post the comment that my good friend Liana posted to her in case anyone missed it. Whenever I start to feel a little bit crazy and find myself wondering if I did the right thing for my boys, I re-read this.

OK "someone" AKA Holly, could you please go to medical school and get your facts straight! You see, I fucking have. I *am* a pediatrician. I have worked in level 4 nurseries. I have watched babies born too soon die in front of me. I KNOW that you are talking out of your ass. OK steroids for the lungs right? So what about the brain? The skin? The other places that need to be properly developed in order for the baby to live.

Have you been in a level 4 nursery? That isn't the cutesy place you see on the TV with the healthy babies. A level 4 nursery is the place that all the babies the other nurseries can't manage go to. Let me tell you, it changes your life forever.

And lets go back to the issue of "viable." Remember "viable" does not mean healthy. "Viable" can mean blind, deaf, seizing, developmentally challenged, respirator dependent, G-tube fed, VP shunt having, with cerebral palsy. I see these kids every single day. Yeah, they were "viable" but for the profoundly mentally retarded with all these medical problems, life sometimes seems more like torture than comfort.

The bottom line Holly is that were you in the situation that Cecily was faced with, both you and your baby would be DEAD since no reputable doctor would have delivered you at that time. You need to shut your mouth and go back to annoying someone else. And if you keep feeling the need to come back and harass someone for no good reason, you should see a shrink, because baby you need help in the worst way.

I think it's especially important considering that the Senate is RIGHT NOW about to pass a law saying that hospitals will not be required to offer the procedure I had--the extended dilation and extraction--and insurance companies will not be required to cover it. Moxie posted the entire New York Times article here. Please read it. And take action.

Comments

[Marlou]

Cecily, you did the right thing. No doubt about it.

I know some deep part of you will always wonder and worry. I guess every woman who loses her child, in whatever length of gestation (or even after that) will, against common sense or logic, blame herself for the loss. No matter what, a part of us will feel: 'but if I (her/his mother) couldn't protect and save my baby, who could?' It's just the way nature works.

Thank goodness for people like Liana who can set you straight on that issue in these dark times.

I just LOVE what Mildred wrote.

Hang in there!!!
Love and hugs
Marlou

[Lisa]

God I hate the conservatives. Do they sit around and think of ways to torture people?
Oh and if you aren't one of the conservatives that agrees with all the crap they are trying, don't get all offended because I am not talking about you.
If you are an anti-choicer, don't have an abortion,but let the rest of us make our own decisions.

[Moxie]

I've been having this fanstasy that somehow I could sneak a law into another must-pass bill requiring that any man who impregnantes a woman must provide her and the child with complete financial support for the first 5 years of the child's life or face three years minumum mandatory jail sentence plus a felony conviction. How would they like it if we put their nuts in a vise like they have our bodies?

Oh, hey, but I guess we should all just cheer up--Friday is the biggest shopping day of the year! Big sales at Walmart!

[Michelle]

I emailed the following people mentioned in the article:

http://stevens.senate.gov/
http://daschle.senate.gov/
http://boxer.senate.gov/contact/
http://harkin.senate.gov/

I also emailed my state Senator.

Oddly enough the only ones who had a category of Women's Issues in their topic box on the response forms were Ms. Boxer and my ultra conservative pro-life sentaor, DeWine. The rest don't even consider women to be an issue category.

Michelle

[Sandy]

I can't help you out politically since I'm a neighbour from 'up north'. Mildred is awesome. I've been a walking hormonal puddle today, and her note resulted in yet another freaking tissue being used. Absolutely perfect in every way.

[MOT]

I did hear about the new Obmnibus Bill the Senate is considering, with the anti-abortion part of it slipped in, just in case no-one noticed. They are so sneaky... I had an abortion when I was 28 because I was not able to take care of myself properly, let alone a baby, at the time. No insurance, two jobs that barely kept me fed, too high rent, debts all over and the guy was a part time bus boy - so no help from there! I know my life would be different now if I had not been able to make that choice. I was healthy, the baby would have been fine and I had no medical reasons not to have a child. I just really, really did not want a baby at that time.

I am very glad I had the choice and I am so very glad you were able to have the option too. Have you seen John Kerry dot com lately? He is asking for opinions, thoughts, suggestions and your input, and he says he'll voice your thoughts to the Senate. I signed his proposal for child care. You could write to him with your story, which is such a powerful example of why the existing legislature that allows a woman and her doctors to choose to abort if necessary is so essential.

[grumpygirl]

cecily, so what would then happen to a woman like you? you'd die? (seriously.)

[Caitlin]

On a lighter note, I hear ya about the jeans issue. I was just laughing about this with my sister because we spent the entire weekend together pulling our very fashionable jeans above our 'love handles' and bitching about the fashion industry catering to 16 year old girls exclusively.

[Barbara]

I worked in a Level 4 NICU for 11 years as a nurse. I now work in a Children's Rehab hospital that provides care for the children Mildred described that didn't die. She is so totally right. Amen, Sister.

[Barbara]

I worked in a Level 4 NICU for 11 years as a nurse. I now work in a Children's Rehab hospital that provides care for the children the pediatrican described that didn't die. She is so totally right. Amen, Sister.

[JuliaKB]

Cecily,

I have to say that I have been sick to my stomach the whole weekend about that stupid provision. I told my husband about it, and he thought it was a lot of grandstanding, and that it wouldn't change things because your insurance policy is a contract, and that they wouldn't be able to get out of it. But I am not nearly that optimistic. I just thought of you, and I was really scared that if these people had their way, you might have died. Do they really need people to die for them to see what they are doing? I am not even sure they would get it then...
But Mildred rocks!

[Elise]

I know, reading that article on Moxie's made me ill over the weekend. What is happening to our rights? It is scary.

Yay for borrowed grandmas. :)

[jerri]

so, somehow its the fault of the men when someone gets pregnant, moxie?? Good grief woman. They should be married in the first place if they are gonna do the do. Then no problems, huh? And in reference to the pediatrician....why are the babies that survive less worthy to be here? Just because they are handicapped? What about the people who actually WANT the child to survive? Those are the only babies that deseve to be here? I think not!

[Sarah]

Ah "jerri"...another person so 'brave' to post a dissenting view with NO email address.
God, that pisses me off.
Okay, no one said it was the man's fault alone, Moxie was being facetious. BUT, you DO know that it takes some sperm to make a baby, right?
You think men don't have pre-marital sex? Or if they do that they are not responsible? What fucking rock did you crawl out from under?
As for Liana's comments...nowhere in there does she say anything about any babies being less worthy than any others. She was pointing out about quality of life, as in a baby living 5 weeks in the NICU with constant pain before it dies.

Go back to your rock, please. Seriously.

[Kitten]

Bad news. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6541626/ Didn't know if you knew.

[Liana]

"Jerri" all I can say is that you need to learn to read. When you do, please point out where I said that handicapped babies "don't deserve to be here." You see, I can read and write. I'm unable to find such words or sentiment.

RIF: reading is fundamental

[jerri]

Dr. Liana~~I just find it interesting you were so blatant about posting your credintials to holly like it meant something. Just because you are a doctor doesn't make you moral.

[jerri]

oh, and sarah~ gee, if the woman didnt spread her legs, the men couldnt have premarital sex. it works both ways! sex before marriage is wrong and its why we have so many issues now with lack of support, and fatherless children...your a single mother~ is that why your so mad at what i said?

[Cecily]

Ah, fuck off Jerri-the-coward with no email address. You are officially banned from posting here! Good for you.

I'm moral as hell, woman--just because what I or Liana believe doesn't agree with YOUR particular morals DOES NOT make us immoral people.

I believe in love, tolerance, and understanding--morals you clearly fucking lack.

Go to hell. And don't mess with postpartum girl.

Cecily

[Sarah]

Just to let you know, I'm a single mother, but my daughter has a father in her life. And we all get along much better this way.

What a dumbass.

[Liana]

"Jerri," I'm still waiting for your reading lesson, so that you can show me where I made the comments you attributed to me. You remember...that handicapped babies "don't deserve to be here."

As for morality, that is in the eye of the beholder. You focus on your morality and I'll focus on mine. But since morality is not the issue here (no matter how much you want it to be), we will move from this topic area and back to the relevant one at hand.

Let me conclude by saying that I posted my credentials to say that I have experience in the area dear idiot-child "Holly" was referring to, when she has nothing substantive, either experiential or via peer-reviewed references to support her inane statements.

[Jennings]

OH MY GOD Cecily, you have two dreadful people spouting nonsense in your comments section? I just don't get it! Where do these people come from?

Cecily, I'm so sorry about the loss of your sons, but I am very glad that you are still here with us. Like someone else said, you will have another child, and that child will have two big brothers looking over him or her in heaven.