I am so bored.
I hate winter. Work is slow, the weather is awful, it’s dark all the damn time, plus there is the fucking boredom…
Two years ago this time I was still charting my cycles and believing I could conceive naturally (ha! I’d love to call me up and just laugh and laugh at my silliness!). This time last year I was gearing up for my first IVF cycle. Now? I am person without concrete plans.
I think humans in general need to have something to look forward to, but I am someone who really just doesn’t deal well with nothing on the horizon. It’s been nearly three years now that my primary focus has been on getting pregnant. Now I’m in a holding pattern, and it’s excruciating.
If we had money, I’d come up with projects to work on in the house. If I were successfully dieting, I would be starting to think about my next frozen embryo transfer. If it were warmer out, I’d be thinking about camping.
How bored am I? Last week I spent THREE HOURS putting together a cost and service comparison of Direct TV vs. Dish Network for Charlie. When I showed him, he kept interrupting me to get to the bottom line (which seems to be Direct TV—I’d love your opinions) until I yelled, “I put together a whole presentation and YOU ARE GOING TO LISTEN TO THE WHOLE THING!”
So, to entertain myself, here are the things I’m thinking about today:
1. The New York Times article (you have to register to read it) about American women seeking cheaper IVF treatment abroad. Is it just me, or was the article totally snarky (snarky, by the way, is my new favorite word) and dismissive toward these women?
2. Will my therapist put me on antidepressants? On some lengthy institutionalized test she gave me I came up as having “severe” depression and “moderate” anxiety. If so, will she put me on Wellbutrin? Cause this is a side effect I can really use (another NY Times article, sorry).
3. I couldn’t believe how unbelievable quickly I spoke on that radio interview. I know I talk fast—I live on the East Coast, we all do—but I actually forced myself to speak very s-l-o-w-l-y for that interview. I must be incomprehensible in person to anyone from any other part of the country. Also, I am way more bitter and cynical sounding than that woman that read my blog entries. I am nowhere NEAR that cheerful.
4. The March for Life was in Washington, D. C. yesterday. Jon Stewart made fun of the fact that Bush literally phoned it in for the rally, but I found myself wondering why Bush is already on vacation down in Camp David. Hello? Iraq elections? Genocide in Darfur? World on fire? Anyone in the administration? Hello? Hello? Oh, fuck it.
5. Charlie has promised to start a blog. This is wonderful, wonderful news, as Sarah and Elise can both testify that Charlie is one of the funniest people on the planet. But when? Cause I need another blog to read. Thet 50 or so I’m currently reading every day is JUST NOT ENOUGH.
6. Does anyone else absolutely LOVE the new TV show Medium? I’ve always liked Patricia Arquette (since True Romance—one of my favorite movies), and I love the fact that she’s not emaciated or 22. Plus the relationship between her and her husband is the best I’ve seen since, well, mine.
7. Clive Owen is hot. Hot, hot, hot.
8. Why on earth does anyone think I should be a therapist? Have you met me? The only reason I appear to have insight is because I’m so self-involved I’m always studying my favorite subject--me. Other people bore me. Well, people other than you, of course.
9. I really, really hate Pink Floyd. Why are they still playing them on the radio? On my favorite station?
10. Lists are boring. Look what’s happened to VH1. They are totally boring now that all they do is list shows. Why am I doing a list and boring you?
