Alright, now I'm PISSED

First off, there’s this situation with the asshole attorney general in Kansas. Thanks so much to all of you that emailed me about it.

Once again, an attorney general is overstating his bounds by requesting information about women that received late term abortions (past 22 weeks). He claims he has “the duty to investigate and prosecute child rape and other crimes in order to protect Kansas children” (sex with anyone under 16 is illegal in Kansas—damn—good thing I didn’t live in Kansas). He is, of course, a staunch opponent to abortion rights, and therefore his claims of “protecting the children” should really be read as “humiliating, demeaning, prosecuting, and torturing women and their doctors.”

There are two clinics being investigated. We don’t know what clinics are involved, but there is an organization that is dedicated to defeating the bastard now and in 2006. You can give online here (mailed contributions go to ProKanDo, PO Box 8249, Wichita, KS). Please consider it. Tell ‘em Cecily at Wasted Birth Control sent you.

I’m also furious about last night’s episode of CSI. I’m only a moderate fan of the show, but I most certainly won’t be watching it any more.

For those of you who missed it last night, it featured a man found dead in his hotel room. He’d been, apparently, slowly suffocated over eight or ten hours, from having a 300-pound weight over his chest.

Guess what the weight was? Go on. Guess. What would be really, truly offensive?

Yeah. It was a woman.

Apparently, there was a “Hogs and Heifers” convention in Las Vegas that week (basically, a convention for fat people and those who are attracted to fat people). Just for the record, no such convention by that name exists (according to that which sees all things, otherwise known as Google). There are, frequently, “fat pride” gatherings (actually, the CSI website lists a fake organization; here is the real one), but trust me, they don’t call themselves “Hogs and Heifers.”

So, the guy who died was basically into fat women and was there to pick up and fuck as many as he could. But the more “enlightened” fat chicks at the convention knew him for what he was--a man who would fuck a fat woman but not hold her hand in public, so they avoided him. In a moment where the show was clearly trying to be “sensitive” one of the characters replied to one of these “enlightened” fat woman, “Well, you don’t have to be large to have low self-esteem.”

Now, a week ago, when I wrote that “skinny wasn’t sexy” I was accused of discriminating against the naturally thin. I’m sorry for saying that; there are plenty of naturally slender women that are very hot (I just don’t think MODELS are hot—look at how they have to contort their bodies to create the curves most of us have naturally).

But making fun of fat people is the last safe discrimination (along with the Indian/Pakistani store owner). Think about it; remember “Fat Bastard” in the Austin Powers movies (turned me off Mike Meyers forever)? How about every fucking talk show where husbands are having affairs because their wives gained weight because of having kids? What about every male stand-up comedian who talks about fat women? Hell, even in the movie “Ray” there’s a scene where he rejects a woman based on how plump her arm is.

I know I’ve been discriminated against because of my weight. I used to book events for a Big Chain Bookstore in the suburbs, and a new store was opening up downtown. I’d been living in the city and booking music and poetry readings downtown for nearly five years, and had already been working for the Big Chain Book Store for a year when I went up for the job. The thin, blond woman who actually got the position had only just moved to the area a few months before, and had never lived in or booked events in our city. I was most assuredly more qualified, but my district manager felt I wasn’t “right” for the more visible position.

While CSI got some things right—there are, in fact, men we fat chicks call “chubby chasers”—they were really wrong about a lot. I find it impossible to believe that a man strong enough to lift a woman up on a table while they’re having sex (as he did with a woman before the one who killed him—and it actually cracked the table for god’s sake) wouldn’t be able to squirm his way out from under the woman who killed him (she passed out on him cause she was drunk, you see). The actress that played the “killer fat chick” was actually a quite lovely woman, but when she cried about being fat and trying to diet, you could see it was real. It broke my heart.

The “killer fat chick” claimed to have smothered him with a pillow because she couldn’t bear to become the butt of jokes on Jay Leno. And you know she would have. If she were a real woman, and this had really happened, I suspect she would have killed herself. That’s how deep the pain goes.

Because fatness is viewed as a moral failing, and not a medical condition or a result of a race you were born into, people feel safe to discriminate against us. But “fat acceptance” movements are treated as a joke. We don’t have marches or rallies to go to; instead, we just quietly suffer, and try the next diet. Don't get me wrong--I'm not saying that fat is good or healthy or the right way to be. I'm just saying that making fun of fat people is not the best way to solve the American obesity problem.

Something is really wrong with this picture, and wrong with CSI. Not that they care, but I won’t watch it again.

Comments

[Ria]

Thanks for the additional info on that assholio out in KS. Unreal. The gag order is particularly infuriating.

As to CSI, well for once I am glad I watched "Apprentice" instead. Interesting trend CSI has of covering sexuality centered on Vegas...swingers, furries (uh yeah, folks who dress in animal costumes) and now this.

[Sarah]

Holy shit! Kansas is about to feel the wrath.

As for CSI and your brilliant post, I don't know what to say. It has always bothered me the way this society mocks and demeans fat women (some men, but let's be honest..it is women that get the brunt of it). Since knowing you, you've opened my eyes to see ways in which society does it that I hadn't even noticed before.
The scenario CSI presented is fucking ridiculous. I'm pissed right along with you.

[cursingmama]

I watched CSI in horror last night too; I won't be watching it again.
And that Kansas guy he's got to go down - I think I'll e-mail him this wonderful column about abortion and politics:

http://www.nationalcatholicreporter.org/fwis/fw021705.htm

[Amanda]

I firmly believe that obesity is a medical condition and it pains me greatly that it goes untreated for so many. I tend to disagree with the fat acceptance movement though, not because I favor thinness for the sake of beauty, but because I still vividly remember not being able to wipe my own ass in restroom stalls and how much I hated myself for it. Being fat does not feel good - no matter how much acceptance one tries to lather onto it.

I also get annoyed by the lack of sensitivity about it - even within the medical profession. At the Stanford hospital clinic where I went to visit a friend who had just had gastric bypass surgery, my husband was unable to sit down in the waiting room because all of the chairs had arms and were too small for him to fit into. At a hospital! Where they treat people for OBESITY!?!?? It doesn't make sense.

[Leah]

Forgive me Cecily, but I'm going to borrow your blog to rant, seen as how there is this wide open door regarding protecting our children.

A 12 year old girl disappeared from her grandmother's house (about 3 blocks away from where I live.) It is becoming headline news now, so perhaps you have read about it. But when she first diappeared it only warranted a small blurb in the back of the Local section. It was several days before it hit the headlines (precious days when someone who may have seen her could have recognized her picture in the paper). Why was it so long before it hit the front page??? If I was to guess it is because the people in this neighborhood are not wealthy.

Now she is dead. They found her body this morning and arrested an "aquaintence of the family" who was only released from prison for a violent crime a few months ago.

My neighbor's daughter told me this morning, as I was driving her to school, that she checked the Lansing Area Sex Offender List and discovered we have 17 registered sex offenders living within blocks of our home. So, I had to check this out.

Now a good many of these offenders were convicted of 3rd and 4th degree offenses and the way it reads (combined with what I know of how assanine our laws are) some of these men probably didn't do much more than hit on a girl and some of these men were probably accused by women who got pissed at them for reasons totally unrelated to any sexual act at all and simply screwed them over.

BUT there are 4 men, within blocks of my home who have been conviced of 1st degree sexual offenses involving children under the age of 13. One of them is a repeat offender and two of them live only a few houses away from each other.

When I first moved into this neighborhood I knew it was going to be a little rough around the edges. BUT many many of the houses had swing sets in the back yard and there were tons of kids playing outside, riding bikes, etc. Knowing what I know now, I am finishing off the fence in the back yard and putting a locked gate on it. The boys will not be allowed to play anywhere outside that backyard without myself or John present. I HATE it, but it is the only way to keep them safe.

This man (and I use the term loosely) wants to advocate for our children????? Then why doesn't he explain why it is a 1st grader can get suspended from school for kissing another child, but a grown man can rape a child, more than once even, and then be set free to live among the innocent and do it again!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Catherine]

HA! I watched CSi last night too, and I thought at one point, "I wonder if Cecily is watching this and what she thinks."

To be honest, and I know I'm going to get flak for this, I did NOT find it offensive. I mean, I went into it expecting to be offended, and I wasn't. I agree that I find it hard to believe that the man couldn't wiggle out from under that (I agree, absolutely lovely) woman. But other than that implausibility, I thought they handled it well. They generally portrayed the women at the convention as strong, self-assured, sexy women. Even the so-called "victimized" fat girl, the killer, had enough spunk to lie about murdering him before she would humiliate herself. I liked that.

Dunno, maybe I'm missing something, but I liked it. I especially liked the part at the end where whats-his-face was paging through the larger ladies lingerie catalog, and he was obviously into what he was seeing. I did NOT like the prosthelitizing "I like someone who doesn't judge me", like, WE GET IT. Don't shove it down our faces!

I thought the interview with the "killer" woman was handled very tastefully.

Well, bring on the flames! :)

[Blue]

My BIL is a "chubby chaser" and actually met his wife at one of those get-togethers for the large and lovely and the men who love them. She had gastric bypass surgery a couple years ago and voiced her concern to me that he may not want her after she lost the weight, but she didn't let that stop her. It is the only thing I can respect her for, unfortunately. I can also say that I am pleased he is still very much devoted to her now much much smaller body.
After years of meeting my BIL's larger girlfriends we have seen a trend. They have all been very nice very lovely people with absolutely no self-esteem. I believe they frequented these "meetings" because it was a place they could feel accepted. (Pure speculation on my part.)
It all just seems very sad to me.

[Heather]

Cecily, I've been reading your blog for a good while now, and I just had to delurk to say "thank you" for having the courage and wisdom to articulate the issue of weight discrimination in such real terms on your blog. I admire you so much for your strength and your brutal, funny, and sometimes harsh honesty. Keep up the good fight, honey. The world needs more women like you--who rile up the rest of us and get us to open our mouths and yell rather than quietly accepting our lot. I want you to know that you're in my thoughts, and while I know it's no consolation for the losses and grief you've experienced, that your humor and anger and sadness and indignation have touched me, and have reminded me that it's okay to be militant and raucous for rightous reasons.

[Amyesq]

Thanks, Cursingmama, for that great link!

Damn, I want to make some kind of "we're not in Kansas anymore" joke, yet I can't seem to find the humor. Instead, I think I will go online and try to see how the AG is reconciling his actions with Federal HIPPA regulations. I have a friend who is the premiere HIPPA-defending attorney for my area of CA. I wonder what he has to say about this.

As for CSI, it was offensive last night, wasn't it? It is honestly still my favorite show, though. I guess I will have to think on that a little while.

[Toni]

I've never expected much of CSI (except for when they got Gary Sinese for the NY version, but since that aired opposite both Rescue Me and Law & Order, I never Tivoed it). I give shows a 3-episode test, if it can't grasp me in 3, I'm outta there for the most part (still giving Numb3rs a chance but most of the characters are lifeless props driving the story--unlike the story-driven Law & Order series, where the characters are full of life). Anyway, by my 3rd epidode years ago, I'd weared of Bill Peterson's "acting" "ablity," the sexy models working forensics (COME ON), and finally could take it no more when some GQ-looking boy stuck out his chest, proclaiming "I'm a FORENSIC SCIENTIST." I peed myself laughing and never watched again.

I agree with you about the discrimination thing with fat people, too Cecily. You are right-on about it. I know because I've lived life as a thin blonde and a fat redhead, I've walked both sides of these tracks, so to speak, and have definitely noticed the differences in attention and respect from men specifically and people in general. And I cringe at fat jokes continually made in the media.

Anyway, you rock as usual.

[sandy]

The AG in KS has stunned me into silence. Well, almost. More like made me shake so bad I can't talk. I actually emailed a friend who is a lawyer working on another HIPPA case (one involving psychiatry patients) and told him to GO GET THIS FOOL before women start dying again. I am so sick of these men and the women who help them shoving us back into ever smaller boxes.

When I told you you would need your inner bitch again, I really didn't think it would be so soon. I'm sorry for that...

[DMouse]

Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with so many politicians? This is, what, the third attempt along these lines?

It's always "about the children". Strange how it isn't about the living children, but the unborn and certain mens desire to rule womens bodies.

I can only assume that these men have never had sex.

[Melanie]

You go, girl. I saw the previews for CSI and I knew it was just going to be very bad . . .

[melissa]

Thanks for the link to the site working against the KS AG - saw the article this morning, and was wondering what one could do to stop him.

[Anna]

OMG I saw a preview for that episode and thought "Fuck no!" I'm stunned they did a show on that -- hell, you should send your post to CBS as a protest letter. Really. That shit sucks, and yeah, it hurts, too.

[Laurie]

Just as an aside, sex under sixteen is illegal in PA too, unless there is less than a 2 year age diference between the partners. So 15 and 17 is ok, but not 15 and 18. In that case it's statutory rape- a child under 16 is not considered legally competant to give consent to a sexual act. And it's also illegal to have sex with someone under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol- an intoxicated person can't give consent.

I don't make a habit of watching CSI, as it makes me jump up and down and yell at the TV. But I did watch it last night (I didn't see any previews, just lucky I guess). Some things were over-dramatized of course, but I think the reason it made me so uncomfortable is that it was pretty accurate. There ARE chubby chasers. There are large women so desperate for attention that they will have sex with a man who doesn't want to be seen with them in public. It IS possible for a person to die that way (although it would take more than just the 280 pounds the show determined as the weight). And I can easily imagine a large woman deciding that prison is better than being ridculed forever.
I really don't think the show was making fun of large people, any more than they made fun of infantilism last week, or furries and BSDM in the past.

[Anon]

In the ultimate act of selfishness, my FIL divorced his 50s-perfect, petite wife when she gained 150 pounds after her last pregnancy. Yes, he divorced her because she became obese. She is the most amazing, loving, giving person (and always was)...

Now he's married to a shrew who starves herself to stay in a size 6, abuses injectable painkillers, and steals his money. Karma.

Good for you for boycotting CSI.

[dish]

I used to watch CSI, but now that it is opposite the Apprentice, I've been missing it regularly. Sounds like I haven't been missing much quality (which gets me to another rant on the Apprentice that I'll save for my own blog). Anyway, I always tried to filter the hokey parts of the show because I really love crime and medical shows (drives my husband crazy).

I, too, get pissed about the double standard of how fat and thin people are treated. I have carried too much weight for most of my life, so I'm used to it. It was only amplified when I lived in Los Angeles, the plastic capital of the world. I would be snubbed regularly out there for not being a size 2. I am so glad to be back in a place where women have curves and don't look hungry. Of course, I still figure that when I go to get a treat, maybe an ice cream, that I'm being judged for not possibly needing those calories, but that a thin woman enjoying the same treat would be seen as "cute" or some other endearing thing.

Sorry, end of the day on a Friday- I'm rambling at this point. Hope your weekend lets you regain some of your peace, Cecily.

[Beth]

Cecily, you never fail to educate me. For istance, I've been on the zaftig side for most of my life yet I have never heard the term "chubby chaser!"

Hogs and heifers. Gee. That's not pejorative at all. Wonder who came up with that one? I bet he wasn't a "chubby chaser."

I know what your talking about with the discrimination. Have you ever experienced the invisibility phenomenon? You know when your standing at a counter waiting for service and the attendant just doesn't even acknowledge you?

I can't tell you the number of times I've walked into a place ready to spend some serious coin and been completely turned off by the lack of acknowledgement.

Re: the KS AG and HIPPA, thank you for the link, you rock!

[CJ]

It's amazing that we've been trained to think less of ourselves because we are failing to keep ourselves at a perfect 6. We have no self contol or self respect. We should never "let ourselves go" like that!!!

I believe that genetics has a lot to do with it. I eat a lot healthier and exercise more than most of my skinny counterparts!!!

[Jen/VintageUterus]

I hate that show. I didn't see it but I can only imagine how horrid it was. I hate that show for many reasons. My husband and I call it "That Beautiful Cop Show". GAG. Tell me, how many forensic scientists could also model on the side? Please.

You're right, making fun of the overweight is one of the last socially acceptable forms of prejudice. Amazing, that in a country with 50% (or is it more now?) of it's population overweight, this still goes on.

ATTENTION! LAME ASS TV PRODUCERS OF TELEVISION SHOWS! Quit fucking your stripper/model/paid escort/wanna-be-actress "girlfriends" and remember what it was like in Kansas, where the real people are, oh yeah, and where you came from!

MORONS.

If people aren't offended, they should be.

[Anyabeth]

I have to admit that I was torn about last night's CSI. On one hand I just hate how that show acts like only thin, married, heterosexual, pretty people may have sex and even then it should only be missionary and with their clothes on. In the dark. On the other, I did like how real it seemed. Even if that was uncomfortable.

In the end it really did feel like a cheap shot overall and many people seem to agree. Go over to www.televisionwithoutpity.com where they are doing a write-in campaign to CBS about it. This is a high-profile website that the networks (particularly CBS) admit they read.

[Laurie]

Jen, no forensic scientists could model on the side, at least none of the ones I work with. In fact, my coworkers and I have renamed our lab the Large and In Charge Gang- we are all big. Crazy hours and job-related stress almost guarantees new hires gain at least 30 pounds thier first year.
We also don't wear tank tops and high heels in the lab, or drive around in Hummers or solve cases in an hour.

[pam]

We should all drop Phil Kline (GENERAL@ksag.org) a line!

After all, it worked in Virginia.

[Shannon]

I had no idea what CSI was going to be about. Normally I see previews and then decide if I want to watch it or not. But this time I just watched it. I couldn't believe it. Smothered him just by passing out on him.
I am a big woman and I am happily married to a man who loves me just the way I am.
I have a card on my work desk that says It takes a large woman to contain all this fabulousness! Some people laugh at it and some people think I am crazy. Maybe I am crazy, but oh well. My life is fun.