Friends, and a diet update

I just got an email from Anne. She found out this week that her daughter has a serious brain development disorder, and has had to make the agonizing choice to end this much wanted pregnancy (she's just under 22 weeks). You may remember Anne from that remarkably civil discussion we had a while back about the issues surrounding abortion; this situation has not only been about making a horrible choice but I imagine also a spiritual crisis for her. Please extend your prayers and support; she needs us.
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Also, Susan is heading off to the Sher Institute in New York to continue her fertility journey, and she could really use some feedback. If you know anything about Sher, please let her know.

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The diet has been going well, although I had a little breakdown last night at the movies. I enjoyed, wholeheartedly, a large diet coke (not permitted on the Fat Flush Plan--her thinking is that nutrasweet causes the same insulin response that sugar does) and some buttered popcorn. Yes, you heard me right, that was buttered popcorn.

I considered, briefly, just switching right to Weight Watchers today and not continuing the Fat Flush Plan, but overnight I decided to stick with it.

The fucked up thing about blogging about this DIET is that I know if I fuck up I have to post about it. All week long, every time I was tempted, I'd think, damn it, if I eat that french fry, I'll have to post it. And I'd pass.

But movies and popcorn are my downfall. Sigh. Ah well. Another day, another chance.

Happy Saturday, everyone.

Comments

[Cat]

Hey there, having to write down every single thing you eat is a good incentive to pass up on a few things. Don't beat yourself up about the popcorn, be proud of all the french fries you turned down. And if it helps, just imagine that we'll be here to scold you if you deviate from the diet. (But we won't really, we'll just support you no matter what.)

[Julie]

Hey Cecily, you are doing great! You made some good choices this week and that's what this game of dieting is all about... choices.

You've realized something that causes the failure of many diet programs - today is a new day. You can't change yesterday.

Have a groovy weekend my friend!

[Liz]

No judgement here, my friend. It's JUST FOOD! Not murder or brain surgery.

Right?

Carry on :)!!!

[Sandy]

I'm sorry...I couldn't make out what you were saying there. In my house, if it happened yesterday it's in the past, and we move on. You're doing great. And thanks for letting us know about Anne. I'll be thinking of and praying for her. Happy Saturday!

[wavybrains]

I keep telling myself that it's what you do 90% of the time that really matters--you have to find a happy medium--some balance somewhere. I've really struggled with that too. But you are right, another day, another chance.

[Anna]

I loved what you wrote yesterday... I've spent too much time being like your mom, ashamed to take up space. But I understand your motivation to DIET (I got gest. diabetes and have to ward permanent diabetes off now) and am cheering you on! I love your weblog, BTW -- spent the past few evenings reading and admiring your wonderful writing and honesty and courage in the face of incredible heartbreak. I can't imagine the pain of that decision. All the best to you, and to your friend Anne, too.

[CJ]

Well, was the movie good? What did you see? I'm jealous. You at least cheated with something yummy. I cheated with ritz crackers!!!! Stupid fat!

[amy in BC]

I can think of worse 'sins' ;) I hate to be a pusher but perhaps a small popcorn could be your treat for the week?

[penelope]

Dear Cecily - you are very courageous in my opinion. You seem to have an amazing attitude even thought it sounds like starvation to me. I haven't been through even one-tenth of what you have -- you are very inspiring. Keep up the good work.

There was a fad in CA for a while of putting Brewer's yeast on popcorn - making it both gross and good for you - no pleasure whatsoever!

[Irina]

Don't worry about it! You're doing a great job! Keep it up!

[amy in BC]

I LOOOVED the Brewers Yeast on popcorn.. might have to get me some of that..

[Jax]

Cecily,

Thanks for sharing this part of your journey with us as well. As someone trying to lose weight surrounded by those who don't need to, it is encouraging for me to peek in on others who understand it is truly a struggle and that there is no fast, easy or simple solution.

And I'm with you on the popcorn!

[tess]

you said you enjoyed it wholeheartedly, you knew what you were doing...sounds like you made a good choice. over here, the majority like sweet popcorn...the bins of sweet and salty are side by side and i seem to be the only one who eats salty. of course, cuttlefish is another movie favourite.

[Toni]

Process, not perfection, Cecily. You are doing a great job. My friend, who lost a bunch o' weight on WW, wrote to tell me when I started that the first few days are the hardest. That helped me a lot to hear, and I hope it helps you, too.

[Maura in VA]

I'm so sorry to hear about Anne's pregnancy. My heart goes out to her for the pain of the diagnosis as well as the difficult decision she is making.

I clicked over to her blog to write a quick note to let her know I was praying for her and her family, and I was overcome with rage that there were posters who dared to tell her that her decision was morally wrong, against the teachings of the Church, etc.

How *Christian* of them. (/sarcasm)

I didn't want to rant there, but I hope you won't mind me commenting here...as a Christian who was raised Catholic, it makes me *sick* to read this jugdgemental quasi-religious assvice at such at time of suffering for Anne. Maybe she'll find it helpful; she certainly has a different view on these issues than mine. But I am just disgusted by the unmitigated GALL of these people to show up and berate her (however couched in quasi-helpfulness) for her family's decision.

"The Catholic Church says" this and "the Catholic Church teaches" that. It just reminds me that the biggest problem with the Catholic Church is that the teachings of the Catholic Church seem to me to be far, far more important to many Catholics than the teachings of **Christ**. (Not all Catholics, mind you. My whole family is Catholic, and they're not all like that. But many that I've encountered.)

It sounds like Anne is making the decision that she feels is the most loving, merciful, and responsible thing to do. Love and mercy. Wasn't that, like, what Christ taught about pretty much all the time?

I know that my sarcasm and my judgement of the judgemental ain't very Christian either, so I probably should just go take a walk. But but but....AUUUGHHH. It just makes me so MAD that people would jump on her and lecture her at such a time.

******

On a totally unrelated note, I commend you for having your popcorn, writing about it, and continuing your plan to take care of yourself tomorrow. The perfect is the biggest enemy of the good -- I hope you won't let your "imperfection" in following Fat Flush make you give up the good progress you've made. That was my biggest problem with Weight Watchers...I'd be PERFECT on it for weeks (lost 55 pounds once!), but one bad week where I didn't get my shiny reward sticker and I was so discouraged that it knocked me off the program entirely. Same thing happened when I re-started it twice after that, except I hit imperfection far more quickly the second and third times. ;-)

Just posting here shows you've got a far more reasonable approach to it than I did, though! Progress, not perfection. (I know that'll be familiar to you!)

[Siobhan]

Maura, I was thinking the same thing about those "holier than thou" types that were not respecting Anne's decision.

I find it interesting that every poster who indicated she'd come over to Anne's site from Cecily's blog was compassionate, respectful, sympathetic, and kind. Meanwhile, the so-called Christians were kicking her while she was down.

Given her beliefs, this cannot have been an easy thing for Anne to face. (Not saying it would be easy for anyone, but I'd imagine a to-the-marrow pro-lifer would have a true spiritual crisis, as Cecily said, when realizing this is the only way to guarantee her own survival.)

If I were more cynical (and I'm pretty damned cynical, so that would be difficult), I might quietly enjoy that bit of irony; instead, my heart just aches for Anne, and indeed for any woman faced with such a decision.

Why is it that the pro-lifers don't get that it ISN'T AN EASY DECISION!!!! Those women at Anne's blog were actively trying to chip away at her hard-won resolve, second guessing and all but threatening her with eternal damnation should she proceed on her present course. They just assumed that she hadn't taken everything into consideration. As if a woman with Anne's particular views wouldn't have explored every alternative available to her and instead said "La-di-da, I guess I'll just do this for kicks!"

It just makes me furious that there are people THAT presumptuous walking this earth. It's as if "Holly" had a tea party or something to sic these women on Anne.

******

Cecily, I wish you strength as you continue your DIET. And please don't sweat the [whisper]buttered popcorn[/whisper}. In the overall scheme of things, it's all good.

I apologize for such a long post from a lurker. I really enjoy your blog.

[Brooklyn Girl]

Movies are my downfall too. How can you not get popcorn and a diet coke? It's just not a movie without them.

[jennifer and the beans]

It's hard to watch a movie and not have popcorn, isn't it? When I'm trying to be "good", I roast up some nice salty almonds and bring them along to munch on instead. It's ALMOST as good, but... *sigh*

[Julie o]

Hey Cec-

Just wanted to let you know that I'm finding Weight Watchers delightfully easy after how many years of low-carb stuff. I love that I can work in all kinds of stuff- inclusing buttered popcorn. But I hafta say, I've gotten really used to air-popped with I Can't Believe It's Not Butter spray. I love how Weight Watchers makes you get all crafty like that.

xo Julie

[Kinneret]

Although I whole-heartedly disagree with Anne's perspective, it doesn't mean that I have no compassion for her situation - how horrible for her.

I agree with Maura - the "Christians" who are berating her for her decision are not Christian at all.

Cec, I will also echo someone else's thoughts here ... it's process, not perfection. One day at a time.

PS - not trying to get traffic but wanted you to know I kind of started a blog too.

[Kathleen]

Well, I think being pro-choice is good practice in supporting women in all their choices.

Anne is the best expert on her body, her belief system and her choices. I only wish she was not in this terrible position in the first place. It's heartbreaking for anyone, and it seems to be even more so for her as members of a community she cares about are condemning her. Very sad.

[Maryann]

Hi Cecily,
Prayers for Anne. My family just joined a Unitarian Church (much to the chagrin of my Dad who feels you MUST believe in the Trinity, to which my husband gleefully teases him every day about him having to give more money to his church because he has three gods...) and we did this after your link to the test-your-religion site. We're having fun.

The sermon today was "Judge not, lest ye be judged". Great sermon - I wish everyone's church would pause to think on that one awhile.

I am SO, SO happy to see that you are sticking with your chosen DIET plan, even after a little discouragment. As others have said - it's a process. Are you taking the EFA supliments (fish/flax oil, GLA, CLA)? After you picked this plan, I went and dug up my FF book - I have it right here next to me now. Hang in there and give yourself time.

I was a 6-8 can-a-day diet coke junkie and went cold-turkey off diet coke on Oct 1, 2003 (you know you're addicted when you remember the last date you had something!) and went through the worst migraine headache I had ever had in my life for two weeks. Something is rotten in diet coke! I think next time you're at the movies you should have a real soda - Coke, Dr. Pepper, root beer, whatever - and do it guilt-free. Sure you'll get some sugar and caffeine, but at least it's real and not chemical. And have your popcorn, just not the re-fillable 4-gallon bucket. :) No guilt allowed - just a choice you made 'cause you ARE in control. (My humble assvice).

Anyway, hang in there! We're all here rootin' for ya!

[Debe]

I'm sorry to hear about Anne, how heartwrenching

I ate ice cream last night. I've worked everyday for 7 days straight so far and I've wanted that damn ice cream for the past 3 nights. I broke down. I think I'm ok now, I think I HAD to eat that bowl of ice cream to get it out of my system. I hope so. I so want this to work!

[Menita]

Second (and third, and fourth) your comments on Anne's haranguers: sick, heartless, fascist bastards!!!
About Maureen Dowd: well, I used to like her but in the last year or so she's been losing me - some comments she's made about a variety of topics have begun to sound increasingly condescending.

[Peggy Nature]

It's just not a movie without the buttered popcorn. You did right.