Miscellany

Well, that was fun, wasn’t it?

Thank you for all your wonderful responses to our blowjob post. You all taught me as much as I taught you. There were many things I’d forgotten, mostly because Charlie and I have been together for TWELVE YEARS now and you know how you go with what works. He surely thanks you all for the new tips.

I’m glad to say that Sarah is home! Welcome home, girlfriend. Once I knew she was home safely, I was able to blurt out in our first phone conversation that before she left I’d had a horrible dream that she died in a fiery plane crash. Wasn’t that considerate of me? That I didn’t tell her before she went?

Also, I want to give a shout out to my fab friend Tracy (hi Tracy!). We hung out a lot back in the 80’s (fuck, we’re old) and we got to see each other for the first time since 1988 last night. You know those girlfriends? The ones that no matter how many years go by, you still both end up hoarse at the end of the night because you talk so darn much? Yeah, we’re like that. It was awesome seeing her and her husband and meeting all FOUR (yowza!) of her kids. I had a great time hanging out with her and am thrilled she’s back in my life. She’s also an amazing artist—check out her work and buy lots of it. I promise you won’t regret it.

Our house-hunting progress is s-l-o-w-l-y moving forward. Did I tell you about our agent saga? I can’t remember and I’m feeling too damn lazy to check. We first hooked up with an agent with an office a block away from us. The main agent we worked with—we’ll call her H—was really wonderful and we liked her a lot. Her partner, however, well. We’ll call her the Princess Cunt (because she has the word “Princess” on her rear windshield, and my google rank for the word cunt is waaaay too low). She was loud and annoying, called listing agents assholes because she didn’t follow up on scheduling our appointments (hence the morning three out of the four houses we wanted to see we couldn’t get into). She also ran about the office without shoes on and loudly proclaimed to be working when I could see she had three instant message conversations going on. The last time we dealt with her she showed up at our appointment wearing gym gear.

We know we’re no prize to an agent—we’re poor, we don’t know what we’re doing—but still. We deserve jeans at the very least. Please.

Also, once we switched to looking at houses in the suburbs, we were not in an area they knew really well. So we dumped the Princess, sadly also dumping H, and switched to using a woman who is THE local agent in the little town we adore.

This agent, however, is very sweet but she’s a bossy mom. Meaning I send her listings I want to look at and she decides which ones would be appropriate. Earlier today I had to insist that she show us a house she thinks we’ll hate. I don’t mind an agent making those assumptions after we’ve seen a bunch of houses together, but making them prior to knowing how incredibly low our standards are isn’t fair. The ones she thinks are appropriate for us are often out of our price range.

She also made several inadvertently hilarious statements like, “If you lived there, Charlie could coach a Little League team!” Which is really, really funny if you knew him. He’s more likely to take up daily skydiving.

At some point during our first tour of houses with her, we told her about the boys (after she asked if we had kids, I think). She was very kind, up until she said, “Don’t some babies survive if they are born at that age?” At which point I tossed her down a flight of stairs patiently explained how misinformed she was.

Charlie despises her, but I like the fact that she really, really has her finger on the pulse of that community and will definitely be able to hook us up with houses quickly. But aren’t there agents that aren’t obnoxious?

But we’re getting down payment money together, and have made the decision to list our house in the next week or so (with a late closing so that we have some time). We’ve also decided to sell our house primarily “as is” and reserve funds we would have spent on painting and whatnot on our new house instead (or maybe some new furniture—but I haven’t broached that subject to Charlie yet—although, since he reads my blog, I just did, in a lovely passive-aggressive way). Our neighborhood is so hot right now I think it won’t really matter, we’re still going to take a huge ass fucking profit on this house and we won’t make ourselves crazy in the process.

Elise and her family have found a home, so by the end of June they will no longer be our neighbors. This morning as I let myself into their house and got their dog out of his crate to take him for a walk (along with our dog), I realized how very, very much I will miss that. The other night they called us at 11 pm to borrow some printer paper and Elise was thinking how sad it is that we won’t be able to do things like that any more. I imagine we’ll spend the next two months doing all the normal things we do together and weeping. We’ve made plans to have an every-other-Sunday-night get together with dogs included so that we can all stay close. Plus, we will have to visit them often because their new house has the most beautiful bathrooms IN THE UNIVERSE.

Elise and her husband have decided NOT to sell their current house, so should our whole world fall apart for some reason, we can rent it and just haul our stuff down half a block. Excellent fallback plan, no?

Last but not least: how many of you are registered with Bloglines? If you are, have you found that you don’t make comments nearly as often as you used to (I know I have)? Because a husband and wife post about blow jobs SO TOTALLY deserves over 50 comments*, people. COME ON.

*What can I say, I’m greedy. Shoot me.

Comments

[Jessica]

Yes, bloglines = lazy, no commenty me. I'm caught. I use that at work (shhh) and RSS Bandit at home, though, so I'm not much more lazy with bloglines than I was before, only a little bit. Actually it's not so much laziness as the desire not to get caught.

[Bobbe]

Hey, I'm reading your blog from Bloglines, and you're right, I should totally comment on the blowjob post.

Going to do that right now.

[Michelle]

I force myself to make comments, even though I use bloglines. I figure I can't be grumpy that no one comments on my blog if I don't comment on other peoples.

I really like the name "Princess cunt" by the way.

[Melessa]

Our realtor, I kid you not, has her own picture painted on the side of her minivan. I have to painfully bite my tongue every time we meet with her to avoid sticking it in my cheek when I start talking. We are sticking with her though because:
a) she helped us get our new house at the price we wanted and:
b) she WILL sell our current house for the price we want if not more. She's good that way. Even if I do find the fact that she drives around the metro area with her self-portrait painted on her vehicle quite disturbing.

Having said that, I wish you could find a better realtor. I find both her need to 'approve' the houses before you see them and her comment about your boys unacceptable. And that's just my perspective as an outsider.

[Sara]

Another Bloglines user.

Partly because I'd forget where I was, clicking down my list of blogs I followed, and wind up missing things.

And partly, as others ahve said, because its a much more discreet way to read at work.

If a post calls for comment (I've never been a huge commenter), its easy enough to click on the title in the bloglines window and bring it up for commenting on. Like I just did now!!

However, I didn't comment on the BJs post just because... well.... it had been said.

[JJ]

Also guilty of bloglines - 26 of us actually according to bloglines.

I do find I comment less... but I can read way more blogs. 247 and counting.

[Cat, Galloping]

Can totally relate to the agent making judgment calls for you. When we were looking for our house, our agent was the #1 agent in the state. BUT she was also a good friend of my mother's and she made all kinds of judgments about what neighborhoods my MOTHER would find acceptable. She wouldn't show us places that were perfectly safe and even (gasp)in our price range!

Just as we were about to cite irreconcilable differences and move on, though, she showed us the perfect house the day before it went on the market and THEN convinced the owners not to have their open house that weekend, when they surely would have gotten competitive bids. Oh, and she secretly showed my MOTHER first, thereby prompting said mother to give us the teeny bit of extra money we needed to afford it.

So I can't complain, as we did end up with a lovely house which promptly increased in value by 20% in the next year. But boy did she make me feel like a kid again!

[Toni]

When we first started looking at homes in our current town, where housing is much cheaper than it is 45 minutes closer to the city--to the tune of 1/2 the price at least 3.5 years ago when we were looking--we found one older home we thought was our dream home. We dealt with a realtor, who, when she saw our financials, literally changed personalities and was utterly dismissive of us. We had a condo, one income/one kid + Toni's egregious student loans. We were dismiss-able.

Then we worked with our selling realtor, who actually sold us our condo that we were about to unload. She knew our area (really mixed income, mostly on the lower end, even for suburbia) but what really made it for us: she treated us with as much respect, courtesy, customer service as if we were selling a mansion. I'll never forget that, the contrast in the way we were treated. You two shouldn't expect any less, either, IMO.

Major red flags for me: she's not listening to you, coupled with the showing you homes out of your price range.

So yes, yes, an emphatic yes, there are fabulous realtors out there, you just have to stumble over a few turds to find the gems. Good luck! I love hearing about your search, but bummer about losing Elise as a neighbor; I'd love to have her (and y'all) as neighbors, too!

[eve]

A girlfriend of mine had a negative experience with an agent. She was an overanalytical skittish first-time buyer and she took a looooooooong time to find something she wanted to make an offer on. Once she found the house, she wanted the agent to go over the form with her in detail so she could be informed, etc. Well, this woman YELLED at her, "I've already spent too much time on you. I don't know who you think you are, but I don't have all this time to be spending on you and your little house. If you want me to continue to work with you, just sign this, because I don't have any more time to explain things to you." YIKES. You'd think the woman wasn't getting her hefty commission! My friend ended up walking out and doing the rest on her own.

[Ninotchka]

Yes, I'm lazy to post because of Bloglines. And another sad thing is that my blog is not an RSS feed so I can't even be on it. Isn't that hypocritical of me?

Loved the BJ post, by the way. Didn't post because I'm lazy and well, you two pretty much said it all. And said it so well. Sorry!

It was a brilliant PSA. FOR SURE.

:)

[Debe]

I don't think I've ever even got double digit comments. Maybe I should post about blow jobs?

[MollieBee]

Damn. There must be a case of the assmouth disease going around, I caught a bit of it today. Sorry bout the Cunt.

About the BJ comments, I think people were probably just in shock and awe that you actually posted it.

:)

[Jen]

Hey, someone who sells their home "as is" because they are too lazy to fix it up has nerve to bitch about people not posting comments.

[wix]

i read blawgs the old-fashioned way. i also am lazy about setting up an RSS feed, so i am invisible to 99% of greater bloglandia. whee!

[Jen (yup, another one)]

Seems to me like there's a lot less commenting going on in blogland these days, period. Maybe everybody's on Bloglines (except me and the folks above).

But maybe I should have commented on the previous post. It *WAS* most educational to this lesbian... though a bit like reading a travel guide for some Banana Republic when you only ever visit Squaw Valley!

[Jill]

I only comment when I feel I have something worthwhile to say. Today, I got nothing. So this one doesn't count.

[becky]

yes, there are agents who aren't totally obnoxious. being in a profession that deals with realtors a lot, i can tell you that it wouldn't be wise to hold your breath to meet one of the few decent ones. needle in a very prickly haystack.
best of luck.

[CheekyMoo]

Just found you and now that I'm done lauging my ass off I'm going to say hello. I suspect I'll be back so I just wanted to give a hello in your direction.

[maia]

The shittiest realtor we had was some 50's single woman who did nothing but hit on my husband. yeah, you can imagine how long SHE lasted. Bitch.
The best was one who was so totally grateful for the 3 family sales I sent her way early on, that on the second house we bought through her she threw in a new fridge and stove AND took no money for the sale of our house. An amazing realtor who I will pine for eternally. (She moved far, far away :(

Hang in there, the 'right' for you house will come along. And in the meantime enjoy the househunting for me will ya? I should be a realtor, love peeking in everyones homes :)

[maia]

BTW, totally in agreement with your lack of enthusiasm in fixing up present home to sell. Both my parents and MIL did fix ups to their homes only to have every single frigging thing ripped out, redone, and repainted. Just so not worth it, everyones tastes are different.

[Julie]

Yeah, realtors suck. Plain and simple (even my realtor told me that). When Marc and I wouldn't bid on a house that was $50k over our limit... she called my Mommy. Yep, that's right, she called my mom and told her what a big mistake I was making and then my mom called me and bitched me out. I then called the realtor (who is a family friend) and told her if she ever did that again, I'd kick her ass and then fire her.

You are right to be with the hottest realtor in the area. They tend to get all of the listings. Remember she is not your friend, she is trying to make money and wants to sell you the most expensive house she can. Stick to your guns and you'll be fine.

["Anne"]

I praise you for your restraint in not kicking her ass down the stairs after that comment. It is absolutely amazing what people will say without (or maybe even after) thinking. Somehow multiples exacerbates the problem.

Anne
www.tinykingdom.typepad.com

[Rose]

Our buying agent 2 years ago was a close friend so I was lucky enough that she knew us well enough to know exactly what we were looking for. Unfortunately now it is out of our price range so we are putting it on the market hopefully for a short sale! I called a local selling agent and we meet with him tonight. You'll have to tell us what you find in your area of good selling agents! Good luck on the house front, you'll definitely know it when you see it, its just a feeling you get that it is home.

[Tracy]

Thanks for the plug, Cecily! Hits to my page quadrupled yesterday, thanks to your lovely friends and fans. I had a great time visiting with you (and Charlie) and I am also glad that we have reconnected. You really were a good friend to me back then, very loyal, fun, and generous and I wish we could hang out more often now that we are old and mature (supposedly).

However, Frank's WAS better than McG's!

[CursingMama]

Another Bloglines whore...what can I say it became a necessity when my "daily reads" reached 100. But, I do try to comment when I have something worthwhile to say....and by the time I managed to make it through the blow job post without anyone reading over my shoulder - it had all been said & then some.
**love the passive-agressive way to broach the purchase of furniture, wish Mr. Motorcycle read my blog so I could do the same thing on occasion.