Give Me A Pit Bull For Father's Day

Last night as Charlie and I were watching the best show ever, otherwise known as The Daily Show (last night was particularly hysterical), an ad came on for Father’s Day. I remember how much Mother’s Day fucked me up, so I asked him how he was feeling about it.

Charlie said, “Fine, unless I think about it.” Thanks, TV!

Since my father was never part of my life, and Charlie’s father died over twenty years ago, neither of us has bothered much with Father’s Day. But this year, of course, was supposed to be Charlie’s first as a father. And since my Dad died this year, I think we are both thinking about it more.

Today at lunch I was sitting in a recovery meeting and listening to people share around me, and I got really quiet. Sometimes when this happens, I can hear a voice inside me I call my “little girl.”

(OK: so this is going to be a bunch of psychological mumbo-jumbo, all right? Plus, I think I wrote about it before, but am feeling too lazy to peruse my archives and check, so feel free to skip it and go down to the next section.)

I first met my inner little girl when I was doing some grief work in therapy and began practicing regular meditation. The little girl appeared to me perfectly clearly during meditation one day. She was six or seven years old, fierce as could be, with a stuffed animal in one hand and a knife in the other. She was wearing her hair in braids, but one was cut off.

For a little background explanation: when I was a little girl, I had beautiful long hair I wore in two braids. A very traumatic day for me was the day my mother decided she didn’t have time to deal with my hair anymore and chopped it off (I was seven, I believe). I also was only allowed to play with stuffed animals (dolls subjugated women by either creating an unrealistic body image or by forcing girls into gender roles; however, the boys I knew were allowed to play with dolls, because it meant they were “breaking out” of gender roles. Not having a Barbie doll as a little girl sucks, and everyone laughs at you, and I ended up with a bad body image anyway). Lastly, when I was about the age of my inner little girl I used to use a knife to poke holes in my mother’s waterbed (I tried to make it look like it was the cat); hence the knife in the little girl’s hand.

She was a reflection of my abandonment issues, so I began trying to nurture this inner little girl. In meditation I’d envision holding her, combing her hair, playing with her, etc. This practice deepened my spirituality and also my sense of peace and serenity. It was lovely.

But I’ve gotten out of the practice of meditation. Now if I sit quietly and try to “listen to God” I just feel angry and sad, and it doesn’t really help me at all. A side effect, of course, is that I’ve once again neglected that inner little girl.

Today, in the meeting, I heard that inner little girl distinctly cry out, “Daddy!”

Now, my entire experience with the word “daddy” comes from a) other people’s children, b) the way Sarah called up her father to tell him she found a wedding dress and it was just a little bit more than they’d discussed, and c) porn (as in “Who’s your daddy?”).

But I felt it, that “Daddy!”; I felt it in my bones.

I was filled with intense longing. It was a longing to be taken care of. It was a crying out to a being that loves me, saying, please, please, please make this all stop and take away the pain, I can’t go on anymore, I can’t do it all by myself.

I realize it was more of a reaching out to God than to my actual father; my father was never anything like a Dad to me, or, really, any of his children that I can see (maybe to my youngest sister). But that call of my inner little girl was loud and clear, and true.

It’s the first prayer I’ve actually felt in months.

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I am absolutely furious about the situation in Denver. You mean you haven’t heard?

Denver passed a law fifteen years ago banning Pit Bulls within the city limits—because one Pit Bull attacked and killed a child. Now, like my state, Colorado has a law on the books forbidding breed-specific legislation, but recently a judge decided that it was ok for the city to enforce the ban anyway.

So now they are slaughtering Pit Bulls, most of whom are NOT fighting dogs, but pets. Pets like my dog Hammer (usually called Bubba).

An actual “underground railroad” for pits has formed to sneak them out of the city and into safe havens (I think referring to it as an underground railroad is a little, I don’t know, dismissive of slavery, but no one hired me to write the articles).

I realize that when pit bulls attack, people can be more seriously injured than when some other breeds attack. This has led to one of the most common myths about pits: Pit Bulls do NOT have locking jaws. Pit Bulls have amazingly strong jaws and can become very, um, dedicated to whatever they bite (in my dog’s case it’s usually tennis balls and rocks).

Oh, and by the way? “Pit Bulls” isn’t even an actual breed. It’s a dog that’s mixed with breeds like the American Stafordshire Terrier to be a fighting dog. Calling a dog a “Pit Bull” is like saying Muhamed Ali is a “boxer” not a “human being.”

The dogs that bite the most in this country tend to be breeds that everyone thinks are adorable; like Cocker Spaniels (for many years the number one offender), the Lhasa Apso, Yorkies, and yes, even Golden Retrievers and Labs. Pit bulls make up a tiny percentage of overall dogs bites (although, admittedly, due to their strength they do account for about a fifth of dog bite fatalities).

Instead of discussing the actual CAUSES of dog bites, cities are banning specific breeds; which—by the way—is horrendously ineffective and merely leads to new breeds being exploited and abused for fighting, and does not decrease the overall number of dog bites at all.

But here are the two main causes of dog bites: chaining your dog up outside and leaving it alone for great lengths of time, and NOT NEUTERING YOUR MALE DOG. Here is some great information about how to prevent dog bites.

This whole situation makes me sick, and terribly afraid that this will happen in my city. My dog is such a sweetheart that he allows strangers in the house without doing anything except maybe forcing them to pet him (he’s been home alone a few times while we’ve been showing the house, and usually won’t even get off the couch). I can’t imagine what you would have to do to my dog to get him to bite you; maybe turn into a giant tennis ball? I’d love to believe that he would defend me if I was attacked, but somehow I doubt it. He’d be too busy trying to find out if the person attacking me could maybe just stop long enough to give him some love, or perhaps a ham sandwich. The thought of him being killed just because of his breed makes me want to cry.

I don’t want to trivialize the horror of being attacked by a dog. It is a painful, and life altering, experience. But our relationship with dogs goes back to the very beginnings of human history. Educating children how to behave around dogs, and working hard to eradicate the abuse of dogs, will go much, much further in preventing further tragedies than breed-specific legislation.

By the way: deaths by guns exceed deaths by pit bulls by something like 8000% in the Denver area. But you don’t see Denver slaughtering gun owners, do you?

***Thank you to whomever sent me the link about this. I lost the email so I can't credit you properly. I'm sorry!

Comments

[Sarah]

Just have to tell you that first part made me cry and cry. I love you so much.

I can't even read the second part right now...you told me about it last night anyway.

I love you.

[Patti]

I have absolutely no problem with pit bulls, or any other animal. There are many animals that attack humans, and there is no founded reason to focus on pit bulls.

The reason I am in a discussion here is about your gun comment. The major difference, and the difference that makes your comment irrelevant, is that humans use guns. Guns are inanimate objects that are tools for humans. So your comment about guns (which we are to assume is in connection with animal fatalies...) is silly. If a human sets out to kill another, they will use whatever tool is available to them with the same outcome: death. Just because one of the multitude of tools is a gun does not make the tool bad.

I am an avid pro-gun person, only because I am an avid personal rights person. I don't believe the government has any right to tell me what I do with my body, and am VERY pro-choice. I find it odd that the political party that is so strong in their belief to keep the government out of choices for women's bodies is so quick to tell me what I can own, because of the potential for harm. Are we to lock ourselves in a closet because there are evil, nasty people out in the world? Or are we quick to want the government's help, but only in the areas that we feel strong about. Where is the line drawn? I say at personal rights, period. Keep the government out of my life, and the government will stay out of yours too.

Just some food for thought, as I've never been able to understand why people attack gun ownership like it's the gun's fault. Isn't it the people that use them that are at fault? Maybe you could enlighten us on that topic?

Thanks.

Patti

PS- I hope your dog may live a free and open life.

[sarah]

Beautiful post,
Take care.
Sarah

[Aitch aka AyEnDee...]

I don't like pit bulls, plain and simple. I will make an exception for your Hammer because obviously you love him very much and I would hate to see a loved one murdered. Oh, but I also don't really care for Cockers (my sister got bit on the cheek and had 15 stitches when she was 4 because of our family cocker) or chihuahas, so you see I am not dog-racist. Heh!

But, I have had a couple of bad personal experiences with pits and me no likey that breed (or mix or what-not).

I also like Patti's comment about guns because I think I kinda feel the same way as she towards them. And the first part about the little girl made me tear up a bit too. Goddamn you are such an exquisit person. There are so many layers to you.

[Amy]

While I completely understand your stance (and your love for your dog), I can also very much understand the ban. I live in a college town in Texas, and a lot of our not so responsible neighbors have pit bulls. I guess they think that pits are tough looking and cool. Little do they care about the unpredictable nature of badly bred and poorly trained pits. I know that ANY dog can attack, so I would prefer the laws to hit the owners harder, but like you said, pits are particularly dedicated to what they want to bite, to the point of making sure it's dead. My father used to breed and raise pit bulls when I was little girl, so I know firsthand that some can be so, so loveable and loyal while others can be downright murderous. I guess my point is that it's not your pit bull we have to worry about; it's the idiot neighbors' pit bulls who let them run around without a leash and get close to my daughter's stroller all the while saying, "Oh, he won't bite. He's very friendly." Yeah, like I'm going to trust that. (That said, ANY dog can be dangerous. I was chased regularly by ferocious Weiner dog as a child and almost bitten by an insane bird dog as an adult.)

[Leslie]

Thanks for posting the Denver pit bull info. I hope what they are doing gets enough attention that they will have to stop. They have killed 100s since May and the sick part is that they are going after the more responsible owners - the ones who have registered their pets with the city. Another thing is that pits aren't generally human agressive. They are fighting dogs and are much more likely to be dog agressive. I've read that they make notoriously bad watch dogs because of their love for people. By the way, the Underground Railroad people have changed their name because they became aware that some people might take offense.

And the first part of your post just SPOKE to me - that longing for a father...

[Cecily]

Um, the thing about the guns was a joke, ok? Although yeah, I think if we had fewer guns we'd live in a better world, but whatever.

I didn't say this in the post, but it's the PEOPLE that own the dogs that are the problem, just like it's the PEOPLE that own the guns that are the problem.

Any dog kept chained, abused, poorly or underfed (I knew a man that fed his pit raw horsemeat mixed with gunpowder--as a result, the dog always was sick and had worms and was slowly starving to death)will fight to break loose and then react out of fear and attack someone. ANY DOG.

Don't blame the breed. Why don't we make it a felony offense that has some serious jail time if you own a dog that hurts someone? Just like you would to someone that used a gun to hurt someone, or left a gun out for a child to accidentally shoot themselves.

Hold the PEOPLE accountable. That's all I'm saying.

[Melissa]

Of all the things you've talked about, I have to come out of lurkdom to comment on this. I am so passionate about animals. Well, not really.. just dogs.

I can't even put together a coherent sentence when trying to discuss breed banning because it upsets me SO much.

Any dog can be mean, any dog can bite. It's poor breeding practices and poor ownership that's the cause of the problem. Banning biters by BREED would just result in the extinction of all dogs eventually.

[Patti]

Amen to PEOPLE. I completely agree.

Sorry I didn't catch the joke, I usually am good about catching the tone over a website, but missed it here.

Cheers~

[Amy E.]

I can't even read the link on Denver becuase I know it would make me cry and I am not in the mood to cry today. I HATE breed ordinances. They are just useless and stupid. All the irresponsible owners of pits will just go out and get chows, or akitas or some other tough breed. It does NOTHING to solve the actual fucking problem! It is policy made by people who don't understand the issue and it makes me fucking furious!

If these people want to actually reduce the number of dog attacks and make the city safer how about a ban on backyard breeding! How about free spay and neuter services coupled with huge fines for everyone with an unaltered pet who is not a licensed breeder. How about free classes and clinics on dog behavior and training at local shelters. How about real penalties including jail time for people who mistreat and neglect their animals. How about SERIOUS jail time for anyone involved in dog fighting. How about writing strong laws on animal abuse and neglect and then actually enforcing them. How about enforcing leash laws and fining people who let their dogs wonder or don't adequatly fence them in. How about banning unattended chained dogs. UGH!!!! I am getting all worked up now.

I do have to say though that as someone who does dog rescue I have myself re-homed and fostered a few pits but I wouldn't keep one. But not becuase I am afraid of them but rather becuase I am afraid of stupid ordinances like this one. It is hard enough to find a place to rent with two dogs in general. Finding a rental and insurance with a Pit is even more difficult. And with more and more of these laws cropping up it makes me afraid of being in the position of having to move on short notice becuase of my dog (and I would move, in a heartbeat, before I woud allow one of my furry family members to be murdered.) It is such a shame too because of the 30 + Pits I have had contact with in rescue I can only think of one that had agression issues and his agression was towards really toards dogs since he only showed agression towars people when other dogs were around. And he went to Cesar Millan's (the dog whisperer) rehab center and I have heard is doing really, really well now.

[carmie]

stupid denver. that's why i'm glad i don't live within city/county limits. i would move before letting them take my dogs from me.

[Lindsey]

I confess, I skipped the second part about pit bulls.

But the first part was beautiful and touched me somewhere deep inside. I'm not that close with my dad, and I just realized (like just realized *right now* as I'm typing this) that it's probably because we are both the type that hold people at an arm's length and don't let them get too close.

But when I was younger, I always wanted to call him daddy...so badly. And I can't remember ever doing it, not even once. So, thanks for a beautiful post that made me cry and realize that even though he held me at an arm's length and I always resented it, I did (and still do)the same damn thing to him.

[Leah]

I have a husky that bit my nephew so hard he had to get stitches. I still have her and I still trust her. He was kicking the shit of her.

My fault - he was about 3. She was sleeping peacefully on the floor and I was playing with the kids. I left the room for all of 2 minutes to use the bathroom and that was all it took for my nephew and my son to decide to wake her up by kicking her.

BUT - she has never done it again - and both boys learned a valuable lesson.

[wix]

i've got a nice scar in one of my eyebrows compliments of a cocker spaniel.

(i can't even comment on the first part--no words i can think of could really do it justice)

So hold gun OWNERS not gun liable right?

[Anne]

You know some of the BEST, most family LOYAL dogs I’ve ever know (including one we had as a child and my brother’s current dog) have been Pit Bulls (or as I should correctly say) American Stafordshire Terrier mix. It’s so sad really because with dogs it’s all about socialization (or getting them neutered or chaining them up as you pointed out). Unfortunately there are irresponsible dog owners who get Pit Bulls (or Rottweilers or Ridgebacks) specifically because they look tuff and they raise those dogs to be tuff and at times specifically for fighting or guard dog duties, these are often the very same dogs who really hurt people.

My family had been the proud owners of Ridgebacks since the 80’s and for some reason when I look at our dogs and compare them to the breed standard they look like Ridgebacks on steroids. One of our current dogs, Mr. T so named b/c he is Lord Edward of the Bell the Third and only in part b/c he’s huge like the actor, is seriously HUGE for a Ridgeback. He can easily put his head on the dinning room table (something he is not allowed to do) and weighs in at a hefty 130 lbs. And while he can look as intimidating as all hell (and could kick some serious Pit Bull ass) he absolutely loves little kids and if Mr. T could have his way his desires in life would be to sleep as much as possible and to be a cuddly lap dog (he is also scared of thunder and fireworks). Unfortunately I fear that if I lived in your city (or Denver for that matter) people would take one look at my beloved dog and want to put him down out of fear for their safety. It's such a sad and missplaced reaction.

And Cecily I’m so glad you and your inner little girl are talking/communicating again, I know how good that feels.

Yeah and not the hilarious post I put in a “request” for but I’m in a much better mood today myself ;).

[Jill]

I so recognize that little girl. Keep taking care of her. And much love to Charlie this week.

[Irina]

That law is sick! Is there anything we can do, a petition or something?

[Angela]

As to the second part...I LOVE animals. My mom owns two Yorkies, my sister owns an Akita and a Rott mix. I was a foster mom for a no-kill adoption group. My son has been around dogs since he came home from the hospital. He was always carefully watched (b/c you never know what a child will do). However, after 4 dogs and a set of puppies, we fostered a dog (lab mix) who was supposed to be good with kids. HAH!

For a reason we still don't know (even SEEING everything, we still don't know what caused it), she attacked Ryan. She had his head in her mouth. He still has a few scars from that attack, but while the scars will never be gone, they will never be obvious.

Do we think dogs should be put down for their breed? HELL NO!! The Akita is "supposed" to be more dangerous than the lab mix and she's NEVER hurt him. However, we also know that we need to be EXTRA careful and be right there. Not two steps away, RIGHT there. Any steps away can mean a serious injury.

Ryan's cheek and eyelid (two places) were punctured (thankfully his eye was NOT hurt), he had several other scratches on the back of his head and around one ear. He recovered well, and seems to have no fear of dogs.

My point? I know both sides. However, the dog that hurt Ryan was NOT put down. She went back to her previous owner's sister (owner had died) and is living a happy farm life now. We are very happy she wasn't put down. We didn't want that, but we also knew we couldn't keep her.

[Tessy]

My aunt had a pitbull when my nephews were born and growing up. (They are now in high school.) This dog was always the most gentle of creatures and never even looked funny at the kids. They would play with her and poke her and pull her tail, etc. (Never in a hurtful manner. They were taught to treat her nicely.) I believe it is all in how you raise/treat the animal, therefore I agree that the owners should be held responsible more than the dogs.

[Amy]

I went with a friend once to a "Pit Bull Farm" when he was shopping for a dog. I was HORRIFIED at the place. The dogs were all chained to their own houses and there chains did not allow them to mingle or even touch noses with the other dogs. The owner was quite successful because of this GIANT mutant dog that he gushed and gushed over as well as a few of his progeny. The dogs were not wallowing in their own excrement and it wasn't filthy dirty and gross, but it definitely felt wrong. So it seems to me that if one of the biggest instigators for dog attacks on humans was being chained and alone for hours on end, then the dogs at this place were all starting out on the wrong side of the tracks. I would assume that any of the worse than average breeders from this place were sent to local shelters. Strangely enough this place is right outside of Denver. I'm not saying this is the norm, but this was supposedly a reputable breeder my friend had heard of. But it was just an assembly line for dogs if you ask me. My friend eventually got a pit bull (not from there) but couldn't keep him because he kept taking out chunks of flesh from his other dog. I'm not saying Denver has the right solution to this, I firmly agree with all of the above suggestions for public education and government involvement. There needs to be something in there about holding the breeders responsible as well because if many of these dogs (and many other breeds I'm sure) are starting and/or living their lives this way then that only adds fuel to the flames.

[Charlie]

Great post... And I'll add a few points.

1. The State of Colorado has, as I understand it, an active law banning any breed-specific legislation. So, in theory, a city could no more outlaw pitbulls than it could poodles. And the city of Denver is in violation of that law. So all the state has to do is stand up and jerk Denver's streets and highway funding, and I'm sure the Denvelopes (or what ever they call themselves) will come around.

2. Laws should target those who train their dogs to fight, as well as those who torture or neglect their animals (regardless of breed)... rather than go after the responsible pet owners who actually bother to register their animals.

3. Guns... I know there are responsible gun owners out there. We don't hear about them, because they're not hunting while drunk, accidentally shooting their spouses, dealing crack, or doing any of the many other dumb-ass things that earn irresponsible gun owners the big headlines. But speaking for myself, I have never seen any reason to have lethal force so readily available. That said... it's safe to say that as a gun owner is responsible for the maintenance and safe handling of their weapon, a dog owner is responsible for the training, care, and control of their animal. It would be interesting to see a guy thrown out of Denver for accidentally shooting his hunting buddy in the foot while drunk. Of course, by that standard, they'd probably have to evict half the city council.

[Kira]

"Denvelopes" *snort* Good one, Charlie.
I live in a suburb of Denver, and I'm livid about this whole deal too. HUNDREDS of dogs killed for no reason. Now, due to an understanding vet, MY dog is a "collie mix" - got it? NOT a pit bull - so she's safe. And it's a good thing she's not labelled such, because I'm sure she'd suddenly turn from the marshmellow heart she is into a vicious killer. Thank God for an understanding vet.

As for the first part of your post...wow. That was one of the most beautiful things I've read in a long time.

[cheryl b.]

I was bitten by some little yippy type dog when I was 3. On.My.Face. I had more than 70 stitches, had a speech impediment most of my life (thanks Ms. Hughs!) and still have very bad scars. It wasn't the dog's or my fault. It was the owner's. I had some candy (E.T. candy) and the dog tried to eat it so I did what any 3 year old would do and held it over my head so that he couldn't get it. To the dog it looked like I was going to hit him (which his owners did a lot) so he bit me. Not only were they guilty of dog abuse they also let their dog run around outside unsupervised with the neighborhood children (why I was unsupervised by my mother is a whole other issue).
Gosh that was a long story. What I was going to say is that it is the owners who need to be held responsible first. I have always loved dogs and pit bulls are one of my favorite types of dogs (first being weimaraners). It makes me sick to think of them being killed for no reason.
Love your blog as always.........

[Amocca]

as the proud ex-owner of a staffordshire bull terrier (the english version) I have to say that I so, so agree with the people thing... it's rarely the dogs that are the problem - but the owner...

not counting the few rotten eggs in the barrel - because dogs like humans can be coo-coo and just attack for no apparent reason....

My sister got bitten as a child - by a golden retriever. Where as my staffie was the loveliest dog on the planet - who would rather lick people to death than bite them...

I have never undestood the american gun laws (must say you guys and your hand guns sometime scare me), but realise it's got to do with your constitution, and as I am not an american I shall refrain from pooping upon your country's history...

Amocca