Bacheloretting

Man, I am getting old. I have spent the last three days trying to recover from a bad combination of late nights and early morning dates with the dildo cam. Seriously. Saturday I was up at 7am and didn’t go to sleep until 3:30am. I just can’t do that anymore.

Saturday, of course, was Sarah’s bachelorette party.

It took forever to find something cool to do for her party. Since she doesn’t drink, I knew the whole bar thing wasn’t going to happen. Sarah didn’t want to go see male strippers (thank god), so that was out. I thought about doing one of those Tupperware-style vibrator parties, but most of the women I know are not exactly sex-toy shy, so I figured that would get a little dull after a while.

Finally, I discovered that the local fetish store hosted bachelorette parties. Great! I thought. That’ll be a little different. But the night we wanted to do it, sadly, was the same night the store was hosting a big party. Then the shopkeeper said, hey! Why don’t we combine both events?

So, Sarah’s festivities were part of a “back-to-school” themed S & M party.

Now, when you picture an S & M party, what do you see? Women tied to posts being mercilessly flogged? Everyone slinking around, sexy in latex and leather? Muscular men walking women on leashes?

Maybe those parties exist somewhere. But at this party, all the men were submissive. Most of them were in some form of drag. Bad drag. Bad, bad, bad drag. Unless you think a broad shouldered man dressed like a schoolgirl—wearing a ten dollar wig—in a shirt that is see-through so you can see his back hair—is good drag. Which it isn’t. Bad drag. Bad.

There were a few other men around, apparently all either foot-fetishists or lost slaves looking for a dominatrix (one, according to tommybarbella, wanted me to spank him all night long. I’ve decided that was a compliment). Plus there was “Piglet” a man wearing a weird workout outfit, who spent the whole night crawling around getting petted. The name fit—he was a very round fellow. It was very odd.

As for the women, they were not your run-of-the-mill domintraxes (I’m afraid I do not know the correct spelling for the plural form of dominatrix). In fact, they were freakishly normal looking women that I wouldn’t be surprised to see behind a bank counter (minus, of course, the leather and latex).

Because of the “back-to-school” theme, there were games. Spelling bees, for instance (the words being unusual sexual practices). But the woman running the game was an idiot and they left the music blasting so loud that you couldn’t hear anything. Tommybarbella  almost won that one, and she was devastated that she didn’t because she really wanted the prize—a penis-shaped lipstick.

In between the party games, the hostess would drag Sarah up and make her do things. They’d given her a party bag with a bunch of “stud-finder” things to do on it, and they awkwardly managed to fulfill all of them with a bunch of sex slaves and drag queens. Sarah, I must say, was incredibly game and put up with all of it. Here is a lovely photo of her checking off one item on the list (it was “look inside someone’s bag or briefcase”). If you look closely at the photo, you’ll see that Sarah is holding a huge glass dildo/butt plug (oh, the google searches I’ll get now). Later on, the foot fetishists bench-pressed her while she stood on their hands.

I’ll let Sarah tell the whole story on her blog, but suffice it to say that the evening was silly, weird, and memorable. I felt like I’d come up with the world’s lamest party, but Sarah assures me that she loves me and had a good time. It was the kind of party only a city like ours would have—a little less than risqué, a little more than harmless. Here is another great photo of us—you’ll see I'm holding Sarah's glass-penis necklace, and she is wearing a penis-covered veil. Heh.

The wedding is on Saturday, and I have guests (my friend Dave! And his girlfriend and her son!) arriving to stay with us on Thursday. I’ll try to get online at least once more before next week and give you all an FET update… but don’t get mad if you don’t hear from me!

Speaking of our embryo transfer, I don’t know about my blood work yet, but my lining is already a perfect 10. I haven’t come close to ovulating, so I think the transfer won’t happen until next week. Although, with my luck, it will be the morning of the wedding. So much for bed rest…

Comments

[Bridgette]

I can't believe you're this far along in the month already! Where have I been?

Enjoy the wedding, and please update as soon as you can.

[total geek]

"Dominatrices." ;)

Sounds like a fun time!

[Michele]

Cec- The bachelorette party sounds like a BLAST, and that lining number is FABULOUS! I NEVER had a lining that good. I'm praying so hard for you. We need good news in our buddy group!

[Catherine]

Wow, TWO shoutouts in the same journal entry! I am so popular! Tens of tens of readers will hang on my every word! Or something! :)

Really, really bad drag. I don't think this can be emphasized enough. When you've got a 300-pound man dressed as Little Bo Peep, something is wrong. WRONG.

This should be in our travel brochures..."[my city]: a little less than risqué, a little more than harmless."

Your uterine lining is Bo Derek.

[heatherg]

You are just so damn funny-
I would have liked that party! I think it was a great idea. The whole stripper bit is always being played, and dont get me wrong, i like a nice tight ass as much as the next girl, but it was good to hear you did something different and MEMORABLE!

Great news on the perfect 10 lining.......
Have fun at the wedding and update asap, you know we will all be on pins and needles!!

[Anne]

Okay so the bachelorette party does sound like it was a bit surreal, but it certainly sounds memorable. For my SIL’s party in San Diego we went to a drag show (and it was good drag thank goodness) and there were at least 4 other bachelorette parties in attendance in the club. All night long I couldn’t help but thinking that it was rather strange that the girls were going to a show featuring guys dressed up as girls making sexual innuendos while across town my brother and the guys were having their party with real live girl strippers. All in all a bit surreal as well but Sara’s party sounds a tad bit stranger but very, very fun (you know the glass penis necklace and the Pyrex dildo/butt plug just make the entire event!).

Your lining sounds divine and I hope you get a few days reprieve after the weeding before it’s time. But you know that whole karmic/Murphy’s law/reverse psychology thing - the FET will happen at THE least opportune moment BUT as a result everything will work out fine (Hope is squealing in the background, can you hear her?).

And have a blast at the wedding.

[Ria]

Cool party!

[Carrie Jo]

Hey, if tommybarbella likes, I can send her the penis lipstick from the b-party I hosted a month ago... Glad you had a blast. Bad drag? *shudder* See it WAAAAY too often in this neighborhood.

[bee]

Congratulations on your lining. Yay! Re: that party. Your blog, but why behave with such vulgarity when you speak so elegantly? You just seem so much better than that.

[wavybrains]

Of course your lining is a perfect 10! It's YOUR lining. Seriously, happy for you and Sarah, and glad you had a fun time.

[Sandy]

The fun never stops with you guys!!! I bet the bad drag queens adored you all. Looks like it was a blast. And I love the "your lining is Bo Derek" line! Can't top it. Ain't gonna try.

[Elise]

That party made for some good water cooler talk at work. My favorite part was walking around in my really tiny skirt - after a while I started to enjoy it!

Go uterine lining!!

[Korin]

THat sounds like a rocking bachelorette party! I think the best baby shower I ever heard of was my sister planning her friends shower at Darcelle IVX... a drag queen show. :)

[kristen]

I am catching up...
I am happy to hear you are ready to go through with another transfer, and my thoughts and hopes are with you.
that's it.
kl

[Gawdessness]

This is one party that would make the world of monogamous straight ( in all senses of the word) sex seem like an exotic experience.
Great choice.

[Heather]

I can only imagine that party...surreal, yet totally funny and fun :).

Sounds like things are rolling along for this cycle - I'm glad!!

Have a great time with your guests, and especially the wedding. So glad all that worked out for Sarah, even if it was sort the last minute!

[Julie]

OMG -that sounds like a wonderful time! If I am every in charge of a batchlorette party, I am SOOOO calling you to get the details on this place :)

Good luck on the transfer!

[Moxie]

Rats. Someone beat me to the correct spelling of dominatrices.

And, thanks, Catherine. I'm now going to have "Bolero" running through my head the whole day.

Hooray for good linings, silly parties, and weddings!

[Calliope]

That sounds like one fun party!! Why don't I ever hear about stuff like this where I live? oh....right...I live in Alabama.
Crap.
Congrats on the perfect lining #!

[Catherine]

Bee: "Re: that party. Your blog, but why behave with such vulgarity when you speak so elegantly? You just seem so much better than that."

BAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And also...

BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Debe]

Mine was thrown by co-workers, at a bar. I did sober kareokee, I'd rather have gone to Sarah's!

[sandy]

Cec, the whole elegance/bad drag/dildo cam/penis lipstick thing has me vastly amused. Sarah's party seems so much better than the one I went to for a future niece in law where her stepsister punched her out seems so, oh I don't know, maybe TACKY!

[laura]

Now, I've been to sex-toy bach. parties, but no Back-To-School S & M ... you take the cake on that one. What a lucky bride!

BTW - I just finished the Jennifer Weiner book you talked about a few posts ago...I liked it a lot. V. different that her previous, but good!

Can't wait for news on the transfer ...

[hotmama]

You guys are too cute and funny! Best wishes to Sarah. Please don't forget to update us on the transfer. I am holding my breath for you.

[MollieBee]

Vulgarity is the spice of life.