Pretend This Post is Accompanied By Festive Confetti and Balloons

Call me a whore if you must, but I have to say the following:

THIS BLOG HAS RECEIVED A MILLION HITS!!!!!

I am famous!

*insert maniacal cackle here*

OK, not really. After all, other blogs get a million hits a day. And many of those hits are looking for things like “fat cunts” and “big ass girls give blow jobs,” so I’m not all that. But it’s still pretty exciting.

I am grateful that any of you, ever, come here and read this and support me in this crazy quest. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I will never forget the day I was in the hospital, waiting to get the bad news about the last pregnancy; Sarah printed out every single comment you guys wrote and brought them to me. It made such a difference in my sanity during that tough time.

So, thanks. I couldn’t do it without you.

Now, bring me my goddamned coffee. Heh.

In regards to my last post, many of you asked, “What do you think started you down the path of drugs and alcohol?” I think many of you were actually asking, “Holy fucking shit, how do I stop my kids from being like you?”

Truth is, I don’t know. But I’ll tell you what I think. I believe, firmly, that Alcoholism/Addiction is a disease—an often fatal, and sadly, incurable disease. Because I have that disease—which I believe I was born with—my path was inevitable.

In other words, NOTHING could have stopped me.

Unlike most of you, alcohol and drugs fit my brain the way a key fits in a lock.

Let’s take a look at a not-so-random sample of alcoholics: Sarah, Charlie, and me.

Sarah grew up in a happy and loving home with happily married parents and an older brother. She lived in a good neighborhood in the suburbs, went to great schools, and then went to a good college. She was middle class, Jewish, and had plenty of  great opportunities.

Charlie grew up with a workaholic father and an abusive mother. They were upper-middle-class and lived in thriving urban centers, but moved often between major East Coast cities. Charlie’s dad died when he was 17, but he managed to graduate from high school and get into a prestigious Ivy League university, and graduated from there as well.

I grew up as the only child of a single mom, my father having left when I was an infant, when my mother was only 20 years old. We were horribly poor. While I read early and skipped a grade in elementary school, by middle school I’d already given up on school. My mother returned to college when I was in elementary school, and we moved across the country before I started high school. I screwed up both of my chances to get a free college education, and have yet to finish my degree.

The only thing we have in common is that NONE of us had a lot of alcohol or drugs in our homes while we grew up. Yet all three of us ended up in the same house, doing the same things, and getting sober around the same time.

Like every other disease, Alcoholism does NOT discriminate.

Could my life have been different? Hell, I don’t know. All I know is this: when I was a kid, I felt crazy, left out, like a freak. I was sure everyone knew my game and no one really like me. But one day, someone put a drink in my hand, and lo and behold, I felt normal. While you may have had your first drink and thought, “Ug, I’m so nauseous and the room is spinning, I can’t believe people do this for fun!” Not me. I thought, “Oh, god, FINALLY. That’s what I’ve needed all this time.”

I can see different turns my life could have taken; I could have stuck with my "no drugs" rule and ended up as a fifty-year-old bar whore. I could have chosen drugs over alcohol in high school and gotten sober at 17, or overdosed at 20.

But do I believe that a life without the influence of alcohol and drugs was possible for me? No. Not really.

As for your other question, “What will you tell you kids?” God. Who knows? We’ve talked about it, of course. If the child is genetically related to us, we’d want to make them aware of the fact that they are genetically predisposed to the disease of addiction.

And here, safe in the “we don’t actually have kids yet” zone, we can say we believe that  experimenting with drinking and drugs is normal, and it’s unrealistic to think that a kid is never going to come home trashed.

We’d like to tell our kid about the dangers and safety issues surrounding drinking and drugging. We’d like to believe we'd say, “Please call us anytime you are in trouble and we will help you without judgment.”

But how we’ll actually feel, and what words will come out of our mouths when that kid is actually sitting across from us? I have no idea.

A handful of pregnancy updates; I’ve developed the linea nigra (I never did last time; weird, huh? Oh, and my belly looks exactly like the one in the photo; HA HA HA HA HA), which is kind of cool. Also, this morning I was leaning back in bed (oh, alright, I was lying on my back. It was only for a minute, don’t shoot me!) and I coughed, and saw my belly develop an alarming point while I was coughing. I imagine that means my stomach muscles have separated (all the links I've found are fitness related, sorry) and I’m seeing my uterus and other innards poking through. It’s gross and cool at the same time.

Lastly, remember my constant complaints about my dry mouth? About how it’s probably just another pregnancy symptom and I have to live with it?

Did I also mention that I’m a fucking idiot?

A couple days ago I noticed a white paste on the roof of my mouth. Recognizing it for what it is, I went to see my general practitioner and sure enough: I have oral thrush.

Oral thrush, for those of you who don’t know, is a yeast infection of the mouth and throat. Nice, huh? I get it sometimes because the inhaler I use for my asthma contains a topical steroid. If I don’t rinse my mouth properly, the bacteria in my mouth can go all whacky.

Chances are I’ve had this the entire. fucking. time. Yeah.

So now I’m gargling with nystatin, the same medicine they give to babies with thrush (usually I have to suck on these lozenges that are basically sugar-flavored Monistat). It’s not bad, but I have to say this:

Do drug manufacturers actually taste the “flavored” medicines they give to kids? Cause this shit tastes like banana flavored ASS.

Comments

[Sarah]

"Banana flavored ASS"
LOLOLOL!!!

Great follow-up post, and I CANNOT WAIT UNTIL TOMORROW!!!

[Nancy]

Forgive yourself for the thrush, because
at least you figured out it was your stomach muscles separating. I thought it was the baby's head and/or butt until told otherwise by my midwives...

[Ruth]

Yeah, I used to get the kids' medicine flavored until my daughter finally got old enough to say, "Mom? This doesn't really taste anything like bubblegum."

Good job figuring out the thrush thing. Not sure I would have caught on to that.

[victoria]

It's not true that "everyone" experiments with alcohol when they're young. I drank only very rarely and in very small amounts throughout my teens. I experienced intoxication for the very first time when I was 27. I did "go out drinking" on one occasion in college, but didn't drink enough to have a buzz. (Nobody at my college drank regularly; it just wasn't part of the social scene.) A sober childhood and adolescence is a realistic goal for your kid.

[Sheri]

ROFLMAO!!! Banana flavored ass! That's hysterical!!!

Thank you for your thoughts on the path. Youre such a good writer.

[Laurie]

I've worked in the flavor industry (yes, such a thing exists), and in most cases it is possible to mask the bitter/nasty flavors of medications. But they don't, because then kids won't know it's medicine and might accidentally OD. So they are flavored just enough to cover up the worst of the nasty taste, with enough left in that no one in their right mind would willingly consume the product to excess.

[wix]

i had a superhorrible experience with banana-flavored -something- at a dentist's office when i was about 12 years old. after that, i refused, and refuse to this day, to put anything banana-flavored in my mouth. i love bananas, but that nasty crappity banana flavoring? yeah, i can't even stand the smell of it.

congratulations on the million hits! only 936,000 'til i catch up with you! ;)

[christina]

Your points about the three of you coming from completely differnet background yet being born with the disease of addiction I think is right on. From my (little) experience, there is no other way of explaining it. Although i grew up in a mostly stable home with enought to get by, I excelled in school and hold a BFA, and my friends and I never experimented with drinking or drugs, I STILL managed to date/live with an alcoholic and regualr crack (and worse) user. Somehow it was never in the house (it was a long time before I knew about it). Over the five years we were together, I still never drank or used or had any intention to. Even when sometimes it probably would have seemed to have made things so much easier.

In the course of trying to learn about the disease of addiction, I interviwed about 25 addicts for a book I was putting together ranging in ages/backgrounds and differnet life stages (still using/recovering/in rehab/in jail due to their addition in some way). There is no other parallel to draw other than the fact that it's just somehow genetic.

It amazes me how all of you turned everything around, it's all I ever wanted for my ex. We're not in touch anymore, but I certainly hope things are better in her world.

[Anne]

Oh Cec you’re soooo popular!

On the addiction thing – I completely agree with you. Your statement about feeling right with a drink in you hand, yup I hear you on that one yet despite a tendency towards alcoholism in my family I somehow managed to stay away from that path.

I remember when my SIL was in treatment while in jail (actually jail was the best thing for here, she had apparently been self medicating her undiagnosed bi-polar disorder for years, and doing all the things you need to do to support a self medicating habit, ended up and jail and thankfully got the help she needed) we were going to be the family she was going to get released to so we (the Hubby and I) had to go to group with her. Aside from the counselor I was the only other white person in the room and I just kept getting the feeling like all the other girls, my SIL included, looked at me like I was some typical Ozzy and Harriet type white chick who came from a perfect home and had no clue what their lives were like. One day I just laid it out; alcoholic paternal grandparents, schizophrenic maternal grandmother (all who lived with me at some point in my life), messed up mom, I was a depressed pre-teen – mid teen, had my first drink and joint at 14, had several friends who did crystal meth (what most of the women were in for), developed a several joint a day pot habit, why I wasn’t sitting there with them in prison garb? No fricken idea. Why didn’t I develop more of a problem, why didn’t I try harder drugs, how was I able to just walk away from it? All very good questions that I have absolutely no answer for.

I don’t know how exactly we’ll deal with things when Kawika grows up, be honest is the current plan.

On the yeast thing – living in the tropics has more than likely contributed to my regular bouts with vaginal yeast infections (hot and sweaty) and antibiotics will often send my system into a tizzy. I had IV antibiotics during Kawika’s birth and we both ended up with thrush, for him oral for me it was my breasts (not fun let me tell you). I really didn’t feel like the oral medication was helping much, or if it was it was taking forever and my nipples were on FIRE, so I got my OB GYN to give me the oral Diflucan (sp?) it gets expressed in breast milk and it cleared both of us up in no time. So if you and/or baby should happen to end up with thrush go for the Diflucan.

[Naomi (changed from juliejulie just to be confusing)]

I would actually like for my kid to have "banana flavored ASS" as a flavor. The way it is now, everything is yummy grape and cherry so she's been known to whine about the fact that I'm a mean mom who won't give her any *more* of the delicious tasting medicine. Sometimes she'll do a lame fake cough and say, 'mommy - I need some medicine!' Banana Ass sounds good right about now.

[MoMo]

Interesting post. What do you think of the whole philosophy that says alcoholism cannot be a disease because without alcohol it could not exist -- like if you grew up on a deserted island where alcohol didn't exist then you could not have become a alcoholic, unlike say developing a disease like cancer. (I know this is sort of pointless since it's an impossible scenario, but I was just wondering what your thoughts are on the subject)

Also, if you feel that becoming an alcoholic was inevitable, do you think it's a mixture of genetics and personality/life experience? Do you think that all people who become alcoholics have a genetic link, that it would be impossible to become one without that link?

[Ninotchka]

omg I always say things taste like "ASS." Not "Banana flavored ASS" but ass, nonetheless. You're so funny.

Very illuminating post on addictions.

And hello linea negra! I got really dark ones all 3 times. Kind of creepy cool, huh?

[Cat, Galloping]

Ah, my old friend Nystatin... I've used it in all its forms. Tablet suppositories that leak back out all crusty. That delicious gargle that you then have to swallow in case the yeast is in your stomach too. (They always made my husband do that one, too.) Do you see why I love him? The cream, the ointment (also shared by my husband. Do you *see* why I love him?) I even had it prescribed for my breasts while I was breast feeding. I should buy stock in that company!

[Jaycie]

If you ever want an interesting (and confounding) read...do some research on how the disease model of addiction came to be. At the time E.M. Jellinek (I believe it was 1952) proposed the disease model, the majority of physicians viewed alcohol dependecy as a moral weakness. Safe to say, the moral model wasn't too conducive to people seeking help.

[-erica]

I pictured your younger self standing there with a drink in your hand, and thought "she had no self esteem." Is that the key to feeling so at home with a drink in your hand? It is a glass of liquid self esteem. If you've already got it, you don't need to drink it.

My fear about my kids is wondering how to be honest with them and tell them about my drug/alcohol history and yet say, "please don't do that". I am worried that I will be an example, since I did not become an addict, of some one who dabbled around but was able to walk away, so it must be OK to be have the same behavior. That's how everybody starts out, right? I don't want to send a message that dabbling is alright, because dabbling can be the first step in an addiction. Or it might not. But how can you tell?

Dabble, dabble, dabble. You know how when you say a word too many times it loses its meaning?

[ThreeBees]

I have wondered the same thing about children's meds -- We give my daughter Zantac syrup for her acid reflux. The Zantac is supposed to be peppermint flavored but it really tastes like peppermint ass and she would squirrel up her little face each time we gave it to her. So the next time I filled the Rx, I asked them to flavor it with grape so it wouldn't be so hard on her pallet. Doesn't matter. She still resists. I tried the syrup to see what all the fuss was about -- turns out now we are just giving her grape flavored peppermint ass. :)

[KrimoJo]

When my husband was in treatment,I was at a family meeting at the treatment center and the speaker had everyone in the room who had never had a drink raise their hand. No one did. All of us had tried it, and for some it was addicting.
I come from a family of alcoholics, and my husband is an alcoholic. (He's been sober 4 1/2 years as of yesterday.)
Our daughter is almost 3 weeks old and we've already taken her to meet the people at his AA meetings. We can't stop her from experimenting, but we can tell her what her genetic disposition is, and she'll grow up going to AA meetings with Dad and at least see the program in action.

[Melanie]

Hey, I know this is completely off topic, but I was wondering if any of you could give me the name of a high blood pressure med that's safe during pregnancy. My doctor just prescribed Ziac for me today knowing that my husband and I are going to start TTC this March. However, I just read up on it and found out that A) I shouldn't take it because I'm allergic to Sulfa drugs and B) it is not known whether Ziac will harm an unborn baby.
So any meds I should ask him about?

[julie]

Wow, you described alcoholism, and its seemingly random arrow, so well. I think if there's one thing I hear in pretty much everyone's story, it's that we felt like freaks as kids and booze made it right. Other than that (oh, and the egomaniac with an inferiority complex stuff) we are all so different.

[parodie]

I am _still_ hesitant to take banana-flavoured things after having to complete a course of banana-flavoured antibiotics at 7. Gross.

[Kira]

Oh oh oh, you've touched a nerve. When you write about being an alcoholic...
I am the daughter of two alcoholics, who married another alcoholic/drug addict and bore him three sons. Now my ex is gone gone gone, into the abyss of drugs and alcohol and that soul-crushing guilt that will probably always stand between him and his kids. And I delude myself that I can protect my boys from that path.
What I try to remind myself, in the moments when I can hardly breathe for the fear of what might await them, when "alcohol and drugs fit [their] brain[s] the way a key fits in a lock" is that the finest people I've ever met are people are in recovery.
God, I pray they make it there, if that's their genetic lot.

[Ellen]

Cecily, I didn't get the linea nigra the first time, either.
And Melanie, my advice about the hbp meds would be to call your doctor's office. S/he can certainly prescribe you somthing different and appropriate once you explain. Does your doctor know you're on the verge of ttc? Because if the doctor does know and put you on it anyway, I'd suggest switching doctors along with medication. It's too important to mess around with people who don't know what they're doing, in my opinion. You also need to find out if having the Ziac in your system will have an effect you have to wait out, as well, before you start to try.
I don't remember the name of what I was on to get my bp down after delivering 9 weeks early due to pre-eclampsia (but I know it was baby safe because I was trying to nurse and they test those in the same way); I think it began with N, that's about all I can say. I've a friend with hbp who was medicated through her entire pregnancy (because she found out she had chronic hbp when she started talking to her doctor about trying to conceive) so there's definitely stuff out there.
That all said, good luck!

[Anna]

Another excellent post (as usual) -- I've started worrying about addiction with my son (3.5 yrs) because it runs rampant in my husband's family (and somewhat in my own, especially among the men) and, well, a mother always needs SOMETHING to worry about. Seriously, though, I guess all we can do is love them, be good to them, work our own programs, be honest with them, and PRAY their path doesn't lead to (too much) destruction. Thanks, as usual, for your writing. And for the inspiration you and Charlie model for us!

[j]

I definitely believe that alcoholism is largely genetic. There have been times in my life where I have drunk way too much and too often. Like when the love of my life dumped me and broke my heart and I started hanging out with the "cool" girls who liked to go out and party and drink a lot, so we went out every weekend and sometimes during the week and drank to excess. I liked the way it lowered my inhibitions etc. But I never worried about myself becoming an alcoholic. I KNEW that I could never be an alcoholic. I was drinking not to diminish my pain for the breakup; it didn't do that. It wasn't "medicine." It was a social thing, I was a young lawyer, with money and free time, my own apartment, doing the social things that people in that stage in their life do. Some of the people I hung out with may have alcoholic tendencies, but I know I did not. It was fun to get drunk and dance and feel carefree and single. But I knew without question that if I got very busy at work, and had responsibilities, or my drinking buddies were busy or out of town, or I had a cold and didn't feel great or any other million reasons, I could skip the drink that weekend or month or six months, and not miss the booze at all. The thought of never ever having a drink again for the rest of my life was not frightening at all. In fact, I very rarely drink now. Even at parties where everyone is drunk, I don't usually bother.

I had a boyfriend who I think had the potential to be an alcoholic, and was sort of in denial about it. He was Irish (as am I) and his father was about as pickled as anyone I've ever met. I really think that the Irish are more prone to alcoholism than others. The first time I went to my boyfriend's house, his father was sitting in a chair, and thought I was Frank's sister. Called me Siobhan several times. His family barely corrected him, there was no point. His words were slurred and he looked sick and he smelled bad. And I don't think he was necessarily drunk at that moment, that was just what decades of drunkenness had done to him. He was destroyed, mentally and physically. He had been an abusive father and husband, and now had passed the point that anyone could even hate him anymore, he was such a pathetic wreck of a person. I'm sure he must be dead by now. Frank did not want to be like his father, so he never drank hard alcohol. But Frank became a real wine expert, took wine-tasting classes, etc. I think he somehow thought if he drank expensive wine, he couldn't be an alcoholic. But he couldn't go out to dinner without polishing off at least two bottles of wine, even if it was at the local pizza place on a Tuesday night. I might have a glass; I don't like wine. And I could tell that he would love to have had another bottle, and another. He may keep the demon at bay his whole life (I've lost touch with him; don't know) but the demon is there. I could see it; I could practically smell it.

I think it is incredible that you managed to get sober. I think you will teach your children to stay sober.

Glad about the thrush; at least now you can make it go away.

[penelope]

a positive spin on the addiction/genetics...

my father was an abusive alcoholic his ENTIRE life (70 some years) - my aunt is a now recovered alcoholic - two of my first cousins are dead because of alcohol and heroin, etc.

Neither my brother nor I have shown any signs of dangerous addiction. We're both a little uptight and work probably too much but never found that solace or good feeling with drinking and drugs (and it wasn't for lack of opportunity - we both tried a lot of stupid stuff)

there are no clear answers but not all children are genetically doomed to addiction either, in my experience.

you're a superstar! a million hits, egads!

[penelope]

I don't know if I can edit my post - I didn't want to sound callous about all the tragedies in my family - just to emphasize that addiction seems as random as hair color in the genetic distribution.

In high school I actually drove over to the local rehab center to see if there was a test I could take to see if I was going to end up like my father (there wasn't).

[Sara]

About half the hits my blog gets are on variations on the phrase "toddler Augmentin."

That's because I vented awhile back on the subject of pharm companies and flavored meds, and described Augmentin as "makes earwax taste like butterscotch."

They have all that money to make six different drugs that make dicks stay hard for 4 hours, and they can't make necessary antibiotics taste palatable.

I've got alcoholics on both sides of my family, and very controlled parents (probaby as a result). I remember a moment in high school, after I started experimenting with alcohol, when I realized "I'm good at this." and then thinking "I've gotta be careful with that." My grandpa had been in AA for a few years at that point.

I don't know what, if anything, I can tell my kids to keep them from going down that road. Other than maybe, "Our family is good at getting drunk. Be careful with that."

[MamaPajama]

I was married to an alcoholic who never stopped drinking, smoking or lying compulsively. I divorced him 20 years ago but my daughter kept a rocky relationship with him until he died about 2 years ago. I worry about my daughter, I don't think she drinks too much, but at 29 she does drink some. There is also a lot of addiction problems from my father's side of the family, but luckily it didn't hit my immediate family. Just a weird mom, but that's for another day.

I'm so excited about you and the baby. I check your site every hoping to hear good news about your progress.

[ivy]

Almost everyone I know expects their child will experiment with drugs and alcohol and feels that it is okay. But I started telling my son about his alcoholic/addict relatives when he turned 12 (he just turned 13 last week!). I've told him the truth about how it altered their lives, hurt their parents, spouses, kids and, in one case, ended in death. I'm not trying to scare him- I just want him to know what's in his gene pool and to know even mild experimentation could be dangerous for him.

It scares the hell out of me when I think about it.

[ivy]

Oh- and meant to mention that I think I lot of people feel like freaks. Like they don't fit in anywhere. I know I always did and still do. But alcohol doesn't make that feeling go away for me. I can see how finding something that did that for you would feel like a lovely miracle at first.

[baseballmom]

I remember the counselor telling us before my dad's intervention that when a genetically predisposed alcoholic takes his/her first sip of alcohol, they are addicted. Their bodies cannot go without it, even when it becomes no longer a 'fun' buzzed feeling. It becomes a necessity.

[Leggy]

These posts on alcoholism are beautiful. I admire your honesty and self-awareness.

I'm scared to death of my son starting to experiment with alcohol/drugs. Thankfully, its a long way away.

1 million hits- that's fantastic. I can only dream...

[New Kid on the Hallway]

I've been lurking here for a little while, but I wanted to join the other folks in saying how wonderful your description of what booze did for you is. My husband is an alchoholic (sober for almost 5 years) and that absolutely nails what he says about it, and almost everything I've read in accounts of people with alcoholism. (FWIW, it's just never held any appeal for me - I drank in college b/c that's just what you did - that's what my college was like, anyway - but now I don't because I prefer not to if my husband can't - although he doesn't care. Now, food is a whole other issue...)

[anglophilia]

My parents and I had a conversation the other day about who ends up abusing drugs and alcohol and who doesn't. I guess as the child of an alcoholic, I was predisposed... and while I certainly "abused" alcohol in high school and college I was not, and am not now, an addict.

My mother ventured that maybe it's a self-esteem thing. That kids who are uncomfortable in their own skin will seek another through alcohol and/or drugs--similar to your story. But I countered that I know a man who smoked pot every day through high school and college and he's the most self-confident man I know. We explored family life... but again came up with no clear patterns.

Thus, I think in many ways your theory about being born an addict might be right. I was able to abuse alcohol pretty heavily but never *craved* a drink while sober. My friend who smoked pot daily finally gave it up without a problem when it no longer fit his lifestyle. We both were heavy users of the drug of our choice but had no problem giving it up when circumstances changed.

And I guess that's where the line is drawn. An addict can't just say, "Gee, these hangovers are making it hard to get to work on time. I'd better stop partying during the week." An addict just finds another job.

I so admire you. The older I get the more I believe that life is about building on our mistakes. They are what weaves color into our tapestries. Poor June Cleaver. A boring, muted blanket.

[Your pal Eric]

Re: What will we tell the kids??

I tap-danced around my massive drug use with Little Eric. He knows I've DONE drugs, he just doesn't know the EXTENT. He knows that given the chance to do it all over again, I probably wouldn't.
He ALSO knows that if he ever finds himself in a jam, drunk, drugged or sober, I will come get him/slay whatever dragons I need to/bail him out, and ask questions later.

I imagine you will too. It's what parents do.

XO
Eric

PS, by the way, he still has the elephant.

[jenny]

Additive behaviors do really seem to be biological in nature. I took a class last year in developmental psychobiology and along with many other fascinating things I learned, was the fact that there are instances of addictive behavior in many primate species. Here are a couple stories the professor told us:

There are several pacific islands where lots of fruit grows wild. Inevitably, some of the fruit falls to the ground and ferments. Various monkeys eat/drink from the fermented fruit and get drunk. Some of the monkeys become obnoxiously, excessively drunk. They drink often. They start fights for no reason with other monkeys. When the females come into season they allow many random males to mate with them. They eventually become socially isolated, sicken, and die. Scientists who study these monkeys have found that the tendency to behave this way seems to be highly inheritable.

The same sort of pattern is seen in certain chimps who have learned to steal beer. Some of them drink infrequently and do not become a problem, others get themselves into all sorts of trouble with it. I can't recall where this has been documented(Africa, obviously... I meant more specifically than that.)

In any case, I come from a family where addictions run rampant. My dad is now (mostly) clean but has had problems with various substances throughout his life. My brothers are in similar patterns. I have never gone that way, mainly out of fear, but I did experiment and never quite saw the appeal. I don't like to feel out of control. However, although I have gotten out of the pattern now, one could definitely say that the relative promiscuity of my youth was addictive, self-destructive behavior. I am lucky I'm a lesbian because stupid sex is just simply less dangerous between two women, if I'd been equally stupid with men I might have not come away as unscathed as I have.

Cool about the linea nigra!

[DoctorMama]

Heh heh, I like your deconstruction of the "how did you go down this path?" questions.
The genetics of addiction are pretty complex. The children of alcoholics are by no means destined to be addicts, and people with no addiction in the family are by no means free of risk. In addition, there's a wide spectrum of disease. In my family, just about everyone except me drinks enough to show up in the "at risk" column, and most of them would have a very hard time stopping, but they remain "functional." I enjoy drinking and have enjoyed some other substances in the past (and not enjoyed others), but I just don't have that obsessed feeling about any of it, and the fun of getting drunk is not worth the side effects to me. But this is not because of any lectures I got, or examples that were set. For me, noticing that my mother drank too much at times seemed like a deterrent; but for my sister, it appears to have been the opposite. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I think you're right about there being no answer to how do you prevent this in your child; like so many other things, you just pray for the best and don't beat yourself up if that doesn't always work.

[Ellen]

It's funny - I'd sort of feel like no one would know better than a recovering addict what to say to a kid considering drinking, because you've been there, and you know better than anyone how slippery the line is between casual use and uncontrolled need is. And yeah, I also feel like once you're old enough some experimentation is normal and unpreventable, but I think if I had alcoholism in my family, I wouldn't have done it. One of my best friends, whose father is a bipolar mean drunk who skipped the country when she was 7 to avoid jail time, doesn't drink at all because she just fears too much that, like you say, the drink will feel like the short cut to solving all her problems. She's seen what it can do. I feel lucky that I've always known exactly when I've had enough - like I have this switch in my head that says "no, if you have one more drink it's not going to be fun anymore" - but exactly because that's a weird thing I can't explain, I can see how it could affect other people completely differently based on some sort of genetic predisposition or fluke brain chemistry thing. (And I'm not at all saying this as a self-promoting thing. I have plenty of problems, alcohol just isn't one of them. Who ever it was up there that said food is a whole other issue had it in one.)

[Heather]

I have only been reading for a little while, but I just felt compeled to comment. I would like to thank you for being so open about your disease. While I'm not an addict, my husband is and now that we are trying to concieve we have run into all kinds of troubles. People act like we are crazy for trying to have children because of his addiction. I am constantly censoring what I tell people so I don't have to deal with being judged. Thank you for putting this out in the open and letting people know that yes, addicts are people too. And eventually some of them sober up and they deserve everything in life just like everyone else!!

[KelliAmanda]

Congrats on 1 million hits! And I love you, for being so honest, for being so awesome - for being you. Which is weird, I guess, considering I don't know you personally. But, whatever. That is all.

[Moxie]

Apparently one of the cures for babies with thrush is to swab their mouths out with their own pee.

I'm just saying...

[jennyg]

Your posts are always very interesting. I think it's great that you will talk to your child/children about these issues early on. I have to say, though, I really disagree with:

"And here, safe in the “we don’t actually have kids yet” zone, we can say we believe that experimenting with drinking and drugs is normal, and it’s unrealistic to think that a kid is never going to come home trashed.".

I know this is just my opinion: but, I think that's totally wrong. I think if your kid comes home TRASHED, you should lay down the law. He/she should get in huge amounts of trouble. All kids test the line- if you think it's okay to do this, even a little bit, or think it's normal (which it isn't), it sends the totally wrong message. Really. It moves the line. Neither I nor my siblings ever did this because of the fear of dicipline, and I think it saved us sometimes. It gave us an excuse NOT to do it, which kids desperately need due to pressure (which at least I had in spades.) My friend, who got into drinking, drugs, heavy drugs, and then pregnant at 17 by a 14 year old.. her parents didn't lay down the law at the first signs. Yes, kids do stupid things. But smashed is WAY outside of the norm, and I think if you treat it that way, it will be that way. That's the difference between having productive, honest conversations - and condoning destructive behavior. There's a huge difference between getting caught, say, sipping a beer.. and coming home smashed.

[RainbowW]

it's interesting to hear people say they felt normal when they drank.

me, i've never been normal. not before drinking, not while drinking, not now that i'm sober.

all i ever was when i was drinking was something approaching _comfortable_.

i was okay with being fucked up. i could stare at you from under the table through the bottom of the bottle and not worry about it.

but i've never, ever been fucking -normal.-

not even at my 5th step was i -normal.-

[Cynthia Wood]

jennys - I just had to comment. There's a difference between thinking it normal for your kid to come home smashed once in his life, and letting your kid know you think it's normal. While I didn't do any alcohol experimentation until college, once I did I did get thoroughly smashed a few times. I don't expect it, but I will not be surprised if one of my sons comes home plastered some night (in about ten years). Doesn't mean I won't land on him with both feet when he does. Mostly it just means I won't dismiss the signs because I'm thinking my kid wouldn't do that.

The alcoholism discussion is interesting. I spent two years of my life in a neuropharmacology lab studying the NMDH receptors of mice - one strain bred to be predisposed to alcoholism, the other not. So I'm definitely on board with the genetic explanation.

[Coral]

Congratualtions on your first Million, way to go!! Now for million no 2, and just think if you had charged a dollar......
hmm, lets not go there!!
Hugs
Coral

[Kaushal]

Cecily, go girl! you are famous!!! Now its time you got down to that book... I promise I will buy a copy the day it is released and urge all my friends to do the same too!

[maria]

Banana flavored monistat? Thank you, Cecily for giving my my only spontaneous gagging in 17 weeks of completely nauseous-free pregnancy. I am even gagging as I am writing about it. Oh, the price I have to pay for some awsome modern American writing. I should stick with the Russian classics- the only danger would be of occasionaly getting bored to death. But no projectiles. LOL and congratulations on your numerous 'hits'. Or lack of them, as you yourself might put it. Either way, you are an amazing lady.

[Mete]

Congrats on becoming a "millionaire"!

[Heather]

Yahoo on a million hits!! Awesome!! I only have like 5,000 in a year, so WOW!!!

And I'm glad you figured out the thrush thing - hope it clears up quickly.

Lastly, its amazing what you've all overcome to be where you are now. It is interesting to me that your backrounds are so different, yet you ended up in a similar place.

[SandyC]

We used to sit around and wonder what we'd tell our kids, but now that I am a parent of a teen and a 20 year old (Oh dear. I'm old!)the only things that have stuck are: Do not get into a car with an impaired person and no bareback sex, ever. Oh, and keep those lines of communication open. Even if you don't want to hear what they have to say.

[cursingmama]

Your phrase:
"All I know is this: when I was a kid, I felt crazy, left out, like a freak. I was sure everyone knew my game and no one really like me. But one day, someone put a drink in my hand, and lo and behold, I felt normal. While you may have had your first drink and thought, “Ug, I’m so nauseous and the room is spinning, I can’t believe people do this for fun!” Not me. I thought, “Oh, god, FINALLY. That’s what I’ve needed all this time.”"
Hit it exactly on the head. You should really write a book about this - you say it perfectly - you say it honestly - and you don't pretend that it was ever pretty or okay. We're dealing with the "what do you tell the kids" stuff right now, and its hard and it makes me cry; but I tell them every time that they are predisposed to have this problem and they need to know that before they even consider trying it - they don't come with the genes that say "I can try it once and be done with it"
Write a book - - really - - please.

[Blanche]

"There is an old wives' tale associated with linea negra: if the linea negra runs to the navel, it's a girl, and if it goes all the way up to the xiphoid, it's a boy."

- SO? Where's yours??

Oh, and thanks so much for the link to the royal flush, um, I mean oral thrush photo. I can always count on this site to make my morning meal go down smoother! Hee hee!!

Enjoy the nor-easter coming our way!

[KidKate]

Nothing unusual here, I know, but both of my grandparents were raging alcoholics (my mom's mom died of cirrhosis at age 48; after recovering, her dad died of COPD from more than 50 years of smoking—he was one of those with an oxygen tank and a cigarette) and thankfully neither my mom nor my aunt got the addition gene. My mom is a moderate drinker, and around the time I was 16 she started allowing me to have an occasional beer with dinner or cocktail at a restaurant. This approach helped to shape my relationship with alcohol; while I enjoyed drinking and occasionally overindulged I was never lured by its illicitness.

In any case, I guess what I'm trying to say is that there's no guarantee your kid will inherit his or her parents addictive tendencies and the best thing you can do is normalize the experience as much as you can so he/she doesn't seek it elsewhere. Sounds like you’re on the right track.

Congrats on hitting 1 million!

[SusieJ]

Separating tummy muscles! EWWWWWW! I am totally grossed out. Pregnancy STILL skeves me out.

Wait until you smell the bubble-gum flavored amoxicillan. Blergh.

And congrats!

S.

[spit]

I didn't have it around me as a child, either but my husband did. Who knows why, really? I'm glad I had it when I needed it (to self medicate depression) and glad I found AA when it quit working.
Congrats on a million hits
and oral thrush SUCKS!

[CJ]

:) Congrats on the million!

:) Belly changes are so funny. I didn't get thrush but I got tit freckles instead. :)

Not everyone experiments with alcohol. I'm 28 and have never had one single sip of alcohol. No, I'm not Amish. I watched my mom ruin her life due to alcohol. I'm not willing to risk an addiction. I know it can start with the very first sip. So I've never had one. Thanks for sharing your story.

[Heatherg]

I.Must.Call.You.A.Whore.

Congrats, babe! Way to go! Your awesome.

[Dana]

banana flavored ass made me howl.

congrats on a million hits!

[Louise]

Congrats on hitting a million!

by the way, there is a great bulldog rescue story in the March 2006 edition of Ladies Home Journal! Very heartwarming

[The Aitch]

I don't know if we've ever talked about this, but I was raised in a home were my mom and her boyfriend(s) were drunk and high almost everynight and the boyfriend was a cokehead. He beat her pretty much on a daily basis. When she died when I was 12 I was forced to live with my aunt and uncle who were both pot heads/alcoholics.

My grandfather was an alcoholic, my uncle/aunt were acloholics (still are) and my bio dad is an alchoholic. I was destined to be one too.

For some reason though I'm not and never have been. Although I have fought off a chewing tobacco addiction (gag, I know) I have never otherwise been an addictive person. I am pretty sure this stems from seeing it my whol adolescent life. I was subjected to it on a daily basis up until age 16 when I had enough and ran away.

I knew from an early age (say 3?) that drugs and alcohol were not for me. I didn't even want a cigarette because everyone I knew smoked (still never tried them)

I', sure I'm in the minority but I think that even though drug and alcohol abuse is genetic illness that you can still turn out okay by making "smart choices" even when all you know is bad ones.

[Meg]

Oh, I needed a good laugh...banana flavoured ass--Indeed!

Whew! Thank you. I feel much better now.

Medicine aside, glad you sorted out the whole thrush thing. And congrats on your linea negra--I never got one, just stretch marks and extra hair (ah, just what I wanted...)

[Diana]

Banana flavored ass...kinda the description I would use for banana flavored condoms.
My son just got put on "bubblegum" amoycillin...
bubble gum flavored ASS.
I'm stealing that and using it for everything. (I used to say "it tastes like ass" but yours is funnier.)
I'm a "spanish"** and in my culture you actually get the linea negra if you're having a boy...I had it and had a boy, but no one in my fam has had a girl so I have no argumentative evidence to show that it's not true...but that's just me and my male-producing family)
**Some prick once asked me "Are you a Spanish?" when he called my office. Now I use it all the time and laugh.

[Donnie]

Banana flavored ass??

Delightful!

I got the dark line, too, Cec. It's rather disturbing and cool at the same time. I think that's my main assessment about pregnancy.

Oh, and with 6 weeks to go- can I officially join the "pregnancy sucks" club? I'm uncomfortable and grumbly and every day there my body plays a different trick on me.

But I'm still all for the results. :) I just wish our bodies behaved a little better through the process.

Congrats on the million hits!
-D.

[colette]

Interesting you posted to thank your readers since last night I was thinking of you and sending you and Charlie and the baby good wishes and just generally thinking how funny and awesome you are. I enjoy your insights and your writing and I thank you for being such an excellent blogger. Mwah!

[wookie]

Oh alcohol. I flirt with addiction every day. I know damn well I could crawl into a bottle and that it would change so many things. It would replace one set of problems with entirely new ones, but hey, who's counting.

I'm not talking to my kids about drugs and alcohol yet. My oldest is 3. We're just trying to get her to stop saying "It smells/tastes/looks like POOP!" all the freaking time.

[MOT]

Banana flavored ass much must be pretty popular in Haight Ashbury...

One million hits - I think WOW!!! OHMIGOD!!! You ARE famous! Allow me to slobber all over you...unless you already have plans for tonight.

[Jen]

LOL!!!!!!I'm rolling! Banana-flavored ASS! How funny?!!

[Jessica]

Love this post, C - as always, your candidness makes me want to smooch you right on the face.

My best friend was addicted to crack for about a year and quit cold turkey. She told me that she thinks parents number one mistake when it comes to talking to their kids about drugs is that they fail to say, "Drugs can be fun" - when they emphasize the danger of it and the horrid nature of addiction, it all seems like bullshit when the kid experiments for the first time and thinks, "This is AWESOME!"

I went home that very day and said, "Son, drugs can be fun"........