Funnies and Links

So after reading all the successful induction stories, I've decided that we should really get prepared for a possible vaginal birth. That means watch the rest of the birthing class tape Chantal loaned me, listening to the hypnobirthing CD's that Moxie made me, and starting to do perineal massage.

So this morning I cornered Charlie while he was on the toilet and read the perineal massage instructions from this book that Robin sent me.

Charlie looked stricken. "Isn't that going to hurt?"

"I don't think so!" I responded.

"It's like trying to stretch out my ball sack or something!" He made a horrible face while saying this.

"No, dear" I said, "Your ball sack isn't designed to pass a baby through it."

"And thank God for that." He responded.

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If you want a good laugh, go read this guide to being a Christian wife. And be sure to read the comments so that you can know that it is NOT a parody. My favorite part: "A fat husband is a faithful one!" Oh, and how we're all going to hell. See ya there!

Thanks to Brutal Women for the link.

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Also funny is this video of a Saturday Night Live cartoon. NBC, which airs SNL, is owned by GE. Apparently, it was only allowed to air once before GE made them pull it from reruns.

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I'm off tomorrow (have to work Saturday) and I'm hoping to spend the day sawing branches off my holly tree and not posting, so enjoy your weekend!

Comments

[dee]

Oh, oh, I get to be first--yippee!

Just wanted to say that the perineal massage, um, yeah, not so comfy--or at least not for me. Just saying, that's all. Be warned friend.

[Sarah]

I just spent far too long on that Christian blog...thing...YIKES. I really am having a very hard time believing that it is for real...did you go to Annie's personal blog? The woman has slinky legs as her icon, nude torsos on her masthead and curses like a sailor. I have a very hard time taking her seriously.
Did you check out the "How to Handle an Open Thread on Liberal Blogs"??
Want me to come help saw branches with you tomorrow?
xo

[Spacemom]

I did the perineal massage and man, that was nice. I liked it. I also didn't need stitches (ok, I took 1, but the doc didn't know if I really needed or not)

That christian wife thing freaked me out...

[Kate]

What the hell is up with her icon???? That isn't very "Christian good-wife"y!

[Arwen]

Um, I read that Christian wife post and the comments (and the other blog of the woman who wrote it) and I'm pretty sure that it is a parody. The woman who wrote it continues to defend herself in the comments, but in a completly ridiculous way. My impression is that she's very very good at irony, and at not cracking under pressure.

If it's not parody, I just want it to go on record that I know a LOT of Christians, both men and women, and not a single one of them would agree with that post.

[Kim]

A couple quick comments:

Regarding perineal massage... I had every intention of making the husband do it. We just never got around to it. My OB nurse, however, DID do this in between contractions/pushing and I only required a few stitches.

Regarding the amount of water when it breaks... yeah, you're going to need a towel. Then you keep leaking too. Luckily I had thought ahead and put a plastic sheet under our mattress pad so the mattress itself wouldn't get ruined because that's where it happened. I got up in the morning to go pee, came back to bed and hardly sat down before a big gush. It was definitely worth spending a few dollars for the plastic covering to save a few hundred dollar mattress!

[Spacemom]

OK- I read more on that bloggin points and now I am really freaked out...

[Jaycie]

The Christian wife post lost me at "only WHORES use frozen OJ". The rest of it actually reminds me of my upbringing...GAG ME. The SNL cartoon was fun though! Happy pruning!

[DMouse]

Arwen, I hope you are right! Otherwise that is one of the scariest things I have read in a while.

[Paige]

how do you mask nose snorts at work? you dont, and then you share what you are reading with others.....good christian wife does not laugh out loud.....(that is my own) *snort*

[anne]

That good Christian wife thing *has* to be some kind of parody.

[Amy]

"Only WHORES use frozen Orange Juice" is officially my new catch phrase. I love it.

[bunny]

Yeah, that was parody. (actually it sounds more like something from Fascinating Womanhood than anything else. Now THAT book is scary!)

And I'm a Christian. And if I use frozen I usually thaw it first.

[Libby]

Like, Sarah I spent WAY too much time at the Christin Wife website and IT HAS to be parody. It simply has to. Otherwise, it is by far the most disturbing thing I've ever read.

[Heatherg]

C-
Thought i would say HI !
I havent commented on your blog or Sarah's in a few days, i dont know why, just dont have much to say, just reading ya'll and taking it all in.

Maybe it's the whole rag thing.
I could just BITE someone this week!

Anyway- Just wanted you to know i am reading and thinking of both of ya'll!

snap, snap, bite! Could someone shoot aunt flo for me?

[Whitney]

I got all excited thinking I am not a whore, because I use fresh OJ, but then I read further and realized that I AM, in fact, a whore, because I DO initiate sex. Oh well, being a whore's not so bad I guess.

I have conversations with my hubby while sitting on the toilet, but not usually about stretching ball sacks and the like. Too funny!!! I did the perineal massage, with olive oil, or maybe it was mineral oil, I can't remember. I still had a tear each time, but my kids had 19-inch heads, I don't think anything would have helped!!

[Naomi]

Um, I'm really stumped by the whole Christian wife post, and now I'm pretty mystified as to why I spent so much of my time reading the comments to the post.

[Moxie]

Nothing makes me want to initiate sex like some frozen orange juice.

[Lisa]

I love the "How to be a Christian Wife." Since I work right now and my (live-in) boyfriend makes music at home, I think I might be inspired to write a "How to be a Heathen Boyfriend."

1. Have dinner ready when your Heathen girlfriend gets home from work. She will be hungry, and she shouldn't have to wait.

and on and on...

[Lisa]

And umm... did you see THIS one, on how to raise Christian sons? http://bloggingpoints.blogspot.com/2006/04/how-to-raise-good-christian-children.html

Can this be for real??? She says you should beat your son w/a hairbrush every day even if they do nothing wrong. And she says that only males relatives can discipline a son because "the humiliation is something he should never have to deal with as a man." But then she seems serious in the the other "rules". Scary that people like that are out there.

[Marion]

Happy Belated Birthday.
Sorry I was otherwise engaged.
My BFF's Birthday was also yesterday.
She also had an adventerous life; though, she's not as computer savvy as you.
She turned 62; so, I guess people born under this sign are brave, great Mothers, good friends, and just nice to have a connection with.

Peace & Love,
Marion

[Leggy]

Okay, now I've wasted entirely too much time on the How to be a Good Christian Wife thing, but I went from there to Annie's personal site and there to one of her friend's sites and I found this reference to Annie as a "faux-kooky-Christian-blogger-chick."
http://www.sadlyno.com/archives/002651.html

Oy! I was worried there for a while.

[Chiara]

HIGH-larious!
That Annie Angel is quite the satirist! Just check out her profile.
Anyhoo, that Christian wife list is very similar to an old urban legend list supposedly from a women's mag in the '50s. Snopes has it if you search "wife advice."

[Kira]

Only WHORES use frozen orange juice? Wow. I was totally mistaken about what I thought whores do.
Wait. Use frozen orange juice HOW? No, nevermind.
It HAS to be a parody.

[SandyC]

OK, I went to Annie and Nancy. I need a shower. And an orgasm.