In The News *edited to add a gem of news*

So, first off, about the video post. You likey? Cause I likey very, very much. It was way, way, way fun to do and frankly, I'm having to stop myself from doing it every day.

But several folks mentioned that I seemed much less "tough" then they thought. I didn't realize that I came across as some sort of tough girl on this blog. Maybe it's the tattoos? So funny. Thanks for all the compliments about my voice. And yes, in my youth, I did do phone sex recordings (not live chat). Heh.

Anyway. There's been some interesting stuff in the news lately that I wanted to talk about.

First off, there was this article in the New York Times recently.  Apparently, infant mortality is on the rise in the South, particularly Mississippi, particularly among African-Americans. It's blamed primarily on the lack of medical care, poor prenatal care, and of course obesity (because fat people are always at fault, after all--not that I'm denying the effects of things like diabetes on pregnancy, but because often these days obesity is blamed for everything). It's a truly horrible situation.

I don't mean to beat a dead horse or anything, but I feel it's important to note that Mississippi has the lowest rates of abortion in the nation.  I wonder if the folks who fought so hard to prevent abortions in the state are now working as hard to take care of the living children? No, really, I don't know, and I can't find out anything about it. If you do know of any good programs going on there, I'd love to hear about it. I think we all would.

In other news, this horrible reality.  Apparently, women bloggers are finding themselves being constantly threatened with rape, other sexual violence, and of course death. Kathy Sierra, author of the blog Creating Passionate Users,  had to cancel a public appearance because of the threats she'd received. To quote the NY Times article,

"Someone typed a comment on her blog about slitting her throat and ejaculating. The noose photo appeared next, on a site that sprang up to harass her. On the site, someone contributed this comment: "the only thing Kathy has to offer me is that noose in her neck size."

Do you know what Kathy wrote about? Technology. Although many feminist bloggers also suffer from this problem; when Jessica of Feministing was photographed with Bill Clinton, many liberal male bloggers couldn't stop talking about the appearance of her boobs. Ridiculous.

I'm not surprised, frankly, that this happens. It seems to me that whenever someone disagrees with a woman (and is an immature asshole) one of two things happens: first off, they trash her physical appearance. Secondly, they threaten her with sexual violence.

Back when I was a barfly, if some particularly persistent man wouldn't back off, I'd have to be firm with him. Then inevitably, he would say, "You should feel lucky that I even noticed you, you fat cow!" and then "What, are you a dyke?" and then they would try to grab my boobs or ass. Every time.

So I'm not surprised that on the web, where anonymity and fun graphics exist, women are experiencing this as well. I think the reason I've been spared, frankly, is because mostly women read this blog (although I've deleted the odd "fat cow" comment several times). The worst I get is the stuff surrounding my discussions about abortion.

What do you think? Has this happened to you? What did you do about it if it did?

_______________________________________________

Just had to add this little tidbit. I'm sure you're not shocked to realize that I think abstinence-only education is silly (combined with general health and birth control info, though, it's awesome). So this story brings me particular joy...ah, the hypocrisy!

Comments

[Kim]

1.

Illinois has a program to help low income families and the whole family, not just the children, called "All Kids" I feel it's a great program, now they have to find the funding.

Well I don't blog, so I haven't been harassed that way. But I have in person just like yourself. Almost, every job I've had, I've had a male boss, who's tried to hit on me. That's the only way I've dealt with harrassment.

[Kriss]

2.

I liked the video post! :)

I agree how frustrating it is to have obesity be the "root cause" for all medical conditions. Ingrown toenail? Lose some weight! Sore throat? Lose some weight! Case of pink eye? Lose some weight!

And I don't understand how anyone can threaten, harass, or intimidate women in cyberspace. It makes me paranoid to even have a blog, which is just so f'ing wrong. Short of disabling comments, I don't know what can be done.

As for the fat cow comments, I was sexually assualted about 10 years ago. I never reported it, because I thought the police would have told me to be thankful anyone wanted to have sex with me. Isn't that awful?!?

[Rosemary Grace]

3.

I certainly have experienced the phenomenon of a feminine screen name attracting sexual comments. When I first went into chat rooms I played around with different names to see what reactions were. PainfullyFluffy, WatermelonKewpie, and AshenFaerie ALL almost immediately got me private messages offering a fuck, though PF also got highly personal questions about whether I was a fat cow. I didn't know "fluffy" was a euphemism for fat. If I logged in with a name like Hitch, or Higgins, I tended to be greeted in the public chat room more, engaged in conversation, but no private messages about sex UNTIL I made a statement making it clear that I was female. Those little experiences when I was 20 definitely got me thinking in more detail about sexism, so at least those jerks were instrumental in cementing my feminism.

LOVE the video post! I have a 2005 iMac at work, and it has converted me to macs completely.

[Emily]

4.

Oh, yes. The classic "you should be grateful that I am paying attention to you" trick. God, that makes me angry on so many levels.

I think the most appalling thing, and Feministing has covered this pretty well, I think, was when other top bloggers blew off her claims and said she was being "hysterical" or "making it up". (Daily Kos, I'm looking at you and your minions.)

How classic is that? "You asked for it by being a public figure" + "You're making it up anyway" + "If you're going to play in this sphere with the big kids, you're going to have to learn to be tough".

Ugh. (And did you see the kinds of things that were being said about Maryam Scoble? That was pretty appalling, too.)

[Ann]

5.

It's definitely happened to me in person, and it was awful - I'm thinking in particular of a bar scene where my firm rejection of a guy putting his hand all up my thigh was met with the guy standing up and loudly calling me ugly. It was humiliating, and such a blow to my self-confidence. Not such a blow that I didn't have the bouncer throw him out, though, when he refused to leave my table.

I haven't noted it in cyberspace, but it doesn't surprise me AT ALL.

[Carrie]

6.

I cannot remember her name right now, but I saw a female comedian do a bit where she talked about getting hit on by a guy on the street and turning him down. He responded with the "you're a fat ugly bitch" stuff. Her reply? "Yep, a fat ugly bitch just turned your ass down. How's that make you feel?"

[Mary]

7.

Hey Cec,
Mississippi is backwards in a whole lot of ways. When my husband (OB/GYN) was looking for a new place to practice out of state, we had talked with a few places there about a job. Health care, especially for women, is scarce, and they are dying for OB's. But their malpractice laws and insurance rates are insane, so they have a very hard time attrcting new docs. When they found out DH is black, they were thrilled since the area was predominantly (like 99%) black. They were practically coming to pack for us. But when they found out I am white, the calls stopped completely. They are still NOT cool with interracial marriage.
And, it's hard to get an abortion if you don't have access to a doc who will do one. If he/she is 3 counties over or in the next state and you've got no way to get there, well, you're probably going to be having a baby. And if there's no place nearby for prenatal care, well then you won't be getting that either, so the m/m rate goes up, too.

I don't blog, so I don't have any comment on that. I used to work as a bar maid, tho, so I've had plenty of first hand harassment experience. ;)

The Kidcare program in IL is a great idea. But did you know that the OB that delivered his last baby had to quit practicing because she could no longer afford her malpractice insurance? I like the governor, but he's still a lawyer first and foremost. That still where his loyalties lie.

[jenny]

8.

Hey - I haven't experienced to much misogynist bs on my blog but it isn't exactly heavily read. I have gotten the Fundies telling me I should marry a man and then I'd be magically pregnant. Like magic heterosexual sperm could get through my bloked up tubes. Idiots - hey though, did you hear that SCOTUS refused to take on the appeal of the Vermont state court ruling about child custody decisions and same-sex civil unions? Here's the link, I just thought I'd pass it on:
http://www.reuters.com/article/domesticNews/idUSN2328801220070430

[Lil Liberal]

9.

I was once told by a Mac user that my female relatives should be raped by a pig, after I listed all the reasons why I prefer the PC over the Mac. (I work with both and own both)... Can we say "over-reaction", anybody? I got fewer virulent responses when I was running my political debate blog.

[Kayla]

10.

I'm in class right now, so no time to read all of the post (or the comments) but I just wanted to say something on the Mississippi stuff. I live in Mississippi, and have my whole life. There IS a really long and hard process to get an abortion here, but it's available. Just expensive. The only clinic is in our capital, Jackson, which is fairly central in the state. But getting the chance to make the trip, the money for gas, money for the procedure, is really impossible for young poor pregnant girls. HOWEVER. If these people are poor, they qualify for Medicaid. My best friend had her first son at 17, and is now the mother of three children. And she has never paid a dime for her prenatal care or birth. And we shared the same doctor, the best in town, and I owe the hospital $10k right now.
I feel like the reason the infant mortality rate is so high is because of the ignorance of some (rich and poor alike), who don't understand the gravity of having a child. While I do agree that abortions should be more accessible in our state, I also have to note that there are numerous programs in place for these mothers, which are all accessible and easy to obtain. I really dont want this post to come off as lofty and idealistic, but having experience the reality myself, I feel prenatal care is extraordinarily acessible here and people just dont choose to use it.

[JennyK]

11.

I love the addendum. Go figure, huh? ;-)

[Elena]

12.

Last year, I was commenting on a blog in defense of a Catholic priest who was being attacked unfairly by another female commenter. The commenter turned on me and threatened to turn me in to Children's Protective Services for spending too much time on the computer.

None of this had anything to do with the topic. The blog owner did nothing to protect me and never did take down her threats. I copied everything and did start documenting my time on line just in case.

That is the second time I have been in a debate/discussion about something and then out of nowhere have been threatened by another woman with calls to CPS. I think it is the cybermom's Achilles heel. It certainly is a rapid fire way to end the debate.

[Erin]

13.

When I read the NYT article, I noticed the glaring absence of any of the fathers of these children. However, not one of the mothers interviewed said anything about how they would have preferred aborting their child, if given the chance.
It is often a position of the pro-choice that it is better to abort a child then to bring a child up in poverty. This is a particularly hateful argument, I believe it is classist, and in this case, racist.
I also did not detect the anti-fat woman slant that you did. The case workers in the article seemed to genuinely care about the health of these women and their children. The fact is that being obese puts you at a higher risk for high blood pressure and premature birth, among other things. It's a documented fact, not a prejudice. Not to mention making c-sections and vaginal birth more difficult and more complicated.
The fact is that one woman's baby died in his sleep after being sent home from a hospital with his mother. I would like to know why that happened, and again, I point my finger at classism and racism. She sought medical help for her infant, and woke up to find him dead. But go ahead and make it all about abortion, end their lives before they even have a chance to become one of these disturbing statistics. I guess that's one way to end racism. Let's not point a finger at the absent fathers, let's not point a finger at the irresponsible sex. Is that because you don't think these people can be expected to control themselves or take responsibility?
I guess what really upsets me is that while I was reading this, I knew there were people out there thinking, "well, if there were only more abortions, this wouldn't be an issue." And here you are, saying it.
As the mother of 3 small children, I lost sleep that night thinking of that woman whose worst nightmare came true, waking up and finding her infant dead. I actually woke up screaming, "Where's my baby!" (he was in his co-sleeper beside me). It upsets me that you see it as a case for more access to on-demand abortion.

[JuliaKB]

14.

But see, the Bush administration is severely irony-deficient, so I am sure they see nothing funny in that whole situation. :)

[Aurelia]

15.

Cecily,

I know the article talked about obesity, and I do know what you mean about obesity being blamed for everything these days, but there is a link, and not just diabetes related. (Ducking)

http://www.greenjournal.org/cgi/content/full/106/2/250

Google stillbirth and obesity and more links pop up.

That said, I think they were talking about poor nutrition and not just obesity itself, which can be separate issues. And to add to Kayla, there are many programs, but sometimes women in this position do not trust govt. programs. They are worried that social services will take their children and so they don't call and get the support they need to avoid social services taking their kids. Vicious circle...horribly sad.
---------------------------

As for the harassment, well, I've been stalked & harassed, by pro-lifers and just general jerks online. Thank God for pseudonyms and Statcounter.

Of course, as I was disappointed to discover, it's easy to say call the cops, but when the cops don't have a clue what a blog is, or what an IP address is? *eyeroll*
Gahhhh, drives me nuts. I'm in the process of writing up a one-pager to explain what a blog is and how to track people, etc. for the non-techies like me. I have a few friends in law-enforcement & politics and I'm hoping they can spread the word, so when women call about online harassment, police will have a clue what to do.

Right now, there really is nowhere to turn unfortunately. I wish the good people online would help outnumber the bad people, like in the movie "Bug's Life." Because there really are more good people than bad.

[beth]

16.

i hear you on the 1) appearance 2) sexual threat pattern. it helped me drop a lot of baggage when i realized that most of the time, people (at least in person--the internet's a whole different ball game) generally don't bring out the fat insults unless something *else* has happened to make things hostile between us. then that's just the easiest thing to go to. it also helps to know that even if i was skinny, they'd probably still call me fat, just because they know it bothers most women.

of course, the fact that derogatory comments about appearance (a reminder that your "real" worth lies there) and threats of sexual violence (a reminder that you can be forced if necessary) are among common male responses to rejection and / or being bested at something by a female, is a completely separate and still disturbing issue...

17.

Love the addendum article-now we know why there's an option "c" in the "ABC", huh? As to closing down on prostitution...well now, you know the old saying "Do as i say, not as I do, right? ;-) Which party do you think invented it??? ;-)

[SarahD]

18.

I've rarely gotten any comments on my blog, and none violent, but I wanted to agree about the pattern you mentioned. I taught high school about 8 years ago and ran into a male student who thought I was too young and not as smart as him, so he acted out that pattern with me, including drawing up a very elaborate death list of teachers and how he would kill them, mine being a particularly violent and sexual one. He was only 15, so I wonder how he knew to follow that pattern? Instinctively knowing women's weakness regarding their appearance and sexuality as a means to shutting them up? Example from older men?

Having that illustrated so vibrantly at 22 definitely alerted me to it in other instances. It is always the same. You said it very well.

[Diane]

19.

I have tried four times now to create a post that sounds even a little bit coherent. After much deleting I think I will just leave it as: thank you for directing me to such enlightening articles.
Sadly, my brain is not at 100% today and I will have to leave it at that.

[Celeste]

20.

Just catching up here; I love the video!!! You do have a great voice--very melodious.

I missed the backlash post, but I think sometimes you just have to walk away from the haters. Just because they say stuff doesn't make it true or right. Know they're wrong and go forward, joyfully.

[AmyinMotown]

21.

I haven't been harrassed on my blog, but was on an online infertility message board for a long time. Soem bitch decided she didn't like me and would call me fat at every opportunity (I think there may have been ONE picture ever I posted of myself) and also that I am a bad mother. I think she may have followed me over to a couple of blogs, but she's mostly just annoying and pathetic, not threatening.

On the video post--not to make this all about appearance but wow you are gorgeous! And so clearly in love with Tori. I kind of have a friendcrush now....

[birdie]

22.

Lol- thanks for editing to add that link. I guess 'massages' fall under the B for Be Faithful? Who knew?!

[Amy]

23.

Did I mention this week that I love you, you seem to think what I think but say it so much better.
Heres one of my favorites: http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/11/02/haggard.allegations/index.html?eref=rss_topstories
A man who had a huge part of keeping gay marriage illegal, found to have been having a long term relationship with a gay prostitute. (who by the way is so hot I would do him, wrapped in plastic)
Another fav: Anti abortion folks so no abortions no matter what, give for adoption instead. Birth mothers and children say adoption is bad, support the mother so she can keep the baby. Someone better fix the foster care system quick because thats where all the no longer cute kids wind up!

[Christy]

24.

I've lived in Mississippi my whole life, except for a brief time in Kentucky for grad school. For about a year I lived in the Mississippi Delta region, one of the poorest parts of the entire country, and almost moved out of state after that experience. Its hard to convey the absolute poverty that affects many, and the total disregard much of the culture has for those people.

As to the issue of Mississippi having the lowest abortion rate, that is due to the fact that the only abortion clinic is in Jackson, the state capitol. Most of the hospitals in the state have denominational oversight (Baptist Hostpial, St. Dominics which is catholic, etc.)
Many doctors won't perform abortions because if its found out they will likely get harassed or boycotted or even fired, even if they aren't doing it in at a hospital (a few years ago a doctor was traveling to Mobile to work a few hours a week at an abortion clinic, when this was discovered he was actually fired by the hospital at which he worked).

Mississippi has a low abortion rate because poor people can't afford to take days off work to travel to Jackson, or can't afford to travel to Jackson at all. Most of the women I know that I've spoken with about this say they would travel to Memphis or New Orleans instead of Jackson.

I don't really know where I was going with this, but I wanted you to know that this scares the hell out of me.

[Christy]

25.

I forgot to say that I only figured all this out a couple of years ago, when I moved and started searching for a new OB-GYn. I wanted a doctor that would give me a D&C, D&X, or whatever I would need, if I ever needed it, and not send me to a distant city because they weren't allowed to do it. Haven't been able to find one, btw.

[RainbowW]

26.

how funny that people tried to pick up overweight women in bars. i picked up mine on an internet dating service. (www.matchmaker.com) ... go figure.

i didn't try to grab her tits tho. she took my hand and placed it there herself. way to get a man's attention. why aren't more women that forward?

[R]

27.

I finally had a chance to watch your video post and it was delightful. Let's hang out! (jk--not trying to be creepy, promise :) ) I love how happy you look, just being with Tori!

less happily, I think there is still an appalling amount of sexism and misogyny abroad these days...as a grad student and TA, I (and my friends) have encountered them in various situations and to greater or lesser degrees from both profs and students. And yeah, anonymity certainly makes it easy to be a shithead w/o consequences. Sigh.

[anam]

28.

well i've had a week of it becuase i posted some negataive ocmments abotu a recent 'earth friendly' event i went too and so far i've had people who say they are hard core vegans and all abotu saving the plant threaten me with violence becuas eof my perosnal option. I am forever getting the the 'you'll get pregnant if you were so fat' comment son my blog and often that i'm a bitch becuase i am overweight aswell.. hohums. none of ti stops me from posting but soemtimes i do worry about some fo the nut jobs.

[wookie]

29.

I don't know if it's a gender based trick of argument/agression or not, but it is definately a VERY common one I see men use. I don't know if I'd call it blame shifting, but it's definately a deflection, a redirection, an absolute staunch refusal to accept any portion of "Hmm, maybe it's me/my fault".

Like the adulterer that says "Well, if you don't trust me than that's your problem. It's not my fault that you're so damaged that you can't even trust the person you made a lifelong commitment too. There's obviously something wrong with you."

Sometimes it's subtle, sometimes it's overt. But I think human interactions are based on power, and convincing others that you have more than they do. I'm smarter, stronger, prettier, more money, more humble, more successfull, a better parent, more perceptive, more forgiving, more holy, etc. etc. etc.

In our particular culture, it is very much obvious that men are conditioned that they are more powerful than ANY woman, and therefore entitled to a great many things, by default.

Has it affected me online? No, but I post with a very masculine sounding nick. It has affected me in nearly every aspect of my dealings with men over the years, professionaly and personally.

[The Bitter Historian]

30.

I run a tiny little blog, wherein all I do is talk about my experience in my university, living in Scotland, what the history department is like. Stuff like that. It's a very small audience, but hey, people from university read it. I had it anonymous out of choice.

I wrote about the studebnt body elections, my thoughts on the candidates, swiftly followed by a post about people who talked all the way through a lecture. Immediately afterwards, I started recieving quite nasty comments. I was expected people to disagree, particularly about the election one, but I got comments along the lines of 'I bet a mate you're minging' (English slang for, essentially, being ugly) and so on and so forth - all from men. Not insulting my intelligence, not debating my points with me, simply just insulting me about my looks.

Why is it still thought that the best way to criticise a woman is through her looks? Are we still considered to be so intellectually feeble?

(Luckily I got some very supportive comments. Which made me less afraid to go the lectures. I'm still a little cautious about posting anything controversial, though.)

[Anne]

31.

Ugh. I don't blog, so I haven't gotten online harrassment, but man--even in this day and age, it never goes away, it seems. One of my favorite incidents was at a bar where a guy, obviously drunk, started to hit on me, and began the interaction by slinging his arm around my shoulder. I extricated myself, said, "Um, let's start again--my name is Anne, what's your name?" He refused to shake my outstretched hand, then stated, "Oh, that's so sad, who did that to you?" in a fake concerned voice, meaning that I had obviously been abused in the past and that was the reason I didn't want PDA with a man I just met two seconds ago (it had nothing about his being drunk and not all that attractive, of course!) Guess I have to give him kudos for being more creative than just calling me an ugly bitch...

I was interested that one of the comments mentioned that men will sometimes call women fat even if they are not, since it is such a hot-button issue in our society. When I was 14, I was 5'7" tall and weighed 112 pounds--and I clearly remember a boy leaning over to me in class and whispering about how fat I was. Now, there were a lot of accusations about my appearance that he COULD have leveled that would have hurt (such as that I had a horrible perm at the time or that my teeth were crooked), but I knew very well that I was not fat, and I just stared at him in bewilderment. Apparently that was a good response, because he turned away and never f---ed with me again.

[CharmingDriver]

32.

As the mother of one of those ''Mississippi statistics'' babies, I can say for sure and certain that most of the problem is that MS lost record numbers of Ob/Gyns due to skyrocketing malpractice insurance costs in the late 90s early 00s. The few left prior to Katrina have since found themselves even more stretched.

As has been mentioned already, the situation is most dire in the Delta which is only a small part of the state as a whole but the poverty is breath-taking and abject.

The limited number of abortions is also, has been mentioned, due to the availability, or rather the lack thereof as Jackson (150 north of the Coast and 200 miles south of Memphis/North MS). It's not a situation exclusive to MS as abortion providers are scarce in other areas but the difference is, I think, the lack of resources to travel and the logistics involved are overwhelming.

Also, the medical care, specifically pre-natal, situation on the Coast is horrifying post-Katrina. I know it's a downer and people tend to cringe and look away when Katrina is mentioned in any context that doesn't include New Orleans but again, as the mother of a mortality, I know from which I speak.

[MLO]

33.

I haven't gotten harassed on my blog (yet), but I've been online since the days of USENET. Kathy Sierra comes across to most of us old fogeys as fanning the flames of a fire.

Have I had my life threatened online?
Yep. But they thought I was a guy. When they found out I was a woman, they added to it. I told them that their imagination was lacking and ignored them therein.

If I ever thought I was in any real danger from an online threat, this is what I would do:
Step 1: Contact my ISP and/or Hosting Service for records.
Step 2: Instruct them as to what is happening and ask for their Abuse / TOS (Terms of Service) police - they all have that - to start an investigation.
Step 3: If I thought it was really, really serious, I would contact the police to have a complaint in place in case I found out who it was in order to facilitate a restraining order.
Step 4: If the guy can be tracked down - the majority are wannabes who can be - I would ask that charges be pressed in their jurisdiction, if possible. If not, I would work to get their IP origination blacklisted with everyone.

I would not publicize it to everyone and their blogosphere or media brother.

Now, I have an advantage in being an old Internet fogey. I'm a veteran of flame wars that make the latest blogosphere nonsense seem like a schoolyard tussle. What do I mean? Think warez and worms that could infect your computer being targeted directly at you. Think email spoofing with detrimental effects to you and your career. I won't go much further since I don't want any script kiddies to get any more ideas than they already have.

Sorry, Sierra et al don't impress us old-timers much.

I'm trying to convince my DH - a networking security expert - to do a guest blog on this. (How to protect oneself online.) He is slowly wearing down.

As to MS, I don't know enough about their situation to comment.

[Tiffany]

34.

hey cec - you know, it's funny that you posted about the violent blog comments. i just had a friend who had to take her blog down due to a hateful and rather persistent cyber stalker. the stalker even had gall to post my friend's real name (full name -first and last) and a pic of her and her husband on an on anonymous blog. seems like no big deal, right? except the fact that my friend was deliberately trying to remain anonymous, as many blog authors do. me? hell, i'm an open book but i realize there are certain dangers in doing so. fortunately, i have been blessed with awesome readers. thus far, i have only received positive and/or insightful comments and have made friends with many of my blog readers. we email back and forth and even talk on the phone. i've found the blogging community to be a rather warm, friendly place and i'm sorry there are those out there who've experienced otherwise. as far as someone calling you horrible names..well fuck them. you are an amazing person and are beautiful inside and out as well as a talented writer. envy make a-many "green monsters" i suppose...

btw, i LOVE your new profile pic!!! :)