Sleep, oh glorious sleep... I remember you well, my friend.

It's now 1:38 pm, and Tori has been up since 7 am, and she will. not. sleep. Every time I've tried to put her down she screams bloody murder until her face puffs up.

This has never happened before.

Combine this with the fact that for nearly a week now I have slipped back into my pattern of not sleeping myself and you have one very messed up household. Lately I've been going to bed at midnight, reading until 1 am, then tossing and turning until around 4am. Tori has been, blessedly, sleeping until 9 am or so most days, and Charlie has been nice enough to let me sleep in sometimes while he gives her breakfast.

But I'm starting to feel like a bit of a wreck. I've tried everything--every drug that helps--and no drugs. I've tried napping, and not napping. I've tried getting up and working. Nothing works.

I'm also getting paranoid. Earlier this week my main contact at the new job was busy for a bit and I managed to decide that the new job hated me and wasn't going to use my services anymore. In about two and a half seconds, I managed to do that. Instead, of course, he was just BUSY. With HIS job. Cause I'm an idiot.

It's all because I haven't slept.

Adding to the craziness is the fact that things are breaking around us. The downstairs air conditioner (it's a giant window unit) died. We had someone come out and look at it, and it's dead dead dead (I know, we should have just known that, but it was worth checking. It used to be a great air conditioner). Luckily, the weather is being fucking bizarre around these parts (first we had beautiful warm sunny days that managed to always cloud up and begin raining RIGHT when the pool opened at 4 pm, and now it's like 62 degrees for some fucking reason. And cloudy. The pool, by the way, will start opening at 11 am next week. It's because all the lifeguards are all 12 years old and are still in school).

I believe that might be the worst, and most confusing, paragraph I've ever written. But I'm too tired to try to fix it now.

I just have to mention this, by the way: Jay Jay The Jet Plane? Fucking freaky as SHIT.

Besides the air conditioner, the car is making weird noises again. Charlie and I differ on how to deal with this. Because I've been poor my whole life and have always had piece of shit cars, I figure if a car with 140,000 miles on it squeaks now and again, no big deal. Charlie has the opposite reaction--he believes if the car is making a noise, it means that we will all soon die in a fiery crash and it must be fixed NOW.

You can imagine how much fun we have around that issue.

Anyway.

Hopefully I will sleep soon. I believe that one of two things are going on; a) I've become a crazed anxiety-ridden lunatic who will never sleep again or b) my body is trying to resort to its favorite sleeping schedule now that I'm not working--going to bed around 3 am and getting up at 10 am. This schedule doesn't really work with a baby, though.

So I guess I'm going to go the opposite direction and start going to bed at 9 pm for a few days. Maybe at least then I'll sleep a bit.

Sigh.

I'm going to try to get the baby to sleep. I'm seriously considering resorting to some *benadryl at this point. But first we'll try nursing and lying down on my bed. Luckily, my mother is babysitting this afternoon (we're gonna catch a movie matinee) so we can foist her off on someone else*. Heh.

*I would never be that mean, either to Tori or my mom. Kidding.

____________________________________

Thanks for the great tips on my last post. You all seem to be pretty much on the same page. I have to say, I think I gave the wrong impression too--I don't really get all that frustrated with Tori when she acts up. I'm not sure why, but I seem to have an immense well of patience when it comes to Tori--during the day time. When she refuses to sleep in the middle of the night (this happens rarely, thank god), I sometimes lose my cool. :)

Comments

[Naomi]

maybe she has an ear infection? those things are weird sometimes.... good luck!

[Abigail]

Could be an ear infection, could be generalized baby insanity. Sometimes if they have an ear infection lying down hurts and they let you know.

Re you, I'm sorry. I struggle with sleep too and having a baby has made it worse. Part of me is always alert, even in sleep. It gets better though.

Ok, I'm going to nag you about something. Don't be overly grateful to Charlie when he takes Tori duty. I don't mean be ungrateful, just that Charlie taking care of his daughter shouldn't be extraordinary or a favor to you. My husband is a true co-parent with me and I'm getting so tired of people telling me how lucky I am and what a great dad he is. He IS a great dad, but he isn't doing any more than women have always done with little or no praise or gratitude. We need to start just expecting that men will do this with or without a pat on the back. Like we do.

[Celeste]

I'm with the others that it couldn't hurt to get the ears looked into if she screams when she's put down.

I hear you on the car thing. In our case it's me who wants it looked at and DH who rationalizes it away. All I have to say is that having a breakdown and getting stranded somewhere is a hell of a lot worse of an inconvenience when there's a baby or child in the car. It's definitely worth trying to avoid. Preach over! LOL

I hope Tori gets back in the groove of sleeping soon! It'll mess you up, I know! I resorted to Benadryl a couple of times and the aftermath at least one time was a bloody nose that made the crib look like something out of CSI. Another time the nose didn't happen until a day or so later. Granted these were both during dry winter nights, but for us it worked out to be too big of a risk factor. There's nothing like doing triage on a self-inflicted problem to make you feel like a crap mom! Luckily most families don't experience this problem.

[Whitney]

Wow, that is a freaky post above mine!

Jay the jet plane is a freak.

And I agree on the ears.....did they check her ears at her last appointment?

[AmyinMotown]

In re: the above:

The Fuck?

Anywho, let me be the millionth to also suggest an ear infection. We were going through this with Maggie when she was right about Tori's age, she had what we thought was a cold and would not sleep (and same deal, she would SCREAM when put down). I thought it couldn't be an ear infection because she didn't have a fever. She might also be getting molars--we just went through the two year molar thing and it was HELL, and I remember the one year ones not being so great.

As for you--it's quite likely you will crash and burn when Tori's sleep improves and sort of reset your clock. Other than that, I can onnly offer commiseration. I was NEVER especially insomniac before I had Maggie and now I don't sleep well very often. Damn kids :-).

[Martha]

So, if it isn't an opinion, I'm guessing she's just like Abby and all of the sudden my mellow baby has an OPINION! and that OPINION is! SHE WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS SLEEPING NONSENSE!!!

I think it's normal for their age.

[Diane]

My tip to get some sleep?
Read the bible. I don't mean read Genesis or Esther or Acts or anything that has is interesting or has a storyline - I'm talking about reading the book of Kings. You want to talk about monotonous! Your brain will definitely start to shut down and take sleep over that anyday!

[Michele]

Ditto x 5,000 on the ear infection thing. That was my first thought. It's worth checking out.

Hope you are able to sleep soon!

[jennyg]

Yeah teething.

But, your baby has always slept SO MUCH BETTER than mine who is amost 15 months, that it isn't funny. She won't go down till 9pm, wakes up at 11, wakes up at 4 for a full feeding and is hell to get back down to bed, wakes up at 7am. And she will only nurse to sleep for a nap at 1pm, and sometimes she only sleeps for 40 minutes, and THAT IS ALL. She's the worst sleeper in the world. So I don't have as much pity for you as I might. Sometimes they don't sleep well- don't drug her up becuase she was bad at taking a nap ONCE! Ours is like that every single day.

[Jen]

I've had insomnia for years. I suffer from anxiety and depression. The wonderful side effect of exercise is that it is a release valve. I just keep walking until I'm so tired that I can't think of anything else except finishing my time on the treadmill. All the other issues just get pounded to the ground underneath my feet. If I'm still upset, then I just keep right on walking.

Then when I go to bed at night I sleep like a baby. It's a miracle! I also feel loads better,and last but not least my appetite is supressed. I wish I had discovered it years ago.

[Jodes]

all the ear infection talk sounds totally possible. also, was tori taking two naps a day? when my son transitioned from two naps to one, he did it right at a year, and he did it with great drama. we had several days of screaming and crying. i moved to just trying to put him down after lunch and after a few more days of fun and games he settled in to that routine. of course, now he is almost three and trying to toss the nap altogether-oy! good luck.

[jennyg]

I forgot more assvice :).

I am also a horrible sleeper, just like you. But I started doing something (in addition to exercise): I take a very small dose of melatonin (1/4 of a 1mg pill) 1.5 hours before bed (it takes that long to kick in). It REALLY HELPS! Wikipedia it if you're interested. Only, when the baby wakes us up at 4am, I often have a tough time getting back to sleep, unless I take another one which takes some time to work. One can obtain sublingual melatonin that works almost instantly (I'll be looking for that soon).

I totally second the commenter that switching from two naps a day to one is hard, but that's where Tori is at right now, and it's appropriate behavior to be squirrley during the transition- but things will settle down after it. Just try to follow good sleep hygiene and she'll settle back down. You were blessed with such a long stretch of her sleeping well that you're not used to this now :)

[melodym]

To improve your own sleep you might try finding a water aerobics class. It has a number of advantages over "land" aerobics. The buoyancy of the water makes it low impact, while you can adjust the degree of water resistance to suit your needs. The ungainly look just like the gainly, plus everyone looks skinny underwater because of refraction!

[melodym]

To improve your own sleep you might try finding a water aerobics class. It has a number of advantages over "land" aerobics. The buoyancy of the water makes it low impact, while you can adjust the degree of water resistance to suit your needs. The ungainly look just like the gainly, plus everyone looks skinny underwater because of refraction!

[baseballmom]

I too have trouble sleeping. I have to take 1 tylenol pm, and that helps. Two makes me feel drugged the next morning. Charlie sounds like Husband with the car thing...he had a tantrum last weekend because we didn't have $800 for a brake job for which he got ONE estimate. He is mad that I suggested another couple of estimates and so comes out with stuff like, "Okay, but if we don't take care of this NOW, it's gonna get worse and cost more...plus if I get in a wreck with it, their insurance company could sue us and take our house." WTF? He is so dramatic.

[Rachel]

Have you had your thyroid checked recently? My insomnia was due to graves' disease, a form of hyperthyroidism.

[Rayne of Terror]

ear infection

[Julie]

Check for teeth first - that seems to be Dylan's #1 sleep issue.

Look on craigslist for air conditioners. Check the "free" section first (yes, people just give them away) and then the for sale section. Worse case - they were fairly inexpensive at BJ's.

As one insomniac to another - let me know when you find a "cure".

[Kim]

Maybe she is having some kind of reaction to the immunizations?

Just a thought.

Hope the sleepies come visit real soon.

[Spacemom]

Tori: Some assvice? There is a 12 month growth spurt. That or teething or an ear infection (unlikely since you just saw the doc) or a milestone could do the sleep thing.

For you? set an alarm and get your body back on the stupid morning schedule. I hate doing it, but I have to somedays.

For the a/c? Craigslist..check free and also put an ad on WANTED. You never know!

[trishka]

we're going through the same thing w/ our little guy - he's 13.5 months old and has always been a star sleeper. two things that others mentioned above ~ he's transitioning from 2 naps/day to 1 AND getting his 1 year molars. check her gums, if they're swollen up like ping pong balls then teething is your culprit.

we use orajel & tylenol, FWIW in the *vice department.

[RainbowW]

benadryl is a good thing and you should keep it handy for these kinds of emergencies. in my family, it's a tradition stretching back to the days when benadryl was a prescription medication.

[karen]

I stumbled upon your blog by googling "birth control +sleep." I know this post is old, but I feel your pain--I hope you are getting sleep. I am NOT. I, too, read, toss & turn for a few hours, read again, etc. I have a prescription for Lunesta and it's the only thing that works. Even benadryl doesn't work anymore. But I don't want to have to take Lunesta forever--my intention was to "get back on track." Didn't work--I just can't sleep without it. Horrible feeling! I often try to sleep without it, and go through life in a sleep-deprived haze. I, too, have a one-year-old, so the 3 am to 10 am sleep schedule doesn't work! You're not alone.