Sexism, TV, and I'm Glad I Live in This Era (even with George Bush)

Lately Charlie and I have been scouring the bottom of the barrel for stuff to watch on TV (ah, summer), and as a result have become fans of the new AMC show Mad Men. The show had created a lot of buzz (particularly on NPR--you could practically hear the cream hitting the jeans during the reviews). I thought I'd missed it, but thanks to the advent of our cable's "on demand" service, we've been able to watch the show from the beginning.

Charlie has always been fascinating by other eras, and Mad Men perfectly captures the officeplace of the late 1950's in Manhattan--and since Charlie's parents met in a very similar situation (finance, though, not advertising), he's riveted by the show. There are some very funny moments--in one scene, two kids are playing and one little girl is wearing a dry cleaning bag. Upon seeing this her mother calls her over and says, "Missy, if the dry cleaning that was in that bag is all over the closet floor, you are in serious trouble." Then she sends her off to go suffocate (ok, the little girl doesn't suffocate, but you get my meaning). It really reflects the many changes in attitudes over the last 50 years.

I like the show as well, but sometimes it can be a bit hard to take. First off, the smoking... oh my god, no television show or movie has made me want to start smoking again more (it's been over nine years since I quit). Lord, do they ever smoke (as EVERYONE did back then). Secondly, the drinking. On the second episode one of the characters sips his drink and then glances at his glass and says, "There you are." I could practically taste it. It's amazing these people have time to eat what with the drink in one hand and the cigarette in the other.

But the biggest problem I have with the show is the fucking sexism. It's not being deliberately misogynistic--not at all. It is merely accurately portraying what it was like for women at that time in history. It is damned painful to watch as the women are belittled, harassed, and betrayed routinely. In the second episode, the wife of the main character goes to a psychiatrist due to "nerves" (she has a lot of anxiety about things like, oh, her husband cheating on her). After her first appointment, her husband calls the psychiatrist to discuss her case. Ye gods.

Watching the show has led to some interesting discussions between Charlie and I. Because of his fascination with past eras (particularly the 1930's and 40's), he often feels he was born at the wrong time. He was genuinely surprised when I said that there is no other era in which I would want to be a woman than the one I'm in now--in fact, I wouldn't mind being a woman 50 years from now if the trends of the last thirty years continued (the last eight years notwithstanding). I know that I have had it better than my mother did, and Tori will have it even better than I did (God willing).

Charlie actually tried to argue the point with me a bit. But for God's sake--it's been less than 100 years since we've been allowed to vote. My grandmother had to quit her successful teaching career to raise her kids (although she returned to it later). My mother had difficulty opening a checking account after her divorce (in 1970) without a signature from either her husband or father. In eight grade, I was told by my (female) teacher that I was breaking the law by having my mother's maiden name and not my father's name (she was very, very wrong). When I took Driver's Ed in high school (in 1984),  my teacher (a man) told us matter-of-factly that women were terrible drivers. Until the Clarence Thomas senate confirmation hearings, no one talked about sexual harassment, except to dismiss it as being "no big deal." Sexism has still been alive and thriving in my lifetime.

It's funny to me that Sarah's daughter, who is 11 now, will have little sense of this (although body facism has gotten worse for her, I think--but that's another entry). This is even more true for Tori. What's even more amazing is that there is a chance that Tori will never know a world that didn't have a female president of the United States. Can you imagine? I mean, my mother told me that I could become president when I grew up--but Tori might actually believe it.

Of course, the issues surrounding choice in the last ten years have set us back considerably. After all, they are now trying to pass laws demanding that the biological father of a child has to give permission for a pregnancy termination. While on the face of it that might not sound so bad; but imagine if Charlie were a different man and insisted that his son's life was of more value than mine and refused to give permission to terminate my pregnancy with the twins? Well, I sure as hell wouldn't be writing this entry today, now would I?

I'm hardly happy with the current status of women's rights; I mean, I would have LOVED the Equal Rights Amendment to pass back in 1983.  I would feel much better about the world Tori is going to grow up in if that had become law. But even so, I'm so glad I wasn't born in an earlier, more restrictive era. I mean, after all, think of the trouble I would have gotten into back then!

Comments

[Dave]

I like watching Mad Men, but haven't decided if i actually like the show itself.

Like Charlie, I feel a lot of the time I was born too late. I agree with your observation of how the women are portrayed... there's more cringe-inducing moments than an episode of The Office.

The smoking and drinking cracks me up... you know cigarettes were GOOD for you back then! I get the feeling as the show develops something bad is going to happen to the main guy.

[Sheri]

that show sounds good - I'm going to have to watch it sometime. I'm missing having a show to watch each week now that Sopranos is gone.

[Libby]

I have been totally fascinated with this show, as well. There's just something about it that sucks you in. Gotta love the sweet blonde wife, the worldly dark haired mistress, and the gorgeous Jewish client that he makes out with, all on the same day. Crikey.

[Vixannewigg]

This post is funny to me because I was writing about Man Men the other day. Except that I am sort of jealous of the lackadaisical attitude toward mothering portrayed in the show. It's like the kids fit in your life-not the other way around. (Although I don't really believe that was true, even then.)

I love all the smoking. God, I miss smoking.

[Tine]

Amen, sister!

I would have been thrown in an institution, arrested, ostracized, and/or ruined in so many other ways if I'd been born just a couple of decades earlier. I have ZERO tolerance for disrespect and stupidity and can't stop myself from speaking up! Of course, I could still be arrested for my political leanings....

Oh, and hello again (*waving*). I haven't commented for a really long time, though I've been reading your blog religiously for a couple of years now!

[Diane]

My only problem with shows like this is that I always feel that they are trying to manipulate you into thinking a certain way. I mean, I realize all shows are trying to manipulate you one or another but I get irritated when I watch a show and I start thinking, "Oh - that was really horrible the way they said to that woman, 'oh-great job! One day you might be able to be secretary to the CEO'. -I guess this is where they are letting us know how horrible women had it." - Wait this is a bad example, this makes it sound like I think women really didn't have it bad. How about this example, A few seasons ago on 24 they had a lawyer from Amnesty International show up and get a "known" terrorist off on a technicality; thus letting us all know that Amnesty International will help terrorists whenever possible.
I can't stand when tv shows make everything seem so cut and dry. Like there is no middle ground on anything: No woman ever succeeded because of sexism in the 60's, Amnesty International is a horrible organization....blah blah blah. Things are more complex than that and while I realize it is only an hour long drama I just wish that these topics could delve in a little deeper.
And everyone gets my sarcasm with the above two generalizations, right?

[Molly]

Cec, thanks for continuing to say it right out loud. I've been talking with two men friends about these studies (links below). They indicate that not only am I not allowed to ask for what I'm worth in the workplace, but then I can't get angry about being screwed over either. And my friends, normally supportive, understanding, especially liberal guys in their late 30s, are befuddled at my outrage. One even said something to the effect that "that workplace battle was over long ago for women." The kicker? These are two gay men, who, you would think, might understand a little bit better about quiet discrimination.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20030873/?GT1=10150

http://www.philly.com/inquirer/business/20070806_Conference_treats_all_angles_of_workplace.html

[Janice]

Your statement about your Grandmother having to quit teaching to raise her children reminded me of my Aunt telling me how she wore a GIRDLE WHILE PREGNANT with her first child so she could teach that year. Pregnancy insinuated having sex, and that was taboo in the school system at the time. God, can you imagine?? They'd have shot me already if I lived in that era.

[victoria]

I *KNOW*. I just saw episode two last night and the scene with the dry cleaning bag slayed me.

[Wabi]

This show is a new favorite of mine, too ...

As a woman I love the style of fifties stuff: the colors, the clothing, and the cars all float my boat. But living in the 50s? No thanks! I like my bars smoke free and my men ready and willing to change diapers!

[Abigail]

I need to check that show out. If you like laywer-esque stuff Damages is nasty fun - Glenn Close and Ted Danson chewing scenery.

Even the coolest, most evolved men on some level don't get it. You know I'm a big Charlie fan so this isn't a slam on him. As a white person, I don't get racism. I can understand it intellectually, I can work to overcome it in myself and call it out when I see it, but I can't know what it is to live it. For women there are no "good old days" only bad ones. Even the clothes were more oppressive. Though you're right about body image.

If we look at the situation for women globally we have a hell of a long way to go.

[bh]

i agree...i am facinated with the show and Tivo it every week...but i am so glad i am not living in that time period....i remember parts of it as i was a young girl then...parents went to the weekend cocktail parties...everyone smoked....had several maritinis at lunch...it was all part of the norm...i remember my dad sending me across the street from his office to get cigarettes for him out of the vending machine...for 35 cents a pack..and it was an honor to run that errand for him!
the plastic bag scene made me gasp! i will continue to watch and be glad i'm living my adult life NOW!!!!

[Sarah]

My Mom has some great working-girl stories from that era and beyond. My favorite is how scandalous it was when the "girls" wanted to wear pantsuits. Or justifying paying a woman less because she "didn't have a family to support." FWIW I really enjoy Mad Men.

[porter]

The show sounds interesting although I won't be watching it....I'm trying to stay away from tv as much as I can so I don't become stuck on any other shows.

I enjoyed this post. I find it easy at time to take for granted some of my freedoms as a woman.

[amy]

Rarely watch tv but that show sounds worth watching, even just once. Hilarious about the dry cleaning bag.

[Kristin]

Heh - haven't seen the show, but it reminds me of my mom talking about how she was given a hard time while trying to open a department store credit card: they wanted my dad's name and information, even though she was the one trying to open the account. And this was in the 70's.

Somebody (akeeyu?) recently did a post collecting comments/stories along these lines - people who keep asking women for their husbands when discussing the car, or the plumbing, or the finances, etc. The stories that are coming up now, 2007, today...are mind-boggling.

[Hetty_Fauxvert]

I grew up in Texas, back when dinosaurs roamed the earth (let's just say that I *remember* public prayer in the schools!), and it was a hotbed of anti-female discrimination, yessirree. For some reason, the one incident that really ticked me off as a kid was when I was informed that girls couldn't run the projector at school -- only boys could do that. On account of their superior engineering and intellectual abilities, no doubt. Ye gods.

[Debbie from South Georgia]

I haven't seen the show, I will have to check it out.

What you are saying about the dry cleaning bag reminds me of how I felt watching "A Christmas Story" when the parents left the kids in the line to see Santa while they finished up thier shopping, I could have screamed!!!

Funny how times change!

[Shara]

I had a similar conversation with my SO the other night. We were in a speakeasy style bar - kerosene lamps, old jazz music, old fashioned cocktails - and he said "Imagine we go outside and it's 1924..." I laughed "No thanks!" Sorry to ruin his attempt at a romantic moment, but there is no way in hell I can even fantasize about it in some sort of sexy way.

[chrystal]

I've only seen a piece of one episode of Mad Men. The show looks great, but egads the overt sexism. One of the women (new hire) goes to get birth control pills. (Scene spoiler) The first thing the doc does when he walks in is light a cigarette. And from there a condescending discussion about her not being married and how he will take the pills away if she doesn't behave properly.

I was very active in my church's youth group when I was in high school. I thought my youth pastor was the greatest and what a great job it was to work with kids. Perhaps it would be something I would want to do as a career. I was told by one of the lay people, that I wouldn't be able to get a youth pastor job, because I was a girl. Maybe I could marry one and be involved that way... This was in the 80's.

I have to agree, I wouldn't want to visit a past era for more than an hour.

[kheatherg]

As a female, i will tell you that I also, think i was born too late.

Usually I suppose, you hear the men say it, but i would love to "go back". I think its great how far women have come and AMEN! and GREAT! and all that, but i personally, would have been ok with how it was years ago. (I'm talking early 1930-40's)

Sometimes in todays day and age, because somehow i ended up being such a strong person with strong ideas and opinions, I think i overwhelm myself and maybe its some sorta illusion to wish i could just simply cook and clean and tend to my awesome husband, and not feel like i have such a strong opinion, but sometimes, in this day and age, it gets damn hard to manage SOOOOOOO much.
(I cook, clean, work full time, raise 4 kids, and have a mouth on me that i can easily be ashamed of) I just feel like life today is hard and things just seem simplistic back them. Who knows, i'm no historian.

No flaming...... just MY personal little ole opinion.

[Tiffany]

Another time, another era. It is interesting to watch movies and TV shows from oh so long ago. A few months ago my husband found an attic in our garage. The previous owner had lived in the house for years (20 plus) well he found a box of old Playboys - 1950's, 60's and 70's. I enjoyed reading through them because the times have changed a ton.

[Foster]

One thing I would have, for sure, LOVED about living "back then": right now, instead of having to work, I would be a housewife. I wouldnt have to wait until I had a baby to "justify" not working and taking care of my house and husband, which is something Id love to do. And I wouldnt have to worry that my first baby would have to go to daycare b/c society would be set up so that dh would already make enough to support his family. Back then, you had to explain why you worked if you were a married woman; now people think all housewives do is sit on their asses and watch tv. You are considered to be a lazy freak. My desire is not to be out in the working world, it is to be working in my home. Fuck you, progression.

[Auburn]

Oh I LOOOOVE that show. It is hard to watch some of those scenes though. So many films and TV shows just gloss over the sexism and racism of past eras. It is nice to see someone address them head on without actually being preachy about it. They just show it which I think that's enough.

They actually film it in the building where I work so I get to see them shooting random scenes every once in a while. I think the art direction, costumes, make-up and hair are amazing.

And I completely agree...it is easy to be nostalgic about the past if you are a white man. For a person of color or a woman it is a bit more complicated than the whole "simpler times" thing.

Just a comment on Foster's comment above.... While it would be nice to know that a husband could make enough to take care of a family on one salary... being a housewife of the past isn't anything I can imgine being nostalgic for. I have a great picture of my great-grandmother bent over the washing tub in the backyard with the blur of one of her 9 children (4 of whom didn't survive childhood, oh, and the birth of the last one killed her) wizzing by in the backround. Talk about back breaking work! Not exactly a lot of liesure time or time to hang out and play with the kids in the park. And while the kids most certainly weren't in daycare, they were pretty much left to themselves or in the care of older children who had no say in the matter most of the day. Until they dropped out of school and got jobs at 16 that is. The basic job of cooking, cleaning and child rearing in the era before dishwashers, refrigerators, washing machines, swiffer wet jet mops or disposable diapers took up far more time than a 9-5 job. No thank you! I'll take my cushy office job and great daycare for my kids any day over that life. I might be busier than I would like and it sure would be nice to simplify my life but I don't want to get so simple that I have to hand wash diapers in a giant metal tub! But then again...I HATE cleaning and could take or leave the cooking part So the idea of it being my sole responsibility and full time job sounds like hell on earth to me.

Now I'm sure being a white, affluent 1950's houswife would be a lot easier than that but it sure would suck not to have any choice in the matter at all.

[Get Fit, Get Healthy, Live Happy]

I watch the cooking channel when cannot find something or HGTV and dream of things I probably will never do to my house.

As for misogyny - for each and every show that you have a woman degraded, I will show you a misandric commercial or TV program where men, specially father and husband figures are degraded.

As for the law "demanding that the biological father of a child has to give permission for a pregnancy termination" - you are stretching it a bit.

There are provisions for rape, incest, medical needs, etc.

Take a step back. See if you can be in a father's shoes for just a wee second.

If a man has no right to voice their point what so ever, for or against an abortion, what right does a woman have to collect child support? Are you saying that if a man has sex for an hour - wears a condom that she game him (put pinned it first), and she reassures him that she is on the pill (yet she never took it), he has no right to object to carrying the child to full term - thereby binding him for at least 18 years?

In the same fashion, if they get married, agreeing to have children, yet she continues to have abortions, what rights does he has?

Men, despite what many think, has less legal rights, and more obligations when it comes to fatherhood.

There is a difference between equality and domineering.