Mulling Things Over, and Having a Pity Party: Join me?

I know I haven't been blogging much lately. A lot of that is because I haven't been feeling well; I'm still fighting off this damn cold (seriously, still tons of coughing and green snot after more than three weeks and one course of antibiotics; but at least the antibiotics stopped the spiking fevers). Also, my cycle has been such that I'm in peak migraine country these days; I had a migraine every day last week. Toss in the fact that my stupid doctor's office wasn't calling in my prescription refills to my pharmacy (they drive me crazy), and I therefore I spent the week having to ration out my (mostly ineffective) medication, you can guess it was a bad week physically. 

It was fun.

But all my cranky bitching aside, that's not really why I haven't been writing. It might be why, though, I let a recent email I got from a reader get to me so much. An email that told me I was now boring and writing about things that "aren't so terribly intriguing." I don't mean to pick on the reader that said it; the only reason it got to me is that I feel the same way. I constantly worry that I've become incredibly dull, and I wonder if that's why so many other infertility bloggers shut down and go dormant.

Most people, I think, write best from a position of pain or anger--and that's certainly true for me. When I'm in agony, I get very sharp and funny and focused because that's how I cope. But lately, my life is really, really good--so it's very easy to either focus on the small things (like binkygate, as Anne dubbed it) or bigger things that aren't earth shattering, like manners.

What do I really have to complain about these days? I mean, I'm lucky enough to be working from home now so I can be with my daughter; my baby is here, and I'm not planning to get back on the baby making merry-go-round; my husband is sweet, faithful, and supportive; my friends are brilliant and talented. All is well.

Does this mean I should stop blogging? God, I don't know. But being told I'm boring sure took the wind out of my sails.

There are things I could write about. I'm absolutely infuriated at the amount of money we are putting out for our health insurance--for very little coverage (today I'm going to have to put all my prescriptions on a credit card cause I haven't been paid in a bit and we're in a budget crunch, and my insurance doesn't cover them). The impending election is making me crazy already--it amazes me that Hillary Clinton's cleavage got more press than her policy. The Jena 6 story is frustrating and stupid.

But the truth is, when I'm feeling pretty content and happy with life, it is difficult to choose anger and despair just for a good blog entry. In recovery it's said that "righteous anger is a luxury of normal men", meaning that the way we alcoholics internalize anger and channel it into resentment is bad for us. Maybe part of the reason I'm unwilling to take up the flag and march lately is because I've been spending a little more time focusing on my recovery again in the last month or so. I don't know.

I realize that this post is going to come off as a plea for a thousand "oh, you aren't boring, don't stop blogging!" comments. Really, that's not required, and it's not what I'm after (nor do I, as yet, have any plans to quit blogging). If you blog, I'd be interested in knowing how you manage this sort of thing--the negative comments or criticism, and continuing to write when life is just, well, life. If you don't blog, tell me what you'd like to see me write about. Maybe between us we can get me jump-started.

Comments

[A Whole Lot of Nothing]

As soon as I see you've posted, I rush to read your blog before anyone else. I LOVE reading what you have to say!
I have Pity Parties for 1 all the time. We're women. We do that.
Health care sucks. Our government sucks. People suck.
Just know we love you and ready to read whatever you have to say!

http://awholelotofnothing.net

[VixanneWigg]

Yeah. My blog has gotten very dull since having my son. This is a good thing for my life, but it does make for dull writing. I never had very many readers anyway and I think the people who read my blog now only read it because they know me or have become invested in my life in some way. I did stop writing for a while, mostly to cut down on internet usage, but I missed it. I blog for me. It's the only journal I've ever been able to keep. So it's boring. So what.

But it depends on your motivation for writing. If you're writing to attract an audience, you have to be timely and interesting. What makes it tough for you is that the major conflict in your life that drew your audience to you has been resolved. I don't know how you reconcile that.

[wendy]

Your life is more stable, so therefore your blogging reflects that. You've had so much happen in your life, you deserve a little "boring" blogging. But to me, it's not boring - at all. I come here to read about you and your life, because I like you. It's like getting together with a friend for coffee to see how things are going - and never am I more satisfied when things are going good. You are intriguing, you really are- you couldn't be boring if you tried. Sorry about those headaches - that must suck.

[Jessica]

My blog is pretty boring these days. (was it ever interesting to begin with, I don't know) but the way I see it is that the blog is for me, not for anyone else. I would have been hurt too if someone told me I was boring, but write for yourself, not for anyone else.
And I agree with Wendy, I don't think your blog is boring at all!

[AmyinMotown]

Yeah, what Wendy said---it's like getting together with a friend. I don't read blogs for topicality or intriguing drama--most of the ones I read, I read because I like the way the person writes, I like their perspective, and often I just like and am rooting for THEM (which is kind of weird given that I have met like 1 percent of the bloggers I actually read, but it does feel like a community in lots of ways).

I do blog, and struggle all the time to keep it from turning into a "mere" mommyblog talking about poop and whatever. There are certain things I think I can write about with unique perspective, and some things I can't. I've sometimes just linked to another blogger's post on topical issues and said "Go read this" because it's better said than I could hope to say it myself.

Here are some things I would be really interested to read about from you:

Recovery. What is it like to be in recovery on a day to day basis? When you say you've needed to focus on it lately, does that mean a temptation to drink or use, or something else? Why do you think you've made it, when lots of people can't? Does it affect your social life in terms of the friends you have and what you do with them? Do you think all alcohol use is unhealthy or do you think lots of people can drink socially, you're just not one? I have recovering alcoholics in my family and my circle of friends and I think they tend to be pretty admirable people. I'd like to knnow more about what recovery does--how you become not just a dry drunk but actively recovering from alcoholism and "in touch" with life again.

Also....annd Oh GOD I hope this doesn't come across as insulting because it's absolutely not meant to be. You are, um, larger that what society deems to be beautiful or sexy, but based on how your present yourself here you seem to very much accept yourself as the beautiful, sexy woman you are and have a lot of confidence in your own attractiveness. (and I do think you're gorgeous, BTW!) Is that self-acceptance a process you've had to go through, and what helped it along if you haven't always been good at it? I am someone who's been thin and been fat and is now REALLY fat, and I just waste so much energy hating myself and hiding. I need role models who DO accept and even like themselves and their looks. You seem to do that and I want to know more.

[Sherry]

First of all, why would someone take the time and effort to write and tell you became dull?

Sounds like an awful lot of work to tell someone you bore them. I'm just thinking out loud here...

But seriously, this is what happens when you have kids...feast or famine. Either we're in the clouds, things are good, and we're thanking our lucky stars each day for what we have, OR, we're about ready to throw in the towel, blogging in order to keep it together, hoping someone can talk us down off the ledge.

There's no happy medium when you're a Mom, especially a Mom of a young toddler. Or, in my case, two.

I say, you blog for YOU. Not to please the masses. You've never been one to hold your tounge or be influenced by what others thing in other regards, so why should this be different?

[Kelly O]

You're not boring at all. It's LIFE that can be mundane. And isn't that what we all aspire to, a life of simplicity and ease? You've earned it, you deserve it, and I'm glad to read it.

[Lisa V]

Someone, two weeks ago, posted about how they spent too much time reading blogs- good ones like Dooce, and "boring, poorly written, and comically exaggerated ones" and linked to mine. Now I basically agree with everything she said, but I really didn't need someone to point out my faults so publicly.
I'm in a slump. Real life is good and busy, and I can't think of much I want to write about. I keep blogging because I think every now and then I might have something to say.

[Jenn]

I feel that way a lot. Like does anyone really care that we went to the zoo yesterday? But I try to look at it as my blog is a window into our lives, so that's what I write about, our lives. Sometimes it's interesting, sometimes it's not, but that's how life is too.

[Regina]

I don't have a public blog. I do have a private one, though. I feel your pain. When I'm having a good day, it's hard to make myself take time out and write it up as an interesting anecdote. Mostly because the things that make my days "good" are very boring, like getting work done or cooking something, or whatever. When I'm having a terrible day, it is much easier to write. I have tried to limit the amount of dedepressive navel-gazing.

As dumb as might sound, responding to generic writing prompts has helped me to continue writing, while getting me out of my head. Also, I like to give my opinion (freely and unsolicitedly, of course) so I like reviewing movies and books as well- you used to do this more often, and I loved it! Sometimes I'll still tell anecdotes, but I try to make them funny - like if the cats are annoying me, I'll write the story from their perspective, or whatever.

Mostly, though, I blog to have an outlet for my creative/personal writing voice so that it does not dry up while I'm in grad school and using that academic voice so much. Maybe if you re-define in your head what your goal is for keeping a blog now that you are happy/happier with your life, it will help you conceptualize what kind of posts you would like to produce? You're such a good writer!

[goodsandwich]

I actually prefer non-infuriated blogging. I do enjoy blogging in which the blogger is working toward a goal - baby, home job, etc. Here's the thing I miss most in most infertility-gone-motherhood blogs -- the blogger's experience of motherhood. We've heard a lot about Tori, which is great, but not as much about you turning into a parent. (That's why the binky and Manners posts were interesting to me.)

[sara]

I hate this 'real life is boring' insinuation. I think it's a very american thing - drama and anger and fire and brimstone are exciting, real happy life is 'boring'.

I never came to your blog for the fire and brimstone, I came for interesting writing about your interesting life. I personally thought that your post on manners was inspiring, a call to arms in our rude society.

I think it's a real shame that people brand your blog 'boring'.

[Katie W]

In order to have criticism I'd need readers who comment or email me. As I have neither I am at the contented point of just blogging for me.

[Sarah]

I am a long-time reader of your blog, and I've loved following your story and stories. I do think that your writing has "lost" something as your life has evened out and you've found peace, but I don't necessarily think that balance and peace = dull writing. Many of my fave blogs are just about daily life, little things, non-earth shattering events. I think what makes them great is that the writer is able to open up common daily experiences in touching and novel ways. There is a difference between the kind of writing that lists the days events [we did X, and Y, and Z today], and the kind of writing that explores a day's moments [this is how X moment became the pivot on which my entire mood revolved; this is how Y brought me to my knees].

I only mean this to be constructive, Cec, and I do hope you aren't in any way hurt by this. If you look at your posts over the past year, however, you will see that most of them begin with reasons for why you haven't been blogging much, and then explicate the daily things in your life that have prevented you from writing. But then there are gems, too, in there. The stuff that a reader can take away with her and wrestle with during the day. These posts, this kind of writing, is what I'd like to see more of. It's the harder stuff to do, sure, but you've got it in you. You've proven that. If you are going to commit to being a writer, you've got to do the hard stuff. That's what we come for, not drama and tragedy and pain, but LIFE in all its minute wonder.

[Melissa Garrett]

WOW! I mean "WOW!" because I can't ever imagine leaving someone a comment on her blog telling her it's gotten boring. If she feels that way, why can't she just stop reading? Does she really have to tell you??

There are days when I can't think of a good post to write, much less pull a stinky one out of my butt. I keep a basic blogging schedule (I'm all about scheduling). For example, on Mondays I post my paid reviews or pay homage to other sites out there. On Tuesdays I post some crafty stuff. On Wednesday, it's all about food. And so on, and so on. That way, I am *almost* never at a loss for potential posts. Also, I jot down ideas throughout the day. I write A LOT (not just on the blog), so I always have a pad and pen.

I'm sure there are TONS of people out there who think what I write is boring, but at least that's how I come up with new topics.

[RainbowW]

i quit for lack of time and energy. and because it felt like only two people in the world were reading.

i could send you and tertia an email, ya know?

[Shara]

Chiming in to agree that I read your blog because I'm rooting for you and enjoy the window into your life. I also would like to hear more about what's going on inside your head - mommy-ness, recovery, spirituality. That is, only if those are things you're interested in sharing. I read your blog because I enjoy your perspective and find you very easy to relate to.

I also couldn't imagine telling someone their blog is boring me. Um, a blog is a personal journal, not a source of entertainment...

[Sarah]

Cecily, I love your blog voice. You're talking to us. (And we answer back!) And right now, you sound stuck. I'd say you haven't plumbed the depths of parenting yet. Yes, things are good. But tell us what's funny. Is working at home what you expected? Is parenting easier? harder? Are you worried about school?

I also have to say I've enjoyed your historical-view posts, where you look back at your childhood and family.

[Tamara]

A talented blogger once told me right before he quit blogging, "Happiness writes white," and I couldn't agree more.

[Charlie]

Cec, for the benefit of your readers, I'll repeat what I said to you...

The poet and novelist Charles Bukowski often encountered "fans" when out in public, at the fights, the racetrack, the grocery store. These usually directionless young men frequently asked Buk to come get drunk with them, and basically to be the "Henry Chinaski" character of his novels, stories, and poems, solely for their entertainment. Of course, he refused, and invariably these directionless young men would stomp off like angry toddlers. And when Buk's wife Linda would ask what all the fuss was about, he'd calmly reply that he'd just lost another reader.

So it goes.

[Rissa]

I found out on Friday at I'm having alittle girl. I'm still due Feb. 5th. I hope you get feeling better. I hope all is well with you.

[Danielle]

One person says you're boring...
All the rest of us LOVE you! You inspired me to start my own blog. I've been reading yours since before you were pregnant with Tori. Thank you for being my inspiration.

[Julie]

Hi Cecily,
I was thinking of a couple of things while reading today's posting. First, do you really want to write for other people? My attempts at blogging failed from the beginning because I could never decide if I was writing for myself or writing for others.

Also, I was thinking that life is all about transitions and changes. For example, just because you aren't primarily writing about infertility anymore doesn't diminish the issue or anyone's experience with it. You are simply living a different part of the cycle now. (That's how I understand it, at least.)

I'll continue reading, no matter what. I "tune in" because you are a real person, and it comes through in your writing. And if you do decide that you are writing for your readers, here are some things that I'd love to know more about (it's worth a try! lol): spirituality, more about your city (I live in a freakin' fly-over state), your poetry, stories from your past or childhood, product reviews (foods, toys, books, you name it).

P.S. I love the video posts!

[thalia]

I think I've got pretty boring during pregnancy, I'm sure it will be worse once baby exhaustion sets in. I know what i should be doing is keeping up with the science posts i used to do, but it's a level of thinking that I just can't manage at the moment, particularly when I'm busy at work as well.

I am always happy to read what you have to say, you've just got a different 'tone' now.

[MsPrufrock]

When is it required that you carry on reading a blog that bores you? Jesus, unsub it from Bloglines rather than emailing the blogger. Who does that? I don't have the time to send emails to my family, let alone to strangers whose blogs I read to say, "Sorry, you're not entertaining me anymore, do something about please."

I'll be honest - I read your posts more thoroughly and often now that your life has evened out, as I feel like I have more to say in response to what you post about. I think when people are undergoing traumatic things like infertility and loss, you can only say sorry so many times. Well, I can anyway without feeling pointless. I always read with interest before, but sat back without commenting.

This comment has been in no way helpful or constructive, so now I shall retreat to the shadows once again!