Fat, Fat, Fat, Fat- Fashion

I was in sixth grade, I think, when I realized that I was too short, too curvy, and too brunette to be considered beautiful. Of course, I was still a pretty thin and muscular kid at the time with barely any curves and I was, in fact, quite pretty. But I had no idea then how intense that disconnect between my perception and my reality would become; back then I had only a small sense of imperfection, one that later grew to astronomical proportions that, in the end, fueled my compulsive eating and my subsequent hatred of my body.

But it was back then, in those early days of uncomfortable self-awareness that my mom's friend Jan said something I've never forgotten. Jan was a wonderful woman, warm and loud and funny. She was also round and soft and hug-able (at least to my 11-year-old self) like my mother. We were visiting Jan and she was showing my mother a fashion magazine full of leggy and scrawny models and said, "It's no wonder all those models look like 17-year-old boys; the designers are all gay men!"

Mild homophobia aside, she had a point. Fashion designers (many of whom are decidedly NOT gay men) do not design clothes for women's bodies. They design clothes for the bodies of extremely tall and extremely thin young men.

I've spoken to fashion designers about this. The standard answer that I've heard repeatedly is, "But on those bodies, the clothes hang beautifully." And there--right fucking ther--is the problem: clothes HANG on hangers; clothes should be WORN beautifully.

The reality show Project Runway had an episode in the third season that required the designers to make clothes for the mothers and sisters of the other designers--none of whom were models. (You can read about the episode and see the designs here.) Several of the moms were plus sized--by fashion standards--and the things the designers said! Lordy. You would have thought that they were being asked to design clothes for serial killers; the vitriol and disgust was horrid.

I have yet to meet a designer that makes clothes for the bodies of real women. A perfect example is the low-cut pant (by low-cut I mean the "waist" is actually down somewhere around the hips--it's entirely possible that I have my terminology wrong). Everyone wears them these days--I mean, it's not really like we've had a choice. I haven't been able to find a pair of jeans that had a "normal" waist (except at KMart and they had an elastic waistband) in years. But how many women actually look good in them? Any woman who has actual hips--you know, that part of the female anatomy that is a bit wider than the waist so that it can fit a BABY in there--look awful. The pants cut into the the hips in an unflattering way, causing "muffin top" syndrome on even skinny women (that woman would look stunning in pair of normal jeans). Put those pants on someone shaped like me--someone who not only has hips and a butt but also suffers from an unflattering flabby stomach--and you've got someone who can't button her pants without causing actual pain.

What galls me most about this is that when you ask designers about it, instead of actually making clothes that fit the round shapes of women's bodies, they instead sneer and suggest diets and exhibit actual signs of nausea at the idea of designing clothes for fat women. I know. I've watched their faces.

For five years I worked at an art college that offered a fashion design major. I enjoyed the annual fashion show (it was the senior thesis show), but each year I had to endure the parade of unreasonably tall and gangly young women that came to audition to model for the show (they always ended up lost in my store). But a couple of years ago some women that could be called almost "normal" appeared; while still tall, they were much more shapely and feminine. It turned out that one senior had decided to create her thesis around plus-sized women. I knew the student, in fact I thought she was lovely, so it was with great excitement that I attended the fashion show that year.

But what did she make her "plus sized" models wear? Overalls. And not only overalls, but overalls shorts with poofy, pleated, and gathered legs. Clothes no fat woman--hell, no woman--I know would EVER wear.

It's no wonder as a "woman of size" that I find shopping for clothes so horrid. Even in my thinner stages of life (you know, like the last time I was a size 18) I find shopping difficult, but when I'm bigger? Like now? It's just nightmarish. Besides the fact that I am not happy with how I look, most clothes are actually uncomfortable for me.

Most plus-sized fashions are merely larger versions of "normal" sizes. Rare is the clothing designer that take into account the actual shape of larger women's bodies, making the clothes wider in some areas and not in others. So a shirt that fits over my breasts and belly comfortably often has the shoulder seam about half way down to my elbow, with the "short" sleeves coming to the elbow. Or jeans that fit my waist and hips but are massively baggy in the legs. (Oddly enough, Old Navy was one of the places that did adjust the fit accordingly in their plus-sized line, but then they negated all that good will by removing their plus-sized clothes from the actual stores, making them only available on line.) I find this infuriating and find myself often in a dressing room staring at clothes that fit in some places but don't in others, making me look awful. AWFUL.

I don't really want much. I want shirts that go past my waist and down to my hips, offering a little coverage of my least flattering attribute, my large belly. I want pants that don't pinch at the waist but don't bag around my legs. I want skirts that hang past my belly and don't cling to it. Why is this too much to ask?

Lucky for me I don't actually have the money to go shopping these day. Right now, as the weather gets cooler, I'm making do with that pair of jeans from KMart with the elastic waist and dreading hitting the stores. There may be some designers that make flattering clothes for fat women (I'm sure you will all point me toward some), but the rare ones I've found have been far out of my price range. So I will make do with what I find. But I'm not looking forward to it.

Comments

[Jenn]

You nailed it, baby. Lane Bryant is the only store where I can find remotely trendy clothes to fit my size 20 ass. Even then, I'm totally at the mercy of whatever little "theme" their designers come up with that season. I still shudder in horror at the memory of the season where every damn piece of clothing in that store had sparkly, metallic, or sequin embellishments. Like, really? I want to draw MORE attention to the fact that I'm fat?

[Nicole]

Sing it, Cecily :) Completely agree with you.

[Sherry]

Cec, my answer to a similar prob? (Plus-sized, petite and size 38-JJ bust)

I learned to sew.

I make many of my own garments and tailor the ones I buy. It's really the only solution I've found that works, short of having someone else make me a custom wardrobe.

[Celeste]

There was a time when people sewed, and clothes fit. It was assumed that you had to measure a person to fit them. Post WWII, everything was made by mass production according to measurements taken by the government of young military women. There is NO accounting for the changes that take place in our bodies as we bear children and age. This is what needs to change.

Low-rise is the type of jean that you described. The rise is the measurement between the crotch and the waist.

LB and Catherines now have "right fit" jeans that are sized according to fat deposition. However, they don't really seem to flatter women who do not somehow have a flat belly. All of them are cut too low in the rise (JMHO). Also, the fabric is kind of cheap and STINKS to high heaven until after several washings.

What galls me in plus size jeans is the stretch (lycra) that they add. Some of the jeans stretch out so badly in an hour of wearing that you have to tug them up the rest of the day. If you buy them a size smaller to account for this, then they are just too tight.

A man's clothes just have to fit his neck and chest measurements. Womens' clothing is all about the waistline. If you don't have a small waistline, it's as if they don't believe they possibly can fit you.

My peeve is fashion trends. It's supposed to be so great when trends are found in larger sizes, but the latest trend of the wrap "maternity" top is just a joke. What larger woman wants to even hint at wearing maternity clothing? Those tops all deserve to go unsold. I don't even think these tops looked good in smaller sizes. Yet they are still everywhere right now.

I'm a new knitter and bought the most awesome book called _Big Girl Knits_. It has patterns and fitting instructions for those of us with the 3 B's: boobs, butt, and belly. I don't know if you knit, but maybe you know somebody who would knit for you.

I feel like knit fabrics are easier to wear as a plus size woman, period, even if sweaters are not your thing. They drape and glide and seem to feel better against the skin than wovens.

I just ordered some jeans from Silhouettes and will let you know how they work out. They seem to have a lot higher rise than I've seen in stores, and I will be so glad if this is the case. Otherwise I wear Lee Riders a lot. They're harder to find in stores now. Unfortunately it is impossible to find $20 jeans anymore; it's more like $40 anywhere you go, unless you want to try Nordstroms for $100-$200 (get real!!!).

[Jenn]

You said it!

I just found some great jeans at Lane Bryant. They now have three different styles depending on your body type so I can actually get pants that fit both my legs and my waist at the same time. The also changed their sizes (in what I suspect was a brilliant marketing ploy) to have 1-8 or so instead of 14-whatever. They measure you, but I ended up needing two sizes smaller than what they said I needed. And they're having a sale right now.

[Jenn]

I finally caved and went to Lane Bryant yesterday to try on their new jeans. They have a new sizing system now and oh my god, they are the best fitting jeans I've ever worn. Their shirts are another story. They're always falling off my shoulders so that I look like I fell out of Flashdance.

I remember that episode of Project Runway, wasn't it Jeffrey that was designing for Angela's mom? And he made her cry? Asshole! Also, remember the episode where Allison designed something that didn't look right on her model because her model was "zaftig," according to Tim Gunn? And meanwhile, the model was maybe a size 10?

[car]

I third the Lane Bryant jeans. Right fit all the way, baby. I got some last month and it was the first damned time ever in my life I went into a store, tried on jeans, and the very first pair I picked fit perfectly, felt entirely comfortable, and looked, might I say, hot. I used the online size calculator first, which I would suggest doing rather than doing it in-store.

[Cat, Galloping]

I think this comes down to the fact that, thin or fat, we *all* need to have our clothes tailored in order to fit us properly. A pair of pants that fits my waist is a tad too tight in the hips and *miles* too long in length. It's a pain and it's expensive and I don't always do it, but it seems to be the only way.

[KiT]

So agree with you. This is why my daughters have a closet "stuffed" with clothing while I wear the same 2-3 outfits over and over. Buying their clothes brings my joy. Buying clothes for me brings irritation, embarassment, exasperation, etc...

[Donnie]

Thank you so much for writing this.

Most of my adult life I've lived in fashion No (Wo)Man's Land... size 14/16. I'm too fat for regular "Misses" sizes, and I'm not big enough for Lane Bryant. I'll still shop there on occasion, though, because they seem to take a little more consideration of the way a larger woman's body works.

You got it exactly right when you say that full-sized women's clothing is just larger sized versions of what they make for thin women. It makes no sense. I too would enjoy shirts long enough to cover my waist and jeans that rose enough to save me from that all-too-sexy beer gut look.

It's especially sad to see curvy teenagers in my class (CURVY mind you, not even fat!) who desperately want to be cute and fashionable... and yet when they buy the "in style" trends they look bloated and uncomfortable.

It's a shame.
-D.

PS:
I like Gloria Vanderbuilt for their normal length waist...
PPS:
Can we find and strangle the person who decided that every woman pass size 12 needs to wear animal print?

[Katie W]

I'm going to go at this from the other end. I'm lucky, I have thin genes, and am able to lead an active lifestyle, and I've never had kids!
I'm a size 8 UK, size 6 US, and I still can't find clothes that fit. I loath low cut jeans, I don't want a pair that every time I bend over shows off half my back!
It also seems like trousers are no longer cut for people with waists, I end up with a good fit round my bum, and a 3 inch gap at my waist. Oh and heaven forbid you dare not to have stick arms, and want a top that doesn't cut off blood to your fingers!
I feel for everyone with a larger figure, but it also seems like shops don't want smaller people either, they never seem to have stock in my size, and when you ask when some is due in assistants never seem to know.

[Ashley]

With the muffin top thing, that's often because they're wearing a size or two too small. Granted, I hate low-rise jeans, but at my size (8 in dresses, 10-12 in pants) I've never had a muffin top. They look so painful.

The other thing that disturbs me about recent fashion is the skinny teenage boys wearing women's tight jeans. Not too big a deal until I went to Old Navy to buy jeans and noticed that in every single pair the crotch bulged out. Now, keep in mind that it fit my hips and thighs (a miracle in and of itself), so it's not like they were too big. But yeah, the crotch was made to fit a "package." Why must teh menz steal OUR clothes!!!

[Peach]

Sigh. This is my life. I've been searching high and low for pants that fit me around the hips and waist but aren't balloons in the legs. I finally found some at LB that fit great and snatched up every pair in my size. It was a good thing, too, because the new "season" version of the exact same pants is now cut so differently that I can't even fit into the LARGEST size.

When I complained to the saleslady that the cut and sizing was so different, she said I was mistaken that they only alter the "embellishments" like the cuffs and buttons. Well, I pointed to the pair of pants I was wearing (very comfortably), then tried on a pair one size *larger* of the new ones and walked out into the open store to show her I couldn't even button the larger size. Her only response was "Well, that's odd. They don't normally do that. Maybe you should email them."

Sigh. I hope the pairs that I already have last me for a while.

[sarah]

Sucks doesn't it? I'm having issues with clothes right now -- I'm wearing a great cashmere sweater DH bought be for Xmas, sweet sweet man (he knows i love cashmere and it is in my favorite color). The damn thing is like 4 inches too short to actually look flattering. I'm a big girl with big boobs. I need longer tops damn it! Otherwise they stop right at my widest point and i look disgusting.

As for designers just making clothes bigger rather than designing for larger women, I beg to differ. They are not just bigger. The construction is totally different and not in a good way. Take a button down shirt for example. In a misses size, you'll find nice seams to tailor the fit around the bust and nicely proportion sleeves. At LB, all the button down shirts are like tents -- no seams to shape the garment. And all their tops seem to have funky details at the bust that cut off the bustline rather than enhance it. Drives me batty.

As for my usual strategies, I too learned to sew (though i'm still trying to find my groove -- patterns have tend to look gappy when actually sewn for my size), and I've finally found great jeans at Old Navy. They brought back regular rise jeans and my lord was I happy.

[Miss W]

You're so right, Cec. While I am not plus-sized, I am very short (5'0) and curvy such that it's impossible to find clothes that look decent on me (currently size 8-10).
My mom is 4'11 and around a size 18/20. It's like a double whammy. If you are short and have any curves or extra bulk ANYWHERE clothing doesn't fit, period.
And then we're told that we should love our bodies, be accepting of who we are and all the other bullshit. Yeah...I can love my body in my living room but put me in a department store dressing room and I break down in tears every time. It's no wonder so many women (including me in high school and college) suffer from eating disorders.

[Melissa Garrett]

OMG!! The neverending saga with jeans. This is a sore subject for me, truly, and I inevitably find myself living in yoga and sweat pants. Listen, it's not just plus size women that have this problem. I have size 6 hips and a size 2 waist, so trying to find pants that fit my awkardly pear-shaped body is rather difficult. On top of that, I have NO boobs. I barely fill an A cup, so my top and bottom always looks out of proportion.

I have VERY little to spend on clothing. Very. Little. But I have to say that a pair of jeans from The Gap (about $50) fit perfectly. And they offer tons of styles. I've had NO luck at Old Navy, due mostly to the ultra low rise phenomenon. YUCK!

[suzanne]

Hijacking Cecily's blog again...
Donnie...I am your sister in fatness. I call myself "Too fat for The Gap, but too skinny for Lane Bryant.". No man's land...so perfect!

[Celeste]

And can I add another thing...if you're plus size and TALL, you truly are the forgotten woman. Most plus size clothing is sized for a woman who is no taller than about 5'6". Once in a while you can find plus size tall jeans...but no other pants, skirts, dresses, or blouses accomodate your long limbs. At LB, I often buy the next bigger size top just to get long enough sleeves because I know what happens when my size goes through the dryer even once--scarecrow time. My only other option is to turn the sleeves up a little and pretend it's a 3/4 sleeve, which as you can imagine gets pretty old.

[Sophia]

Sign it sister. This weekend was the fat girl flea market in New York. If it weren't for events like this I would have no clothes.

Still its a struggle to find a good fit when you're fat and 4'11" with all the fat on your stomach, wide hips, a flat ass and real skinny legs. I believe the term used is avocado on toothpicks.

Lane Bryant and Ashley Stewart have outlet stores in Atlantic City. And Land's End offers different rises with their pants. And there is torrid, alight and my favorite, ebay.

[Catherine]

Since J and I have each gained about 20 pounds since we met (AARGH), I am currently wearing the very largest items in my wardrobe, and had to buy three new pairs of jeans so I had some that fit! I am now, officially, in an 8. I was a 4 this time last year, and a 0-2 last summer. But I digress.

What I wanted to say was, I agree with the ladies above who say that ALL larger clothing's fit is for shit these days. I try on at least 10 pairs of jeans for every one that fits me - and in a range of about 4 sizes, too. Many of them give me "muffin top" - and I'm not THAT fat...yet.

The fact is, when I am at my ideal weight - a size 2-4 - clothes fit well, are beautifully tailored, and flatter my figure. As soon as I'm into sizes that need to accommodate a LITTLE bit of fat, all hell breaks loose and it's like the designers can't even CONCEIVE of someone with a belly or an big ass. Sigh.

[Sara]

No matter what the size, I've found that I have to pay more for pants, and even then there's no guarantee. I find the right fit in the hips and the waist is a bit too big, so I have it taken in. But really, in general, better fit (unfortunately) comes from spending a bit more, however, I end up purchasing fewer items because I love what I have. (And yes, a 4 to 6 inch rise looks good on almost no one. I really don't get that!)

[maggie]

catherine, PLEASE...an 8 is not a big size and you have a MILLION options. Try being a size 16 or 18 or 30 and see what is out there - big shirts with big flowers on them. Sucks. It is like the designers are LAUGING as they make these cloths cuz they know there are so few choices...

[Maura]

Oh, I hear ya, Cecily!!!

Kate Harding at Shapely Prose turned me on to this new blog, "Manolo for the Big Girl":

http://manolobig.com/

I've never been a fashionista for obvious reasons, but I have Manolo for the Big Girl on my Bloglines feeds and I get a kick out of it. Even if the fashion is somewhat far out for me at times, and I'm not a shoe-maven, I really appreciate the attitude that even really big girls can be "superfantastic" in appearance and attitude. :-)

I've gotten a lot of good leads from Manolo for the Big Girl when stores like Talbots for Women or Lane Bryant are having online sales. Plus, great swimsuit suggestions!!!

As for jeans, I had luck a few years ago with Lands End jeans, which fit me in 24 and 26, though they are too baggy in the legs as usual.

Recently I bought a cheap pair of jeans at Target which ALMOST worked and felt really comfortable in the store, but as one commenter above noted, the Lycra in some jeans is cheap and stretches out too quickly, so after two hours of real wear, they were literally falling down. (Which is hard for me b/c I have the most apple-y of apple-bellies and my belly is the widest part of me!)

One blissful year, the first year that Talbots for Women opened, I spent nearly a thousand dollars on clothes. I'd never in my life had so much luck finding clothes that fit me -- dresses! skirts! jackets!!! I was a 22/24 at the time and it was just blissful to me. I found a suit for work! I found a dress for weddings! They made clothes that worked for apple-shaped women!

But the next season, it was all gone. The clothes were back to being for pear-shaped women, and that was that. No luck there since then.

Recently, I've had a little luck at Kohls, believe it or not! Daisy Fuentes has a plus-sized line there, and I've gotten a couple of tops that were halfway flattering. I also really like their Dockers pants -- khakis and "work pants" in black. They're about $39.00 and pretty comfortable and look professional. I also got a pair of Levi's Boot Cut jeans there that are a bit too low in the rise but otherwise passable, up to size 26. (And Levis! I'd never worn a pair of Levis in my life!)

[Henny Penny]

I just bought some jeans at JC Penny. THey have 4 different dark wash plus size jeans with a regular rise without too much "stretch" added. My problem is that they fit around the waist, but then the hips are so saggy. I have to wash them in hot every 2-3 wearings for them to fit properly.

[Lori]

I too have body image issues. My designer questions are this, why is it that when you are larger the designers believe you have no taste in clothing, or fashion sense. The material used is often what my mom called "butt ugly". And I can't recall when i last thought a smidge of tummy showing was cute. Come on lets have some length on those shirts!