Migraines and Medication: Update

I know I've been updating about this constantly, but it's NaBloPoMo so give me a break, alright?

So, two weeks into the new Topomax regimen and I got my first real migraine today since I started that new drug. I thought I had a migraine last week, but then that headache didn't respond to migraine meds and I realized it was a sinus headache connected to my cold and it needed some elicit (had to beg the pharmacist and get my driver's license scanned to buy it) pseudoephedrine instead. But today's migraine was a doozy, with nice visual disturbances (the ceiling was covered with vibrating black spots) and pain like a knife in my skull.

But I was grateful. You might find that hard to believe, but you have no idea how long it's been since I've gone two whole weeks without a migraine. At least a year. Maybe two. This one responded nicely to meds and I felt pretty good for the rest of the day.

The other bizarre thing is that the appetite/weight loss side effect has finally appeared. Truthfully it doesn't feel like my appetite has been suppressed, but it does feel--for the first time in my life--like my stomach finally has a natural OFF button. I don't know how else to explain it. This must be how normal eaters feel; when they are full, they stop eating and push the plate away. This never happens to me. NEVER. Really. I always--always--have room for more.

Last night I opened a small snack bag of dark chocolate peanut M&Ms and ate one and realized I didn't really want them--so I put them away. Perhaps you didn't hear me; I PUT THEM THE FUCK AWAY. This doesn't happen to me!

Throughout my history with food, I have sometimes--with vigorous work and discipline and much self-denial--managed to eat only half of what's on my plate, or weigh and measure my meals, or refuse certain kinds of food (say, food with sugar or flour). But it has always--ALWAYS--been a huge, immense struggle. It's been painful and excruciating at the worst times, and a mere a pain in the ass at the best. It never becomes habit, it never becomes easy, and it always leads to misery and, eventually, failure.

And the pounds always come back.

But now, with this drug, my eating habits have just suddenly and easily changed; at first, I hardly even noticed (in fact, my habits had begun to change when I was still denying it). Now, my weight has dropped. I've lost 12 pounds. Now close your mouths and remember that this comes with migraines and don't get too excited. Plus, 12 pounds for someone my size is like a half pound for a normal weight person (OK, maybe a whole pound).

I don't know if this side effect will last, or if I will continue to need this medication. But for now, I am enjoying the freedom that I feel not being a slave to the food. It's just the oddest thing. It really is. Is this how the rest of you live?

Comments

[Anon again]

So glad to hear the medication is working well for you.

I had a similar "aha, is this how normal people live???" moment when I was first taking Prozac - not about food, but about fatigue.

After about 3 weeks taking 20mg, I'd wake up at like 6AM, sun streaming through my window, and sit up and say, "Morning! Time to get up!" and just get out of bed feeling totally awake and rested.

That compared with how I've woken up since I was a teenager -- reluctantly, painfully, and with great exhaustion, taking at least 30 minutes to get the fuzziness out of my brain. And then spending the rest of the day feeling fatigued.

On Prozac, I had this, "Holy shit, this is how normal people wake up!" moment. It was stunning.

Sadly, the effect was only ephemeral. It wore off after a few months, and increasing my dosage up to 80mg daily over the next year only resulted in an 80-pound weight gain and no more miraculous loss of fatigue. So I stopped taking Prozac.

(And the fatigue and additional 80 pounds have been my constant companions this past decade.)

I'm not at all anti-psychotropic drugs. They've been miraculous for many people with mental illnesses that were previously untreatable. But I'm deeply wary of the extent to which we're all just guinea pigs for the pharmaceutical industry. We're only just scratching the surface of understanding how drugs effect our brain chemistry in the short and long term, and honestly I was scared shitless about trying Topamax a decade ago when it was first suggested to me as a treatment for depression, mostly because of what I read online about how it can cause major mental fogs, the last thing I need.

Your experience with the drug is the first anecdotal positive stuff I've read about it, so I appreciate the frequent updates! (I know you're not taking it to treat depression, but I still find it really interesting.)

BTW you totally described my experience with food. I don't know what full is. There's no such thing as full. I stop eating when the food is all gone, not when I feel full. It would be so great to actually feel full like some people do!

[curiousgyrl]

I know what you mean; my relationship to food was transformed when I was not depressed for the first time two years ago. During that period of suddenly not feeling compuslive about food made me realize that some foods (particularly things that include corn syrup and processed oils) triggered cravings and compulsions that by then seemed totally abnormal, so I stopped eating them. I lost 30 pounds, which was about 20 percent of my body weight. Without trying, my bmi went from "overweight" to dead center of "normal."

[Dea]

Since I've been pregnant I've had the same reaction to food as you're having now. And it is strange. I look at what I haven't eaten and remember the days when I would have eaten it just because it was there, regardless if I felt full or not. But now the thought of another bite is nasty. I wonder, too, if this is how normal people feel towards food, and if so I hope it persists past pregnancy.

[Dawn in NC]

You described my relationship with food to a T. I am back trying Atkins again, as I know it's the best thing I've found for quelling my appetite and cravings. Not that you care about hearing about that...

I wanted to tell you something that a friend once told me when I complained that I had only lost 2 lbs after a week of so much effort and willpower. She said, "Picture 2 lbs of hamburger meat. THAT is what is GONE from you now. THAT is a LOT!" No matter that she was a skinny thing -- I've always used that visual when I felt that I hadn't lost enough weight.

Cecily, 12 lbs is a LOT, no matter where you're starting from. Congrats on that, and I hope you'll get a break from the terrible pain.

[Mete]

That is my relationship with food as well. Eat until my plate is clean, no matter how big the plate is. Always room for seconds. Eat beyond the point of fullness to the point of sickness sometimes. I'm always thinking about food, always planning what I'll eat next, always, always, always. I found the only time I'm not like this is when I'm pregnant. I actually lost 30 pounds during my last pregnancy, without doing a damn thing different. I joke that if I just had three more kids, I'd reach my goal weight. (Sorry Dea, by 6 weeks postpartum, that feeling was gone and I'm back to binging and never feeling full. I'm so afraid I'll gain it all back.)

Glad to hear the Topamax is working for you. I'm very lucky and have never had a migraine, but I've actually got two large bottles of it left over from when my oldest was taking it for seizures. I wish I could donate them to someone else who could get use from them.

[watercolor]

Congratulations on the 12 pounds!!! You are awesome!! I've been on topomax before for my cranial pressure condition but it and I didn't get along well. I was hoping for the weight loss side effect, heh. No such luck. I am so glad you are getting migraine relief! Headaches suck.