Uppercase Woman

MotherTalk Book Tour: The Daring Book for Girls

I didn't take part in the kerfuffle about the Dangerous Book for Boys when it came out, but I couldn't help feel a twinge of "why is it just for boys???" irritation, even though all of the reviews were positively gushing about the books fabulousness. OK, maybe it was more of a serious feminist flare than a twinge. When I looked at the book and couldn't see a single thing in there that girls couldn't do.

However. That was before Andi Buchanan and Miriam Peskowitz (both Philly authors so they are my neighbors--holla! OK, I can't believe I just typed that) wrote the amazing, the fantastic, the beautiful, the wondrous, the absolutely fucking perfect The Daring Book for Girls, which I am blessed to be reviewing for MotherTalk.*

Oh, how I love this book. From the sparkly NOT PINK cover (bless you, authors, for that) to the retro-layout (it's very much like the old Girl Scout handbook of my youth, and I am not the first person to note that) to the magnificent content, you must--MUST--plan to purchase this book during your Christmas shopping for any girl on your list.

I knew I was going to love this book when I turned to the section about hiking and the authors not only discussed the basics (animal tracks, how to find a trail head) and poison ivy. They also included a photograph of the plant that works as a natural antidote to poison ivy (jewelweed; it also works wonderfully for stinging nettle burns).

But it's the sections on slumber party games and jump rope rhymes that makes it a book for girls. But it doesn't stop there. There are also math tricks, instruction on how to paddle a canoe, how to build a scooter (like, from wood), how to do a two-fingered whistle (a skill I personally learned in Girl Scouts), and so many more cool things that I wish I were ten again and could do them all. It's just chock-full of awesomeness.

Just reading this book makes me feel happy and relaxed. I find myself picking it up and reading it again and again and discovering new charming sections that I didn't notice previously. I can barely put it down. I can't wait to buy copies for girls I know this Christmas! It's just such an original (OK, so the boy's book was first, WHATever), quirky, cool book. I adore it. Seriously love it. Can you tell?

*I have chosen to not be paid for my review. OK, I don't want to violate my contract with BlogHerAds. Heh. I'm declining the standard gift certificate, and donating my copy of the book to my local library. Just so you know.

Points I Need to Make Cause I'm Still Too Sick To Do A Real Post

1. Cigarettes. I do not believe cigarettes are evil because I do not believe inanimate objects are evil. I do think the people that took a plant, refined it, added chemicals, packaged it, marketed it, and lied about it ARE evil, however. Also, as Jen pointed out in her comment, cigarettes are addictive and therefore are in and of themselves a stupid choice, but no one ever got raped, robbed or beaten because of smoking a cigarette, so they come with a different discussion than booze and drugs do.

2. My stupid illness. I have been battling kiddie diseases since September 1st. I have been sick pretty much non-stop since then. I'm very fucking tired of it. This particular batch of illness comes with horrific, non-migraine headaches. How do I know they aren't migraines? Cause they don't respond to migraine medication; they do respond to fistfuls of advil and sudafed. Fuck.

3. The migraines. Until this cold got worse, I had six headache free days. Six! For the first time in over a year! I increased my topamax dose yesterday and have not had any side effects so far (including the suppressed appetite; oh well).

4. I don't remember what number four was supposed to be.

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Good news! The planets have aligned in such a way that for the first time EVER, we are going to buy a new car. And by new, I really mean NEW, like NO ONE EVER OWNED IT. Do you want to know the last time this happened in my life? 1969, when my parents bought a 1968 Volkswagen Beetle.

My mom gave me that car when I graduated (by the skin of my fucking teeth) from high school. Sadly, I ruined it in three months. Two accidents killed it completely. After that I didn't have a car until, hmmm... let's see. Right before Dick and I broke up I bought a 1982 Datsun. This thing was baby-shit tan and weighed, at most, 30 pounds (seriously--I had trouble parking it one night and a buddy picked up one end of it and fixed the angle). That car was reclaimed by the Philadelphia Parking Authority for something or other (I think it was about the 87 unpaid parking tickets I had. No, not exaggerating. The parking authority dude called me "the biggest scofflaw he'd ever seen." I'm very proud of that.). After that, I got a 1987 Mazda. Had that for six months and the timing chain broke. Apparently, they put the timing chain in that car in a place it cost $5000 to reach, so bye-bye went another car.

I remained car-less until we got sober and I got a job that required driving. For $500 Charlie and I bought a 1976 Ford Maverick. This car was so sweet; it ran pretty damn well, considering, and actually brought tears of nostalgic joy to the eye of every mechanic I had to bring it to.  But I had a couple fender benders in it (it's amazing how that happens when you don't drive for a few years) and it was hard to find replacement parts, plus it couldn't pass inspection, so we had to replace it. For a brief period we had a 1988 Toyota Celica (god, what a piece of crap) then Charlie's mom gave us her 1990 Toyota Camry which was in excellent condition and was a great, great car. We ran that car into the ground. We had that car until Charlie's mom couldn't drive anymore and gave us her 1999 Toyota Corrolla (not a bad car, but another one that weighed about 30 pounds), which was too small for us (and our camping gear), and we traded it in for the 1999 Subaru Legacy Outback we have now. The one that we paid $10K for and have put in $7K worth of repairs into.

We are so excited about getting a new car.

So, what are we getting? We are getting one of these. I know some will think we don't need a minivan with just one kid. But toss in camping equipment and 100 pound dog, and there is no car that is better suited for us, I assure you. We've done the research. This model we've rented for a long trip before, and it drives like a car, has tons of space, and lots of little things that make it perfect (like the middle windows go down).

We are hoping to get a 2007 model. The 2008 list price for the maxed-out model is about $29,000. We are going to be paying cash and not financing. We are hoping for the following (feel free to laugh): to get a 2007 model for about $25,000 and to get $4,000 trade in on our car (the blue book value, with our mileage, is $3,700-4,700). We don't really give a shit about color (although we prefer not black or white). We'd like to leave with a car the day we walk in.

Since we've never bought a car before (we did buy this car from a dealer, and there was some negotiating, but it was minor), tell me... is this possible? We're planning on hitting up Sarah's dad for advice at Thanksgiving dinner, but I'd love to hear your experiences as well. Advice? Suggestions?

OK, maybe I did have a post in me after all.

Still UG

So sick. Went to church and left half way through. So awful. Thought I had a migraine, turned out it's just a head full of snot. Sigh.

I'm very tired. I'm so totally blowing the Nablopomo thing. Sigh. And I have stuff to tell you! Tomorrow. Promise.

UG

This stupid illness keeps waxing and waning. I felt much better Thursday and Friday and now I feel like death. I feel TERRIBLE. No energy to blog. So sorry.

I'm gonna go lay down.

That Question

In light of my posting about the behavior of alcoholic women, someone asked me again the big question: what will we tell Tori about alcohol and drugs given our history?

I often hesitate to answer the question because I always feel like what I'm really being asked is "How can you tell your daughter not to use drugs or drink without looking like a total hypocrite?" The answer? I can't.

But the real reason I don't want to answer the question is because I know my answer won't be popular.

Although I, personally, am an addict and an alcoholic, I do not believe that there is anything inherently wrong, bad, or evil about either alcohol or even most drugs. I do not feel that it is imperative that I impart a strong "Just say NO!" message to Tori. My feelings? She's probably going to get drunk. She'll probably smoke pot. She might smoke a cigarette or two (I'm on the fence about whether or not cigarettes are evil). She might eat some 'shrooms or drop some acid. I generally hope she steers away from the big guns--cocaine and heroin--the same way I hope she steers away from conservative politics.

My friend Sandy had a great philosophy with her two sons. She told them not to put their penises anywhere without putting on a condom first, and to not get behind the wheel, or get into a car with someone else behind the wheel, intoxicated by any substance, even cold medicine. That was it. I think that makes a lot of sense, except, of course, that Tori doesn't have a penis. Of her own. Yet.

Ahem.

We will, however, be honest about our history. We will, OF COURSE, discuss the fact that most things on that list of drugs above are clearly illegal and that to partake of them is to risk considerable consequences. We will highlight, in depth, the fact that alcoholism is a genetic disease and her chances of having it are extremely high and she should approach alcohol and other drugs with great caution.

I will talk to her about how you become stupid and make dumb choices when you are intoxicated, and that you often put yourself at risk when high or drunk. I will talk to her about how often sexual assault happens to young women in those circumstances.

I will talk to her about how much I love her, how smart I think she is, and how much I wish for her to make good choices. But I will not behave like the world has come to an end if she gets drunk or high. I know lots of people will disagree with me on this, but there you go.

Now, do you want to know how I feel about teenage sex?

Television Dreams **Edited

So last night I dreamed that Hiro (from Heroes) and Lt. Uhura (originally on Star Trek, but now woefully underused on Heroes) were starring in a musical episode of the superhero show. It was oddly touching. So I figured that's as good a reason as any to talk about TV again. How are you all liking the fall season so far? I'm enjoying several new shows still (Pushing Daisies, Chuck), some old shows still (Ugly Betty, Gray's Anatomy), and not liking some new shows as much (Private Practice--although each episode has one moment that makes it almost work, plus Taye Diggs--nuff said; and Journeyman). I'm sad that Californication's season is over, but I loved the ending so completely that I almost wish they wouldn't bring the show back and ruin it.

Now they are bringing in a bunch of new shows I don't care about (October Road, ug) and where the fuck is Lost already? Plus the writer's strike is making me seriously miss Jon Stewart in a big, big way.

Also, Chiara asked me to talk about Abby's current storyline on ER. If you don't watch, you need to know that her hot hot hot hubby had to go home to Croatia for some reason (like he's filming a movie), so she felt the "pressure" of being a "single" mom; then her nanny let the baby fall off the playground equipment or something and he hit his head and bled a whole lot. So the night they came home from the hospital, she decided to blow her sobriety (she's established as a recovering alcoholic on the show) and get trashed.

In short? There is NO way she would have gotten drunk the first night. In my limited medical experience, any time a child is injured--especially a head injury--they need to be checked throughout the night carefully. Abby is a DOCTOR so she would have been all over that shit. Two or three nights later? Sure.

However, I love that her sponsor said she couldn't help her if she didn't think she was an alcoholic. That was dead on.

So, there you go. Another boring NaBloPoMo entry. Now I must go because Tori is clinging to my leg and weeping inconsolably. Sigh.

**EDITED TO ADD**

I did not realize this, but somehow (something about the CSI/Without a Trace double episode) I missed ER last week and apparently didn't DVR the episode. So I missed a LOT about Abby's storyline.

Oh Abby. Abby, Abby, Abby.

We--and by we, I mean married alcoholic women--are just one drink away from what she's doing. All the time. While her sleeping with the new boss was shocking, it doesn't really surprise me. It's just what I'd do (calm down, Charlie) if I started drinking again. Tonight's episode, ending with her sobbing as she cleans up the spilled vodka on the carpet of her son's room. Shit, shit, shit.

In some ways, that was better than a meeting. It never hurts to have a reminder about what is out there for me if I drink again--heartache, misery, and pain. Nothing else.

Photo Post

Busy week; work is busy (I keep having to do the same project over and over cause my supervisor and I aren't communicating), and Charlie is finally selling his mother's condo Monday so I've had full time baby duty. So you are stuck with photos. :)

Drinkable yogurt, my ass.

Tori plays in a puddle.

So maybe I went a tad nuts with photoshop on that last one. Heh. More here.

Sick, AGAIN, for fuck's sake

Yep, another cold/flu thing going round these parts. I have a head full of snot and lovely spiking fevers, and Tori is wandering about giving the animals snot-filled kisses. It's adorable, in a disgusting kind of way. You can see where she's been by following the snot trail.

Luckily, she has embraced "blowing" her own nose, meaning she accepts a kleenex which she then happily rubs all over her face. This has led to a charming glaze of snot covering her entire face that I, frankly, feel too sick to bother washing off repeatedly.

The good news is that last night she slept through for the first time in a week. I did not, of course, because I was too busy worrying that she was dead (I was not alone; her only wake up involved Charlie having to check on her). I was also awake because I was waiting to feel the side effects of the Topamax I finally started taking yesterday.

Do yourself a favor. If you are finally taking the migraine-prevention medicine that you've been waiting a year to try--you've finally spoken to many experts, including your doctor and the pediatrician and determined that the minor amount of nursing the baby is still doing is not a problem--do NOT google the side effects. Because then you will be faced with page after page of anecdotal reports of the one thing you fear more than any other as a fat woman (you know, if you were me: I think my example is getting away from me): HAIR LOSS.

Ye gods. I have few vanities. OK, that's not true, I have plenty of fucking vanities. But I have lovely hair; thick, wavy, and easy to care for (all I do is wash it--OK, and dye it). I do NOT want to lose it.

After sorting through the responses, it seems that a) it doesn't start for a long time after people have been on it, and seems to be confined to high doses and b) it is actually probably related to the weight loss that every claims happened with the drug.

Rapid weight loss can cause hair loss. It appears that working hard to maintain proper nutrition can help prevent the hair loss on Topamax. I have taken exactly one tiny little dose (you start low and work up to prevent the 'dopomax' effects that many have warned me about) and my appetite is unmoved, thank you. I'm not surprised; I may be the only woman who compulsively overate while shooting heroin (I just ate a bit more slowly). Anyhoo.

The good news is, I do NOT have a migraine today. I've had one almost every day for a week, so that's progress, and most likely a placebo effect. We shall see.

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Two quick notes; Sarah is having a rough patch, so if you can spare some prayers for her, please do. Secondly, I finally put a post on the work blog. Yee-ha!

Scary Shit

This pisses me off.

Why? Well, it seems obvious to me, but I'll elaborate anyway, since I have to blog today. Heh.

Personally, I would opt, if I could, to ban all campaign advertising. I would prefer that all information about individual candidates have to be discovered by actually reading/listening to what the candidates have to say for themselves. Then, I'd like to have unbiased media do research to find out if they walk the walk, or if they are just talking the talk.

Since we DON'T have an unbiased media (Fox News, you know I'm looking at you), I don't mind if people use resources other than the news media to determine a candidates stance on issues that matter to them.
What I don't want is what we have now. Misleading ads put out by the candidates themselves (either about their own record, or their opponents), and the advertisements that are so completely dishonest, so completely full of shit and spin and downright fucking LIES that are created by organizations that are not directly affiliated with any particular candidate and don't have any oversight.

The ads wouldn't be a big deal, if we were, oh, an entirely different culture. You know, one that read up on shit and was careful to not buy the load of shit that most ads are selling. But it seems to me that most of us are influenced by the hateful ads we see, even when we try hard not to be.

I'm not just talking about Swift-boating here, although that is by far the most heinous example. Liberal organizations can be just as awful; I don't really want Moveon.org representing my liberal ass either (not that I disagree with what they say; I just don't care for their tactics).

The idea that it is going to be even WORSE this year than it was in 2004 infuriates me. Completely. I do not want to spend the next year fast forwarding through angry, hate filled advertisements while attempting to watch my favorite TV shows. A year of it! Arg.

It angers me that the politicians have loosened the controls on these groups instead of tightening them! Clearly it's helping more of them than it's hurting (I think John McCain and John Kerry are the only ones in office that felt the full brunt of the assaults), so I shouldn't be surprised. Most of them probably have their seats thanks in part to negative ads.

But the idea that these idiots can just say shit, without it being verified in any way, and not get fired drives me batty. I mean, look what happened to Dan Rather! That should happen to any idiot that doesn't fully check his or her facts before stating something as true. Even idiots running advertisements.

Boy oh boy. This election season is so gonna SUCK.

Memorial

For Sandy Crimmins... written at the memorial reading given in her honor.

It has been so long
since the words came to me
like this
in small, tight doses.

As I age, I need
more room
paragraphs, not stanzas
pages, not line breaks

I am no longer content
to be obscure
Now, I want to be clear.
Understood. Not mysterious.

But here, at your memorial
as I listen to everyone
singing your songs
the short lines have again found me.

Because I find that
I cannot
say too much
without weeping.