Tucson, Days Three & Four: Mountains and Urgent Care

On Day Three, I woke up feeling pretty awful. So I stayed in bed late while Charlie took Tori back to the playground for a couple of hours. It helped, and I was able to roust myself enough to pull my ass out of bed and agree to get lunch and go for a drive. Tori's been avoiding naps except in the car, so we decided a nice long drive up Mt. Lemmon which has a handy-dandy windy road to the peak (which is actually a ski resort) would be just the ticket. So we left the sunny (ok, it was actually beginning to get cloudy) valley to drive to the snowy peaks and it was quite lovely. Tori got a nap for a little over an hour, and once she woke up we stopped at several vistas and took some very short walks to various views along the way. It was extremely windy up there, so it wasn't really safe for toddlers to be walking, as you can see.

God, how I love that photo. The rock formations on the mountain are amazing, and they really took my breath away.

Several folks have asked about the "old timey" look to some of these photos; it because I'm doing something called shooting "through the viewfinder." I'm actually using my digital camera and shooting through the viewfinder of an old Argus 75 camera (with a cardboard tube taped to it to keep light out). That way you get the effect of film without actually using film. Sarah is much better at this than I am, which you would know if you look at her photos online at all (here are her "TTV" shots, and here are her TTV self portraits).  It's really quite fun and makes me feel like quite the  art-eest.

Anyway, the day went swimmingly, until we foolishly went to the bookstore BEFORE dinner (I needed a book, what can I say) and she melted down again at the restaurant. So we took the food to go, and went back to the room. I'm sad to say I actually lost my shit a bit at Tori because when she started standing in the car seat and screaming and refusing to sit down (this is after I left Charlie at the restaurant to bring the food back to the hotel, which is located dangerously across six lanes of careening traffic) and I was just so hungry and frustrated that I said, "You better sit the fuck down right now, missy, or ELSE."

God forgive me, she DID. SO not the parent I want to be. Sigh.

Anyway. Ahem. Last night I was up all night coughing. This morning my chest was so tight that walking to the bathroom (you know, six feet from the bed) caused me to be out of breath. I tried to just wait it out, but then I realized I was being stupid. Tucson has an abundance of Urgent Care centers, so we packed up and took my ass to one. A short wait and quick exam later, I got a script for steroids and antibiotics and GOD WILLING by tomorrow night I'll feel better. We managed to salvage the end of the day (even though the weather was terrible--we brought our Pennsylvania cold, rainy weather with us, apparently) with a little shopping and a nice dinner out and a quick visit to a friend's rather insane art opening, but I'm ready for bed now. I'll end this post with a nice shot of me at the urgent care place, and a very sweet shot of Tori trying to comfort me as I hacked my lungs out.

Comments

[Dayna]

Nobody is going to be the parent they want to be 24/7/365. I think on the whole you're doing pretty stinkin good. I am actually really impressed with how encouraging and patient a mom you are. I can't imagine how tough that age is. (Not saying she's tough to deal with but wow they are ACTIVE.) Be gentle with yourself and feel better. I'm glad you got the care you needed.

Tori gets cuter with every picture. How is that even possible? And I want a skirt with cupcakes on my butt, since when I eat them that's where they go anyway!

[Cathy]

But you are the parent you need to be. Standing up in the car seat is not OK. Strong-willed kids with pronounced personalities turn into really interesting adults but it can be a bumpy ride getting there.

[Snadra]

Gawd. I have asthma also and know that "I will wait" phase before I slap myself in the forehead and remember that I could have felt better already! Steroids are great for a quick feel better, just keep LOADS of snacks in the room! About day 2 I can eat a horse, all day long! About the mother thing. PUH-LEASE girlfriend! If I admitted how much I actually lost my shit on my child I may be investigated! LOL The good news is she always lives thru my tantrums and the last time she actually told her great grandmother on the phone "I am just sitting here watching my mommy freak out" Classic. They have a way to pull you quickly out of the freak out we just had. This will not be the last so accept the fact that they are resilient at this age and move on a whole lot quicker than we do from it. Wait until she is 4 and tells you "you hurt my feelings" *melt* In any case, you had every right to do that and just wait, steroid rage will kick in next haha! Feel better soon and have fun on vaca! I am so enjoying reading about your adventures!

[Heather]

Ladybug GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK!!!!!!
You are sick, at best you are functioning at 50%, NO ONE can be a good parent when they are sick. And if you find someone who is, chances are they have help as in nannies, housekeepers or they are just out and out lying.
I do hope you feel better. It really sucks to be sick in a strange city when you are supposed to be having fun. Miss Tori is just trying out her "terrible two's" to see what she can get away with, hopefully this will pass soon.
I do hope your trip gets better from here on out! God Bless!

[Chickenpig]

You really should give yourself a break. I swear the whole reason why toddlers are the way they are is to test our patience every single day. In my book, if the worse thing you do is swear or raise your voice when you're sick, tired, and your kid is on your last nerve...then you're not doing half bad. Also, if you can get a toddler to do what you want quickly with just the power of your voice, then you are ten steps ahead of the game. There are just some times when a child has to do what you say RIGHT NOW without argument...and in the car seat is one of those times.

I swear that you and I are living in alternate universes right now. N through the hugest tantrum of his little life because he didn't want to leave the house we were viewing (apparently he likes it, a LOT). I had to physically restrain him to get him in the carseat, I was nauseous, hungry, and tired, and had just HAD IT. (My husband was handling our other obnoxious toddler and trying to talk to the real estate agent). In the car he was screaming and I know I yelled at him to SHUT UP...I SWEAR TO GOD! At least once. In my case though, it didn't work. So not only did I feel like the worst parent in the Universe, but also an ineffective one.

I hope the steroids help. I wonder if something out there is aggravating your asthma? Everything I've heard says that Arizona is a good place for asthmatics, but you might be the exception. Maybe you need some moist air at night, or an antihistamine to help you out? Your pictures are beautiful. Could you take a picture of the contraption you use to get that effect?

[leslie]

Be gentle to yourself - Tori is at one of the more challenging ages, you're traveling so nothing is her normal routine AND you're sick. She's not going to be permanently scarred by you yelling and standing up in the carseat obviously is a no-go.

I've lost it that way at my kids more times than I'd like to say and as teenagers they seem to have come through it ok. Of course as teenagers they find new and different ways to send one around the bend too!

I hope the drugs make a big difference - traveling sick bites and adding asthma to the mix doesn't sound like fun at all!

[Carly]

look at it this way. If she is doing something dangerous and you give her a direct order in a certain voice and she immediately obeys, that's a good thing, because you are keeping her safe.

I'm pretty sure you would only use "that" voice if you really needed to. So don't be hard on yourself.

[jenn]

We've ALL had those parenting moments. One of mine came after my screaming toddler winged a full sippy of juice directly at my skull while I drove down the freeway. Motherfucker HURT, and the kid got a quick lesson in what Mommy looks like when she loses her shit. Not proud of that either, but we all do it at some point.

Hope today finds you much improved.

Are you driving out to San Xavier del Bac? It's a beautiful mission church worth seeing. Also cool is Colossal Cave, but I wouldn't try it unless you can leave Tori with a friend while you go. NOT toddler-safe at all.

[Jo-Ann]

Welcome to psycho Momdom. It happens sometimes. I hope you are feeling better and the drugs are kicking in.

I didn't know that Neil was in Tuscon. I have known him for a long long time.

[alley]

As it has been stated before, give yourself a break. Sometimes keeping the kiddos safe has to come before fluffly/cuddly parenting, and regaurdless of what others may think, we gotta be their parents, not their buddies.

She's off her routine and you are sick, so its not surprising that she was pushing her boundries. Good for you for not letting her get away with dangerous behavoir.

Get to feeling better, we want more pictures.

[KidKate]

I love Tori's little poncho. Feel better soon!

[Sarah]

You are such an amazing mom, I know this first-hand. You also can compare to my completely psychotic, unpredictable, scream until both of us are crying kind of motherhood to my daughter. Heh.

You are an awesome mom, and Tori is at an age where she needs a stern voice every once in a while!

I hope you are feeling better today.
xoxo

[KidKate]

I love Tori's little poncho. Feel better soon!

[Melanie]

Woman, we all lose our shit with our toddlers. (Just wait until she's 2 1/2! You will bite a hole through your tongue trying to avoid screaming at her!) Forgive yourself and move on and know that no one is judging you.

[LizD]

Sweetie, every child works on escaping from the car seat. We told the boy that the car could not move if he was not safely in his seat, and proceeded to pull over immediately when he would wriggle out.

Finally, we bought a car seat that was a bondage item in disguise. He simply could not get out of it. He hated it!! But we parents were finally able to relax and know that our son was safe in his seat.

Remeber, everyone loses their shit at some point; we are only human, after all. A friend used to say they need something to talk about in therapy when they grow up! You won't ruin your child from an angry outburst; it's just part of life.

[Laura]

have you completely weaned Tori? when martha was still breast feeding i was sick like you and had to go on steriods and they forced me to stop cold turkey. it was as bad or worse than being ill.
Hope they work for you and you feel better and get to really enjoy the rest of your vacation time.
Hugs and love the pics
Laura

[Whitney]

Sorry that you are sick while on vacation, that is the worst!!

Here's a story that will maybe make you feel a little better about losing it with Tori.....when my oldest was about 2, she had fallen and blackened her eye. So a couple days later, we're driving down the road, she kept unbuckling her seatbelt, and I told her that, if she did it one more time, I was going to stop the car and spank her. So of course she did, and I stopped the car, got her out, and spanked her little butt. In a store parking lot. An 8-months-pregnant woman, spanking a child with an already black eye. I probably looked like some horrible abuser!! That was probably the last time I spanked her, too :)

[Melissa in TN]

I'm so sorry the vacation isn't going as planned. That is so sweet of Tori trying to make you feel better.

I hope the medicine helps and you are enjoying yourself soon.

[jenny]

I have to echo the comments of the others. Don't be so hard on yourself. No, nobody wants to yell at there kids but do you know a single person that has raised their kids and never raised there voice? Your a great mom, that is evident in the way you talk about Tori and the gorgeous pictures of her.
I hope you are feeling better soon and that Tori adjusts to her new surroundings. That ice storm is about to hit us in Ontario but I'll still wish for some sunshine for you.

[Michele]

Hey Cec-

Sorry you're feeling shitty. Hope you're doing better now. I keep trying to email you the link to the pre-e story, but I keep getting an error message. I'll paste it here. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/7241001.stm

Have fun on the next leg of your journey. My parents just flew out to ABQ to see my sister and my baby nephew yesterday. Wouldn't it be funny if you ran into them out there somewhere? Slim chance, but who knows.

[JuliaKB]

Oy! I spent a few hours at a an ER myself yesterday, and now I am two doses of antibiotic down and feeling much more alive as well.
Wishing you better days and lungs that stay on the inside.

[Rachel]

Feel better. We have the same damn cough and cold. I am sick..Max is sick but your photos are killer. Enjoy the next part of your trip.

[Gail]

Cecily, I erroneously thought Arizona would be an excellent place not to have recurring seasonal episodes of what I call, "Civil War Consumption." We get it and get it and get it in Louisiana. So, alas, it must be universal. Godspeed, my darling girl. I so hope you're feeling better.

Your Tori--is there a more beautiful child? No, I think not.

[Sara]

Oh, so with you on the car seat/meltdown issues. I do feel less than...good...about some of my angry mom vs. toddler conversations, but there are just moments. I hope you feel better soon! S.

[Toni]

Something to consider - I get VERY crabby right before getting sick, and often I'll totally lose my shit at the kids only to learn the next day that I'm sick. Don't be too hard on yourself, babe. Really enjoying your travelogue!