Antibiotics and Nudity

I'm now on round two of antibiotics in less than a month. Yeah. The very first day we were home from the trip Tori brought home something from morning care (I suppose she could have gotten it on the plane as well) and Charlie got it a few days later and last Thursday it was clear that I was coming down with it as well. By Friday night my throat was so sore I could barely swallow and it continued that way through the whole weekend, and I finally broke down and saw my doctor yesterday who looked at my throat and actually took a step back when she saw it and hastily wrote a script for some hard core antibiotics. It's just red--no tell tale white spots--but it really hurts. It's just a bit better this morning but I am totally wiped out. I fell asleep probably forty times yesterday, including while sitting at my computer trying to write a piece for work. Not good.

I hate day care crud.

So, in other news, I did not link to my nekkid picture the other day randomly. Part of my journey toward self-love and self-acceptance in this whole fat acceptance thing--this idea of loving myself at the size I am now, and not waiting to love myself when I'm a size 18, or 14, or 12--has made me look at my body differently and try, if I can, to see its beauty. Since I decided to join Sarah in her self-portrait journey (albeit on a much smaller scale), I thought this would a good challenge for me. And part of that is actually looking at what my body looks like naked. Well, no, let's go back further--part of that means looking at my whole body. I started by taking this photograph. As you can see, I had to couch it with a self-deprecating title (does this tree make me look fat?) and I felt very, very awkward about it. But not too long after that I took a shot of myself standing in my basement draped in christmas lights--completely naked--and I allowed a very small select group of women (and Charlie) I trusted see it (no, I'm not going to link to it--I'm not there yet). Those friends were very nice to me and called me brave.

I took a few other shots where I draped my body in blankets, another partial nude with christmas lights, *edited to add* a very out-of-focus partial black and white nude, and then a silly photoshop project using a whole body shot, but it was that most recent shot where I got really brave. And wow, you guys were so nice! I can't believe how many people looked at it, and maybe the comments did devolve into a bit of a "my boobs are bigger" contest (Nancy, you win, hands down--no one else comes close)--but still, it was awesome. After feeling like a fat lump for the last ten years, it's really nice to get a little bit of a nudge in the opposite direction.

Several of you said you wanted to take similar photos--I say, go for it! It's totally empowering.

That said, I'm not perfect on the fat acceptance thing. I lost about ten pounds on our trip, and that pleased me no end and I'm trying to keep it off. Also, most of the pictures I take for my 52 Weeks project look like this--close ups of my face, safe and thin-looking.

It's all about progress, right? Sigh.

Comments

[Labrys]

I hope you feel better quickly! And great photos....I don't care if the xmas lights one is "done", it is very lovely!

[Kim]

When I look at those pics I see a very beautiful confident woman. As others have mentioned, isn't it amazing that we can look at other people and see their beauty and not notice any flaws but we can't give the same courtesy to ourselves? I see NOTHING wrong and everything right about how you look, I hope you can see yoruself that way one day too. And I hope I can one day say that about myself and mean it too!

[Shannon Owens]

LOVE the first shot... frame that sucker and hang it on the wall! I also LOVE the big fat fairy photo... you should make those into cards and sell them... I would buy them :)

Hey what size are you wearing right now... I might have some clothes that could work for ya and maybe meet half way between where I live (Reading) and where you live...

[Laura]

Cecily, I love your pictures, especially the "nekkid" one! You are so lovely--your eyes are amazing and you know we all envy the hell out of your creamy skin. :) You are so brave, and you make me want to be brave, too.

[Caitlin]

The full-body shot of you with the tree is fantastic, Cecily. My parents worked full-time when I was growing up, so they employed a nanny...and her body was just like yours. It was like deja-vu to see it, and I remember how wonderful it was to be hugged and cuddled by her as a child. She always referred to herself as "plump", but never in a self-deprecating way. She taught me that love comes in all shapes and sizes. I thought she was one of the most beautiful people in the world. I still do. Thank you for posting it.

[Sunny]

I love the pictures...they brought tears to my eyes. It's hard for me to be objective about my own appearance. In my own head fat = ugly, gross, disgusting, etc. That's how I see myself. However, you're gorgeous and photos are fabulous. This was very, very, very eye opening for me. Maybe I can start to believe my dh when he compliments me?

Thank you for sharing these!!

[Denika]

Oh man, I had strep throat twice with the flu right before a couple of months ago in the very first month of my new Orlando job. Take every single one of those pills or it will come back! Good thing it was the end of the year and I had just started so I had plenty of sick time to run through.

[Anne]

Cec I give you so much credit for doing 52 Weeks, I felt all inspired after you first started (and after looking at Sara's photos - hard not to be) and was taking some but not posting. The not posting my pics tells it all, I just haven't got past the "fear" of putting myself out there of accepting myself for who I am as opposed to the bikini model I wanna be. Maybe someday so ….. (and getting a remote for my camera will help ;)!)

[magpie]

God, you're beautiful. This one (52 Weeks/ 27: Repose...) is a stunner. Brave and wonderful.