Just When I Thought I Was Getting Better...

Yesterday I took Tori to the YMCA to swim, which she dearly loves. She comes over to me and says, "Swim? Water?" and my heart melts and we get everything together and go on over to the pool and swim. It's some of our best time together, and I forget that if I put everything aside and make it ALL ABOUT TORI the time we have together is wonderful and perfect and she is just a dream.

She's fearless at the pool, jumping in while holding onto my hands, going fully under with each jump (yes! really!) and coming up giggling. She then grabs onto the side of the pool and clambers out, all by herself, and does it again. This amazes all the other mothers at the pool, and I felt very smug (they asked, "How old is she? And I said, smiling, "Oh, she'll be two in June") watching the moms of four-year-olds timidly putting toes into the water as they went down the stairs.

After about a million jumps Tori was getting tired and sitting on the stairs and kicking and playing, and then sometimes she'd get bored and go jump for a bit and then go back to the stairs and I was heading back to meet her at the stairs when I saw it: poop in the pool.

Not a big ol' poop, just little frayed bits of poop. Now, I'd been diligently checking her swim diaper because about four or five days ago after swimming we'd headed into the showers and I'd been surprised to find a gift there in her diaper, so I'd probably checked it about a dozen times while we were swimming yesterday. Once I saw the floaties, I checked it again. It was spotless--clean as a whistle.

A few minutes before I spotted the floaties a dad had come in with a year-old boy, and he was the only other kid in the pool in a diaper. It may have been him. It might have been an older kid. But it wasn't Tori.

But the other moms? They all thought it was.

Everyone had to get out, and we all went to the showers. There had been a large birthday group in the pool, and they were all in the showers too, glaring daggers at me. I took Tori's diaper off, and I put it outside our little shower cubicle so they COULD ALL SEE IT WAS CLEAN. Some saw it, and their gazes softened. But not all of them. Not at all. The mother of the birthday boy, especially, was viscous--if gazes could cut, I'd have been sliced to ribbons.

What bothered me wasn't so much the glares. I mean, there was only five minutes left of swim time anyway, no one really lost anything, and every kid was so dipped in chlorine it wasn't like anyone was going to get sick, and it was probably about a teaspoon of poop-substance at most anyway. Oh, AND IT WASN'T TORI.

What bothered me is HOW MUCH IT BOTHERED ME. I was SO EMBARRASSED. I wanted so much for those other moms to KNOW it wasn't me, it wasn't MY KID. Jesus, I'd never seen any of them there before, chances are I won't again, so why do I care? Of course, it's entirely possible that the mom of the birthday boy was more worried about the party than she was worried about me. But still.

Sheesh. And I thought I'd grown up.

Comments

[Kheatherg]

Im sorry, i had to laugh.... the thought of 50 people jumping out of the pool because of poop, when in fact those YMCA pools have enough chlorine in them to cure a good case of the clap!

There was probably a better chance of contracting foot jam in the showers that anything bacterial from the pool!

Not to worry over this one, there will be so much more that embarrasses you in the future THAT SHE WILL DO.

[mellie]

Ugh! One of my top ten peeves is being blamed for something I didn't do--it would be much worse with my kid involved. Jealous Cats anyway, of Tori's swimming prowess. They probably didn't even notice the other potential culprits.

[Sarah]

I would have remarked, really really loudly - OH good girl tori! Your diaper is clean! You know not to poop in the pool! Good girl! I wonder who it could have been... SINCE IT WASN'T YOU!

[Celeste]

It's not like it was even diarrhea...sheeeesh, some people just like to take offense and bitch just for the sheer joy of feeling superior. I wonder if it was just an extension of the time you were at the pool on vacation and people were acting obnoxious about your tattoos?

Sorry your fun day was ruined. Mean people suck.

[Lisa]

Well, you know what they say: Sh*t happens! Sorry! I couldn't resist. Cecily, this is nothing! The worst part about kids having friends is sometimes you have to deal with the moms of the kids that are friends. And it only gets worse as they get older.

[jenn]

Why is it that even the knowledge that we didn't do it doesn't assuage the guilt? I'm so like that. I'll spend days, nay weeks, after the event wondering whether people thought it was ME? And do they hate me?

Here's my theory: by visibly giving you & Tori the stink-eye, those other moms were "proving" to everyone else that it wasn't their kid's fault. Crappy, but probably true.

Don't let it stop you from going back to swim. It sounds like a blast!

[Nic]

Don't feel bad at all, she should because of how horrible she acted. Why have a birthday party at a pool (public no less) and not expect stuff to happen. These are kids and things happen.
It will be that ladies turn to be embarrased. My kid peed on the floor in Target. I thought I was gonna die, I wanted to clean it up but the staff says," Nope that is what we get paid for." I did clean the cart with clorox wipes and still feel bad for it now. Even though my son is almost 9 years old now!

[ladykuri]

Meh, people suck. That's the theory I operate from anyway, they suck, not my issue ;)

We were at the Y the other day swimming and ended up leaving because we got swamped by a bunch of rather catty nasty tween girls. Since my oldest is 12 and heavy it was getting uncomfortable for her so I called time. Plus I was EXHAUSTED! Almost 3 hours of pool time is a bit much for mom immediately post-plague, and since the youngest isn't swimming yet I do need to be right in there, ya know?

[Tifany]

Hey - shit happens!!

I would have felt the exact same way you did.

[Elena]

My oldest is a lifeguard and it's his job to CLEAN the pool after a poop incident. They have their procedures of course and he's only had to do it twice. They get service "points" for a poop incident so it's not all bad!

You Cec, it might not have been a baby or toddler that pooped. It could have been one of the parents with an incontinence problem which is VERY common.

Either way this is just one of those things that go with public swimming pools.

Congrats on getting Tori to enjoy the water at such an early age. She will probably start swim lessons at level 2 when she is ready!

I'm firmly in the "I would have remarked, really really loudly - OH good girl tori! Your diaper is clean!" camp. I HATE getting blamed ( or my kid by extension) for something I didn't do.

[Jessica]

I completely understand how you feel! Did you hear about what happened at the WC university pool this past summer though? There was a terrible outbreak of some very bad stomach bug there caused by a similar incident during swimming lessons. They had to close/drain/disinfect the pool for weeks, CC public health made them cancel all of the rest of their AWESOME swimming lessons, etc. Not to excuse anyone giving you or Tori the stink eye, but I think a lot of local moms are very sensitive to this problem because of the WCU incident. And lots more people than you would think know about it because the swimming lessons they give there are phenomenal and have a huge word of mout reputation. People come from all over the Delaware Valley for them and they had to cancel several sold-out sesions worth at the end of the summer.

[Anne]

sorry that was me above - just finishing my first cup of coffee.

[rachel]

Do we ever really grow up? Nope.
I'm glad that y'all had so much fun. When princess was 2 she'd do the same thing, jump and giggle.. over and over again. Great memories. It's so hard, because as adults we internalize so much and we want everyone to like us so they'll in turn like our kids... vicious circle. But, if Tori was oblivious, and she had fun.. try to shake it off. It's about you and her, not them and like you said, you'll probably never see them again. Sorry that your time ended in frustration for you.

[Lisa]

Ha, I would have felt the same way, but still, the other mothers shouldn't have been angry at a little baby. Jeez, people need to lighten up!

When I was 11 we stayed in a fancy schmancy hotel because my dad had a business trip in Washington, D.C. My sister proceeded to puke in the swanky rooftop pool, causing it to be shut down for the rest of the night, with various children crying and their parents glaring at my family. All these years later, it's still cause for a laugh, though at the time, we felt like the pariah family.

[Suzanne]

When I was younger the pool we went to was adjacent to a nursing home and nearly all of the poop incidents were from the nursing home residents and NOT small children.

Now I could understand glaring at someone if their kid is like 10 and pooping in the pool but come on, Tori isn't even 2 so even if it was her it's really stupid to be mad at a baby.

[Toni]

Next time just sing that "I'm All Right" song from Caddyshack and do the cabbage patch like the gopher.

My friend and I describe these moments as "sweat time." I'm sure you know, where your kid is acting up and you KNOW it's normal and it's cool and hey, we're all human, circle of life and all that good stuff, and yet you're sweating like Nixon. I'm three kids and nearly 10 years into this gig and it still happens sometimes. Plus, always remember--as you seem to know already--that you're not a mind-reader. That birthday mom's face might always look like that, LOL.

[Shelley]

I think that's just crazy. Even if it was Tori, she's not even two and how are you supposed to know immediately if your kid does go?

[Amy in BC]

Try to tell yourself WHAT'EVA BITCH! :) (Sorry long day for me..)

[Coral]

I would have felt exactly the same, guilty for no reason. However, can you now laugh at those stupid people? I find my sense of humour kicks in a bit later, and I can only laugh at the ridiculous situation!

[MissPig]

Oh yes, that's me, too: being so dependent on what people think of me, being embarassed when I have to show that I am not perfect or, like in this story of yours, when people might even just think that I am not perfect.

I keep telling myself that embarassing things do happen to everybody all the time and that it's only human, but embarassement just kicks in, and then I feel not only embarassed but also mad at me for feeling embarassed.

Know what works for me, when I have the awareness and guts to do it? To do the exact opposite of what's natural: Not hiding the embarassement and trying to sneak through the situation, but to be really outspoken about the whole situation, and, above all: search for the humour in it and laugh. Like in your story, I might have (on a good day) laughed and said: "Isn't it funny, how we are all fleeing the pool afraid of this little bit of poop. And, how embarassing to think that it could have been my daughter, which thank god she wasn't today, but if it had been, I would feel so embarassed, when all that happened is that a kid just couldn't hold it any longer - I mean, hey, they are kids after all! Well, thank god for chlorine." Or something along the line.

I find that it works really well for me when I challenge these situations and not just hide. I do not want to hide, I want to be able to show it all, everything that's part of me, not only my sunny sides, but especially the "dark" sides, like my sorrow (I have become really good at crying in public lately) and my embarassement.

It would make the world a so much more human place if we would dare to show ourselves completely.

[Alison S]

My younger daughter peed on the floor at the (carpeted) Disney store, once, when she was rising three or so. I am sorry to say that we left the shop without telling anyone, because I was so embarrassed. I am ashamed of my lack of public consideration now, safely 7 years or so down the line...

[Whitney]

Oh I can't stand catty mothers. Even if it had been Tori, she's a CHILD and there's no need for cattiness. Some people need to get a life.

I took my oldest to the pediatrician for an ear infection, on a Sunday afternoon walk-in time when the waiting room was PACKED. I didn't see the puke coming in time, and she puked all over me, herself, the chair, the floor....Most of the other parents were glaring at me like I could have prevented it, but this one sweet girl with a baby immediately broke out her baby wipes and started dabbing at the mess with me. I could have kissed that woman!! I'll never forget that.

[Anon]

Sorry you had to go through that. Reminds me of walking into an empty aisle at the grocery store where someone just passed horrifying gas and then everyone who passes by thinks it's you. You want to scream "it wasn't me...it was here when I got here" but that would make you look even more guilty. Whoever smelt it dealt it...Arghh. Why do these experiences throw us back into elementary school?

[Chickenpig]

The parenting world would be such a better place if all moms and dads just admitted that the same thing that is happening to you (tantrums in Target, poop in the pool, embarrassing comments) happen to everyone, and no one should be pointing fingers...or in this case giving dagger looks. Be thankful that Tori isn't old enough to be embarrassed by the other parents, because that would have been really hurtful and cruel. You are angry, and rightfully so, because it wasn't Tori, but what if it had been? Toddler shit, and pee, happens, and other parents need to be more kind, and forgiving...because if we aren't, how do we expect ppl without kids to act?