Speaking to the Candidates About Choice On the Four Year Anniversary Of This Blog

Apparently, some folks who read this blog know some folks who know some folks and swear they can get this blog entry read by at least Obama, but I figured, why limit myself to just writing to Obama? I'm speaking to everyone who is running for President, including Ms. Clinton, and Mr. McCain (ok, maybe not Mr. Nader).

Why have I been appointed as someone to discuss the issue of choice? Because I'm the Internet Poster Girl For Partial Birth Abortion, that's why. It's not a title I'm proud of, but it's one I was saddled with a few years ago.

I'm not going to get into the whole story here. If you really want to read all about the harrowing details they start here. But you are all too busy running for president, so I'll give you the short version. In April of 2004 I was lucky enough to get pregnant with twin boys after undergoing in vitro treatment for male factor infertility (thanks to drugs my husband's mother took--DES, we suspect--while she was pregnant with him). We were on top of the world, although the pregnancy was difficult.

But a routine ultrasound on October 26--meant to be a time of great joy (my best friend came with us to the appointment--revealed terrible news: one of the twins had died, probably about a week before. We went from the ultrasound appointment to my obstetrician's office and were met with even more grim news. My weight had spiked up about 18 pounds, my blood pressure was soaring, and I had protein in my urine.

It turned out that I was in full-blown preeclampsia. I was admitted to the hospital immediately.

After that, everything happened very quickly. I was put on medication (magnesium sulfate) in an attempt to treat the preeclampsia and save the remaining twin until he reached outside-the-womb viability--a mere two weeks away (I was just over 22 weeks pregnant). But I got much worse overnight; my blood pressure couldn't be controlled, I had a massive headache and was vomiting uncontrollably. My kidneys shut down. I was moments away from seizures, coma, and death when the doctors came and told us the bad news: my remaining twin could not be saved. My pregnancy had to be terminated or both the baby and I would die.

You might, Mr. Obama and Mr. McCain, be able to imagine what it felt like to be my husband--to imagine being terrified of losing your children and your wife in one fell swoop. Ms. Clinton, you might be able to imagine lying in the hospital, so sick you barely feel any of what is happening, only knowing that the long-fought-for children you so desperately wanted are now both going to be dead.

Here's the part of the story where choice comes in. I could, of course, have gone through induced labor and delivered my tiny twins. But my blood pressure was hovering around 165/120 (often going higher), even with treatment. Can you imagine what labor would have done to my body with blood pressure that high? My doctor recommended, and I agreed, that I undergo the much less stressful intact dilation and extraction procedure--what the "pro-life" forces often like to call a "partial birth abortion." Of course, you being the smart and well-education politicians that you are know that there is NO medical procedure that is actually called a "partial birth abortion" so you know that there are several medical procedures that the "pro-life" movement put in that category, including the one that I had. Wait, I take that back--Mr. McCain, as you have been a staunch supporter of the Partial Birth Abortion ban you clearly were asleep in class when they discussed the actual procedures.

But I digress. My doctor refers to my procedure as the worst moment in his professional career. As I lay on the gurney, waiting for my procedure to start, I felt a gulf of grief and emptiness the like of which I have never known. I felt abandoned by God. I lay there, crying, alone, surrounded by doctors and nurses. You can't imagine the sadness.

I was lucky. Are you surprised that I would say that? I was lucky because the partial-birth abortion ban was not yet in effect in October of 2004. If it had been, I would have been forced to undergo labor and delivery, no matter the risks to my health, and I might right now be either dead or so brain damaged I would be unable to type this. I was additionally lucky because even though I live in Philadelphia, one of the largest cities in the country--a city, Mr. Obama and Ms. Clinton, you two will be visiting a great deal in the next month--my doctor happened to be only one of two doctors in this entire city that was willing and able to perform this life-saving medical procedure (although he can't now, of course, thanks to the ban being enacted--besides, he left Pennsylvania for New Jersey thanks to our crazy medical malpractice insurance crisis but that's another story).

So that's my story. For a year after that, I licked my wounds and missed my sons, Nicholas and Zachary. Eventually, I underwent a frozen embryo transfer and gave birth to my daughter Victoria, whose grinning face you see above this entry. I had problems with her delivery as well, so I will not be having other children, sadly.

I'm sure that you will find my story compelling; even the most hard-hearted and most staunch pro-lifers have. Many who came to my blog to question my decision have stayed and become friends. You know why? Because mine was an "acceptable" abortion. I'm not a 26 year old professional woman who doesn't want to derail her career by having a child and chooses to terminate a pregnancy. Or a teenage girl who got drunk and forgot to make the boy wear a condom. Or a harried mother of three who just can't imagine having a fourth child.

So it's easy to read my story and say, oh, yes, in case LIKE YOURS, abortion should be legal. But... when laws are passed that make it difficult for that teenage girl to get to exercise the right to control her own body--hey, I'm looking at you, Ms. Clinton, for not standing up harder against the parental notification laws--or for the professional woman to be able to fill a prescription, quietly, for RU486 at her local pharmacy so she can make her choice as well, or that harried mother to do the same thing--when those laws are passed, it's women like me that die. When you cut corners, you don't save babies lives. You kill women like me.

Let me say that again. When you compromise on abortion--when you sacrifice even the smallest corner of choice--you kill women like me. You create a culture of fear among doctors that puts lives like mine at risk.

So knock it off, will you? Fight to protect a woman's right to choose. I know, Ms. Clinton, that you believe in it enough to put it on the front page of your website, but your record isn't perfect. Mr. Obama, you do not discuss choice on your campaign page (although it's hosted on the Women for Obama page). Why not? Mr. McCain, for shame. Shame on you for promoting a law that is basically a warrant for my death. Come on.

I'm tired of writing about this. I am tired of being the Internet Poster Girl for Partial Birth Abortion, I assure you. It's not comfortable. By writing this post, I will get a new batch of pro-life people that will start telling me how I murdered my sons, how they could have lived (they never, ever, remember that one had already passed away) and some will threaten me. It happens every time I talk about this. Sometimes I just want to lie down and let someone else do this. But I won't. I don't know what it will take; perhaps a constitutional amendment protecting women's bodies?

Yeah. That might do it. Sigh. Like that will ever happen.

Comments

[jenn]

I agree 100%. Blanket legislation doesn't make exceptions. I hope that all three candidates read this.

[Michele]

I'll repeat what others have said: Thank You.

I know you don't like to be the poster girl for this cause, but I can't think of many other women who can get their point across as well as you do. Now if only we could get those who make these laws to read and to understand.

[Sarah]

Thank you for speaking out again. For being one of the (few) voices that clearly shows why the right to abortion is so critical. For providing some balance to the stories of people who misuse the procedure.

Reading your story always makes me think of how I could be in a somewhat similar situation. Because of a previous uterine rupture it will never be safe for me to labor or have contractions. If i am ever faced with the need to end a pregnancy for my own health, I would currently have to have a c-section since a D&E and labor are not options. Every c-section I have (i'm up to 2; one for my daughter who died soon after birth and one for my 5 month old) increases my risks in future pregnancies and takes away a chance to try to have a second child to raise (at the very most my OB says I can have 4 c-sections).

Politicians need to know that there are real people who want to have children more than anything that their lawmaking affects. The right to choose is not something that should ever be compromised.

[Susie K.]

Brava, Strong Woman! Thank you!

[Emily]

I have read your blog for years, and after battling cancer three years ago I decided to take a dip in the fertility pool. After thank g-d only one treatment I got pregnant just to miscarry 9 weeks later. I have wanted children since I cant even remember and losing this baby, even naturally at 9 weeks, feels like the biggest loss in the world. I can only understand a fraction of what you went through, but your story is so important and only now I understand its importance! Thanks for being the postchild - you do a great job. I hope the candidates read this and are impacted by a "real person" - something they all claim to be.

[Amanda]

As I enter the 23rd week of my pregnancy, I live in fear of a decision like yours. I pray everyday that my pregnancy ends happily. But if it didn't... (shudder) I praise you for speaking out about this even as your writing brings me to tears and makes me quake in fear. Although there may be some out there that feel differently, I don't know of a single woman that wants to ever have this decision put to her. Thank God, the doctor did and could perform a "partial birth abortion" or Charlie would be grieving the deaths of both his children and his wife instead of sharing life with you and your beautiful daughter.

[Ariel]

I wish I could write as well as you to express how much reading something like this means to me. Thank you for putting your story out there and your viewpoint. Even if there are people out there who don't agree - you deserve their respect.

[Lori]

(my blog is private but I'll add you if you want to send me a request)

I just wanted to say that I have read your blog for a good while now...I stumbled on it while searching for preeclampsia online. I suffered from preeclampsia during my first (and second too..) pregnancy. I have always thought that abortion was wrong and should be banned..but I don't think I ever stopped to think that if it were banned then a woman like you, or me, or any of my other preeclampsia sisters or any woman that develops a life threatening disease while pregnant could easily die. I just wanted to let you know that even though it's a hard spot to be in, and I would not wish it on anyone...that I really admire you for putting it all out there. I think you are one awesome woman. Now, a shameless plug...I am the co-founder of a website for preeclampsia survivors. We would be honored if you chose to join. I am sure your contribution to our little community would be significant. www.preeclampsiasurvivors.com

[Jen]

May the Goddess bless you Cecily! As a woman I thank you.

After 3 early term losses followed by D&C I was struck with how personal how private and yet how incredibly public a woman's body is.

I intend to share your story with the other bloggers I know with the hope that together we can all link back to this post and really increase the odds that this post will be read by those making the decisions that matter most.

Have you posted this same post on Blogher?

Once again....on behalf of myself and my 3 year old daughter...bless you...

Jen

http://furoreandfrenzy.com

[melissa]

Thank you for this. I hope beyond hope that some of the candidates actually do get their eyes on this. I really admire your work. Our adoption process led to my "baby blog" but now and then I try to break out of the here's-another-cute-picture formula and write something serious...and when I do, 1) you're one of my role models, and 2) I always have vague "why bother" feelings floating around in my head because you do it SO much better.

[Lisa]

Again, kudos. I am pro-choice because I don't think women should die -- either in hospitals or back alleys -- because they need or want an abortion.

[Kim]

Did anyone every tell you that you are an Uppercase Lady!! Well you are! You are a woman hear ye roar!!! Good for you! Get your voice heard, and screw all the rest!!!

[Amy]

Thank you so much for a difference by sharing your experience. I hope the candidates do indeed read this, think hard about it, and recognize how many MANY of us share your views Cecily.

Keep it up!

[Laura]

Cecily, my brave girl, you will always have my undying love and respect. Your story always wrenches my soul, but you have the strength and generosity of spirit to put it out there to help others. That's a true Christian.

Love, Laura

[alyssa]

i'm sorry you're the poster girl, but nobody could do it any better.

you rock, cecily

[Hanlie]

Just delurking to add my support and to give you a thumbs up!

[Natalee]

Thank you. I'm so, so, sorry that you were thrust into this role, especially since it cost you your sons, but I am so grateful that someone as eloquent, strong, and wonderful as you is the voice on this issue.

((HUGS)) (sorry, I know it's cheesy, but you deserve it)

[Mary]

I know this would not have affected the tragic outcome, I'm just curious why a c-section wasn't an option? Were you too sick for surgery?

I am so so sorry for your terrible loss, and very happy that you have Tory.

[Julie]

I love you sweetie and your strength. I wonder if any of THEM have the courage to step out of the shadows into your world. I hope they do. I hope they read this site from stem to stern. I pray they "get it".

Rock on Cecily - we're with you!

[Melissa in TN]

Hey Cec, I remember Holly from the first time around. Wasn't that her name?

You make such a difference with your blog.

Thinking of you and N & Z.

[Sarah J]

Great post, a cause that has always been near and dear to my heart. I wish people would talk more about it, and I think that it is even more interesting coming from you as a religious person. I want the church out of my bedroom, bathroom, hall closet.

Thank you.

[Julia]

Go Cecily!

[Carly]

Someday I hope to see you up in the balcony during a State of the Union address with all of your beautiful tatoos visible (well maybe not EVERY bit of them, tee heee) and your head held high...

[gillian]

beautifully written...makes me cry everytime I read your story. That being said I am very sorry you and your family had to go thru a lifechanging event.
Your words are very powerful and I think you are just great. Keep it up there are a bunch of us listening to every word

c-section wasn't an option?