Strength *EDITED*

I was at a meeting this morning and while the topic was technically about fear I found myself focusing on strength instead. The room was full of all these incredible women (ok, a couple of men too, but mostly women) who have all been through the motherfucking wringer of life--in the biggest ways you can imagine--and are all sitting there, these incredible pillars of strength, offering caring and support to others by baring their souls and sharing their vulnerabilities. It's just an amazing thing to see. I was really overwhelmed with the power and generosity of these women today.

This got me thinking about strong women in general, something I've been thinking about anyway as I've been slowly finding myself leaning back toward Hillary Clinton again in this election saga (sorry, I just keep going back and forth and I can't help but feel attracted to her). I think about all the shit she's been through, our Hillary, the fucking sexism she's had to endure (Emily reminded me of the South Park episode that had terrorists hide a bomb in her vagina, for fuck's sake), the ridicule, the hatred... and all this makes me want to vote for her. I look at Geraldine Ferraro, being treated like fucking crap in the press because she had the audacity to mention race (I realize that I'm a. coming from a place of white priviledge and b. blinded a bit because Ms. Ferraro is totally one of my childhood heroes, but I really don't understand what is bad about what she said*, nor do I understand what it is about what she said that's even inaccurate) and I see the steel in these women and I want to honor that.

I've been thinking too about the women I know personally that have set out to accomplish these incredibly difficult goals--like my mom. She was a single mother, working a crap ass job as a book keeper at a trucking company when she said fuck this shit and went back to school and worked her ass off and eventually got a PhD, all while she raised me, the hellion alcoholic child. I mean, how amazing is that?

And there's my friend Sarah--my best friend--who decided a few years ago to buy herself a nice camera and try her hand at being a photographer because she thought just maybe she'd inherited a touch of her mother's incredible eye (Sarah's mom is an amazing painter). And completely self-taught, just by trial and error, she started taking shots and putting them up on the web, and putting herself out there and then she began this journey of taking self-portraits and she got better and better at it and it became everything to her, her true calling, her true art--and damn if it didn't fucking pay off. If you haven't read about it already at her blog, three of Sarah's self-portraits are going to be featured in May's issue of Fitness Magazine. And she's getting PAID. I am SO PROUD OF HER. And to think, thirteen years ago we were huddled in a dark bedroom together shooting up drugs. Baby, we have come a long fucking ass way. I am actually crying when I think about this.

This morning someone said at my meeting that "Courage is fear that has said its prayers" and I think Sarah is one of the most courageous people I know. I know for sure that she has been the answer to my prayers. I've had many great friends over the years--lots of whom are still in my life, thank god--but Sarah is special. I'm so grateful that she is in my life, as is my mom, and are all the other brave, strong women that have made my life as it is today possible.

Who is it your life that makes you shine? What woman made you rise up? I'm feeling so high I want to hear about your strong women. Share away!

*Alright, I give on the Ferraro thing. Looking at the whole quote, I can see why it bothers people.

Comments

[porter]

i checked your blog when i saw your status....i knew you were referring to sarah. that is amazing for her, amazing! both of you are living fairy tales if you ask me...how many people come through what you two have been through and then gone so far? inspiration.
i don't have anyone in my life who makes me 'shine' or 'rise up'. sad i suppose. i feel as though i'm missing out on so much. having said that, i've had a pretty easy life (knock on wood)...i have a wonderful mom (she had a pretty easy life too). i have two daughters who i'm sure will teach me many things about women...and i'm still trying to figure 'me' out and to find myself. i expect that one day i will break out of my cocoon and the true butterfly will emerge...it's difficult to explain.
either way, i'm happy for sarah. i haven't stopped by her blog in such a long time (no reason why)...i need to pop over there soon. but for now, the two of you fairy goddesses keep on shining and keep on rocking it.

[Journeywoman]

Funny you should ask. My thursday 13 this week is about women I admire.

Regarding Ms. Ferraro, what she said offends me personally because she made it seem like the only reason Barack Obama was winning over Hillary Clinton is because he is black. That his rhetorical skill, his charisma, his ideas for the presidency meant nothing. "If he were a white man he would not be in this position." I tend to believe that if I heard a white man speak like he did, he would be in this position.

But that's neither here nor there. I will vote Democrat in November, no matter who wins.

Good post as always. Also, when you're looking for women to admire, make sure you look in a mirror.

[Jon]

Well, for what it's worth...

I'd pick Hillary. ...for the same reasons I picked Lenora_Fulani... back inda DAY.

I'm a feminist. PERIOD. ...and I'm from Philly. I always try to look out for the "underdog". (Shoot, I'M an underdog... so maybe it's selfish, but...)

It doesn't matter what my dern legal letter is. I am who I am, and I vote with my HEART.

[Jon]

...have to add this though...

Even if Barak were a woman, I'd vote for Hillary. I think that she's very much more "qualified".

[Julia]

When I was in college, studying music, I peppered my first music history teacher with questions about women composers. He told me, and our class, that women weren't made to be composers and the few examples around didn't stand up to the greats. I made a point of looking up the women he did mention, learning as much about them as possible and listening to their music. Their inspiration - the way they wrote music, even if they were overlooked by history, made me decide to do my own ignoring of the status quo. I'm not a musician any more, but I run my own company in a country where women aren't supposed to be the boss. I just go ahead and ignore that impossibility.

Oh, and I'm also making sure my daughter knows, even at 4, that if she wants to be a composer, there are plenty of wonderful women composers around for her to listen to and to follow in their footsteps.

[Carla Hinkle]

I'm sorry - trying not to go off on a rant here -- but you don't understand what Ferraro said that was offensive?

She said that Obama wouldn't be where he is (in a close race to be the nominee) if he were white. That is a ridiculous statement. Like it is somehow an ADVANTAGE to be a black man in politics in this country? If he weren't black he would have probably already won the nomination, for Christ's sake. I was big-time offended by Ferraro and am glad she had to quit.

And please -- please -- don't get sucked in by feeling sorry for Hillary. She has been through a lot of sh*t in her life but a not insignificant quantity of it is because she chose to hook her wagon to the star of a man who disrespected her for 35 years and she never had the backbone to leave him. (And I say this as a person who is a big Bill Clinton fan.)

Hillary is one tough motherf'er (no doubt), but she and Bill have brought this campaign to a new low with her bare-knuckled, win-at-all-costs strategy. If she does somehow manage to eke out the nomination all that sh*t is going to come back to bite her in the general election big time. I am losing more respect for her by the day.

Please read today's post over at Raising WEG:

http://raisingweg.typepad.com/raising_weg/2008/03/now-shes-just-p.html

[meme]

Ferraro's comment is offensive because it implies that Obama's success is purely because of his race. And not because he is an extraordinary individual who is running an extremely skilled campaign. That it is the color of his skin which has caused him to be this close to the nominee. It dismisses all his accomplishments and all of his merits. It suggests that Obama's appeal is some kind of white-guilt phenomenon and tries to justify why Obama is ahead of Hillary Clinton by using logic that is both bigoted and ridiculous. Hillary should have immediately dismissed Ferraro and denounced the comment - she let it fester and has yet to reject the thinking.

Hillary is a tough woman, but her campaign has absolutely disgusted me. I suggest you watch Keith Olbermann's take on the Ferraro comment and other aspect of Clinton's campaign: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/23601329#23601329

My tough woman is my mother, who lost her partner of 30 years in the middle of raising two teenage children.

[Hazel]

I'm not sure I have any strong women role models, but I sure need one. I'm at that point in my life where I need to make one of those life altering decisions. Something to completely change my path. I've thought about photography, and I've thought about writing. I've even thought about being a knitwear designer. But I've yet to find the thing that will make me still be me, and not emulate someone else.

[Jen]

If a member of Obama's campaign has said that the only reason Hillary is where she is was because of her gender, I would have been equally as offended, maybe even moreso, because of my position as a woman.

Like other posts have pointed out, it implies that everything that Obama has done in his life to lead him to this point, the message that he conveys, the hard work he has put in means nothing, because his race matters more.

If Hillary wins the nomination, I will happily vote for her, I think she would do a fine job, but she isn't my candidate of choice, and I have been extremely disappointed in the way her campaign has been run.

[Sarah]

Thank you SO much for what you wrote about me here, first of all. I fucking love you so much!!

I have to agree with other comments about why what Ferraro said was indeed racist, even if she didn't 'intend' it that way.

Lastly! The women in my life who lift me up? I'm truly blessed with the number of women I can say I admire. And YOU are way up on that list, honey. xo

[Melissa in TN]

My mom is one of my inspirational women. She was one of eight kids and they didn't have much growing up in the hills (she calls them hills, they are mountains to me) of Eastern Kentucky. She left and went to Indiana to get a job and get away from poverty. She met my dad and raised five kids.

She worked like a man helping my dad build more than one house. She can drive a log truck or a school bus. She has overcome cancer, a husband who liked the ladies (to put it nicely), a son who was a hellion (to put it nicely) and much more.

She can stretch a dollar and cook like you wouldn't believe. She has rocked many a baby--child, grandchild and great grandchild.

She still drives and lives alone at 81. She plans on living to at least 100.

[Toni]

She has endured:

A father who beat her across the back with a leather strap.
Often.
At the urging of her mother.
Living in a cold water flat in Chicago.
Being forced to work while only owning 2 dresses, and having to hand over her entire paycheck to her mother.
At 16, decking her father, who never beat her again.
A cheating husband.
Single motherhood when NOBODY was a single mother.
Relatives who took and took but seldom gave.
A man who never stopped loving her and asked her to run away with him when she was married pregnant with her 2nd born child.
An alcoholic husband (in recovery 29 years).
A son with Down Syndrome born in 1970. They told her to put him in a home. She told them to get bent and took him home. He's still with her today.
Taking care of her husband's mentally ill mother, schizophrenic brother, and abusive mother, all of whom ended up under her roof at one point or another.
A daughter who moved out at 18 and who eventually stopped keeping in touch altogether.
Two granddaughters and two great-grandchildren she barely knows who also don't keep in touch.
The death of both of her brothers.
A sociopathic boss.
Graves Disease.
Breast cancer.
Two of her husband's open heart surgeries, one just last year.
Cigarettes. She just quit after FIFTY FIVE FUCKING YEARS.
Oh, and me. Her second-born. ;)

Strong? Most of the women I know aren't fit to stand in the same room with her and say the word.

I only get a pass because she loves me unconditionally and always has.

[Julie]

Too many strong women in my life to count - many of whom were at that meeting with you this morning, Cecily. Amazing group there. Mom comes to mind. Along with both grandmoms, both still rocking it in their 80s, one of whom raised 11 - yes 11 children. My mother-in-law, who raised six kids, and helped to raise her 10 younger siblings, and who is as I type, watching her father die, helping him to die with dignity, helping everyone with the loss.

My posse of girls from high school-some of the best, strongest, funniest women I know. I could go on and on, but I won't. It was a privilege to be in that room this morning.

[Amy]

Usually I feel like you are so on target, but I just can't believe that you don't see that Ferarro's comments were absolutely racist, in fact horrifyingly racist. She did not just have the audacity to mention race. She implied that Obama's success is entirely based on his race and that he is "lucky" to be an African-American man in America. Totally insulting and unacceptable. Completely ignorant. And Hillary didn't step right up to repudiate such racism either. I had a dream of a woman president. I am a feminist. I teach at a woman's college. But there is no way in hell that I will vote for Hillary now. I couldn't live with myself if I supported a candidate whose campaign has repeatedly disseminated and tacitly endorsed racism, and who has endorsed McCain over Obama as part of her campaign strategy.

Otherwise, I love your post about strong women.

[Amy]

Usually I feel like you are so on target, but I just can't believe that you don't see that Ferarro's comments were absolutely racist, in fact horrifyingly racist. She did not just have the audacity to mention race. She implied that Obama's success is entirely based on his race and that he is "lucky" to be an African-American man in America. Totally insulting and unacceptable. Completely ignorant. And Hillary didn't step right up to repudiate such racism either. I had a dream of a woman president. I am a feminist. I teach at a woman's college. But there is no way in hell that I will vote for Hillary now. I couldn't live with myself if I supported a candidate whose campaign has repeatedly disseminated and tacitly endorsed racism, and who has endorsed McCain over Obama as part of her campaign strategy.

Otherwise, I love your post about strong women.

[AdirondackJen]

RE: Hilary -- I can't say I KNOW this would be true, just that I HOPE it would be...

But I feel hopeful that Hilary would take winning for granted less (less than Obama would), and she would champion the pursuit of females' equality and focus on putting more women in positions of strength and leadership, protect the right to choose, etc. I think in having a daughter, she might potentially be more sensitive to empowering women in multitudes of ways. I know that having daughters myself has made me less blase about "women's issues" (I hate that phrase), gender equality, empowerment of girls, abortion rights, sexual freedom, girls' success in school vs boys, etc etc etc. Maybe this is a pipe dream, but she fought like a mama bear over the health care crap, even long after everyone told her to give it up, already. Maybe she'd make some strides in this area that Obama wouldn't.

I have less hope that Obama is going to make as many changes as he shouts about. I have a sinking feeling that if he wins the presidency, he will forget all that CHANGE rhetoric he's chanting, and it'll be the same old good ol' boys network.

Guess I'm jaded about males in politics keeping their word or doing more in the women's-topics arena. Their track record isn't hot.

[Barbara]

The first thing that struck me about Ferraro's comment was, "Huh. Would SHE have been chosen to run as VP if she hadn't been female?" Not that I think I know the answer, btw, but a strong argument could be made that Mondale was hitching his star to the concept more than to her political savvy.

And, yep, what Barack brings includes his experience as a person of color. And, also, what Hillary brings includes being a woman. Would she be doing so well if she were just another male senator who hadn't been married to a president?

To parse any politician like Ferraro tried to do baffles me a little, because every defining part adds a layer to what they will see as important. But, you know, it's politics. Frankly, I'd like either of them to convince me a leetle more. Both camps are going to get dirtier, which is so disappointing.

But - as long as someone who works to enhance the dignity of all, regardless of who they love or what g-d they do or do not worship, and someone who suports the environment, and doesn't have a list of wars they want to start (or continue), and thinks healthcare reform is a darned good idea, etc, gets into office, I will certainly do a Snoopy dance.

Wait. Did you ask us something specific? :o)

[Cheryl]

I think Ferraro probably (mis)spoke from a place of extreme frustration at the brazen sexism directed at Hillary Clinton from the media and even at times the Obama campaign (patronizing comments about her "feeling down")-- while, in her interpretation, Obama is protected from any serious scrutiny by the media and Democrats in general because of "white liberal guilt." What ultimately doesn't work about her argument is that racism directed at Obama is still as wrong as sexism directed at Clinton (and Ferraro), a fact not changed by the true fact that sexism is socially acceptable and racism isn't.

Hillary Clinton is definitely a woman I admire. It surprises me that more women don't admire her. She is smart, strong, and capable. I saw her speak in person and was impressed at the depth and detail of her campaign platform. People balk at her tough campaigning ("such a bitch"), as if Obama is owed the nomination and shouldn't have to face opposition and criticism-- since of course, he won't be dealing with any tough characters in the White House. (insert LOL here!)

[Molly]

My mom left Appalachia the day after she graduated high school (1958) with 40 bucks, a cardboard suitcase, and a bus ticket to Washington DC. I can't even imagine the balls that took. And the woman has integrity I have rarely witnessed elsewhere. I hope someday I'll be half as strong as she is!

[Kathleen]

I found her first comment to be shocking enough. But when she defended herself by saying that racism runs both ways and that she is victim of racism? And then repeated it? And then today said she believes that the Obama campaign should apologize to her?

No. Just, no.

She was absolutely one of my role models. I've cried out of frustration and disbelief over the past few days. I would never have thought that she would be the one to do this. But she did. And now she is blaming the man she victimized. It's disgusting.

I appreciate that you were open to hearing other opinions. If one more white liberal says to me, "Well, you know, I'm really starting to think that the Obama campaign is race-baiting where as Clinton is facing real sexism", I'm going to slap them.

[SCY]

Strong women? I am also surrounded by them. My gran who till the day she died of it, elegantly took breast cancer in her stride, my step gran who till the say she died of it, took HER breast cancer in her stride and always managed to find the silver lining... My Mom who at 24 found herself divorced with 2 headstrong kids to raise - and did it brilliantly (even when it meant that she would not eat dinner for a week at a time so that we could), my sister for kicking out the lying sack of cheating shit fiance 6 days after their daughter was born 7 years ago and all my "friends" who are battling infertility right along with me... Wonderful strong amazing women who make my soul sing!! I'm a lucky lucky girl indeed :)

[Chickenpig]

I feel that the media is pussy footing around Obama because they are a little afraid of saying anything that could be construed as racist, where getting on a woman's case for getting teary eyed, or commenting on her cleavage is okey dokey. I don't think that this is Obama's fault, or that he is using race, I think that it is just nerves on the part of the media. It doesn't really matter, because whoever wins is going to have every available vulnerability of their sex or race used by the Republicans to no end. (hopefully, racist and sexist commentary will blow up in their faces, but I'm not betting on it).

As for strong women, I've been lifted by quite a few, first and foremost by my mom. She had the strength to stay with my dad for as long as she could in spite of his mental illness, she also had the strength to move out when he threatened her children, even though she didn't have the faintest idea how she would support us. She went on to get her degree at nights, and was our rock when our house was burned down. She quite smoking overnight, battled skin cancer...and won. She got her Master's degree while working full time. Right now she is taking on her childhood home and basically being her own general contractor every night, after working her full time job all day. She also helped and supported me in breastfeeding my twins, showing me techniques that even the lactation consultant hadn't seen. She is, in a word, awesome.

[Leta]

Strong women? My neighbor, Judy. She was a single mom in the '60s and '70s, and with a high school education in an economically depressed area, managed not only to survive, but thrive after leaving the man who beat her child. Besides buying her own house, Judy also bought a house for her mom to live in, so she never had to worry about paying rent again. She's an impressive person.

About Ferraro... To me, she sounded like Archie Bunker. It shocks me the amount of stupid things politicians say, even though it probably shouldn't.

And, as much as I like Obama, I'm still a Hillary voter, because I'm a pragmatist. HIllary has managed to survive 15 years of the GOP doing their damndest to nuke her- she's a murderer, she's a man-hater, she's a lesbian, blah blah blah. I think the Republicans will fall into the streets howling with glee if Obama gets the nomination, because THEY WILL FRY HIM. It sucks, it's not the way elections should work, but that's how it is. Also, part of the reason that the Republicans were limping along is because they had no heir apparant- the strategy of putting the crusty old dude in the VP spot was downright stupid. If Hillary wins, Obama is the clear heir apparant, regardless of who she picks as VP. I think long term strategy in politics, and I cannot see myself ever voting for Republican president, so this is important to me.

[Alison]

Wow, I cried too from reading this! And I have been thinking this week what a pillar of strength that you are after reading your posts this week that affected me profoundly but I did not have time to comment on. (Baby sleep issues!) How wonderful to honor such women, and Sarah! I have been thinking of her this week also, as one of the incredible women that I know. I am so proud of all her successes which are oh so many. And so happy to be raising a little girl with all these wonderful examples of strength around us.

And yeah, Hillary, too!

[kate]

I can't even comment on this without sounding like a total asshole, but when has that stopped me before, eh? I think I'll probably get a hearty slap from Kathleen, and maybe I deserve it, but I'm being honest about my feelings on his campaign.

The more I think about it, the more I really, really hate Obama. The more I read about him, the more I convince myself that if he is the party's candidate, I will have to vote for someone else. I will never vote for a republican, but I think I may end up being one of those people that I hated so much back in 2000, and vote for Nader. I just cannot in good conscience vote for someone who starts fights (remember Hillary as Mao on YouTube?) and then acts wounded when they continue, who has almost no experience, and the experience he does have has proven him to be baaaaaaarely left of center, just BARELY, and who is so clearly one of the most conservative democrats in the senate.

Message to Mr. Obama:
YOU CAN'T HAVE IT BOTH WAYS. You cannot force your race to the center of the contest and then complain when someone points out that your race is central to your campaign. I am sorry that Ms. Ferraro phrased it in the way that she did, but you must be kidding yourself if you think that your inconsistent Senate record and your total lack of experience are what got you to where you are today. Be honest with yourself and recognize that your constituency celebrates your race, and your campaign promotes it in a HUGE way, and until now, you have openly acknowledged that. It's only when you have the chance to stick it to Hillary's campaign that you come out crying about how people are considering your race when they do or don't vote for you. We do not live in a blind vacuum world, and you know that as well as anyone else, otherwise you'd be focusing more on your true upbringing, which couldn't be any further from the average black american experience if you tried.

Gah. I just hate him more and more every time I consider this contest...

And as far as strong women, Barbara Jordan was one of my role models when I was growing up. She lived right down the creek from us when I was young, and I remember thinking, if a disabled black lesbian from Hicksville, TX can become such a powerful politician, then there's hope for me, a fat, nerdy, awkward, totally non-girly girl from Backwoods, TX. I just might be able to make something of myself. She looked at all those jowly, boot-wearin', white-haired good ol' boys in the Texas Senate, and said, "Go fuck yourself, boys- I'm joining this club whether you like it or not!"
And if that makes me a racist for knowing that a big part of her draw was the fact that she overcame many obstacles that were only in place because of her race, then roast me and Geraldine on the same spit in hell. I looked at Ms. Jordan, and knew that she overcame *so much*, and that inspired me.

Unfortunately, I don't know a whole lot of strong women in real life. My mom's a badass, but I disagree with her so much that I don't consider her an inspiration to me. I just hope that someday, I can change that and be a strong woman in my child's life. I would hope that if I have a daughter someday that I will be able to be that kind of person for her.