Strength *EDITED*

I was at a meeting this morning and while the topic was technically about fear I found myself focusing on strength instead. The room was full of all these incredible women (ok, a couple of men too, but mostly women) who have all been through the motherfucking wringer of life--in the biggest ways you can imagine--and are all sitting there, these incredible pillars of strength, offering caring and support to others by baring their souls and sharing their vulnerabilities. It's just an amazing thing to see. I was really overwhelmed with the power and generosity of these women today.

This got me thinking about strong women in general, something I've been thinking about anyway as I've been slowly finding myself leaning back toward Hillary Clinton again in this election saga (sorry, I just keep going back and forth and I can't help but feel attracted to her). I think about all the shit she's been through, our Hillary, the fucking sexism she's had to endure (Emily reminded me of the South Park episode that had terrorists hide a bomb in her vagina, for fuck's sake), the ridicule, the hatred... and all this makes me want to vote for her. I look at Geraldine Ferraro, being treated like fucking crap in the press because she had the audacity to mention race (I realize that I'm a. coming from a place of white priviledge and b. blinded a bit because Ms. Ferraro is totally one of my childhood heroes, but I really don't understand what is bad about what she said*, nor do I understand what it is about what she said that's even inaccurate) and I see the steel in these women and I want to honor that.

I've been thinking too about the women I know personally that have set out to accomplish these incredibly difficult goals--like my mom. She was a single mother, working a crap ass job as a book keeper at a trucking company when she said fuck this shit and went back to school and worked her ass off and eventually got a PhD, all while she raised me, the hellion alcoholic child. I mean, how amazing is that?

And there's my friend Sarah--my best friend--who decided a few years ago to buy herself a nice camera and try her hand at being a photographer because she thought just maybe she'd inherited a touch of her mother's incredible eye (Sarah's mom is an amazing painter). And completely self-taught, just by trial and error, she started taking shots and putting them up on the web, and putting herself out there and then she began this journey of taking self-portraits and she got better and better at it and it became everything to her, her true calling, her true art--and damn if it didn't fucking pay off. If you haven't read about it already at her blog, three of Sarah's self-portraits are going to be featured in May's issue of Fitness Magazine. And she's getting PAID. I am SO PROUD OF HER. And to think, thirteen years ago we were huddled in a dark bedroom together shooting up drugs. Baby, we have come a long fucking ass way. I am actually crying when I think about this.

This morning someone said at my meeting that "Courage is fear that has said its prayers" and I think Sarah is one of the most courageous people I know. I know for sure that she has been the answer to my prayers. I've had many great friends over the years--lots of whom are still in my life, thank god--but Sarah is special. I'm so grateful that she is in my life, as is my mom, and are all the other brave, strong women that have made my life as it is today possible.

Who is it your life that makes you shine? What woman made you rise up? I'm feeling so high I want to hear about your strong women. Share away!

*Alright, I give on the Ferraro thing. Looking at the whole quote, I can see why it bothers people.

Comments

[Anne]

Probably my mom, who found the strength to leave an abusive husband even though she had no job, no money, no house (he lost it to the bank by borrowing against it to save his business), and really, nowhere to go except back to her parents, who were emotionally abusive. Even through all this, she always put me and my brother first: she had worked as a journalist at a major daily newspaper before I was born but after we left my father, she took a job as an administrative assistant at a large corporation that had great benefits and was close to home. Basically, she sacrificed her career, and put herself in line for mor emotional abuse from her parents, to ensure that her children would be taken care of, would get fabulous educations, and would be able to live in a safe neighborhood. I really, really, really admire her for that.

Also? My ballet teacher from junior high and high school. She wanted to be a nun, but also wanted to teach ballet, so she opened a ballet school, but took the vows of poverty, chastity and obedience anyway while teaching generations of children and adults to love and respect ballet. I don't agree with her religiously, but I admire her to no end for knowing what she wanted out of life even if it went against the grain.

[Catherine]

Ferraro misspoke, no question. It was an ill-timed, ill-thought out statement. Ferraro is no racist, though, never has been. And I firmly believe Hillary will continue to be one of the biggest supporters of the black community as president, as she has always been. Accusing either of the Clintons of tacit or overt racism is ridiculous and unfounded. They've been tireless advocates for all minority groups. And anyone who wants to bite back at Ferraro before taking into consideration the relentless, vile, ugly sexism that Hillary has been subject of thus far in her campaign is being disingenuous and hypocritical. Hillary stands there and just fucking TAKES it, day after day after day. In addition to the South Park episode, please don't forget the Hillary Clinton nutcracker that was sold this past Christmas...you crack the nuts between her legs, of course. *eyeroll* Not to mention Obama's comment about "Periodically..." (NO MISTAKE THERE)..."my opponent seems to become overly emotional..." Uh HUH. As a post-menopausal woman, Hillary ought to beat Obama over the head with that "periodically". But anyway.

Strong women...I know quite a few. You are one of them. :)

[anonymousey]

My friend Shadra and I were just talking about this - how I've been through so much in my life and made it through with a strong and loving heart. Homelessness, drug addiction, rape(s), a christian school that was nearly a cult, suicide attempts, abuse... Shadra said to me if I hadn't told her my story, she would never have guessed. I survived all of that and came out the other side determined to make up for the bad people in the world. Just in the past few days several people have told me I exude such positive energy, they love being around me. That's exactly what I need to hear. It's my goal to love people and make them laugh. I don't often share about my past because I'm afraid it might bring people down. Sometimes it's appropriate though, or people ask... and if my story encourages them to keep on keepin' on then it was all worth it. I still struggle, of course, everyone does. But I'm here, I'm alive, and it's a beautiful and amazing gift.

So I guess I'm the woman in my life that encourages me the most.

xoxo
katrina

[karinsamira]

A woman I have looked up to is my late mother in law. She happened to have a very difficult life ( 3rd girl child in a family where they only wanted sons, mother died when she was still very young, she had a stillbirth at age 17 and then raised her 2 sons alone in the 70ies and 80ies). She was very brave and strong, although she had a very negative self image because of her weight issues and she had breast cancer for 15+ years. All that shit nonwithstanding, she was a bright, caring,beatiful human being. It has been 8 years that she left this world, but we still miss her every day.

Re Hillary Clinton: I have been a huge Clinton fan forever and if I was an US citizen, there is no doubt i would vote for her.
There seems to be a lot of very negative emotions against the Clintons in the USA, though. For an European like me this is really difficult to understand: to me it seems the Clintons did their duty very well, much better than the clowns before and after Bill.

Karinsamira

[Kim]

I was reading your post and started to have a little pity party for myself. Got over it quick though! If anything I have tried to become a woman exactly the opposite of my own mother. My own mother was weak in every way possible. And of all her offenses I think the one that speaks the loudest (and still hurts the most) is the fact that she chose to stay with my father even after she knew he was abusing me. So although I am FAR from perfect I pride myself on being loving, kind, fiercely loyal, independent, inquisitive, and headstrong.

And most of all I have the chance to be the kind of parent I never had and I am thankful every minute of every day for the blessing that is my son. And for anyone with a teething temper tantrum throwing 16 month old you know that is saying alot! hehe

So although I have always thought that I turned out ok IN SPITE of my mother maybe I can start to turn it around in some way to think that I am who I am BECAUSE of her. Maybe this is the start of my journey to accepting her for who she is. Who knows - but Cecily your posts always get me thinking. Thank you for that.

[jenn]

My 90 year old grandmother with her 7th grade education who, when her husband left her widowed at age 42, put herself through nursing school. Subsisted on mustard sandwiches, milk, and oatmeal. Eventually bought and ran her own business and never took a dime from anyone...always strong and proud, taught me that a woman can do or be whatever the hell she wants (her words). And quite possibly, mostly because she has offered to take out GWB, saying, "I've lived a good life. Time to take one for the team." Gotta love that spirit.

[Melanie]

OMG!! Are you serious, Kate? Obama is just barely left of center?

Please clue me in to your discoveries because everything I've ever seen puts him far to the left of Hillary (and yes, I'm using her first name because that's what she's running on).

"Sen. Barack Obama, D-Ill., was the most liberal senator in 2007, according to National Journal's 27th annual vote ratings. The insurgent presidential candidate shifted further to the left last year in the run-up to the primaries, after ranking as the 16th- and 10th-most-liberal during his first two years in the Senate."

If that's wrong, please correct me.

Additionally, I've said it before and I'll say it again:

If she is elected as President we will have had 32 consecutive years of either a Bush or a Clinton in the White House in some capacity (Pres. or VP).

I'm would really like to be DONE with dynasties. But if she is the nom I will vote for her.

Obama is 'inexperienced' enough not to have a shit load of baggage and can be encouraged to try things in different ways which I think is imperative to turn our country around.

I'm not going to vote for a woman just because she's a woman. That doesn't seem logical to me.

Look, I've done my research and my first choice is Obama. Second is Hillary. Third is Nader. There is no fourth. If John McCain is elected I am NEVER moving back to the US.

[Mara Danoff]

"White privilege?" I find that term offensive, and usually used by people who don't even think about what it means.

[Emily]

"Obama is 'inexperienced' enough not to have a shit load of baggage and can be encouraged to try things in different ways which I think is imperative to turn our country around."

I used almost exactly the same argument to someone insisting they would not vote for Obama if her were the nominee. She pointed out to me that was what everyone thought about Jimmy Carter, too. Didn't work out so well for him...

[Kathleen]

What is offensive about the term "white privledge?

[michelle]

There was a time in my life when I didn't appreciate strong women. My rebellion was kind of weird--I viewed my family (all women, the men either left or died) as a bunch of "man haters" (because there were no men around), so I went the opposite route for quite a few years and tried to be June Cleaver. Until I got screwed over really good by a man who was supposed to love me.

Ironically, throughout those years, I drank. More than I should have, but not so much that I did anything to tell any stories about...but, I knew I was intelligent and competent, yet I was AFRAID of being seen that way. How dumb is that?

Anyway, strong women saved me from the mess the man put me in (and, to be fair, I allowed myself to get in by blindly trusting and living in a fantasy tv world), and those women, as I look back on their lives, are, quite simply, amazing.

My great grandmother, my grandmother, and my great aunt.

They grew up out in a very rural part of West Virginia. There still isn't much out there, but back then, there was even less. My great grandmother lost her husband when her children were still young. They all worked their butts off just to survive...except for the boys. Everyone out there was dirt poor, but my great grandmother still found a way to feed her family, shelter them, and clothe them...and adopted a child from a neighbor who started giving kids away when his wife died. She mid-wived, she took in laundry, she cleaned, she farmed, she raised livestock, just anything she could do. She also made sure that the neighbor's babies all had milk--she just refused to give it to the wives until after their husbands had dinner, so that the husbands wouldn't drink it before the babies could.

My grandmother did get married, after having my mother (who is an alcoholic and torments us continuously, but that is another story). She married my mother's father out of guilt, really. She felt like she owed it to my mom to marry my mom's father...but my mom was never given her dad's name. My grandmother then had a son, before leaving after the upteenth time of being chased by her drunken husband and his shotgun. It was my great aunt that brought her and her children home. Home to mamaw, my great grandmother.

They eventually had to move into town. The girls worked to help pay for the house and utilities and food, and the boys went on to do their own things--having children that they had no intentions of caring for.

My great-grandmother, grandmother, and aunt never lived apart again, and together, they raised my mom and her brother and the girl adopted from the neighbors (one of my other aunts). They also raised one of their brothers four children. My great aunt adopted one of her nephews and saw to it that he got the medical care he needed at a Shriners hospital. And then, they raised us, my two sisters and myself. They are still raising mom.

My great grandmother passed away the year before I got married. My grandmother and great aunt are now in their 80s. They worked their whole lives in jobs that didn't pay much, kept the house mamaw managed, somehow, to buy, and now live for the most part on my great aunt's pension.

Oh, and did I mention, my great aunt also saved enough money to pay for college for any of us that wanted to go? Well, she did...and that ain't nothing to scoff at, considering how many kids she helped raise.

They are just phenomenal women. The lives they had were so hard, and still they manage to laugh about it. I could tell so many stories...if only there were time. My great aunt always swore, when I was growing up, that one day she was going to have herself a brand new car, even if she had to wait until she was 80. Well, she turned 80 last year...and bought herself her very first new car :) She never married. She was too busy raising everyone else's kids, lol. But she loves us all so much--even the ones that now have nothing to do with them. She gave and gave and gave all her life, and the first time I ever heard her question that was week before last. She wondered if it had all been worth it...and then I'll be damned if she didn't hand me some money and tell me to go buy myself something and started talking about taking her new car to deliver everyone's Christmas presents she couldn't take because of an illness that is just now being resolved.

If I make it to eighty, I hope that I am like those women. I hope that I can laugh at all the things I should probably be crying about, and I hope that I'm still able to give of myself and have someone consider it valuable. I hope that I always hold back on what I could do for myself, so that there's always something to give to someone else when they need it. I hope that if a day comes when a child needs me, my home is as open as theirs always was. And I hope, like them, that I'll always see every child as my responsibility, and never turn away and not be willing to get involved. I hope that I never put pride before need, and that I'll keep learning to live like they did--day by day, issue by issue, need by need, and save my wants until I'm 80 if I have to :)

I loved your post. I just loved it. Thank you. Strong women have been on my mind a lot recently. Thanks for the opportunity to talk about the ones I admire most.

[MissPig]

THE strong woman in my life is my very best friend.

She got pregnant, not wanting any children, fighting through her wish for abortion to finally accepting and wanting the child, only to learn that it had anencephaly and would not live. She decided to still carry her child to term although doctors recommended an abortion, and she was able to even get some happiness out of living the little time she had with her son, which was only the pregnancy, he died at birth.

She then got a second son, went through a really dirty divorce with a "husband" who tried almost everything to ruin her. She is living of welfare at the moment.

Her son suffers severely from ADHD, pushing her to the limit, and although her ex hardly supports it, she keeps trying to get all the help she can for her son.

And with all that she is still a cheerful, happy person, always ready to listen and to give, and still striving to learn and to become an even better person.

She is an amazing inspiration for courage and the ability to be happy no matter what.

[Dana]

Quote - from your comments section: "I'd pick Hillary. ...for the same reasons I picked Lenora_Fulani... back inda DAY. I'm a feminist. PERIOD."

How is this ANY different than what Ferraro is saying about Obama??????

[Melanie]

But I would add that Carter actually was more inexperienced than Obama if we are talking about 'political' experience.

Carter: 4 years as a state Senator, 4 years as a governor, a sprinkling of governing hospitals and schools.

Obama: 7 years as a state Senator, 3 years as US Senator, community organizer, lecturer of constitutional law.

[Stephanie]

I always wonder why everyone say Hilary has so much more "experience". She's been married to a career pol, this is true-which means she's been exposed. But as a paying job (which is what I call experience) she actually has a lot less- what, two terms as senator? I believe Obama actually has more on the ground real experience as an elected official.
I'll echo a number of other women and say my mom is my hero in terms of strong women. I think she's just amazing, and try to follow her example. My stepmom would be another example of a strong woman that I admire. She is one of the nicest, most positive people I know, and her graciousness to everyone is inspiring.

[Galen]

You make me shine, Cecily. When my son, who had Aspergers, found his father dead by his own hand, it was too much for him, so, two months later, he ended his own life. My two daughters and I had relationship-ending words at my son's funeral in early November. Two months later, my husband was diagnosed with lung cancer. I desperately needed strength, so I came here, and I found it. Thank you for sharing, Cecily.

[Lasserday]

i gotta jump in here, too. i used to be a hardcore clinton fan but the campaign has changed my mind. she and bill have both played dirty in a way i had convinced myself was below them. i looked up to them. they have lost my respect. i am a white woman and there is no way in hell that i would chose her over obama. my earning the right to vote was based on the idea that i have a brain that is able to make such an important decision. if i chose to vote for someone because they have the same genitalia as i do instead of voting for the person who has convinced me in words, voting record and in his books that he is a decent, intelligent man with nuanced thinking, well, that makes me not deserve a vote. i can not stand the pundits saying over and over that blacks are voting for him because he is black or that women support hillary because she is a woman. the thing that pisses me off more than anything is that the majority of people i talk to who are voting for her say they are doing it at least in part because she is a woman! what kind of sense does that make? if she is not a decent person (and her campaign makes me wonder) then why the hell will she be a good first woman president? is that who i want to represent me as an american and a woman? i want to not be embarrassed of my leader. it has been a long damn time since i haven't been. i will vote for the dem that gets the nom but it will pain me to have to vote for her. and like i said, you couldn't have found a bigger clinton fan than me just one short year ago. shame on her. (this in no way condones the sexism that she has suffered or the south park nonsense or any of that crap)

[d]

I hear you on the strong women tip. But what about this? What if Obama were to pick a vice president who was the most kick-ass woman you could possibly have imagined -- whose progressive politics make Hillary Clinton look positively outdated? As a fellow red-blooded liberal and progressive woman, the thought of this woman in the White House makes my heart sing.

I can't reveal more than that, but I will put that out there: let's not assume that Hillary is our only option for getting a woman (or a kick-ass one, at that) in the White House. The truth is that Obama is waiting to do just that -- he just needs the nomination first.