Fears, Real and Unfounded

So, 50 out of 51 people can't be wrong: I have put up the tip jar. *cringe* I'm telling myself it's ok for several reasons. One, it is almost my birthday. My 40th birthday. So, maybe I can just pretend you are all giving me a birthday present. Cause that wouldn't bother me.

Two, I've given plenty of money and gifts to bloggers I love over the years. And I will continue to do so. Whenever I can. Because, yeah, I get so much out of reading blogs--more than I do out of most novels, magazines, movies or television shows--that it is well worth it. When I send a blogger a baby shower present, I do it because it feels like we're friends--so when you guys say that to me, I get it. And after all, some of you I have been emailing for over FOUR YEARS.  So OK, I get it already.

Third, and I haven't spoken about this here because, well, it's tough to draw that line about personal vs. professional. I mean, I'll tell y'all about my uterus, no problem--but I don't really talk about the work stuff. But I'll tell you this little bit without getting into too much detail, because while only one person said it, you know another gazillion folks are thinking it: hey, dude--didn't you just go on a looooong vacation, and hey--aren't you buying a second house?

Guilty as charged. Boy, I have some deep money shame stuff--let me tell you, growing up as a poor kid, you always feel guilty either spending money or asking for it--so it's hard to not feel defensive. But yeah, we did take our first vacation since the cruise we took right after we lost the twins recently. And yeah, we decided to invest a bit of money in a mobile home in the mountains (a very, very, very small amount of money). And we did both of those things fully expecting my major freelance client to remain near full-time for the rest of the year.

Nothing official has been said about that changing. But I haven't been given as much work this last month. And I'm worried. For the last 11 months that I've been working freelance, I have applied for at least five jobs a week, worked at least five contacts a week, and sent out several queries a week.

I'm getting nowhere*.

So it has become clear to me in this last few weeks that if I want this life to continue--this life where I'm able to be home with my daughter--I need to pursue every avenue necessary to make it work. So, six months ago when we were looking at our lives and our schedules and planning things like vacations and buying mobile homes, I considered going to BlogHer and decided that this year I didn't NEED to go. Well, obviously, in the last month that's changed. That's why I've decided it's so important now. I've got to shake something loose.

My friend Julie (have you met my friend Julie? She's one of my heroes; she quit her job to write a novel--how cool is that?) recently talked about working to keep her dreams alive; she said "It feels like I'm fighting for my life."

I feel exactly the same way. OK, OK; I know that I can be a bit overly dramatic (it's why you all love me, right?) and I not trying to blackmail you into giving me money. But I felt like if I was going to ask something this huge from you, you deserve to know WHY it matters to me so much that I would ask.

Does that seem fair? I hope so. The tip jar is up there on the top right. Just click on it and follow the instructions. Or don't. I will love you either way. Should I get more than I need, I will donate any extra to the Preeclampsia Foundation, of course (unless you'd like it back--just let me know).

You all have the biggest hearts of anyone I know. I promise that if ever get to write a book and get it published, it will be dedicated to you. All of you.

*I must confess, I just tonight got one freelance lead that is so exciting that I'm squealing with glee. But I don't want to jinx it, so mums the word for now.

Comments

[Jen]

I think you might be over thinking this whole situation a little bit. You shouldn't justify putting out a tip jar. Tip jars are to show appreciation for a job well done. Your blog is your service. If readers have enjoyed your service and would like to contribute--that's great! Tip jars are laginappe--a little something extra. No thing else need enter into it, you know? If people want to tip--they will. If they don't or can't--they won't. No sweat either way, okay?

[Amie]

I hope you get all you need from your tip jar and have a great time at BlogHer!!

Honestly, it didn't even cross my mind that you just went on vacay and bought the mobile home...it'd be one thing to say, "I can't afford this, would you be willing to help out" and THEN go on vacay and buy the mobile home...but I just assumed that those were things you'd saved up for before you did them...I don't think you need to justify either. Some will choose to help, and some won't...that's all there is to it! :D I check your blog everyday lol...I feel like I know you too! :D

[Mental P Mama]

You are so going to be better than okay.

[jenn]

You hit on one of my personal pet peeves (and one of my mother's unofficial hobbies), which is questioning/criticizing how other people spend their money. My mom is Queen of the Snarky Comments, like, "Well, I wouldn't think Expense X would be so difficult for you if you were able to find the money to buy a new bike/get a laptop/join a gym/have your hair colored." We all make choices to do spend money on things other people classify as frivolous, but in doing so we inevitably choose to sacrifice something else (unless we are, say, Oprah). It would not occur to me to question the fact that my BF gets a $20 manicure every month because it makes her feel happy, pretty, and pampered, and she doesn't question my need to frequent Barnes and Noble. I guess what I'm saying (OK, ranting) is that we all have the money shame, but we also have the freedom to spend our money however we damn please without explaining it to anyone. I'm glad you put up the tip jar. Stop apologizing. Go to BlogHer and share your fabulousness!

[Chickenpig]

You seriously don't have to explain why you need some help to go to me. I want you to go for purely selfish reasons, because you'll blog all about it and I'll get to know what it's like, and I can't go :) So, it will be my pleasure to help sponsor you. (just as soon as the twins go to sleep so I know I have enough time to follow the instructions correctly).

Fingers crossed and best of luck for your new work development. I hope you have something to squeal in glee about with us soon!

[becky]

Happy Birthday!!
If you ever want to talk freelance, let me know. Been there, done that. Found some marketing stuff that worked.

[Amanda]

Ditto what everyone else said. I haven't been here that long, but I'd love to help out simply because I love reading your blogs and look forward to them daily -- that deserves something, imho.

Also... thanks for mentioning what you'd do with any extra money. Honestly, the thought hadn't even crossed my mind, but it's awesome to know that you've already planned that far ahead!!

Happy Birthday!!

[Essie]

I agree with jenn. You so do not need to justify how you spend your money to us. I am so happy to help you get to BlogHer!

[chrystal]

I have read you for a long time and only in the last year did I post a comment. When I saw that you responded to my comment (and every one since then), I felt like I was noticed by rock star. I didn't know bloggers did that. Sure, you read the comments, but respond to everyone? Cool!

I am happy to tip you.

[Sarah]

Cecily,
I can't get the tip jar to open! Is the like ok?

[ladykuri]

Yay!!! Done for now (need the hubs to OK before I blow too much of his paypal balance LMAO). Undercover though cause it's his account and therefore not in my name!

Oh yeah.....don't justify, just have fun. And keep the tip jar up after the conference too...maybe some of us far away would like to be able to spoil Tori no and again :p

[ladykuri]

Errr...*now* and again, not no and again. Ugh. I can't spell!

[Dayna]

Cecily, you don't have to explain your financial decisions to any of us. Whether or not you chose to put up a tip jar (and I'm glad you did; although I don't have the money now, I'm going to throw in a few bucks in a couple months when we're less hanging-on-by-a-thread-y) what you do with your money as two competent, responsible adults is absolutely none of our business. (And if you weren't competent and responsible with it, that wouldn't be our business either.)

So many times I've mentioned in passing on my blog "Oh God, blah blah blah money" and then if things level out a couple weeks later and we (gasp) go out to dinner, people actually feel it's their business to say something as if as an intelligent 32 year old woman I can't manage my own money. I unapologetically have two words for those folks. The second is "you" and the first rhymes with "duck." What can I say -- once a Jersey Girl, always a Jersey girl.

xo

[Julia]

Just chiming in to say I agree with everyone's comments above, and especially agree that you should keep the tip jar up afterwards. There's no reason not to have one: it isn't offensive and it is purely discretionary. And after all, some people tip for morning coffee, why not for morning blog posts!

[BrooklynGirl]

I get it. I'm trying to make a go of the freelancing thing myself and though it's abundantly clear that I don't have the right temperament--waaaaaaaaaay too much uncertainty--the fringe benefits if I could pull it off are enormous.

If I get the contract I'm waiting for, I'll come back with a well deserved tip--I promise.

[Sheri]

Happy Birthday!!!! I;m so glad you put the tip jar up and I hope you leave it up afterwards too. As soon as I have 5 seconds to myself, I'll be sending you some moola. Have wonderful eveing!

[melissa]

I would have paid a fair amount more than $20 for that kid computer you steered me (us) to, so I think I can pass some of the extra your way -- I'm sure you'll get there, and I'm glad to help! If I do it for NPR now and then, I can do it for you...I check out both every day.

[MissPig]

I can imagine that it feels awkward to put up a tip jar, and I can understand perfectly well that you feel the need to explain what you would use the money for. I guess, I would feel the same (if I had enough readers that it matters, in fact I have around 5 ;-) )

So, just my two cents: I love the way you write, I love the way you make me think, I love the way you sometimes move me, I love the way you make interesting discussions happen. I've said all this before. That's a gift you have, and a gift you give to us, and I see no reason whatsoever why it should be bad to give your readers the opportunity to express their "thank you" by giving money which you can use to do something that you really, really want. Money is not bad, it's just money, it's what we use to trade our abilities.

I do hope that you will be able to go to that convention and that it will help you to start that writing career you are dreaming of. I admire the courage you had to quit your job, and I do hope this courage will pay off some day.

In fact, I not only hope this for your sake but for my sake as well: If this thing works, if enough of your readers will help to make this possible, I will have yet another piece of proof for my belief that people are good, that - all in all - this can be a wonderful world we live in.

[Mary]

Speaking about having your dreams come true, have you seen this?

transcript
http://download.srv.cs.cmu.edu/~pausch/Randy/pauschlastlecturetranscript.pdf

the video is here
http://download.srv.cs.cmu.edu/~pausch/

Randy Pausch, a Carnegie Mellon professior, was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and decided to quit his job to focus on his treatment and his family. He did one "Last Lecture" on achieving your childhood dreams. I found it very inspiring. Here's one quote: "Don’t bail. The best of the gold’s at the bottom of barrels of crap."

My lovely graphic designer DH was laid off in Feb and is trying to find another job while simultaneously considering a freelance career....so I really hear you today....Keep the faith and keep chugging along!

[nanarocksween]

...just want to add my 2 cents - agreeing with all those above who see no reason for you to explain your financial situation. We WANT to help because we care and we enjoy reading your blog. 'Nuf said...
my Paypal tip is from hubby's account too - I don't have one myself!
Thanks for your great blogging - and for your responses.

[D]

HEY I just saw this about a link between migraines and detergents....thought you'd be interested:

http://www.care2.com/greenliving/green-girl-turns-the-tide-on-laundry.html

[antigone]

Now i feel all guilty about being lazy.