Uppercase Woman

Announcements & Link Love

My brain is fried from entering 400 various camps and classes for kids into an excel spreadsheet for the past two days. Why on earth would I do such a thing? Well, I'm glad you asked!

*drum roll please*

Presenting: Cecily, the new editor of Savvy Source Philadelphia! You'll notice there's no link there. Yeah, sorry about that. The Philadelphia section hasn't launched yet, but will soon. Meanwhile check out the main site and the parenting blog and see if there is a page for your city. Pretty cool, eh?

And yes, they are paying me. Not a lot, but enough. Thank GOD. No, they are not the client I was talking about; that's a totally different thing and guess what? I got ANOTHER one. So that makes three freelance projects I got going on plus this blog. Sadly, that means I did have to say goodbye to Type-A Mom. I'll really miss the folks there and writing about mommy blogging, but I have to make my time=money these days. Sigh. Thanks, though, to Kelby for giving me the chance and the exposure.

I may never sleep again, but in this economy, I'm one lucky motherfucking mama.

OH! And I wanted to remind everyone that I am going to BlogHer Reach Out in Washington, DC (ok, it's actually in Bethesda, MD) on October 13 (Columbus Day). The awesome Dara was kind enough to hook me up with a hotel room again (you rock, Dara!) and Sarah and I will be arriving Sunday afternoon (what, you'd thought I'd go without her?). So I'm going to follow Moxie's lead (she just held a Philly meet-up and I totally hogged her by giving her a ride and making her eat lunch with me) and ask if anyone wants to get together with Sarah and I for dinner on Sunday night. Extra bonus--I might be able to get Melissa of Stirrup Queens to come too. Cause I rock like that. :) Just leave a comment or if you'd rather stay anonymous email me about it!

So that's all good. But because I'm so burned out from doing all this data entry, I'm afraid I'm being a total blog bitch and posting another lame post with links. But here are some of my favorite links from the last couple of days. Forgive me, and enjoy them.

This is a video clip of Obama hugging babies on the campaign trail. It made me cry. What I love about it is that he actually LOOKS at the babies, and at least in one case (watch for it), has to actually be REMINDED about the photo op. But it's the images of little black boys looking up at him that just made me weep. Talk about a role model. Thanks to Misty for the link, and I am now officially an Obama Girl.

This is a clip from Katie Couric's interview with both McCain and Palin. Doesn't McCain act like the father of a kid that got in trouble for reckless driving? And what the fuck is "GOTCHA" Journalism? If you didn't fucking say it, the journalists won't GET it. And that goes for both sides.

This is the clip of Tina Fey and Amy Poehler's satiric take on the Couric/Palin interview. I have a major girl crush on both of these women now (and I mean Tina and Amy, which you knew, right?). Can you guess my favorite part?

That is all for today. I'm working on something about the non-bailout bailout. Heh.

Sounds Like Someone Has A Case Of The Mondays

Charlie is down for the count with the cold Tori was kind enough to bring home from day care. Plus, he hurt his back three days ago and it won't get better. I have my period (yeeha!), a migraine, and a big ass pile of work to do in the next few days, and an injury to my right index finger (I tried to grate off the tip of my finger) that makes typing difficult. Sucks to be us.

All I can say is, THANK GOD for day care. If Tori was home this morning, I'd tear my hair out.

So, anyway, I have to keep this brief because I really have to get to work. I wish I had something brilliant to say, but I don't, and I really need to work (no, seriously, I really need to work. See, if I keep saying it, I'll actually do it). So. Here's a link to a great article by Anna Quindlen about the importance of this election. Read it. She says it straight.

And I thought I'd post this, not like it will surprise anyone:

My Liberal Identity:

You are a Social Justice Crusader, also known as a rights activist. You believe in equality, fairness, and preventing neo-Confederate conservative troglodytes from rolling back fifty years of civil rights gains.

Take the quiz at www.FightConservatives.com

Thanks to my childhood friend at The Blue Ey'd Hag for the link. And take the quiz--it's totally biased and actually rather hilarious. I wanted to check "all of the above" on every question. Promise a better post tomorrow. If you like, feel free to give me questions to answer! :)

Bailout

So, I have read until my eyes are bleeding about the current financial crisis, and here are my thoughts:

1. Sadly, we have to do the bailout, even though it feels wrong to me to save failing corporations that were brought to their knees by greed and bad decisions.

2. Said corporations should have NEVER been allowed to grow so large that they could cause the economy to collapse by their failure. Deregulation starting during Reagan's time and continuing right through Clinton has allowed these companies to grow so large that our economy is now a reverse pyramid--no wonder we have to bail them out.

3. Deregulation is also at the heart of the mortgage crisis. The loosening of laws around banking and credit allowed the subprime mortgage industry to soar to the point of insanity. This year-old editorial actually explains it pretty well, and ends up sounding like prophecy today.

4. No matter what happens, I don't think we're at risk of a great depression, and CNN agrees with me. 

5. I have to wonder if this could have been avoided. When this crisis became a looming threat a year ago, could mortgage companies and banks have stopped this in its tracks? If they had just taken the time to sit down and review the mortgages and rewrite them the way the government is planning to do now, instead of focusing on the people that WERE still paying the high interest rates, well, people might still be in their homes and we wouldn't all be holding our breath today wondering if an agreement will be reached*.

*Even if I don't believe that the Republicans have MY best interests at heart, I am glad they are slowing the bailout process down so nothing is done too hastily.

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Even if I wasn't already convinced that Obama is the best candidate running for President, I would be now. Apparently, during the bailout talks that McCain "rushed" back to Washington for (and by rushed, I mean took 22 hours--see Jon Stewart's hilarious take on that--thereby foolishly pissing off David Letterman) he has remained SILENT.

Yes, apparently while Obama relentlessly peppered Secretary Paulson with questions, McCain has remained nearly silent during the discussions.

Maybe McCain feels well-schooled enough in the situation to not ask questions. Maybe Obama is showing his ignorance by seeking information. I don't know. But I'd rather have a president that asks questions rather than assumes he knows the answer.

But maybe that's just me.

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I know I made an awkward comparison the other day between socialized medicine and the soon-to-be socialized banking industry, but it turns out there is a bigger connection than I thought.

McCain has a recent article (the article can be viewed here in pdf form) suggesting that the best plan for the insurance industry is to deregulate it JUST LIKE WE DID THE BANKING INDUSTRY.

No, really.

This article clearly explains how that would utterly and completely fuck us. Here, right here, is a critical way in which a McCain presidency would hurt all of us: individuals struggling to pay monthly premiums (hi!), small businesses desperately attempting to continue to offer health care to their employees, large companies that are forced to offer benefits who will now have to reduce new hires to afford it... You name it, this would HURT US.

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I'm interested in your overall impression of the current crisis. I did a ton of research so that I didn't feel like an idiot, but I'm sure I still have some incorrect information. What do you think? What do you know that I don't? Let's discuss it, shall we? Remember the rules: play nice, and try not to get all angry at each other. Um, or at me. Heh.

Bedtime Stories (let's NOT talk about politics today)

Recently we've changed up Tori's bedtime routine. She used to watch Dora and Diego (her favorites) at the end of the day to wind down before bed, but lately she's preferred to kick a ball around or play hide and seek (which is HILARIOUS--when it's her turn, she ALWAYS forgets to hide; she becomes too focused on the counting).

So we tried going up to "the big bed" as she calls our bed and reading books to her, but she finds being read to annoying (she prefers to flip through books herself and tell us what is on each page). So I've started telling her stories that I make up on the spot; silly stories with magic and animals, the fodder of every parent.

Each story, of course, starts with "Once upon a time, there was a little girl named Tori..." Tori then gets big round eyes and pats her chest. Her favorite of my stories is about a magic book; in that story, every time the Tori in the story turns the page of the magic book, the animals pictured on the page come to life. For instance, one page is covered in butterflies and they come out of the book and fly around until they land on Tori and give her kisses. Tori loves this, because she flutters her arms like a butterfly, and then I get to kiss her all over like the butterflies. The next page might have bears that come out and give her hugs; polar bears, panda bears, black bears, grizzlies (warning--don't make the grizzly too scary. Oops). I of course give her great big hugs with every bear, after she gets to stomp around on the bed with her hands up like claws and growling like a bear.  I vary it, and allow Tori to suggest different animals (she also likes when it's cats and I purr).

It's amazing to watch Tori respond to my stories in a way she doesn't respond to anything else. Her eyes light up, she giggles with delight, and she gasps in surprise. Her face gets more animated than any other time I've seen as I spin out the story. It's made bed time my favorite time of day, and not because she FINALLY GOES TO BED, but because we get to cuddle and laugh and play. It's a part of toddler-hood that brings back that first flush of intense love that I had for Tori the first moment I held her; when I watch her giggle and smile because of a simple story, I feel like all is right with the world.

I find when I figure out some parenting trick like this, I want to expand it out into the larger universe. Does this mean Tori is destined to act? Should I take her to see plays for kids? Then comes worry--uh oh. Why doesn't she like being read to? What am I doing wrong? Do I let her watch too much TV?

It's so hard to just sink into the moment, isn't it? Instead of feeling like my daughter and I are having an amazing, precious moment that makes the world seem bright, shinier, happier--I find myself plotting and worrying, extrapolating--what does it all MEAN?

I've got to knock it the fuck off. It's amazing, the human capacity for skipping right over the moment and either leaping into the future or dwelling on the past. I fight to stay here, now, in this moment with all its loveliness and poignant grief. This is where I'm supposed to be.

I promise, tonight I will put Tori to bed with a story full of magic and cuddles, and I will cherish it. So, what moment do you want to cherish today?

Ten Political Things Currently Driving Me Batshit Crazy

1. The fact that today--still--about one in ten Americans believes Obama is really a Muslim. A Christian-church-going Muslim. Because Muslims ALWAYS go to Christian churches, for years on end. Right. *head explodes*

2. The fact that Sarah Palin is STILL saying that she said "thanks, but no thanks" to the bridge to nowhere--leaving out the detail that she actually SUPPORTED the bridge and only dropped it when it was clear that it wasn't popular--AND STILL TOOK THE DAMNED MONEY.

3. The fact that there does not seem to be some sort of oversight committee that reviews political ads to make sure they aren't flat-out lies--such as the recent ad saying that Obama drafted legislation promoting sex-ed to kindergartners (it was actually a program to teach children how to protect themselves from sexual predators). It appears to me that something must be done to stop false ads--much like the ones that swift boated McCain in 2000.

4. The fact that there is a growing number of people who actually believe--no, really--that Obama is the ANTICHRIST. I don't want to link to any of those idiots, but here's a Google search that gives you an idea. My question is, why isn't Bush the one they think is the anti-christ? Because it feels to me that he's brought us Armageddon. (No, I don't really think Bush is the anti-christ. Well, not today.)

5. That the McCain campaign--so confident that Sarah Palin would be a great President, should the need arise--doesn't allow her to talk to the press AT ALL. I agree with Campbell Brown on this one; hiding Palin from the press shows that McCain is both not sure about his choice, and that he needs to "shield the little lady." It's bullshit. If she's qualified, let her speak. If she's not, choose someone who is.

6. That Bill Clinton acted like such an ass during the primaries, because did you see him on David Letterman and the Daily Show? He is just so fucking smart. I can't wait to have a smart president again.

7. The fact that the government is willing to buy out and shore up failing companies, including taking ownership of said companies (not sure whether or not I think that's a bad thing--still researching) which to me sounds like, well, socialism. Yet when anyone suggests that we socialize medicine, everyone screeches and tears their hair out. Dudes, aren't you worried that the government is going to be deciding who gets mortgages now, in the same way you were worried that they would tell you which doctor to see? I do not. get. it.

8. The fact that racism is more and more coming in to play in this election. Have you seen the waffles? Yeah. It's obvious to me that the whole "Obama is a Muslim" argument is steeped in race; because while it's no longer OK to say that a black man shouldn't be president, it IS OK to say a MUSLIM can't be president (which is also wrong).If Obama were white, I have no doubt that he would be far ahead in the polls.

9. The fact that thanks to the current economic issues, Friday's debate is likely to NOT focus on international issues, and I really want to hear some folks talking about the war and the rest of the damned world.

10. The fact that there are still 40 days to go before this election is over. I am tired of constantly feeling outraged. Let's all invent a time machine and just vote now, shall we?

Fall! Television! Season!

I totally know that I should be trying to write an intelligent, thoughtful post about the current financial crisis, but seriously--it sucks, the government is thinking about giving one guy a whole shit load of power without taking care of homeowners, it sucks, it's going to effect every aspect of our lives, it sucks, and of course, oh--it SUCKS.

As long as we're all clear.

I'm not trying to be cavalier; truth is, I don't know nearly as much as I should, and I am working on becoming informed enough to write a post that doesn't make me look like a dimwit. Although probably by the time I become informed, the bailout will have happened--thank God it does look like they are working to create a plan that works with homeowners to keep them in their homes.

So, while we all wait for me to get schooled, let's all distract ourselves by talkin' TV!

So, last night was the Heroes premier.  *SPOILER ALERT!!!* Man. I wanted to love it, I really did. I loved Season One (or Volume One), and managed to get through Season Two even with that horribly whiny woman with the eyes that went all black, and the fact that they won't fucking KILL SYLAR already (I am so over Sylar). But last night's show--man. Suresh has rapidly gone from being a rather clueless semi-scientist to a complete fucking idiot, and FOR THE LOVE OF GOD if you are going to spout science at us please take half a minute to make it even REMOTELY believable, and, DO NOT STEAL from THE FLY. Cause that's just rude. I didn't see enough of the characters I like, I kept getting confused about future Peter (not to mention the fact that his mother kept calling "current" Peter her son--what, does she disown future Peter? What the fuck?). Making Hiro and Ando ENEMIES? What are they thinking?

**END SPOILER**

Anyway, I spent most of last night being highly irritated. It was not a relaxing TV night. I'm not going to stop watching because I am CRAZY (hey, I'm fucking hanging in for the final season of ER--15 years, yo!)--it takes a lot to make me stop watching something (for instance, I recently abandoned The Cleaner on A & E because it so thoroughly violated every recovery tenet I hold dear, but it took five episodes).

Ahem. Anyway. Ranting over.

OK, not quite: what the fuck is WITH new shows not starting until October? I mean, really? Because then they'll break for Thanksgiving, and again for Christmas--meaning we get about six episodes for the entire fall season. And before you go and blame it on the writer's strike, they've been doing this for a couple years now. As far as I'm concerned, the fall season should start no later than Mid-September. Hereby decrees Cecily.

Heh.

So, other shows I can't wait to see (I'm gonna end up going by network since I'm using a cheat sheet): ER, as I said above, mostly because after this season I am DONE. I've watched from the very first episode, and cannot wait to see it how it ends. I enjoyed Chuck last season and will watch it again; I'm going to watch the premier of the new Knight Rider, but only to point and laugh; Law & Order SVU is barely hanging in there for me but I'll watch (and the regular Law & Order too, when I feel like it). That finishes NBC for me; no, I don't watch The Office (no real reason, just don't enjoy awkward humor that much) or 30 Rock (for the same reason, although I adore Tina Fey).

CBS: Well, the CSIs (not Miami, but New York and Vegas) even though I think they are on their way out. A couple sitcoms (How I Met Your Mother, Big Bang Theory). I'm interested in seeing The Mentalist, that could be a kick (even if it is a direct Monk rip-off; Monk gets on my nerves). I also really loved Swingtown this summer (especially after they drifted away from the sex and started tackling the changing gender roles), but I'm afraid it's going to get canceled.

ABC: Ah, my soap fix. Here's we've got Grey's Anatomy (have you seen the previews? Seriously, whats-her-name is pregnant? FOR FUCK'S SAKE), Brothers & Sisters, Dirty Sexy Money, and Ugly Betty. Love them all. Haven't decided if I want to watch Pushing Daisies again this season--thinking about it makes me tired. Lastly, I am SO FUCKING HAPPY to see that they brought back the show that was hands-down my favorite new show of last year, Eli Stone. I seriously heart that show--it's sweet, engaging, dramatic, and somehow believable even though it's about a guy that gets visions from a brain tumor that tell him how to do his job (OK, maybe the earthquake wasn't so believable last season, but you know what I mean).

Fox: Dudes, I am so digging on The Fringe. Seriously good show, if you are a sci-fi geek like me. Also watching House, but didn't love the premier--I also don't like the new doctors (I know, they've been there a whole season, but I still don't like them). Also already enjoying Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, but I feel like it's not as good as last season (but is still fun).

Random cable channels: Full-fledged into Mad Men again this year (in fact, Jon Hamm is fast replacing Clive Owen at the top of my hot list--no, I don't have a type); damn that show rocks. Also just caught up with Sons of Anarchy--basically, a show that is the perfect cross between The Sopranos and The Dukes of Hazzard. It focuses on a biker club, and the various crimes and acts of vigilante justice they enjoy committing. Features Ron Perlman as the club leader, with Katey Sagal as his wife (in her best role EVER--she sizzles, smokes, and spits her way through her lines beautifully). Watching True Blood on HBO, as you have all guessed I'm sure given my obsession with vampires, but it wasn't until this week's episode that I really began enjoying it--I love the books the show is based on so it was an uphill battle for the show to be as good.

Good LORD that was a lot of info about me you didn't need to know (not to mention it took a half hour just to do all the links--forgive me if I missed any). How do I watch so much TV? Well, I DVR everything, first off, then I set up my laptop and do other stuff while it is on. Heh.

What are you looking forward to? What show helps you escape the pains of our economy and the election? 

Gently Into Fall

In an hour or so, at 11:44 EST to be exact, it will officially be fall. Here in Philadelphia, it's felt very fall-like for a couple of weeks now (we actually had an incredibly mild summer too), but it's only been in the last few says that we've gotten that gorgeous fall light: thick, amber colored, and with long shadows.

Back when I was considering becoming a Wiccan (before I realized that I had just enough Christianity in me to make it never feel quite right--not that I think it's wrong, just not right for me), I really loved the various states of the Goddess: spring, of course, was the Maiden, young and beautiful; winter was the Crone--wise and elderly.

But summer and fall were the season of the Mother, a woman in her prime with full breasts and hips, a few lines around her eyes, and the awesome ability to not really care if there are stains on her shirt or if her hair has seen better days. She's smart, beautiful, and able to multi-task with grace.OK--maybe that's just MY interpretation. Heh.

Obviously, I identify with this image of the Goddess; I have the confidence that comes with a few years of experience, yet I'm still ripe and in my prime. There is a wholeness in my heart that I didn't have when I was younger, and for some reason, the first day of fall reminds me of that. Crisp, clean, and golden light extending tall shadows.

And, of course, weather warm enough to be outside when there are a whole lot fewer bugs.

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So, why am I waxing poetic about fall? Truth be told, I woke up with a bit of Bloggers Block (blogock? blogoblock? blog cock? what?), so I turned to a tool that I learned about at PodCampPhilly, a social media "unconference" I went to a couple weekends ago. And if that all sounded like gibberish to you, I don't blame you. Here's the breakdown: a "unconference" is a conference that is scheduled (as far as time and place), but doesn't search for speakers/session leaders--individuals sign up to speak or run a session on their own. Social Media is everything on the Internet that has a community--Twitter, Facebook, bulletin boards, and, of course, blogs. OK?

Anyway, this guy (who gave such a great presentation!) mentioned Google Trends, in which Google tells you what people are talking about on the internets. While it can mostly be the names of various sports stars, sometimes it mentions something that might make an interesting topic here--like, for instance, the first day of fall. It's like a Blog Block Buster. Heh.

So, blame Google for my above rambling. Although I do love the fall, so I might have written that anyway (but I wouldn't have remembered that today is the equinox without prompting).

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Guess what? I have a new client. It's going to take a while for me to get the load of work from them I need/want (I have to prove myself first), but I feel confident that it will happen by the end of the year. I don't want to be too specific, but it's basically fun writing--interviews, synopsis, ad copy--about books and authors. I can't wait to get started!

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Other cool things on Google Trends today that could have warranted their own blog posts:

• This story is beautiful. Doesn't the idea of the guns falling silent for a day make your heart sing with hope? I wish I'd known at church yesterday, I would have mentioned it.
• The Emmys and politics.
• This fascinating story about how 'enlightened' men tend to earn less--just like women. In other words, men that are crazy enough to believe that women should get equal pay and have equal rights tend to earn less than men that believe in more 'traditional' roles for women. So income breaks down like this, most to least: misogynists, non-misogynist men, women that believe in equal rights, and, coming up last, women that believe in more 'traditional' gender roles. No wonder so many folks hold on to misogynist values--it fucking pays more.

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I almost forgot! If you are Philly-area mommy blogger and you haven't already heard from me about the sneak preview of the new Please Touch Museum, please email me. Cause I have the hook-up. :)

Shaking It Off

Goodness. I don't know how people who don't have blogs survive this shit. The love that came pouring my way yesterday made me feel so much better--thank you. It's funny how grief comes in waves, isn't it? I realized I'd been fighting feeling grief for days and days and I forget sometimes how much easier it is if I just allow myself to FEEL it.

Today, the shadow has receded a bit, and I feel like I can go on. Bless you all.

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Looks like I got another freelance client. I will know for sure Monday morning. Promise to share details with you then. All I will say now is, THANK GOD. I was really scared for a bit there.
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I heard an interesting piece on NPR yesterday about the fact that when you compare their economic plans, Obama actually looks MORE like a fiscal conservative than McCain. Interesting, no? Give it a listen (scroll down to "candidates economic plan"). My favorite part? How McCain would give someone making $6 MILLION a year a $200,000 tax break. That's four times what most American families make in a YEAR. As a TAX BREAK. Cause they soooo need it. Right. (Obama would require they instead pay $500,000 in additional taxes, while giving everyone who makes less that $250K--you know, almost everyone--a tax BREAK).

On other "Cecily is mean to the Republicans" news, Sarah Palin and her husband have decided to NOT participate in the investigation into what news folks have dubbed "Troopergate." Her husband is even refusing a subpoena. The investigation, begun long before Sarah Palin was tapped to be McCain's running mate, is suddenly "partisan" and somehow, Obama's fault. Perhaps I'm biased here as a Democrat, but, does anyone think this is a good idea for her politically? Because I hear "refuse to cooperate" as "something to hide." That seems like a bad political choice to me.
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Here's a question for you all: why can't I find a class or activity to distract Tori between her nap and dinner? There is literally NO event for a kid Tori's age in my area between 3 and 6 PM. Tori is so physical, and so energetic, that she needs TWO activities a day to keep her content and a good sleeper. Mornings are filled with morning care during the week (weekends we do playground or other events), and I would dearly love to sign her up for an afternoon tumble or dance class but they do not exist for her age group except in the mornings (and if I'm ever going to get any work done, she has to be at daycare a few hours a week).

I have two theories: one, most people have more than one kid and that afternoon time is filled with homework, etc, and parents can't get out in the afternoons. The other, well--it's not really a theory. It's the idea that the world is full of quiet, adorable toddlers that are content to play with toys/read books/draw without driving their parents insane by bursting out all over with ENERGY THAT MUST BE LET OUT.

We take her to the playground, and that helps, but after school now is the time the big kids are all at the playground and it's not very safe for her, frankly (she is so over the preschool-age playground, by the way--she prefers the big kid stuff). So we go for walks, some days I take her to the pool at the Y (but that is a major undertaking I cannot do every day, nor is the pool always available for public swimming). Sigh.

Why isn't the universe configured perfectly for me and my kid? Why oh why?

Another way we wear her out is by playing ball with her--really a modified version of soccer, using a smallish beach ball. She'll do this for 45 minutes straight. I'm posting some video proof; my favorite moment comes around 1:15 when she does a "matrix" move with her right leg. But she's unbelievably adorable here, so enjoy. And have a nice weekend.

Quiet

I'm having, well, a day. A random series of events--a woman at my recovery group having her fourth child, another one due in a couple weeks, a friend asking me to record a video of my infertility history--have all conspired to swamp me in grief.

I'm grieving the loss of the boys hard, again, as we approach the time of year when I lost them four years ago. I am grieving not having other children, rather unexpectedly (the grief, not the decision to not have other kids). I'm thinking a bit about my dad too.

I know this is temporary, but I just feel too sad to post much today. I want to retreat away from the world, and I'm not being very accepting of the hands outstretched to help me. I just need some time to cry. Sorry.

I promise I'll post something uplifting and happy soon. Swear.

Blah, Blah, Blah

I'm feeling kind of blogging burned out. I don't want to write any more about politics (is that a large sigh of relief I hear?) so I feel stumped about alternative topics. So permit me to just meander around a bit here and y'all can get a glimpse inside my fucked up brain.

First up: I have a weird lump on my hand (on the inside base of my thumb, if that makes sense) that my doctor isn't worried about but I have to go see a hand doctor now and I'm in the middle of changing insurance companies so that's not gonna be fun (the lump is probably one of these, or maybe one of these--neither of which are anything to worry about). Getting old fucking SUCKS. I wouldn't even worry about it at all but DUDES--what if it interferes with my typing?

Secondly, thanks for all the suggestions about Tori's daycare. I think that everyone was right--heh. I am going to give it a bit longer; after all, she's only been back three days and I am sure that no actual abuse is happening. I will trust my gut if the problem continues. But today I walked to pick Tori up and got there a bit early so I could observe, and Tori was having a great time dancing and singing as they did music stuff. So we'll wait and see for now.

Next up... hmmm. Oh, I'm just starting on my upswing into my normal body hating/considering dieting cycle. But I won't write about it because, seriously, how many times do I have to write about that before I actually change something? I am exercising a bit more, and trying to cook more healthy food. But when I look at photos of me from before starting fertility treatments, I get really depressed. Sigh.

One fun thing: Moxie is planning a Philly area get together! I will be there, as will Tori (and probably Charlie) so if you can come, please do!

I have a whole list of things I SHOULD post about, like the fall TV season, and how cute Tori has been. But seriously, I am feeling too blah. The work situation has got me down. My weight has got me down. The end of summer has got me down. Politics has got me down. I'm not depressed, particularly. I just want to curl up in a corner and disappear into a book.

Oh my God, this has become the most boring post EVER.

Anyway, how about this: I need suggestions about where to shop for Tori. She has grown out of ALL her fall and winter gear, as well as her shoes. What we need to isn't really available--I need clothes for 2.5T. She's a bit too big for 2T (especially at Tar-jay), but too small for 3T. Not a problem in summer, but pants are going to be a challenge if they are all too long because NO I do not sew in any way. We plan to hit thrift stores, but I haven't been finding that to really be a money saver (around here all the used stuff at thrift stores costs the same as the new stuff at Tar-jay). So what do you recommend? Do you know any clothing places that sell half-sizes that young (and won't break our non-existent bank)? Any and all suggestions are appreciated. :) And I apologize for being SO FUCKING DULL. Gah.

You Are Amazing. No, really, you are.

Seriously, people, do you have any idea how spectacularly wonderful you are? I mean, who needs Prozac when y'all are here? Because you have singlehandedly taken this hopeless, depressed, miserable woman and completely turned her around.

While I still have a vested interest in the outcome of this election (and of course want it to go my own way--heh), you have all reminded me that I love people and that people, overall, are pretty great. No matter what happens in November, the American people are not really a nation divided. We have common goals, common hopes and dreams, and believe in each other.

But what was most interesting about the last two posts is that we are all actually in complete agreement. I find that hilarious. Across the board, everyone--conservative, moderate, and liberal--believes the following that makes them feel disenfranchised:

• They are not currently represented by the government.
• No politician currently running for office represents them perfectly.
• The media is totally biased and it's not possible to get the truth about candidates.

Also, everyone loves America. For the same reasons. All of us love this country because:

• Diversity, both in our people and our landscape.
• Our freedoms.
• Our governmental structure and constitution.
• The character of the American people.

I am so glad I did these two posts! What an overwhelming relief to know that in truth, we have more in common than not. I know I'm being mercilessly sunny and optimistic here, but seriously--in this age of divisiveness--when the politicians and the media are trying to drive us apart, don't you think we need to confound them all by coming together?

By the way, for everyone looking for a way to cut through the noise and clutter about the candidates, check this out. This is the site run by the Annenberg Public Policy Center at the University of Pennsylvania, and they routinely check things like campaign ads, policy, etc and tell you what is TRUE and what is NOT. For both sides. No one gets off easy. I hope you find that it helps.

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I just wanted to update you all about a couple of things. First off, I'm continuing my hunt to find new clients so the loss of my main client won't cause me to be, oh, homeless (kidding, kidding; panic, panic). In looking for new ways to get money (and free stuff) I've started a review blog. Since going to BlogHer, lots and lot of folks want to send me stuff for free but I can't accept it without violating my contract with BlogHer Ads (ah, the irony) so I've started this new blog to talk about that stuff. I'll let you know when a new entry appears there (like, um, TODAY when I review Tiny Prints), and I hope you'll read (and subscribe it to your blog reader!). I promise to be just as tough on the products as I am on Republicans. Heh.

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Tori, by the way, has been much better behaved lately. We found out something interesting: her tantrums and hitting and throwing directly corresponded to her watching the TV show Caillou. I watched an episode with her (she demanded it) and to my shock I saw that the little bald monster that is Caillou is shown hitting, throwing, and tantruming on the show. (On an unrelated note, we are working hard at decreasing Tori's TV time, but we still use it a bit to get work done). Since we've been extremely consistent with punishment (and as long as we don't let her get too tired or hungry (as Sarah can attest--Tori knocked Sarah's iced tea into her lap at lunch the other day at lunch by throwing her sippy cup when Tori was both tired and hungry), she's been much better (except for fighting like HELl when it's bedtime. But that's another story). So Caillou is officially banned. We let her watch Oswald instead. Oswald is very nice and polite.

However, we do have a different problem. Tori's morning care program started back up last week, but they've made some changes. The biggest and worst change is that they've combined Tori's class with another one and that class has a teacher she hates and is scared off (and it appears to us that the teacher actually dislikes Tori). Her old teacher is still there too, but we can't drop Tori off if the disliked teacher is the only one in the room; we have to wait with her until the other teacher arrives.

Overall she comes home tired and mostly, as far as we can tell, happy. But she's not like she was last year, begging to not go home when we picked her up. So do we find another place? Express our concerns to the director? Arg. I really don't know what to do. If Tori was totally miserable, the answer would be clear. But she's not, just not as happy as she was. Is that enough reason? I really feel confused.

My church's Sunday School teacher--who Tori loves--also runs a day care, and we're going to go check it out. It's a bit more expensive (sigh--the conundrum of paying for daycare so I can work) but it might be a better alternative. What would you do?

Patriotism

Wow. Thank you all so much for the amazing and heartfelt answers to the last post. I feel so much more connected to everyone and I feel like I have a much better understanding of everyone's perspective (even when I didn't agree). Funny--one thing appears universal. We all hate the damned media for not being unbiased, thorough, and vigilant.

At least we agree on something.

I thought, for the sake of balance, that we should now all post our feelings about the opposite: why we love this country and feel excited, hopeful, even joyful about it. What it is that makes us (yes, even those of us that whine about moving to Canada) feel like this is our home, and we love it, no matter what.

What I want to avoid, however, is what Charlie often calls "hollow chest-thumping nationalism." I want you to really dig deep and think about it; don't just utter catch phrases about freedom and country, please. I want to hear about what it is you personally love.

This time I'll post my thoughts here rather than in the comments because I don't think it's as inflammatory a subject. Heh.

So, why do I love the United States?

First and foremost, I love the actual, physical land. I really, really do. While I haven't seen all of the world, I feel a deep emotional connection to this physical place; both to the New Mexico desert and mountains where I lived my first 13 years, and my now-home of Pennsylvania. From tumbleweeds to piñon trees, to mountain laurel bushes and skunk cabbage, this land and its inhabits are absolutely singing in my blood. When people asked me why I'd chose Canada over other nations, this is why: to be near the land and plants I love.

I love the innovative spirit of Americans. I love that we invent shit all the time, even if it's only for profit and nowadays the laws are set up so that the individual inventor is unlikely to succeed today. Still, I love the fact that we are a nation of tinkerers.

I love the fact that we learn from our mistakes, even if it takes a fight. We abolished the absolute horror of slavery (albeit bitterly). We stopped marginalizing half of humanity and gave women the vote (again, bitterly). I do believe, in my heart of hearts when I think about it, that we will move forward and give gays full rights as well, but that we're just trapped in the bitter part right now.

I love the fact that we have the OPTION of a free press, even when we don't exercise it. I love the fact that no matter how the press gets restricted by whatever reason (for instance, today press freedom is restricted by money issues--both ownership and advertising), something new emerges like the blogosphere and is not shut down.

I love that we have freedom of speech. Love it, love it, fucking hell love it.

.......

Basically, I do love our nation, and I am glad I remember that. So: the same rules apply! No mocking or dismissing anyone's love (seriously, even mine); no being rude or judgmental. Let's all share our positive perspective as fairly as we did the negative. :)

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Just a couple of links to close with. I've got a new Type-A Mom article up here. If you are desperate for Tori-ness, here are some photos of our weekend jaunt to a local orchard on the hottest fucking day of the year.

If you feel like viewing the political landscape a bit differently, read this excellent article on white privilege and how it plays a role today. But please don't comment about this article today, just stick to the topic. I just wanted to link to it because it made me view things in a new way.

Disenfranchised

So, reading the comments to the last post really helped lift me from my hopelessness. I feel much better; thank you. I will not give up.

But something came up out of those comments that I've heard before, and I find myself wanting to understand more about it. If I sound cautious in this post it's because I really, really want to hear from both sides and have a civil discussion, so I want to tread carefully.

What becomes clear to me is that, somehow, all sides--conservative, moderate, and liberal--feel completely disenfranchised and under-represented, both politically and socially. How can that be? How can everyone feel like there are strong forces gathered against them, when the general view points are so divergent?

I've been emailing with someone who is trying, desperately, to get fair reporting on both candidates so that she can make up her mind, but feel that impartial reporting isn't possible today (maybe the Christian Science Monitor? I know they used to do in-depth fair reporting). Another commenter said "Doesn't it comfort you to have every major news outlet, every cool entertainer" on my side? Many others mentioned being very middle-of-the-road with their views--moderate, in other words--and feeling completely isolated and disconnected from any politician.

I find myself feeling, quite firmly, that somewhere in here lies the heart of the fear that I expressed in my last post: the dividing of America, the many, many readers that said that even their families are split down the middle. The reason I consider leaving this country has much less to do with which side "wins" but with this great divide, this hardening of differences, this intolerance of other viewpoints--that I find not only in my friends, neighbors, and loved ones but most terrifyingly in myself.

I really want to understand, and I really want to hear what you feel. Tell me, in the comments, why you feel so disenfranchised. What is making you feel like you are standing alone when it comes to your politics, your morals, and your beliefs. But there are going to be rules.

I'll start by telling you why I feel disenfranchised, but not here. I'm posting it in a comment, because I want people to express their views without even MY influence.

So, please tell me: why do you feel left out and under-represented in today's political, media, and social climate? Remember the rules!

1. No scoffing, no dismissing, no addressing other people's comments in any way.
2. Post your comment--please--BEFORE you read any other comments.
3. While you are free to express anger and frustration, do not vent that on other commentors. I will delete it.
4. Try to be clear, and non judgemental, and have an open heart when you comment (as hard as I know that is).
5. Read the other comments (even mine) with an open mind.

Stranger To My Country

First of all, I am terribly worried for all of you in Hurricane Ike's path. While you probably won't see this, since you are all fleeing (you are fleeing, right? Or safe already, I hope? Please don't stay there!), know my prayers are with you and your families.
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The latest political controversy--this stupid fucking "lipstick on a pig" flap--has once again caused me to be completely enraged. First of all, the whole concept of the Republicans crying sexism over this flap--claiming that Obama was thinking of Palin as the lipsticked pig--is so completely and utterly hypocritical that it defies reason. After all, here's a clip of McCain calling Hillary Clinton's economic plan "lipstick on a pig" and Rachel Maddow (oh, how I adore Rachel Maddow) had a group of seven or eight clips of McCain using the phrase.

But what bothers me the most about it, is that I just know that someone, somewhere is buying this spun crap and thinking to themselves, "See, Obama really is a sexist. Maybe I'd better vote for McCain since he at least picked a woman for a running mate."

*head explodes*

But I realize, after I calm down, that my real problem is something totally different.

My real problem--my deepest, darkest fear--is that very soon there will be no place for me in this country. Or worse, if my daughter follows in my political footsteps, no place for her. That the conservative trend that has swept through this nation in the last thirty years--since Reagan was president--is going to continue to swell and grow, and soon, I will be on the wrong side.

This is why I get so angry. This is why I lie awake at night worrying about politics. This is why this election--more so than any other--feels to me to be the end of the line. If Obama loses, and another right wing war monger wins (and yes, I'm sorry, but that is how I see McCain) then this nation will no longer be my home.

Sarah and I have been looking at real estate in Canada. No, really. I know some of you think that leaving means I'm abandoning my country, but that's not true at all--I feel like my country has abandoned me. I'm a free speech loving, civil liberties adoring, peaceful, pro-choice, pro gay liberal with socialist leanings. Where would I fit in to a John McCain/ Sarah Palin America?

I feel like I've stayed and fought. I really do. This last eight years has been TORTURE for me. Watching our servicemen and women die in Iraq and Afghanistan primarily for, as far as I can tell, Dick Cheney and his cronies to put more money in their coffers. Watching the complete and utter erosion of our civil liberties--I mean, THEY TAPPED OUR PHONES (and yes, I know Obama voted to allow that and it makes me sad) and arrested people and put them away without a trial. Watching women's rights be slowly whittled away. Watching a Supreme Court hand-picked by the richest people in our country allow cities and states to just take away our property with the eminent domain laws. To learn that the majority of people in my country support the erosion of the separation of church and state.

It has been truly awful.

I don't see how I could stay here, how I could raise my child with my morals in a country that finds my particular moral values abhorrent. How I can stay in a country that is reviled by the rest of the world. A country that has chosen to owe its soul (and my daughter's future paychecks) to China and other nations to fund this war (this is the only war that didn't cause a rise in taxes--even though I know I would have been happy to pay a bit extra to not have our nation go so deeply in debt, even though I opposed the war).

I just finished reading a science fiction novel--written in 1995--that described a world where California is its own nation and the rest of the country becomes Christian 'Merkka. It should have seemed absurd, yet it didn't. It seems inevitable.

This country has become so divided--fanned by the flames of shrieking pundits filling the 24 hour new networks (God, if we could just outlaw punditry maybe this country would be able to heal and people could develop their own opinions based on FACTS)--that I cannot fathom it being healed into one solid nation again. I really can't. All I see is a nation that is half disenfranchised, no matter who wins.

God, it's too early in the morning for me to be so bitter.

The only thin thread that give me hope is this blog. The fact that so many of us, with such divergent opinions, have been able to find common ground in mothering and wanting to mother. If we can do it, maybe the rest of the nation can. But the truth is, even though we've found peace here, I doubt that most of my conservative readers would want to live in the same nation that I would find ideal. So I find myself, once again, feeling frustrated and isolated.

Admittedly, I only feel this way a little most of the time. The elections have just heightened everything to a level where I feel like I don't fit in, here, in the nation of my birth anymore. And I don't know what to do about it.

I wanted to end this entry on a positive note--I don't like being this negative--but I can't seem to find one this morning. How do I find hope? How do I find my way to healing? How do I stay here, in this country I love so very, very much--from the deserts of my birth to the green, rolling mountains of the state I now call home--without feeling like a liberal outlaw? I don't know. I really just don't know.

Remembering

Today is that day again, the day I eye planes flying in the sky differently and I wish my house wasn't so close to the airport (it's a few miles away, but still). 9/11 was such a beautiful day seven years ago; I remember driving to work with a neighbor (one of our cars was in the shop, hers or mine, I can't remember which now so we shared a ride to work) and remarking on the amazing day.

But not too long after I got to work, I passed by another office and saw everyone gathered around a television. It wasn't long after that when Sarah called and asked if I knew what was going on. I got her call just in time to see the second plane hit the second tower.

It was an awful day for all of us, but more awful for some. For those that lived in New York then, for those that had family in the towers. Today I find myself thinking of them differently; now that I have Tori I can empathize, so much better, with the magnitude of loss some experienced.

My heart is with those of you still suffering today, and my prayers go out to all of those that lost someone, and to those of us that still feel grief and rage about that day seven years ago.

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Naturally, when I think of grief, I think of my sons. Recently Tori has begun to grasp the idea of siblings, thanks primarily to her closest playmate, a boy about six months older than Tori, who now has a four-month-old baby brother. When we tell Tori that Eli is Samuel's little brother, I wonder what she thinks.

I find myself wanting to tell her about her big brothers, her guardian angels as I like to think of them; even though I'm not big on angels, I like the idea of Tori having two guiding spirits that love her and want the best for her. I haven't said anything to her yet, but I know I want to soon. I want her to grow up knowing about Nicholas and Zachary; I don't want what happened to Charlie to happen to her.

Charlie was 17 when his father died. At the hospital, as he was absorbing the news of his father's passing when he overheard the priest say, "At least he's with his daughter now." Charlie, until that moment, had never heard that he'd had an older sister*. It was a terrible way for him to find out.

So I'm curious; how have you guys handled this issue? What do you say?

*Charlie's older sister Victoria Ann died a few days after she was born. While on a trip to Europe, Charlie's mother was given thalidomide to treat her morning sickness; the medication caused Victoria to be deformed so badly she couldn't survive. And yes, Tori is named after her aunt, although we put an E on the end of Anne to also name her after my mother, and of course her second middle name is after my best friend Sarah.

Coping Skills

Yesterday, for the first time since BlogHer in July, I missed posting on a weekday.

Today, Tori is at Morning Care, meaning that for the first time since Mid-May I am in my house without Tori. Last night Tori was up 18 times between one and four AM, and my poor husband is having stomach trouble and is now, at 9:30, still in bed. Meaning I am alone on the first floor.

*Takes several deep breaths*

So I missed posting because I was morose. I was morose because, at long last, after plenty of evidence it was coming, my contact at my main freelance gig is leaving the company. Typical story: his company merged, his department was absorbed, and my promise of work until the end of the year is up in the air.

I haven't had a chance yet to speak with the person taking over his job (I wanted to let that person have a moment to breathe before I call up and say, "Hey! I'm the writer! Give me work!"), so it may be fine. But as many of you have experienced, the new company rarely keeps the hangers-on of the old.

I got this news on Monday, and on Monday I was fine. Monday I was worried about Charlie. Charlie is the money man in this house (not because I can't do money managing, but because I don't like it. I run the rest of our lives. Heh), so I knew he was going to be a bit freaked out by the news.

He was, a bit, and in one of those typical moments where men handle things differently than women, the conversation didn't exactly go well. I am an eternal optimist (usually) and Charlie is, well, not. He wanted to immediately plan every detail of the future, such as who would drop off Tori at morning care when I go off to the temp job I haven't even considered getting yet. I wanted to hold on for a bit (I have three weeks of work left with my client) and hope that one of the three solid potential clients I have on deck right now pulls through soon. The conversation ended with Charlie stomping upstairs (we were in my office in the basement) saying, "I just want to know where our next meal is coming from!" and me yelling, "FROM OUR FUCKING REFRIGERATOR!"

In other words, it went real well, the talk.

But yesterday was the day for me to feel hopeless. To succumb to the feelings of worthlessness, to feel stupid and pointless, and to think what a fucking idiot I was for leaving that really cushy job I had a year and a half ago (even though I now know that my talents were completely wasted at that job; well, not wasted. Underused.). I could barely answer email, much less put together a coherent post.

But I feel better today. I'm going to clean my house, go through Tori's toys and clothes and take them to my church's thrift store, and I'm going to call the new guy at the company. I'm going to continue to take the actions I've been taking to get new work, and continue to reach out and make connections so that I have more chances for work. I'm loving the direction my work is going in right now, I have to say. It's very exciting--albeit a bit scary too. New stuff always is.

As usual, thanks for spending time in my venting space. :)

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I think, rather than devote whole posts to politics over the coming weeks (groan) left in our Presidential campaign, I am going to instead just post a political thought for the day or two. Trying to keep it a bit lighter, don't you know.

Political Thoughts For The Day

1. First, off, I am happy to report (while cheerfully eating crow) that it appears Sarah Palin is not nearly as bad as we've been told. According to the fact checkers over at Newsweek.com, many of the nasty things being said about Ms. Palin in various emails are NOT TRUE. She's still prolife, however. That's enough for me to not vote for her right there, plus there are elements in the book banning story that are true. I want politicians in office that would react with horror at the prospect of book banning, not ones that think the question "Would you ban books if I asked?" is a great loyalty test. Anyway, I find myself slightly embarrassed to have something in common with the folks that still think Obama is a Muslim because an email told them so; I was taken in by a slime campaign, proving once again there are parts of myself I don't like much.

2. In a less forgiving spotlight on the Republican ticket, I really think anyone planning to vote for McCain (and those undecided) should take a look at these two clips The Daily Show put together: one shows how McCain's acceptance speech is very, very similar to George Bush's in 2000 (I see the hand of Karl Rove involved--doesn't start until the 4:30 mark, although the earlier part is very funny). The second one (and if you are only watching one, WATCH THIS ONE) showcases how John McCain has completely and utterly shunned his moderate, maverick past.

27 Months

My darling Tori Anne,

My goodness. We've survived another month. I know that might sound a bit, oh, harsh. But trust me; for all of us, this has been a hell of a month.

First off, I have to offer you an apology. There's been an awful lot of yelling going on this last month. We've been yelling at you because you continue to work hard at being a kid, pushing boundaries and testing limits a million times a day. We've been yelling at each other because we haven't quite gotten this whole being-married-while-parenting-thing down yet, and sometimes we forgot ourselves and yelled in front of you. We've even been yelling at the dog because the more yelling there is, the more underfoot he gets. Lastly, we've been yelling at the television because it's an election year, and there is a lot to yell at. So I'm sorry, baby girl, that you've had to endure so many raised voices this last month. The good thing is, your Daddy and I have actually worked a bunch of stuff out, and we've gotten much better at being balanced and making sure we're both doing OK. I can't do anything about the politics, though; not until you're nearly 29 months old anyway. Then it should be over.

You are getting smarter and smarter these days, and we've found you just a bit harder to entertain as a result. Recently we foolishly introduced you to a couple of things on our laptops, and now you want to either play games (the games at Sesame Street are your favorite, although this one is super cool and we like it too; we found that game here). But more than games, you love--oh, how you love--the Photo Booth feature where you can just click on the bar to take photos of yourself. You will sit for nearly a half hour clicking over and over while making faces at yourself. It's hilarious. I like to join you just to watch the faces you make. The only problem, of course, is that you would prefer that we stop working and allow you full time laptop access. Oops.

These days you are constantly in motion. You love jumping in all forms--off curbs, on the ground, on the couch, and the last weekend the pool was open you learned to jump into the water on your own. Which totally freaks out the adults around you (you are always wearing water wings, so you pop back up to the surface no problem--but then, your fearlessness always alarms grown ups). We miss the pool--a lot--and are happy that this week the pool at the YMCA is opening again so that we can get you back to the water. In fact, I think we'll go today.

Because you are constantly in motion it's gotten much harder to get an in-focus picture of you lately. But that's actually not such a bad thing, since an awful lot of the time these days you are, shall we say, not at your most photograph-able. You are either screaming at the top of your lungs, throwing something, fake crying, actually crying, slapping me or some object that has betrayed you, kicking your Mommy and Daddy in the face while they change your diaper, throwing your food while saying "I don't like it!" or glaring at us both with a mean face. You've found your temper this month, AND HOW. We've been working on some new discipline tricks, and things are getting better but MAN it's been a tough month--both for us as parents coping with the angry toddler, and for you as a smart kid who doesn't quite know how to communicate and doesn't understand why you can't get everything you want.

You've also gone from practicing being scared to actually being scared of some things (I totally understand about that scary ass six foot Elmo). Yesterday at church you stuck fast to my side all through choir practice (although you were happy going to Sunday School) and at the picnic after (the picnic where you, once again, ate nothing. You are the only two-year-old that hates hotdogs). But you still love to be "fake" scared too, announcing that you are scared of dinosaurs and coming over for a cuddle. I love the cuddling, so I play along.

My darling girl, another month has gone by and we all managed to make it through. While there have been some struggles this month (I confess that sometimes when you go to bed it feels a bit like we just won the war), you are still enchanting much of the time. Your giggles are like a sunshine. I love you so much, baby girl. You are my heart.

Love,

Mommy

Just A Sunday Night Giggle

At Last **Edited to add**

At long last, the curtain has descended on the political conventions.

I know some folks hate it, but seriously--I do not know HOW I lived through political theater like the conventions (and that's really what they are--expensive, pointless theater) before I could discuss it--live--with a couple hundred people on a platform like Twitter. I know, I know--my poor friends from other countries are un-following me as fast as humanly possible because they don't have any interest in my 100+ twits where I discuss how the green background behind McCain makes him look 100 years older than he already is. But still, being able to laugh through the process--with online friends on both sides of the aisle--is such a relief. And great news--Charlie has finally begun to grace us with his presence on Twitter. It's the perfect format for him since he's the king of the one-line jab. (Follow him at Charlie_O.)

I missed the wind up to McCain's speech because I was at Choir Practice at church (oh, how I have missed singing in the choir this summer!). I got home in time to hear the last fifteen minutes or so of Cindy McCain's speech. I have to say after reading this Newsweek profile of Ms. McCain, I find myself actually kind of liking her, and having a fair amount of respect for her (she and I share being "the other woman" prior to marrying our husbands, so I can't judge her for that one). However, HOLY HELL is she a horrible speaker. That was one of the most boring fifteen minutes of my life right there; it was like listening to your high school civics teacher who really should have retired ten years ago give a lecture. ARRRRG.

Then I thought it was really weird that they had a long pause before the video and John McCain coming on stage because seriously? Those prime time opportunities to show white people dancing? Should be avoided. But, finally, they showed the movie and brought out the man himself.

I have immense respect for John McCain's service, and I admire the grace and strength he exhibited during his time as a prisoner of war. I really do. However, I do NOT believe that automatically makes him a good candidate for President. And it seems to me, the relentless harping on his POW experience and leveraging it to be a talking point of his campaign--and using it as a weapon to judge how much more McCain loves this country than Obama does, which is a load of crap right wingers have been pulling on us lefties for years--cheapens his heroism. To me, the cynical liberal. It may not seem that way to you.

I liked a lot of what McCain said, and to see him hint at returning to his maverick roots was nice. Of course, he can only do that thanks to Ms. Palin; her presence on the ticket allows him to move away from the more fringe right wing stuff and appear more centrist. But he's still not REALLY a centrist. He just is trying to appear that way. Ya know.

I have lots of other observations about the Republican Convention, but honestly, others have said it better. This article in the San Francisco Chronicle (oh, stop dismissing it just cause it's from a left-leaning TOWN) highlights the idea of the "angry left." (We are angry! And rightly fucking so!) and makes many of my points for me (thanks, Beth, for the link).

This entry at Pundit Mom offers some great insight into the backlash against the scrutiny Sarah Palin's family is undergoing. Frankly, watching Laura Bush cry sexism about the way Sarah Palin was getting treated KILLED me. After all, the politicians and pundits on the right side of the aisle pummeled both Hillary Clinton and Michele Obama for months and months, and now they are crying fowl after a few days of Sarah Palin getting criticized for how she parents? Does no one remember the crap people gave Michelle Obama for going out on the campaign trail and leaving her two young girls (the campaign had to carefully highlight the fact that Michele's parents were taking care of the kids)? While I would like to see the subject treated gently, if you are a candidate running on a "family values" and "pro life family" platform, you cannot complain about the scrutiny of those issues in your life. 

My problems with Sarah Palin continue to mount, and none of these issues have to do with her family. I think she's an abuser of power--not only about the issue surrounding the attempted firing of her former brother in law, but back when she was mayor. One of the very first things she did as mayor was approach the town librarian about banning books. When the librarian refused, Ms. Palin sent her a letter saying she didn't support her and the librarian would be fired. (After public outcry, Ms. Palin backed off).

As a writer--and a reader--I have to say nothing scares me more in a politician (seriously, even more than the choice issue) than censorship of ideas. NOTHING. The fact that this was one of the very first things Ms. Palin addressed as mayor shows me where her priorities really lie--in her religious beliefs, and NOT our constitution and our god damned freedom of fucking speech. If she becomes President, bet yer ass she'd tried to ban this blog (you know who else bans this blog? China. The whole damned country. Just sayin'.).

Also, in her speech at the convention, Ms. Palin did a fair amount of truth stretching (some flat out lies, too). This article breaks it down point-by-point (thanks, Natalee, for that link!). I especially find the truth about the money for the "bridge to nowhere" revealing.

Lastly, after McCain's speech, they first played that stupid fucking Raising McCain song (god, talk about pandering). Then, for reasons I CANNOT POSSIBLY FATHOM they played "Barracuda" by Heart. One of my favorite songs by one of the killer feminist rock bands (I know, I know, the 80s hit them hard, but in the 70s they were the female Led Zeppelin). Did anyone, you know, look at the lyrics first? Cause the song is about a sneaky, evil, snake-in-the-grass kind of man:

You lying so low in the weeds
I bet you gonna ambush me
You'd have me down down down down on my knees
Now wouldn't you, barracuda?

Um, YEAH. That was a good thing to associate with McCain. Apparently, they were actually referencing Ms. Palin's reputation as a "barracuda." Don't really see how that is a good idea either.

I was horrified to think that Heart, again one my favs, gave them permission to use the song. Turns out, they most assuredly did NOT. Not since Reagan used "Born In The USA" have I seen such a song blunder.

But the best news? They are over. Both conventions. Thank GOD. So, unless something major develops between now and the debates, we can all take a little break. That is, as long as we all have the ability to fast forward through the barrage of fucking political commercials we have to endure on television for the next two months. Sigh.

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Just a small point--BlogHer is running smaller one-day conferences around the country (I will be in Washington, DC in October!). If you are interested in attending, please check out this contest and tell them I sent ya when you register. Pretty please. :)

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**Totally forgot to mention this! The lovefest between me and Amy of Amalah continues: I did a guest post for her on Advice Smackdown (not a cheery topic--be warned).

Politics Interruptus

I am interrupting my political rants (and oh, do I have them--but I'll wait until after McCain's speech tonight) to kvetch a bit about parenting. Although I will say this--according the Cambodian gentleman that did my nails (beautifully, I might add) today (shut up--every couple weeks I go to a cheap nail place and treat myself. ON YOUR ORDERS, if I recall. "Cecily, do something nice for yourself..." See?) told me that he is 98% sure that Obama will win. Now, THAT'S a relief.

Anyway, parenting. Charlie and I are managing beautifully without a babysitter, thanks to a couple of tricks. Each night we are going over the next day, figuring out who has the biggest workload, and breaking down who is responsible for Tori and when. It has helped a TON. This way we constantly check in on each other, neither of us feels overwhelmed, and we get done what we need to throughout the day. Toss in the fact that we are alternating who gets to sleep in and who does the cooking, we've got a good system going on.

But that is NOT to say that I CANNOT wait for Tori's morning care program to begin again--which it doesn't until September 10. Gah. The reason? Well, apparently Tori has become possessed by the devil.

I'm not sure if she's missing her babysitter or what, but she has been incredibly tough to deal with. Seriously, if she were an adult she's be committed against her will for undergoing a manic episode. One minute she's happy as could be, the next she is screaming. Oh, the screaming. And the hitting! Formerly an occasional issue, it is now chronic. And the throwing of toys! Again, now a chronic problem.

We've done putting her in her crib, and that has helped. Yesterday I tried a traditional time out again and I could see, finally, that she GOT IT--she knew she was being punished, and she knew she was in trouble, and she was very, very upset. She started shaking and crying and OH MY GOD how hard it was not to comfort her right then (of course I did a minute or so later). But seriously, it's impossible. She has, in the last few days, done the following: poured a full glass of water on me and the couch; thrown three books, a train and a car at my face; kicked me in the face while changing her diaper; and slapped me--HARD--while trying to dress her.

I know this is normal, but HOLY FUCKING SHIT, how do you survive?

In case you think I'm exaggerating, here is my attempt to do a video blog post earlier today:

And that's not even HALF of how badly she's been behaving. She has a complete, END OF THE FUCKING WORLD tantrum every single time she doesn't get her way. Like, when I have to pee. Or we give her the wrong fork. It's like catering to a tiny, adorable psychotic. I'm going to survive, right? RIGHT?*

*While writing this she had to go into a time out for running into the street. AGAIN. We're going to have to keep her in her crib 24 hours a day, I swear.

My Writing Mojo...

... has been used up today by work and writing this: my interview with the awesome Amy of Amalah. Please go read, pretty please? I tried hard to make it more "me" than my interview with Moxie was. Promise. Feel free to comment here or at Type-A Mom!

I'll have a real post tomorrow. But I will mention this real quick: since we've all decided to only discuss Palin's politics and not her family (we have, right?) you'll enjoy this factoid. According to this New York Times article, one of the first things Ms. Palin did as mayor of her town was approach the town librarian about banning books. I think we may have found the one detail that scares me about her more than any other out there.

Oh! And by the way, if you didn't get an email back from me about your comment yesterday, it's not because I don't love you. TypePad is having some technical problems and they just haven't been shunted to me as email yet. I've been reduced to reading my comments the same way everyone else does. Heh.

Post Holiday I-Didn't-Get-Any-Sleep Edition

For some reason, I did not get any sleep last night. I just couldn't get sleepy. But I read two books! Sigh. As a result, today I am rather befuddled but I don't want to let more time pass before I address some recent goings-on. So forgive yet another random list post.

1. I am in the process of trying to find out if there is a fund somewhere set up for that couple who had their wheelchair stolen. I will let you know as soon as I know something, but chances are they have already been given new wheelchairs by someone (we do live in a big city that has been known--occasionally--to have a big heart). But I'm not looking into helping them because of the anonymous commenter that said I should do something rather than expect the government to do it, or for the person that sent me the nasty email saying if I had my way those two individuals would have been aborted anyway and would not have been the "burden of the state." Holy fuck. Some people seriously don't understand CHOICE. God.

2. Um, I think that when I wrote Saturday's post I was feeling a bit, shall we say, sensitive. I realized that the comments weren't that bad that I'd reacted to (although the direct emails were) and I shouldn't have lashed out. I'm also happy to report that Tori's babysitter apparently reads the blog (gulp) and was very, very upset that she'd offended me and felt that she's poorly formed her request for more info and did not, in any way, feel like I'd made a mistake about the boys. Neither did her husband. I've accepted her apology.

3. Several folks have asked me here and on Twitter what I think about the whole Palin pregnancy mess. Ug. I think a lot of different things, but mostly I feel like it's not really my business. But because I do have opinions, and I do have a blog, well, here goes.

First off, Palin was being attacked for her mothering style right away. Even I had to pause for a moment when I heard about the plane ride with the leaking amniotic fluid (and being in labor, and insisting on giving a speech before going to the hospital) and the going back to work three days after her last child was born. But of course, as a feminist, I have to say that all of the above was her choice. Although I'll confess that I'd have the same response to a man (if men were capable of leaking amniotic fluid, that is). I did feel that it was pretty fucking weird that the attacks on Palin's mothering skills were coming from the left--who was saying she should be staying home--while the right was defending her position (even Phyllis Schlafly has no problem with any of Palin's mothering). Of course, if Palin were a democrat and on Obama's ticket, I'm sure the situation would be completely flipped. It's almost as if you trumpet the "right" family values the right gives you a pass as for how you actually treat your family. So that's one mess--one, by the way, that would have been much more believable if the baby hadn't had Down's Syndrome (fairly rare to have kids with Down's born to teenage moms. Not that it doesn't happen, but still).

Secondly, then there was that horrid, despicable and really fucking strange Daily Kos story about how Palin was actually her fifth child's grandmother, and she'd covered up her daughter's pregnancy (OK, the Daily Kos story seems to have been pulled; here's another version). There was much scrutiny of Palin and her daughter Bristol's abdomens in photos. Frankly, as far as I was concerned, this was further proof of the negative impression I have of the Daily Kos. As Jon Stewart would say, it kind of falls into the "you're not helping!" category of liberals. I found the whole thing creepy.

Thirdly, well, shit. Palin's daughter is pregnant, NOW. 17 years old and getting married. Well, that, frankly is none of our business. I'm sad for her, and I hope she will have good parental support. But I do feel some snark; I find it mildly amusing that it's a perfect example of the results of the abstinence-only education Palin so strongly supports.

But I have to wonder, as a mom--and yeah, here is where I get all fucking judgmental--why on earth she accepted the Vice-Presidential nomination knowing the scrutiny and humiliation her poor daughter was going to have to undergo. Having the pregnant Bristol hold her newborn brother wasn't going to keep it quiet forever. Yes, I realize my hypocrisy by choosing to speak about it here. I wonder what compels a woman--one that claims that her family matters more than anything--to choose to continually put her children at risk; while boarding a plane and flying against doctor's orders while pregnant, to returning to work rather than getting to know her newest child, or deciding it was fine to put her pregnant daughter on the political chopping block.

For me, it just means that while Palin talks the talk, she doesn't truly walk the walk. Frankly, I know gay couples that have shown more devotion to their children and upheld the "family values" that matter to this liberal freak. Feel free to disagree with me. I know some of you will. Heh.

Happy Labor Day, and proof I'm a commie

So, it's a holiday here in the US, yet I find myself posting. Since BlogHer I've developed a strong posting habit, and apparently I can't break it. It's still Monday, after all--even if no one is at work to read this. Heh.

First off, I saw this story on our local news the other day (which I hardly watch, mostly because it's so fucking depressing--after all, I don't really benefit from knowing how many people died by bullet and flame in my city, and that's all the news covers). Anyway, a nice young engaged couple were robbed of their motorized wheelchair. He has cerebral palsy, and she has spina bifida. They'd left their chair out in the backyard to charge, and someone stole it. They share the chair to go to school and work, since neither of them can stand for long.

So here's how you know I'm a communist:

1. Why the hell were they sharing a single wheelchair?
2. Why the hell don't they live in a house where they can bring said wheelchair inside?

And the big one...

3. Why isn't there some government agency that makes sure neither of the above happen?

Just in case you weren't sure how I felt.

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If you are in Hurricane Gustav's path, well, you probably aren't reading this. But you are in my prayers.

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Recently I've allowed Tori to play games on my laptop, so it was only inevitable that she would accidentally open the Photobooth feature and discover the delight of taking photos of herself. She's following quickly in her Godmother Sarah's footsteps. Here are some highlights of Tori's self-portraiture. Enjoy, and enjoy your holiday (we'll be celebrating the last day at the pool)!