Uppercase Woman

BlogHer DC: Liveblogging

Good morning! I'm going to liveblog today's events, because then I don't have to come up with another topic. Heh. Starting off at opening keynote.

Lots of newbies at this conference: 2/3 never at a BlogHer again. Everyone wants to learn how to "grow their blog."

Now we're talking about the swag--GM has cars here for us to go on test drives with (the Saturn line). Wonder if they have a hybrid? That would be fun. Sarah and I entered every single drawing. Hoping to win super cool square LG phone. Wish us luck.

Rumors floating about that they will be announcing BlogHer '09 location soon. Don't think it will be here today, however.

Now discussing survey BlogHer did in March. Results? Blogs are mainstream and totally addictive. DUH.

53% of women read blogs. 85% Generation Y, 66% Gen X (woot!), and 41% Boomers. Almost the as photo sharing.

Blogging is a daily part of life for those involved. 20% are spending less time using radio, TV, newspapers and magazines (yep). 43% of BlogHer Network readers give up TV to read blogs.

Neilsen reported that 10% of Morning Talk Show viewers dumped TV for Mommy Blogs. Ha!

Blogs are highly trusted, both for new information and advice. Interesting. Do y'all trust me? :)

Blogs are seriously influencing purchase decisions. 64%. Wow.

Blogging represents evolution of power for women. Maybe a stretch, but I hear ya.

Interesting; because we no longer trust institutions--media, government, health care, big business... Blogs present an opportunity to build community and trust. :)

Uh oh. They are going to make us do a "speed dating thing." Sarah is threatening to hide under the table.

Oh lordy. That was exhausting. Off the next panel.

Miracle

I'm probably jinxing myself by even whispering this, much less broadcasting it to the internets, but something wonderous has happened. Remember that demon that inhabited Tori for a while? Well, it's gone, and now I suddenly have this silly, sweet, OBEDIENT child that is cuddly and adorable.

Seriously, she's been amazing. So much so that I wish BlogHer DC was actually happening during her next evil phase. But it's not, so this afternoon Sarah and I are loading up the car and driving on down to Bethesda to stay overnight, far away from this adorable child.

Luckily, about a dozen of you are meeting us for dinner tonight, and that cheers me immensely. Please feel free to just show up even if you feel nervous--we'll make room. Heh. Austin Grill, 6:30pm!

Patriot Act MY ASS

I know the market is crashing. I know that the economic situation is terrifying; we've been hit badly by this news as well (my mother-in-law's investments for her long term care are vanishing rapidly; we're going to have to move her soon out of a private facility). This is horrifying.

But there's other news going on. Stuff that has really got me worried. Stuff I've been worried about ever since 9/11. Stuff like the Patriot Act which has always struck me as the "Americans give up their civil liberties in a full-on panic" Act.

I understand the importance of protecting ourselves as a nation; of course I do. From the aftermath of 9/11 it struck me that the most good might have come from all of our various agencies working together, rather than just further widening what those agencies were allowed to do. To me, it seems as if when it comes to civil liberties, the Republicans have been all about the biggest government of all--very Big Brother, if you will.

But we liberals were told to sit down and shut up. We were asked if we loved our country, or if we just wanted to "hand it over" to the terrorists. They told us to look at the big picture, and not sweat the small stuff. They told us that if we weren't doing anything wrong, well, we had nothing to worry about.

They said we were paranoid. No one wanted to spy on law-abiding Americans.

Turns out, they did. Not only did the NSA happily listen in on our phone calls--INCLUDING MILITARY OFFICERS CALLING HOME FROM WAR--but they also enjoyed a fine laugh at their expense. In fact, they would often save the most salacious calls--the phone sex and pillow talk--and replay it again and again.

AWESOME.

And the best news? Well, a week ago the Justice Department issued new guidelines for the FBI. They can now spy on any of us, for any reason, without a warrant, for up to 30 days. They do not need proof. Here is a section of the decree (thanks to Momocrats for the copy):

Assessments, authorized by Subpart A of this Part, require an authorized purpose but not any particular factual predication. For example, to carry out its central mission of preventing the commission of terrorist acts against the United States and its people, the FBI must proactively draw on available sources of information to identify terrorist threats and activities. It cannot be content to wait for leads to come in through the actions of others, but rather must be vigilant in detecting terrorist activities to the full extent permitted by law, with an eye towards early intervention and prevention of acts of terrorism before they occur. Likewise, in the exercise of its protective functions, the FBI is not constrained to wait until information is received indicating that a particular event, activity, or facility has drawn the attention of those who would threaten the national security. Rather, the FBI must take the initiative to secure and protect activities and entities whose character may make them attractive targets for terrorism or espionage.

Wonderful. Tell me; do you feel safer? Because I sure don't. While we're all worried about our bank accounts, the government is further infiltrating our lives. It seems wrong. Very, very wrong.

Debate, Sickness, Random... yawn.

Ug. I have the weirdest cold-thing from Tori; my tonsils are huge and swollen (like, twice their normal size) and my mouth is constantly dry, plus sneezing/coughing (seriously, am I sick more often than you are? Is it Tori's daycare's fault? Cause I'm going a bit nuts here). Not really bad enough to knock me down, until you add a migraine to the mix--yeah! All of this means that I'm feeling totally cranky and icky AND for the first time in forever I wasn't with Sarah when she got her 13-years-sober coin at a meeting today. Congratulations, Sarah! I'm very proud of you. And how appropriate that it should fall on Yom Kippur. You know, in a way. I wish those of you observing Yom Kippur a good fast.

Anyway.

So, my thoughts on the last presidential candidate debate. Well, first and foremost, I can't believe we have YET ANOTHER ONE of those next week. Secondly, I'm mad it fucked up my shows. The last thing I wanted to do that night was think deeply about politics. I really just wanted to lose myself in fictional TV. Wait--the debate totally made that possible! Both candidates were vague and quippy, as usual, in that way that politicians have to be in this day and age.

Mostly, though, I felt kind of badly for McCain. I know, I know. His camp was just counting on the town hall format to be his forte, and while I bet he connects really well in person at those things, it just did NOT translate well to television. Plus, he doesn't usually DEBATE at those town hall things, and those town hall meetings he loves are filled with folks that overall support him. So instead of coming across as direct and clear, as he hoped, he looked rather doddering wandering about the stage like that (in a normal town hall setting that would be viewed as trying to reach everyone, but on TV it just looked weird). His "my friends" thing drove me NUTS, and yeah, I do think he misstepped in a big way when he said "that one." I also felt his assumption that the young African-American man had never heard of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac was, frankly, racist. Overall, I felt condescended to by McCain through the whole debate--but then, I don't like him, so I would, right?

Now, Obama didn't wow me much either except in two ways: it's clear that he has studied economics and knows more about it than I do. GOOD. Secondly, his story about his mom dying of cancer and having to worry about medical bills reassured me greatly that he GETS IT when it comes to the health care crisis. I mean, even my dear friend Jo who is doing a bunch of early intervention stuff with her son with ADHD is being KILLED by her co-pays--and that is WITH insurance. This is what people aren't talking about with the health care crisis--that even with insurance, a lot of us aren't making it through.

So that is my impression of the debate. As usual, I have to say that I didn't believe that debate would changing anyone's mind, but I do know at least one person it did. How about you guys? Did it change your mind?

One thing I've learned, though--I've been loving using Twitter during the debates because it's like being at a huge debate party without having to worry about hearing the debate over everyone's conversations. But I do need to reel it in a bit, and practice the same consideration for other's views on Twitter that I try to practice here. I've been harsh in my twits and as a result, some folks I really care about have chosen to "unfollow me" for the political season. As fired up as I am, and as angry as I get sometimes, I still need to practice kindness--even on Twitter. Or possibly even MORE so; the instant nature of Twitter makes it easy to say things I later wish I hadn't.

Damn it, I had something else to say. Oh! Dinner on Sunday night in Bethesda. Just a reminder--it's at 6:30pm at the Austin Grill in Bethesda. It looks like about ten people are coming (including a certain famous blogger if she doesn't go and have her baby before then). I've made a reservation for 12 people, just in case you haven't confirmed with me yet. And I will happily add more to the reservation if you can make it. Cause I want to see y'all. I really do. Just know this: I am both MUCH SHORTER and MUCH ROUNDER than you expect. Especially the short thing. You should have seen the shocked faces at BlogHer. I'm 5' 2", people (but I have a tall personality--no, seriously, I do). THAT IS SHORT. So when you are standing in the lobby of the Austin Grill looking for the fat girl with the red hair with a blond streak on the front and tattoos, you are probably looking right over my head. Sarah (who will also be there, of course) towers over me, so look for her instead. Heh. And, NO, I do not take kindly to having tall people rest their arms on my head (DAVE).

Anyway, if you want to come and haven't already said so, just post a comment or email me (if that link isn't working, it's cecilyk@gmail.com). I'm super psyched.

That is all for today. What should I blog about tomorrow?

Oh! One last quick note. Apparently, Sarah Palin is going to be dropping the puck at the Flyer's opening game on Saturday night. The Flyers are hosting an "ultimate hockey mom" contest, hence Palin being there.

I do not think it will go well for her.

Philadelphia is the city where the sports fans have been known to throw things at their own team--when they WIN. So... Yeah. In this highly democratic city (seriously, it's like 85%) I don't think she'll escape booing. Which I feel both gleeful about, and mildly ashamed. I love my city. :)

Please Touch Museum (shiny! new! awesome!)

You might want to skip this post unless you live in, or plan to visit, Philadelphia. The post does, however, have pictures of Tori. Hopefully that will ease the pain of my skipping discussing the debate last night (THAT ONE).

One of the best things that came out of the BlogHer conference is the connections that I've made. I met this lovely lady who was kind enough to introduce me to this cool chick who has now been giving my name to a ton of folks, one of whom is involved with the local tourism group. They, in turn, forwarded my name to the media relations guy at our local children's museum, and after a few conversations I managed to wangle invites to the press preview of the museum's new space for all the local mommy bloggers I know. Heh.

The press preview was today. Short version? Three hours after I arrived, I had to carry an exhausted Tori kicking and screaming out of the place. She gives it a BIG THUMBS UP. You know, if she had the fine motor skills to put her thumbs up. 

The Please Touch Museum has been around as long as I've been in Philadelphia (longer, actually--since 1976), and was one of the first kid's museums dedicated to children under 7. It was located in a relatively small space not far from "museum row" at 21st & Race Streets. The space was small, kind of dark, and frankly a bit used up. It was filled with exhibits that kids could climb on and engage with, and kids LOVED it. We'd only taken Tori to it a few times before the old space closed; she wasn't really old enough to get into it until this summer, and they closed six weeks ago for the big move.

The new space is amazing. They moved into Memorial Hall (formerly known as Centennial Hall), a building originally built in Fairmount Park to celebrate America's 100th birthday. The building was never meant to last, but last it did. It's been wildly underused in recent years, and was in need of major repairs before it could be used by the museum, but the money managed to arrive and the now the museum is three times larger-- and in my not so humble opinion--about 60 times cooler.

There are two floors. The "ground" floor (what, is basement a bad word now?) contains a spectacular Alice in Wonderland exhibit, including a hedge maze and funky mirrors and shrinking hallways.

That would be Sarah, Tori, and the cutie Sarah babysits exploring said shrinking hallway.

The ground floor also houses the (very popular in the old site) grocery store, which Tori LOVED and I had to beg her to leave. It now also houses a kitchen where kids can put the groceries away and a McDonalds where they can "make" burgers nearby. There is also an exhibit that showcases the history of the building, but we didn't see that today because Charlie (the history buff of the family) wasn't with us. Heh.

There is also a huge faux tree that stretches between the two floors, a medical clinic (with a nursery), a construction zone, and probably four or five things I'm forgetting. No, really, the place is HUGE.

Upstairs on the 1st floor is the River--a large fake river that kids can do all kinds of things with (including making it rain with a soon-to-be-functional cloud) like make waves and race ducks and boats and stuff. What I liked about the River feature was that it varies in height, so little kids won't have to fight big kids for space. Nice. Again, Tori LOVED this and had to be dragged away.

There's also a big room where kids can make "planes" and fly them (they are foam, and they have a cool launchpad thingy that kids send planes up in), a room full of blocks, face paints, and that weird beaded foam stuff. Tori liked the blocks.

There's also a transportation area with cars and yes, the Septa Bus (a popular spot in the old space). Oh, and the creepy animatronic dolls that used to be housed in Litz Brothers (then Strawbridges) are here, preserved, and moving in that weird creepy way.

But the best thing? THE CAROUSEL. It's a beautiful 100-year-old carousel that has been completely restored. Tori, the kid that was scared of rides two weeks ago, rode the carousel three times.

By the way, that's Jo of The Modernity Ward (formerly The Leery Polyp) in the background. Hi Jo! I can't believe you already have a post up mentioning this jaunt. Heh.

Anyway, the new space is incredible, and the exhibits are fantastic. Other awesome new things: PARKING. Parking at the old site was a fucking nightmare. Now, it's the easiest thing in the world. Also? A CAFE. Yep, you can now feed your kid and keep on going without leaving the premises. Thank goodness.

So, if you are coming to Philadelphia, be sure to check this place out. It rocks. Besides, where else will you be greeted by a full scale model of the Statue of Liberty's torch made out of toys? NOWHERE, that's where.

28 Months

My darling Tori Anne,

You are 28 months old. I keep saying you are two-and-a-quarter because, well, that's what you are. I often have to tell people how old you are because in groups you have this awesome tendency to kind of outshine the older kids; between your speech capability and your incredible physical agility you appear much older than you are. However, you still can't do things like play with other kids well or do things like, oh, share--and it's then that the other parents ask me how old you are (with that tone in their voice that I really should be working harder with you). Heh. They are always surprised that you are so young.

This has been a great month! A lot of the frustrating things that you were doing last month that were driving your mommy and daddy crazy have seemingly gone away, or at least are on hiatus. You haven't been hitting us, or fighting us when we need to do something, and best of all you've been listening. You haven't been put in time-out in two weeks, which is remarkable, because for a while we were doing it a couple times a day. The advice I got from the folks that read this blog really made a big difference--you've become a much more fun kid to be around. When Moxie had lunch with us last week, she decided I've been lying in my blog posts where I complained about your behavior; she thought you were a really well-behaved kid. And the truth is, you really are. For now, anyway.

The only new thing that's happened this month is that over the last week or two you've suddenly developed a very strong separation anxiety. It was so weird because literally one day you were fine going off to day care and to your other playgroups, and then the next day you were simply inconsolable even at the mention of them. We've tried to work with you, talking to you about it and discussing what's happening, and that seems to have helped a little. But on Sunday you were so upset that you were kicked out of Sunday School because you couldn't stop crying. It was so sad, I felt awful for you. But then Monday you went to day care happily. Sigh.

 

You've overall become a bit more fearful this last month. You didn't want to ride the rides at a little fair we went to (unless your Godsister rode them with you), you greet even your favorite folks with a bit of shyness these days, and you still don't like large mascot-type things. You even cried when we tried to photograph you with some pumpkins at a local orchard (that is, until your Godsister started jumping around and making faces at you. Then you smiled).

Frankly, I am grateful that you've developed a bit of caution. Your fearlessness kept us on constant alert; now when I'm in choir practice before church the fact that you contentedly hold my leg the whole time is a relief. You've always been such an independent kid, it's nice to finally be needed as your mom. Although, I must confess, that day you walked over to me, squatted down with your butt out, pointed at said butt (you'd just bumped your butt in a fall) and said, "Kiss it!" That day I wasn't so excited about being needed. Luckily, you were content with a kiss-to-hand-to-butt move. Thank God.

You love games on the laptop. Seriously, it's your favorite thing. Just for the record, we totally regret ever showing you the games on the computer. As much as we love you, and as much as we enjoy making you happy--well, we don't really like watching your hammer away at our laptops. Our laptops are our livelihood--without them, you'd have no mac and cheese. And how much would that suck?

I have to say that I've really enjoyed this month. You are developing a great sense of humor (when you crack yourself up and then say, "Tori is so silly!" I nearly explode at the cuteness), and you've been much more cuddly and adorable. You love when I tell you stories, and we have so much fun now at the end of the day as we pretend to be butterflies and penguins. I love making you laugh. You are my favorite person and I can't believe how awesome it is to be your mom.

I'll close out this month with an adorable short video of you "striking a pose" while playing with the laptop and taking photos of yourself. It's crazy how funny you can be. I love you, bunnyboo (did you know I call you Bunny?). You are my beautiful baby girl.

Love,

Mommy

The Work-At-Home Juggle

Before I embark on this entry, please remember that for many states today is the VERY LAST DAY you can register to vote. Republican, Democrat, or undecided--doesn't matter. I don't care if you write in your cat's name, just get out there and VOTE. Especially if you are a woman. These ladies fought for us; don't let them down.

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I woke up with a brain devoid of blogging topics, so I cast a net on twitter asking for topics and three different folks asked me how I balance being Tori's mom and working at home. Truth? I'm not sure I do, even after a year plus of trying.

Monday, Wednesday, and Friday mornings Tori goes to morning care* from 9-12; whoever gets up with her (we alternate days) usually takes her over (only about a half-mile away). She gets home at 12:15, eats lunch, and then goes up for a nap (God willing she'll be like me and nap until she's FOUR) until about 3:00 or so.

Tuesday and Thursday mornings I go to a recovery meeting that offers babysitting, for free, which is awesome. We usually stop at a grocery store following the meeting (Whole Foods and Trader Joe's are both close to one of my meetings, and there are certain things we can only get there) or maybe we'll stop at the library. My only work time on those days is during Tori's nap; Charlie gets the mornings to do his work. Afternoons, post Tori's nap, are time we either spend together as a family, or one of us takes Tori somewhere so the other one can work if needed. Also, if I get up with Tori really early, I might sneak some work in while she watches Sesame Street (although that means more typos. heh).

Weekends I usually also work during nap time, or I'll clean/cook/shop/organize/menu plan. Household things. However, the house frequently gets away from us and ends up being a huge disorganized mess.

As you can see, I don't really work full-time. I work about 30 hours a week, unless I have a big project or deadline and then I need to work in the evenings after Tori has gone to bed. I don't like to do that, however; I find if I do, I get really run down quickly and resent the fuck out of it. Evenings  are down time; time to relax, watch TV, and read books. Time to talk to Charlie (we try to take a moment every evening to discuss the next day and find out if we have any special issues to deal with, and how we are going to divide Tori duty) and reconnect. If one of us has a big project with a looming deadline, we rearrange things to accommodate that need.

The real challenge with this lifestyle isn't really time management; it's money management. We recently went through 30 days without pay. Together we had over $8,000 in outstanding billing, but no one was bothering to actually PAY us. We, like most Americans, operate with little in the way of savings so we have to toss lots of things in the air to keep the bills paid and the fridge stocked--and sometimes the bills go unpaid for a bit in favor of groceries. That's just the way it is.

I consider this blog part of my work. I'm sure you've noticed lots of changes in the last ten months or so, and even more since BlogHer. Truth is, I earn money with this blog--not a lot--and I'd like to make more. I blog Monday through Friday now, and I am constantly trying to find ways to increase my ad revenue and my readership. Why?

Because I LOVE writing here. It means a huge amount to me, and I can't imagine my life without it. While I enjoy all the writing I do, what I love more than anything else is to write this blog. This is where my heart lives. Many people have told me that the best way to find happiness in your work is to do what you love, so that is what I am trying to do. I am trying to find a way to make this part of how I make my living--but WITHOUT compromising the primary role (and, I hope, appeal) of the blog.

So. Is this post boring you? I don't blame you a bit.

The main things that sucks about working from home and working for myself is this; one, I'm never truly off duty--I always feel the computer keys calling to me. Two, I do not see any people except Charlie and Tori. I miss seeing others, and having adult conversations. I swear, I've forgotten how to talk to people. I met someone at a party on Saturday night (my first adult party since last Christmas), and all I could talk about was Tori (and the place we both worked, although at different times, and how much it sucked-- nice, right?). This is why I'm trying to schedule a regular Wednesday afternoon playgroup (at Clark Park, around 4pm, should you want to join us) although last week we got rained out (boy, was I pissed).

But overall? I really, really, REALLY hope I never have to work in an office again. Although if I do, I am never going to return to pretending to be someone I'm not--I don't want to look "professional" (meaning, hide the tattoos), and I don't ever again want to be the "face" of an organization. Being who I really am is the very best thing about working for myself.

* Tori's been struggling with AWFUL separation anxiety--last week was hell, culminating in Tori having to leave Sunday School yesterday because she wouldn't stop crying at church. I had to sing my choir part--as the only soprano!--with Tori resting on my shoulder, sighing those little hiccuping sighs. Charlie and I spent the last 24 hours discussing "playgroup" with Tori, and today went much better. Hoping it's just a phase.

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So, dinner, Sunday night in Bethesda, Maryland! W00t! It's on, people. I'm thinking 6:30pm (if you'd rather do later, or earlier, let me know right away). Melissa is also going to be there (yeeha! that means someone even cooler than me will be there!) and she recommended that we all meet here. It's Mexican, meaning margaritas for you moms escaping the kids, and there will be something for most folks, even vegetarians. Yeah! I can't wait to see you all! Just email me if you can definitely come so that I know for sure how many of us there will be so I can make a reservation. Maybe in a private room. Cause I suspect we are gonna be one noisy group of mofos. Heh.

Clarity, with Rambling

I've finally figured it out. I now know why this year I am so much more in touch with the loss of Nicholas and Zachary than I have been previous years. It's so obvious now, I can't believe I didn't think of it before.

It was an election year that year too.

All these feelings--the political outrage, the fragile hope of change--are wrapped up tight in the loss of my sons. I remember writing this post after I got home from the hospital, and despairing because it seemed so clear to me that there was no hope that Kerry would win, that we would be stuck with George Bush for another four years.

No wonder I'm feeling so raw this year. No wonder I'm jumping at shadows, and overreacting to the comments posted by anonymous people that don't give me an email address so I can actually talk to them.

No wonder. God, what a relief to know. I feel like reason, sanity, and perspective have all returned.

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Tori has suddenly developed separation anxiety. Whenever she goes to day care or the "playgroup" she goes to while I go to a couple of recovery meetings every week, she cries and cries and cries when we leave.

I'd worry that it was something about the morning care place that she hated except she's now doing it at all these other places too (my two meetings are at different locations with different babysitters, both of whom she loved as recently as last week). She stops crying a minute or so after I leave (I've stood outside the door listening), but it breaks my heart to see her so upset.

I asked the guru and she said it was normal and to just continue like normal, but GAH. It sucks.

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I don't often pimp things here on this blog (do I? I don't think so), but consider yourself pimped: you simply MUST buy my friend Nancy Falkow's new collaborative album Under the Stars (OK, the group is actually called Sunflow, but whatever, it's Nancy). It's a group of ten gorgeous songs for kids and parents--songs kids will love and parents will gladly play for them because the are AWESOME. In fact, parents may like them better than the kids do. It was originally intended to be an album of lullabies, but it really is something more than that.

My only complaint about the album is that there isn't enough Nancy, but that's because Nancy is one of my favorite singers (hell, one of my favorite people) so I'm biased.

Here's a little music video she did of one of the songs on the album. I hope you like it, and you buy the whole thing and support an awesome musician who should be more famous than she is.

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There's a new review up at my review blog for the WarmMe WarmMouse (cross posted at Type-A Mom).

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I have to thank everyone for the support you gave me with my last post; I'm sorry the comments got so out of hand. I deleted several comments from folks on both sides, and I've closed comments on that post now (I think it's done enough damage). I do feel that I have a better understanding of Susan than I did after her first comment. But I still don't like being called a murderer (can't imagine why).

I watched the debate last night and I was very, very sorry to see choice barely mentioned (and then only by Biden). I really think Palin's choice stance is extreme (she doesn't support abortion, even in cases of rape or incest) and I would have liked America to know that. Overall, though, she did well (albeit a tad robotic--boy was she ever coached!), even if she is also someone that would think I was a murderer.

Sigh.

Enjoy your weekend, folks. I plan to enjoy mine.

The M Word

Yesterday Susan left this comment on my blog:

"Call it what you want to make yourself sleep at night Cecily, but partial birth abortion is murder. It's not a political issue...it is a human rights issue. For someone who is "constantly sticking up for the little guy", you sure could care less about the life of a innocent child. Delete if you want...the truth still remains."

I did delete the comment, but then I thought about it a bit and kind of wished I hadn't. Then I got really fired up; I could see from her IP address that she'd never been to my blog before yesterday, and that she'd never read more than a couple entries. So it was clear to me that she doesn't know my story (she didn't even click over to my "about" page), so she doesn't realize that she just called me a murderer. Then I got REALLY mad.

But in talking to my friend Dave, I calmed down. Dave, in his infinite wisdom, pointed out that Susan did NOT in fact call me a murderer; she said partial birth abortion is murder and there is, in fact, a difference. So I will cut her some slack. But as I prepare to watch Sarah Palin and her "I'll council rape victims to choose life" debate tonight, I find that I do have something I need to say.

So, Susan, let me say this to you. Since you clearly don't know my story, you may not realize that my life was saved by a surgical procedure that falls under the umbrella of the partial birth abortion ban. It happened four years ago this month, before the ban was upheld by the Supreme Court. You probably don't know about my sons Nicholas and Zachary, and how badly I wanted them, and how much I miss them today. You certainly don't know about my harrowing hospital experience, my severe preeclampsia, my near brush with death, or how my doctor cried while he performed the procedure that saved my life and killed my surviving son.

You certainly don't know about how, alone in my room that night feeling like nothing more than an empty womb, I cried and cried in a far corner of the maternity ward, away from the happy new moms. I was so lonely and sad; even the nurses stayed away from me. You don't know about the months of horribly post-partum depression, the agony I felt when my milk came in with no babies to nurse, the desire to start using drugs again to kill the pain despite my years of sobriety, or the fear that plagued me through the pregnancy with my daughter.

You don't know how every single time my daughter giggles, I thank God for saving my life so she could be born. You don't know how much, every day, I miss my sons and wish my daughter could know them.

So I'll forgive you for showing up here, on my blog, and issuing bold statements about a subject you know nothing about. But do know this: I sleep at night just fucking fine.

The News of the Day

So, does it feel to anyone else that all the people in charge are kind of like Chicken Little? You know, if Chicken Little not only ran around claiming the sky was falling but also decided to put up a shelter to protect him/herself but then split into two big groups representing different political parties and then stopped building because one group didn't like what the other group said?

Yeah, just like Chicken Little.

Look, I worry about this bailout--or, more appropriately, this rescue plan. It seems entirely likely to me that the ones being protected are cronies of folks in office, and that all those add-on "me too" items are likely to fuck us in the ass later. I do strongly suspect that it is a flawed plan that was hastily put together. So in some ways, I'm a little glad they put on the brakes by not passing it the first time.

Additionally, I have no doubt that what happened was political grandstanding on all sides. I don't know why Nancy Pelosi gave a big speech about the Bush economic policy (yes, I too blame Bush Co. for getting us here, along with every other president that has pushed for more deregulation). I don't know why the Republicans had to claim it was their hurt feelings that made them vote against it; it seems to me that they would have come off better saying the truth--their constituents didn't want it. Everyone, it seems to me, acted like an ass.

In retrospect, it seems clear that there was no way they could pass that bill. Now that they've all put on their big political show to help their poll numbers (cause they are up for reelection too), I think a plan will go through.

Something else I don't understand is the need to blame individual homeowners for the crisis. I know I constantly stick up for the little guy, more than is probably reasonable, but still--really? I don't doubt that there were those that took advantage. But I know so many people that were manipulated by and lied to by those selling them a mortgage--brokers that got BONUSES, remember, for bigger and better mortgages, and brokers that were being pushed HARD by their bosses to get those mortgages in hand, come hell or high water--that I find it hard to put the blame squarely on them. People are trusting. Perhaps foolishly. But yesterday Charlie and I were talking to our neighbors about how they had to fight their broker over and over to NOT accept a higher mortgage. That broker just couldn't get why they didn't want a bigger house with a bigger mortgage. It came up over and over. So I'm not surprised that some folks decided to get something a little bigger than they needed (here is a great story that explains the whole housing credit crisis; it really helped make things clearer for me. If you can't listen, go ahead and download the transcript. It's long, but seriously, it's the best source I've seen. I'd have linked to it before, but I didn't know there was a transcript).

Overall, however, the blame can be spread around pretty well--consumers, brokers, bank, government--no one gets off easy.

Funny thing; I've never really been grateful for our bad credit ranking (not horrible, just the kind of rating you'd expect from a couple reformed irresponsible drunks). We were required to put down 50% on our house. We have a relatively tiny mortgage, with a pretty decent interest rate. A standard mortgage, I might add. The folks that bought our last house? Not so lucky. They bought an overvalued house with almost nothing down PLUS a seller's assist. They'll have to wait for YEARS to sell. This whole situation SUCKS.

I do think the rescue plan by the government will go through. What I don't know if it will help in the long term. Now Citicorp and Bank of America are buying up all the failing banks and that just means that we'll have even bigger banks that cannot be allowed to fail; somehow, that doesn't seem to me to be a good idea. But I'm not an economist. I don't understand a lot of stuff--like why all of our business economy operates on credit. Really? None of them work with cash in the bank? Seems kind of nuts to me, but again, I'm not an economist.

Anyway, I hope that you and your money are safe. And I hope that the "trusted" officials in office keep our best interests at heart instead of their own political futures. But honestly? I don't think that's likely.

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I deleted a couple of comments yesterday. I've worked really hard at being tolerant of all political opinions, I really have. But the comments posted yesterday that said Obama was a baby murderer were not acceptable. I will not allow that. Not anymore. I've had it. Lately it's clear that some very conservative people have my blog in their sites; I keep getting comments like this one that was posted at this old entry:

So sad, maybe if your mothers had abortions, this world would be a better place.  To think  am a disabled war veteran fighting for the rights of thankless cunts like you.

Or this one, posted a couple weeks back on this old entry (this one made me laugh out loud):

Wow. Someone as obstinate as you would probably disregard this comment or more likely chuckle at a chance to sink your fangs into something else, but you are a complete piece of human filth. Your weight indicates that you lack discipline. Your comment on being "extremely educated' is screaming your insecurity.

I'm getting one or two like this a week, usually very directly insulting. Most of them I can laugh off and just delete (or save for pointing and laughing enjoyment).

But when comments from folks I've worked hard to trust and tried to even protect from their opponents on this blog come along and are deliberately rude and inflammatory, it can't stand. Consider it a new rule. I will continue to tolerate opposing viewpoints when they are thoughtful and concise. So remember that, please. Dissension is fine; rudeness is NOT.

Announcements & Link Love

My brain is fried from entering 400 various camps and classes for kids into an excel spreadsheet for the past two days. Why on earth would I do such a thing? Well, I'm glad you asked!

*drum roll please*

Presenting: Cecily, the new editor of Savvy Source Philadelphia! You'll notice there's no link there. Yeah, sorry about that. The Philadelphia section hasn't launched yet, but will soon. Meanwhile check out the main site and the parenting blog and see if there is a page for your city. Pretty cool, eh?

And yes, they are paying me. Not a lot, but enough. Thank GOD. No, they are not the client I was talking about; that's a totally different thing and guess what? I got ANOTHER one. So that makes three freelance projects I got going on plus this blog. Sadly, that means I did have to say goodbye to Type-A Mom. I'll really miss the folks there and writing about mommy blogging, but I have to make my time=money these days. Sigh. Thanks, though, to Kelby for giving me the chance and the exposure.

I may never sleep again, but in this economy, I'm one lucky motherfucking mama.

OH! And I wanted to remind everyone that I am going to BlogHer Reach Out in Washington, DC (ok, it's actually in Bethesda, MD) on October 13 (Columbus Day). The awesome Dara was kind enough to hook me up with a hotel room again (you rock, Dara!) and Sarah and I will be arriving Sunday afternoon (what, you'd thought I'd go without her?). So I'm going to follow Moxie's lead (she just held a Philly meet-up and I totally hogged her by giving her a ride and making her eat lunch with me) and ask if anyone wants to get together with Sarah and I for dinner on Sunday night. Extra bonus--I might be able to get Melissa of Stirrup Queens to come too. Cause I rock like that. :) Just leave a comment or if you'd rather stay anonymous email me about it!

So that's all good. But because I'm so burned out from doing all this data entry, I'm afraid I'm being a total blog bitch and posting another lame post with links. But here are some of my favorite links from the last couple of days. Forgive me, and enjoy them.

This is a video clip of Obama hugging babies on the campaign trail. It made me cry. What I love about it is that he actually LOOKS at the babies, and at least in one case (watch for it), has to actually be REMINDED about the photo op. But it's the images of little black boys looking up at him that just made me weep. Talk about a role model. Thanks to Misty for the link, and I am now officially an Obama Girl.

This is a clip from Katie Couric's interview with both McCain and Palin. Doesn't McCain act like the father of a kid that got in trouble for reckless driving? And what the fuck is "GOTCHA" Journalism? If you didn't fucking say it, the journalists won't GET it. And that goes for both sides.

This is the clip of Tina Fey and Amy Poehler's satiric take on the Couric/Palin interview. I have a major girl crush on both of these women now (and I mean Tina and Amy, which you knew, right?). Can you guess my favorite part?

That is all for today. I'm working on something about the non-bailout bailout. Heh.

Sounds Like Someone Has A Case Of The Mondays

Charlie is down for the count with the cold Tori was kind enough to bring home from day care. Plus, he hurt his back three days ago and it won't get better. I have my period (yeeha!), a migraine, and a big ass pile of work to do in the next few days, and an injury to my right index finger (I tried to grate off the tip of my finger) that makes typing difficult. Sucks to be us.

All I can say is, THANK GOD for day care. If Tori was home this morning, I'd tear my hair out.

So, anyway, I have to keep this brief because I really have to get to work. I wish I had something brilliant to say, but I don't, and I really need to work (no, seriously, I really need to work. See, if I keep saying it, I'll actually do it). So. Here's a link to a great article by Anna Quindlen about the importance of this election. Read it. She says it straight.

And I thought I'd post this, not like it will surprise anyone:

My Liberal Identity:

You are a Social Justice Crusader, also known as a rights activist. You believe in equality, fairness, and preventing neo-Confederate conservative troglodytes from rolling back fifty years of civil rights gains.

Take the quiz at www.FightConservatives.com

Thanks to my childhood friend at The Blue Ey'd Hag for the link. And take the quiz--it's totally biased and actually rather hilarious. I wanted to check "all of the above" on every question. Promise a better post tomorrow. If you like, feel free to give me questions to answer! :)

Bailout

So, I have read until my eyes are bleeding about the current financial crisis, and here are my thoughts:

1. Sadly, we have to do the bailout, even though it feels wrong to me to save failing corporations that were brought to their knees by greed and bad decisions.

2. Said corporations should have NEVER been allowed to grow so large that they could cause the economy to collapse by their failure. Deregulation starting during Reagan's time and continuing right through Clinton has allowed these companies to grow so large that our economy is now a reverse pyramid--no wonder we have to bail them out.

3. Deregulation is also at the heart of the mortgage crisis. The loosening of laws around banking and credit allowed the subprime mortgage industry to soar to the point of insanity. This year-old editorial actually explains it pretty well, and ends up sounding like prophecy today.

4. No matter what happens, I don't think we're at risk of a great depression, and CNN agrees with me. 

5. I have to wonder if this could have been avoided. When this crisis became a looming threat a year ago, could mortgage companies and banks have stopped this in its tracks? If they had just taken the time to sit down and review the mortgages and rewrite them the way the government is planning to do now, instead of focusing on the people that WERE still paying the high interest rates, well, people might still be in their homes and we wouldn't all be holding our breath today wondering if an agreement will be reached*.

*Even if I don't believe that the Republicans have MY best interests at heart, I am glad they are slowing the bailout process down so nothing is done too hastily.

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Even if I wasn't already convinced that Obama is the best candidate running for President, I would be now. Apparently, during the bailout talks that McCain "rushed" back to Washington for (and by rushed, I mean took 22 hours--see Jon Stewart's hilarious take on that--thereby foolishly pissing off David Letterman) he has remained SILENT.

Yes, apparently while Obama relentlessly peppered Secretary Paulson with questions, McCain has remained nearly silent during the discussions.

Maybe McCain feels well-schooled enough in the situation to not ask questions. Maybe Obama is showing his ignorance by seeking information. I don't know. But I'd rather have a president that asks questions rather than assumes he knows the answer.

But maybe that's just me.

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I know I made an awkward comparison the other day between socialized medicine and the soon-to-be socialized banking industry, but it turns out there is a bigger connection than I thought.

McCain has a recent article (the article can be viewed here in pdf form) suggesting that the best plan for the insurance industry is to deregulate it JUST LIKE WE DID THE BANKING INDUSTRY.

No, really.

This article clearly explains how that would utterly and completely fuck us. Here, right here, is a critical way in which a McCain presidency would hurt all of us: individuals struggling to pay monthly premiums (hi!), small businesses desperately attempting to continue to offer health care to their employees, large companies that are forced to offer benefits who will now have to reduce new hires to afford it... You name it, this would HURT US.

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I'm interested in your overall impression of the current crisis. I did a ton of research so that I didn't feel like an idiot, but I'm sure I still have some incorrect information. What do you think? What do you know that I don't? Let's discuss it, shall we? Remember the rules: play nice, and try not to get all angry at each other. Um, or at me. Heh.

Bedtime Stories (let's NOT talk about politics today)

Recently we've changed up Tori's bedtime routine. She used to watch Dora and Diego (her favorites) at the end of the day to wind down before bed, but lately she's preferred to kick a ball around or play hide and seek (which is HILARIOUS--when it's her turn, she ALWAYS forgets to hide; she becomes too focused on the counting).

So we tried going up to "the big bed" as she calls our bed and reading books to her, but she finds being read to annoying (she prefers to flip through books herself and tell us what is on each page). So I've started telling her stories that I make up on the spot; silly stories with magic and animals, the fodder of every parent.

Each story, of course, starts with "Once upon a time, there was a little girl named Tori..." Tori then gets big round eyes and pats her chest. Her favorite of my stories is about a magic book; in that story, every time the Tori in the story turns the page of the magic book, the animals pictured on the page come to life. For instance, one page is covered in butterflies and they come out of the book and fly around until they land on Tori and give her kisses. Tori loves this, because she flutters her arms like a butterfly, and then I get to kiss her all over like the butterflies. The next page might have bears that come out and give her hugs; polar bears, panda bears, black bears, grizzlies (warning--don't make the grizzly too scary. Oops). I of course give her great big hugs with every bear, after she gets to stomp around on the bed with her hands up like claws and growling like a bear.  I vary it, and allow Tori to suggest different animals (she also likes when it's cats and I purr).

It's amazing to watch Tori respond to my stories in a way she doesn't respond to anything else. Her eyes light up, she giggles with delight, and she gasps in surprise. Her face gets more animated than any other time I've seen as I spin out the story. It's made bed time my favorite time of day, and not because she FINALLY GOES TO BED, but because we get to cuddle and laugh and play. It's a part of toddler-hood that brings back that first flush of intense love that I had for Tori the first moment I held her; when I watch her giggle and smile because of a simple story, I feel like all is right with the world.

I find when I figure out some parenting trick like this, I want to expand it out into the larger universe. Does this mean Tori is destined to act? Should I take her to see plays for kids? Then comes worry--uh oh. Why doesn't she like being read to? What am I doing wrong? Do I let her watch too much TV?

It's so hard to just sink into the moment, isn't it? Instead of feeling like my daughter and I are having an amazing, precious moment that makes the world seem bright, shinier, happier--I find myself plotting and worrying, extrapolating--what does it all MEAN?

I've got to knock it the fuck off. It's amazing, the human capacity for skipping right over the moment and either leaping into the future or dwelling on the past. I fight to stay here, now, in this moment with all its loveliness and poignant grief. This is where I'm supposed to be.

I promise, tonight I will put Tori to bed with a story full of magic and cuddles, and I will cherish it. So, what moment do you want to cherish today?

Ten Political Things Currently Driving Me Batshit Crazy

1. The fact that today--still--about one in ten Americans believes Obama is really a Muslim. A Christian-church-going Muslim. Because Muslims ALWAYS go to Christian churches, for years on end. Right. *head explodes*

2. The fact that Sarah Palin is STILL saying that she said "thanks, but no thanks" to the bridge to nowhere--leaving out the detail that she actually SUPPORTED the bridge and only dropped it when it was clear that it wasn't popular--AND STILL TOOK THE DAMNED MONEY.

3. The fact that there does not seem to be some sort of oversight committee that reviews political ads to make sure they aren't flat-out lies--such as the recent ad saying that Obama drafted legislation promoting sex-ed to kindergartners (it was actually a program to teach children how to protect themselves from sexual predators). It appears to me that something must be done to stop false ads--much like the ones that swift boated McCain in 2000.

4. The fact that there is a growing number of people who actually believe--no, really--that Obama is the ANTICHRIST. I don't want to link to any of those idiots, but here's a Google search that gives you an idea. My question is, why isn't Bush the one they think is the anti-christ? Because it feels to me that he's brought us Armageddon. (No, I don't really think Bush is the anti-christ. Well, not today.)

5. That the McCain campaign--so confident that Sarah Palin would be a great President, should the need arise--doesn't allow her to talk to the press AT ALL. I agree with Campbell Brown on this one; hiding Palin from the press shows that McCain is both not sure about his choice, and that he needs to "shield the little lady." It's bullshit. If she's qualified, let her speak. If she's not, choose someone who is.

6. That Bill Clinton acted like such an ass during the primaries, because did you see him on David Letterman and the Daily Show? He is just so fucking smart. I can't wait to have a smart president again.

7. The fact that the government is willing to buy out and shore up failing companies, including taking ownership of said companies (not sure whether or not I think that's a bad thing--still researching) which to me sounds like, well, socialism. Yet when anyone suggests that we socialize medicine, everyone screeches and tears their hair out. Dudes, aren't you worried that the government is going to be deciding who gets mortgages now, in the same way you were worried that they would tell you which doctor to see? I do not. get. it.

8. The fact that racism is more and more coming in to play in this election. Have you seen the waffles? Yeah. It's obvious to me that the whole "Obama is a Muslim" argument is steeped in race; because while it's no longer OK to say that a black man shouldn't be president, it IS OK to say a MUSLIM can't be president (which is also wrong).If Obama were white, I have no doubt that he would be far ahead in the polls.

9. The fact that thanks to the current economic issues, Friday's debate is likely to NOT focus on international issues, and I really want to hear some folks talking about the war and the rest of the damned world.

10. The fact that there are still 40 days to go before this election is over. I am tired of constantly feeling outraged. Let's all invent a time machine and just vote now, shall we?

Fall! Television! Season!

I totally know that I should be trying to write an intelligent, thoughtful post about the current financial crisis, but seriously--it sucks, the government is thinking about giving one guy a whole shit load of power without taking care of homeowners, it sucks, it's going to effect every aspect of our lives, it sucks, and of course, oh--it SUCKS.

As long as we're all clear.

I'm not trying to be cavalier; truth is, I don't know nearly as much as I should, and I am working on becoming informed enough to write a post that doesn't make me look like a dimwit. Although probably by the time I become informed, the bailout will have happened--thank God it does look like they are working to create a plan that works with homeowners to keep them in their homes.

So, while we all wait for me to get schooled, let's all distract ourselves by talkin' TV!

So, last night was the Heroes premier.  *SPOILER ALERT!!!* Man. I wanted to love it, I really did. I loved Season One (or Volume One), and managed to get through Season Two even with that horribly whiny woman with the eyes that went all black, and the fact that they won't fucking KILL SYLAR already (I am so over Sylar). But last night's show--man. Suresh has rapidly gone from being a rather clueless semi-scientist to a complete fucking idiot, and FOR THE LOVE OF GOD if you are going to spout science at us please take half a minute to make it even REMOTELY believable, and, DO NOT STEAL from THE FLY. Cause that's just rude. I didn't see enough of the characters I like, I kept getting confused about future Peter (not to mention the fact that his mother kept calling "current" Peter her son--what, does she disown future Peter? What the fuck?). Making Hiro and Ando ENEMIES? What are they thinking?

**END SPOILER**

Anyway, I spent most of last night being highly irritated. It was not a relaxing TV night. I'm not going to stop watching because I am CRAZY (hey, I'm fucking hanging in for the final season of ER--15 years, yo!)--it takes a lot to make me stop watching something (for instance, I recently abandoned The Cleaner on A & E because it so thoroughly violated every recovery tenet I hold dear, but it took five episodes).

Ahem. Anyway. Ranting over.

OK, not quite: what the fuck is WITH new shows not starting until October? I mean, really? Because then they'll break for Thanksgiving, and again for Christmas--meaning we get about six episodes for the entire fall season. And before you go and blame it on the writer's strike, they've been doing this for a couple years now. As far as I'm concerned, the fall season should start no later than Mid-September. Hereby decrees Cecily.

Heh.

So, other shows I can't wait to see (I'm gonna end up going by network since I'm using a cheat sheet): ER, as I said above, mostly because after this season I am DONE. I've watched from the very first episode, and cannot wait to see it how it ends. I enjoyed Chuck last season and will watch it again; I'm going to watch the premier of the new Knight Rider, but only to point and laugh; Law & Order SVU is barely hanging in there for me but I'll watch (and the regular Law & Order too, when I feel like it). That finishes NBC for me; no, I don't watch The Office (no real reason, just don't enjoy awkward humor that much) or 30 Rock (for the same reason, although I adore Tina Fey).

CBS: Well, the CSIs (not Miami, but New York and Vegas) even though I think they are on their way out. A couple sitcoms (How I Met Your Mother, Big Bang Theory). I'm interested in seeing The Mentalist, that could be a kick (even if it is a direct Monk rip-off; Monk gets on my nerves). I also really loved Swingtown this summer (especially after they drifted away from the sex and started tackling the changing gender roles), but I'm afraid it's going to get canceled.

ABC: Ah, my soap fix. Here's we've got Grey's Anatomy (have you seen the previews? Seriously, whats-her-name is pregnant? FOR FUCK'S SAKE), Brothers & Sisters, Dirty Sexy Money, and Ugly Betty. Love them all. Haven't decided if I want to watch Pushing Daisies again this season--thinking about it makes me tired. Lastly, I am SO FUCKING HAPPY to see that they brought back the show that was hands-down my favorite new show of last year, Eli Stone. I seriously heart that show--it's sweet, engaging, dramatic, and somehow believable even though it's about a guy that gets visions from a brain tumor that tell him how to do his job (OK, maybe the earthquake wasn't so believable last season, but you know what I mean).

Fox: Dudes, I am so digging on The Fringe. Seriously good show, if you are a sci-fi geek like me. Also watching House, but didn't love the premier--I also don't like the new doctors (I know, they've been there a whole season, but I still don't like them). Also already enjoying Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, but I feel like it's not as good as last season (but is still fun).

Random cable channels: Full-fledged into Mad Men again this year (in fact, Jon Hamm is fast replacing Clive Owen at the top of my hot list--no, I don't have a type); damn that show rocks. Also just caught up with Sons of Anarchy--basically, a show that is the perfect cross between The Sopranos and The Dukes of Hazzard. It focuses on a biker club, and the various crimes and acts of vigilante justice they enjoy committing. Features Ron Perlman as the club leader, with Katey Sagal as his wife (in her best role EVER--she sizzles, smokes, and spits her way through her lines beautifully). Watching True Blood on HBO, as you have all guessed I'm sure given my obsession with vampires, but it wasn't until this week's episode that I really began enjoying it--I love the books the show is based on so it was an uphill battle for the show to be as good.

Good LORD that was a lot of info about me you didn't need to know (not to mention it took a half hour just to do all the links--forgive me if I missed any). How do I watch so much TV? Well, I DVR everything, first off, then I set up my laptop and do other stuff while it is on. Heh.

What are you looking forward to? What show helps you escape the pains of our economy and the election? 

Gently Into Fall

In an hour or so, at 11:44 EST to be exact, it will officially be fall. Here in Philadelphia, it's felt very fall-like for a couple of weeks now (we actually had an incredibly mild summer too), but it's only been in the last few says that we've gotten that gorgeous fall light: thick, amber colored, and with long shadows.

Back when I was considering becoming a Wiccan (before I realized that I had just enough Christianity in me to make it never feel quite right--not that I think it's wrong, just not right for me), I really loved the various states of the Goddess: spring, of course, was the Maiden, young and beautiful; winter was the Crone--wise and elderly.

But summer and fall were the season of the Mother, a woman in her prime with full breasts and hips, a few lines around her eyes, and the awesome ability to not really care if there are stains on her shirt or if her hair has seen better days. She's smart, beautiful, and able to multi-task with grace.OK--maybe that's just MY interpretation. Heh.

Obviously, I identify with this image of the Goddess; I have the confidence that comes with a few years of experience, yet I'm still ripe and in my prime. There is a wholeness in my heart that I didn't have when I was younger, and for some reason, the first day of fall reminds me of that. Crisp, clean, and golden light extending tall shadows.

And, of course, weather warm enough to be outside when there are a whole lot fewer bugs.

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So, why am I waxing poetic about fall? Truth be told, I woke up with a bit of Bloggers Block (blogock? blogoblock? blog cock? what?), so I turned to a tool that I learned about at PodCampPhilly, a social media "unconference" I went to a couple weekends ago. And if that all sounded like gibberish to you, I don't blame you. Here's the breakdown: a "unconference" is a conference that is scheduled (as far as time and place), but doesn't search for speakers/session leaders--individuals sign up to speak or run a session on their own. Social Media is everything on the Internet that has a community--Twitter, Facebook, bulletin boards, and, of course, blogs. OK?

Anyway, this guy (who gave such a great presentation!) mentioned Google Trends, in which Google tells you what people are talking about on the internets. While it can mostly be the names of various sports stars, sometimes it mentions something that might make an interesting topic here--like, for instance, the first day of fall. It's like a Blog Block Buster. Heh.

So, blame Google for my above rambling. Although I do love the fall, so I might have written that anyway (but I wouldn't have remembered that today is the equinox without prompting).

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Guess what? I have a new client. It's going to take a while for me to get the load of work from them I need/want (I have to prove myself first), but I feel confident that it will happen by the end of the year. I don't want to be too specific, but it's basically fun writing--interviews, synopsis, ad copy--about books and authors. I can't wait to get started!

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Other cool things on Google Trends today that could have warranted their own blog posts:

• This story is beautiful. Doesn't the idea of the guns falling silent for a day make your heart sing with hope? I wish I'd known at church yesterday, I would have mentioned it.
• The Emmys and politics.
• This fascinating story about how 'enlightened' men tend to earn less--just like women. In other words, men that are crazy enough to believe that women should get equal pay and have equal rights tend to earn less than men that believe in more 'traditional' roles for women. So income breaks down like this, most to least: misogynists, non-misogynist men, women that believe in equal rights, and, coming up last, women that believe in more 'traditional' gender roles. No wonder so many folks hold on to misogynist values--it fucking pays more.

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I almost forgot! If you are Philly-area mommy blogger and you haven't already heard from me about the sneak preview of the new Please Touch Museum, please email me. Cause I have the hook-up. :)

Shaking It Off

Goodness. I don't know how people who don't have blogs survive this shit. The love that came pouring my way yesterday made me feel so much better--thank you. It's funny how grief comes in waves, isn't it? I realized I'd been fighting feeling grief for days and days and I forget sometimes how much easier it is if I just allow myself to FEEL it.

Today, the shadow has receded a bit, and I feel like I can go on. Bless you all.

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Looks like I got another freelance client. I will know for sure Monday morning. Promise to share details with you then. All I will say now is, THANK GOD. I was really scared for a bit there.
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I heard an interesting piece on NPR yesterday about the fact that when you compare their economic plans, Obama actually looks MORE like a fiscal conservative than McCain. Interesting, no? Give it a listen (scroll down to "candidates economic plan"). My favorite part? How McCain would give someone making $6 MILLION a year a $200,000 tax break. That's four times what most American families make in a YEAR. As a TAX BREAK. Cause they soooo need it. Right. (Obama would require they instead pay $500,000 in additional taxes, while giving everyone who makes less that $250K--you know, almost everyone--a tax BREAK).

On other "Cecily is mean to the Republicans" news, Sarah Palin and her husband have decided to NOT participate in the investigation into what news folks have dubbed "Troopergate." Her husband is even refusing a subpoena. The investigation, begun long before Sarah Palin was tapped to be McCain's running mate, is suddenly "partisan" and somehow, Obama's fault. Perhaps I'm biased here as a Democrat, but, does anyone think this is a good idea for her politically? Because I hear "refuse to cooperate" as "something to hide." That seems like a bad political choice to me.
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Here's a question for you all: why can't I find a class or activity to distract Tori between her nap and dinner? There is literally NO event for a kid Tori's age in my area between 3 and 6 PM. Tori is so physical, and so energetic, that she needs TWO activities a day to keep her content and a good sleeper. Mornings are filled with morning care during the week (weekends we do playground or other events), and I would dearly love to sign her up for an afternoon tumble or dance class but they do not exist for her age group except in the mornings (and if I'm ever going to get any work done, she has to be at daycare a few hours a week).

I have two theories: one, most people have more than one kid and that afternoon time is filled with homework, etc, and parents can't get out in the afternoons. The other, well--it's not really a theory. It's the idea that the world is full of quiet, adorable toddlers that are content to play with toys/read books/draw without driving their parents insane by bursting out all over with ENERGY THAT MUST BE LET OUT.

We take her to the playground, and that helps, but after school now is the time the big kids are all at the playground and it's not very safe for her, frankly (she is so over the preschool-age playground, by the way--she prefers the big kid stuff). So we go for walks, some days I take her to the pool at the Y (but that is a major undertaking I cannot do every day, nor is the pool always available for public swimming). Sigh.

Why isn't the universe configured perfectly for me and my kid? Why oh why?

Another way we wear her out is by playing ball with her--really a modified version of soccer, using a smallish beach ball. She'll do this for 45 minutes straight. I'm posting some video proof; my favorite moment comes around 1:15 when she does a "matrix" move with her right leg. But she's unbelievably adorable here, so enjoy. And have a nice weekend.

Quiet

I'm having, well, a day. A random series of events--a woman at my recovery group having her fourth child, another one due in a couple weeks, a friend asking me to record a video of my infertility history--have all conspired to swamp me in grief.

I'm grieving the loss of the boys hard, again, as we approach the time of year when I lost them four years ago. I am grieving not having other children, rather unexpectedly (the grief, not the decision to not have other kids). I'm thinking a bit about my dad too.

I know this is temporary, but I just feel too sad to post much today. I want to retreat away from the world, and I'm not being very accepting of the hands outstretched to help me. I just need some time to cry. Sorry.

I promise I'll post something uplifting and happy soon. Swear.

Blah, Blah, Blah

I'm feeling kind of blogging burned out. I don't want to write any more about politics (is that a large sigh of relief I hear?) so I feel stumped about alternative topics. So permit me to just meander around a bit here and y'all can get a glimpse inside my fucked up brain.

First up: I have a weird lump on my hand (on the inside base of my thumb, if that makes sense) that my doctor isn't worried about but I have to go see a hand doctor now and I'm in the middle of changing insurance companies so that's not gonna be fun (the lump is probably one of these, or maybe one of these--neither of which are anything to worry about). Getting old fucking SUCKS. I wouldn't even worry about it at all but DUDES--what if it interferes with my typing?

Secondly, thanks for all the suggestions about Tori's daycare. I think that everyone was right--heh. I am going to give it a bit longer; after all, she's only been back three days and I am sure that no actual abuse is happening. I will trust my gut if the problem continues. But today I walked to pick Tori up and got there a bit early so I could observe, and Tori was having a great time dancing and singing as they did music stuff. So we'll wait and see for now.

Next up... hmmm. Oh, I'm just starting on my upswing into my normal body hating/considering dieting cycle. But I won't write about it because, seriously, how many times do I have to write about that before I actually change something? I am exercising a bit more, and trying to cook more healthy food. But when I look at photos of me from before starting fertility treatments, I get really depressed. Sigh.

One fun thing: Moxie is planning a Philly area get together! I will be there, as will Tori (and probably Charlie) so if you can come, please do!

I have a whole list of things I SHOULD post about, like the fall TV season, and how cute Tori has been. But seriously, I am feeling too blah. The work situation has got me down. My weight has got me down. The end of summer has got me down. Politics has got me down. I'm not depressed, particularly. I just want to curl up in a corner and disappear into a book.

Oh my God, this has become the most boring post EVER.

Anyway, how about this: I need suggestions about where to shop for Tori. She has grown out of ALL her fall and winter gear, as well as her shoes. What we need to isn't really available--I need clothes for 2.5T. She's a bit too big for 2T (especially at Tar-jay), but too small for 3T. Not a problem in summer, but pants are going to be a challenge if they are all too long because NO I do not sew in any way. We plan to hit thrift stores, but I haven't been finding that to really be a money saver (around here all the used stuff at thrift stores costs the same as the new stuff at Tar-jay). So what do you recommend? Do you know any clothing places that sell half-sizes that young (and won't break our non-existent bank)? Any and all suggestions are appreciated. :) And I apologize for being SO FUCKING DULL. Gah.

You Are Amazing. No, really, you are.

Seriously, people, do you have any idea how spectacularly wonderful you are? I mean, who needs Prozac when y'all are here? Because you have singlehandedly taken this hopeless, depressed, miserable woman and completely turned her around.

While I still have a vested interest in the outcome of this election (and of course want it to go my own way--heh), you have all reminded me that I love people and that people, overall, are pretty great. No matter what happens in November, the American people are not really a nation divided. We have common goals, common hopes and dreams, and believe in each other.

But what was most interesting about the last two posts is that we are all actually in complete agreement. I find that hilarious. Across the board, everyone--conservative, moderate, and liberal--believes the following that makes them feel disenfranchised:

• They are not currently represented by the government.
• No politician currently running for office represents them perfectly.
• The media is totally biased and it's not possible to get the truth about candidates.

Also, everyone loves America. For the same reasons. All of us love this country because:

• Diversity, both in our people and our landscape.
• Our freedoms.
• Our governmental structure and constitution.
• The character of the American people.

I am so glad I did these two posts! What an overwhelming relief to know that in truth, we have more in common than not. I know I'm being mercilessly sunny and optimistic here, but seriously--in this age of divisiveness--when the politicians and the media are trying to drive us apart, don't you think we need to confound them all by coming together?

By the way, for everyone looking for a way to cut through the noise and clutter about the candidates, check this out. This is the site run by the Annenberg Public Policy Center at the University of Pennsylvania, and they routinely check things like campaign ads, policy, etc and tell you what is TRUE and what is NOT. For both sides. No one gets off easy. I hope you find that it helps.

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I just wanted to update you all about a couple of things. First off, I'm continuing my hunt to find new clients so the loss of my main client won't cause me to be, oh, homeless (kidding, kidding; panic, panic). In looking for new ways to get money (and free stuff) I've started a review blog. Since going to BlogHer, lots and lot of folks want to send me stuff for free but I can't accept it without violating my contract with BlogHer Ads (ah, the irony) so I've started this new blog to talk about that stuff. I'll let you know when a new entry appears there (like, um, TODAY when I review Tiny Prints), and I hope you'll read (and subscribe it to your blog reader!). I promise to be just as tough on the products as I am on Republicans. Heh.

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Tori, by the way, has been much better behaved lately. We found out something interesting: her tantrums and hitting and throwing directly corresponded to her watching the TV show Caillou. I watched an episode with her (she demanded it) and to my shock I saw that the little bald monster that is Caillou is shown hitting, throwing, and tantruming on the show. (On an unrelated note, we are working hard at decreasing Tori's TV time, but we still use it a bit to get work done). Since we've been extremely consistent with punishment (and as long as we don't let her get too tired or hungry (as Sarah can attest--Tori knocked Sarah's iced tea into her lap at lunch the other day at lunch by throwing her sippy cup when Tori was both tired and hungry), she's been much better (except for fighting like HELl when it's bedtime. But that's another story). So Caillou is officially banned. We let her watch Oswald instead. Oswald is very nice and polite.

However, we do have a different problem. Tori's morning care program started back up last week, but they've made some changes. The biggest and worst change is that they've combined Tori's class with another one and that class has a teacher she hates and is scared off (and it appears to us that the teacher actually dislikes Tori). Her old teacher is still there too, but we can't drop Tori off if the disliked teacher is the only one in the room; we have to wait with her until the other teacher arrives.

Overall she comes home tired and mostly, as far as we can tell, happy. But she's not like she was last year, begging to not go home when we picked her up. So do we find another place? Express our concerns to the director? Arg. I really don't know what to do. If Tori was totally miserable, the answer would be clear. But she's not, just not as happy as she was. Is that enough reason? I really feel confused.

My church's Sunday School teacher--who Tori loves--also runs a day care, and we're going to go check it out. It's a bit more expensive (sigh--the conundrum of paying for daycare so I can work) but it might be a better alternative. What would you do?

Patriotism

Wow. Thank you all so much for the amazing and heartfelt answers to the last post. I feel so much more connected to everyone and I feel like I have a much better understanding of everyone's perspective (even when I didn't agree). Funny--one thing appears universal. We all hate the damned media for not being unbiased, thorough, and vigilant.

At least we agree on something.

I thought, for the sake of balance, that we should now all post our feelings about the opposite: why we love this country and feel excited, hopeful, even joyful about it. What it is that makes us (yes, even those of us that whine about moving to Canada) feel like this is our home, and we love it, no matter what.

What I want to avoid, however, is what Charlie often calls "hollow chest-thumping nationalism." I want you to really dig deep and think about it; don't just utter catch phrases about freedom and country, please. I want to hear about what it is you personally love.

This time I'll post my thoughts here rather than in the comments because I don't think it's as inflammatory a subject. Heh.

So, why do I love the United States?

First and foremost, I love the actual, physical land. I really, really do. While I haven't seen all of the world, I feel a deep emotional connection to this physical place; both to the New Mexico desert and mountains where I lived my first 13 years, and my now-home of Pennsylvania. From tumbleweeds to piñon trees, to mountain laurel bushes and skunk cabbage, this land and its inhabits are absolutely singing in my blood. When people asked me why I'd chose Canada over other nations, this is why: to be near the land and plants I love.

I love the innovative spirit of Americans. I love that we invent shit all the time, even if it's only for profit and nowadays the laws are set up so that the individual inventor is unlikely to succeed today. Still, I love the fact that we are a nation of tinkerers.

I love the fact that we learn from our mistakes, even if it takes a fight. We abolished the absolute horror of slavery (albeit bitterly). We stopped marginalizing half of humanity and gave women the vote (again, bitterly). I do believe, in my heart of hearts when I think about it, that we will move forward and give gays full rights as well, but that we're just trapped in the bitter part right now.

I love the fact that we have the OPTION of a free press, even when we don't exercise it. I love the fact that no matter how the press gets restricted by whatever reason (for instance, today press freedom is restricted by money issues--both ownership and advertising), something new emerges like the blogosphere and is not shut down.

I love that we have freedom of speech. Love it, love it, fucking hell love it.

.......

Basically, I do love our nat